The Coroner of Love

For those of you who missed it, this past Friday night, we were graced with the presence of a Susquehanna ghost. That's right, The Chief himself stopped by to spread cheer and a little gross anatomy over the land. Sedgley was nice enough to let us in on the goings on in his graduate school classes. Turns out he's been dissecting dead humans for quite a while now. I found the conversation a bit on the disgusting side, but Suzanne, sadist that she is, became even more eager to get to med school as the conversation progressed. Well, as the big guy kept speaking, he was telling us how and why he was getting so much experience at his surgical techniques. Turns out, the other members of his "cuts group" were a little bashful around the dead bodies...


Quote Of the Day 10/17

"Nobody else in my cuts group would do it, and I've been there for three hours... I'm tired. I want to get out of there... Fine, I'll cut the penis in half."
Dr. Sedgley


You're a bigger man than I, Matt (you know what I mean).


The coroner of love,
Screaming Cricket.


Still Standing Right Here...

Exit Only, Bud

Well, the plague of those damn mugs is finally over. WE WON OUR INDOOR SOCCER TOURNAMENT!! And we did it in dramatic fashion. We were down by 4 with 6 1/2 minutes left to go, and tied it to go into overtime, and then won there. Sorry, Tony, Jenn and Laura, I'm not trying to rub it in, but with all due respect, I'm sick of the mugs. You don't have 10 of them yet. Regardless, it was the most exciting game I've ever been a part of. The mens game that we lost in the last 30 seconds right before it was probably the second most exciting. And I wonder why I 'm always behind in my work.

Speaking of work, I finally shot some stuff for my video project today. It involved Jason, Chris Swanson, Christina, Suzanne, the evil Dustin, and myself playing basketball. I refuse to set this up any better, because it would lose too much.


Quote Of the Day 10/16

"There's only a certain amount of people that will let you shove your hand up their ass."
-Chris "the proctologist" Swanson


Sorry Chris, exit only bud.


Ambassador of the Afghanistan Afghan Stands,
Dustin Abdul-Fisher.


Still Standing Right Here...

Paper Protest

Well, the pay-for-print is being instituted soon, so print out anything you want ASAP. Already some people have been protesting by printing out 500 copies of a piece of paper over and over again saying:

"WE PROTEST THIS ATROCITY!! WHAT HAPPENED TO ALL OUR SCHOOL FUNDS?"

The article in the paper said that this type of protesting is counterproductive to the cause. I don't care. It's got to really annoy the fuck out of 'em. I say go for it! And that penny idea won't work because you'll need to get a copy card to pay for it. So a have come up with an alternate plan (or an ulternate plan). And that is to stink bomb the place. Run in with a mask and three or four stink bombs and throw them behind the counter. That'll fix 'em!

Poor Jason has been working on this computer science project for the last week at least over half of his day every day (with possible time outs to e-mail me and others). So he came home last night and Suzanne cracked his back for him...


Quote Of the Day 10/15

Suz: "You have to turn your head back. I can't find your spine."
Jas: "That's because it's glued to one of the chairs in ECS."



I'm sure we've all felt like that at one time.



Removing belly button ring unwillingly,
Extendo.


Still Standing Right Here...

Corns Borrows My Job

This is a message I got from Jason that was funny enough as is just to send the entire message as the quote of the day for today. And it also gives my lazy ass a break.

Eating potato chips and pickin my wedge,
Screaming Cricket.


Still Standing Right Here...

************************************************************************

---------- Forwarded message ----------
Date: Mon, 21 Oct 1996 21:48:07 -0400 (EDT)
From: Powdered Toast Man <jcorns1@gl.umbc.edu >
To: Dustin Fisher <dfishe1@gl.umbc.edu >
Subject: quote of the day

okay...this one has got to make the quote...


meawad and I are in the computer lab (we have been since friday). Along with us is a few of the people from our computer science course. One of them happens to be what I consider a very attractive young blonde. That is the preliminary knowledge.

a few weeks ago, billy and dave and I were playing hacker Jr. on the computer, and we happened into one of billy's friends files, and we copied a file called .fuck. if, at the prompt you type fuck , basically it is a hell of a big zwrite. any way...chris was in the middle of a serious statement about the project, when my little window at the bottom said that billy had logged in. meawad zwrote him, to which billy implemented the fuck command. (the ensuing zwrite war was not pretty).

during the war, dawn, the young blonde I spoke so highly of before, came up to see how we were doing, and was a witness to chris's stumble over his sentence explaining what his plan for the program was.

here's where it gets funny:

dawn patted chris on the head and walked away...(y'know, making fun of the fact that he screwed up his thought).

when he got done giggling over the fact that he could speak jasonese...he said, in explanation of his forgotten thought, "I've just got fuck on the brain..."



abusing my grasp of the english language,

Powdered Toast Man

Dork vs Jock

Well, Momma Spence was right. It was only a matter of time before somebody picked out my misspelling of "ulterior." But I actually meant "alterior." It's a word that means "not the posterior." So basically, he's a dick in so many words. HA!

I was over at John's apartment and we were studying for our mid-term (complaining about how we're losers going nowhere), and I saw all of his D&D books, and I mistakenly thought I could insult John and get away with it. Well, here's the consequence...


Quote Of the Day 10/11

Me: "How sad. You spend your life living in a false reality."
John: "You spend your life kicking a ball."


Touché!


Kicking my ex-roommate in the nuts,
Extendo.


Still Standing Right Here...

Not Not a Class

So I was playing soccer this weekend, and Weed decides in the middle of the game, that my foot needs to face the other way. And just as we both went to clear the ball, he kicked my ankle so hard, it hurt. I fell to the ground immediately and started yelping like a 10 year-old schoolgirl, only with more hair. I didn't care. I have no pride. It just hurt a whole freaking lot. But I get up, ice it, wrap it, and struggle through the following game because we were down a man. I was kicked in the right leg more times in this game than there are stupid clichés in the Bryan Adams songs. At this rate, I'll be dead by the final game.

For those of you who don't know, I have a huge mid-term in this class that cannot possibly be outdone when it comes to irrelevant information per word. The class is called "History and Theory Of Digital Art." So far I've read three chapters in one of our books. The first one was about ancient Pygmy language, the second a synopsis of music 101, and the third chapter was a philosophical debate or the existence of emptiness. An entire page is devoted to teaching us how to speak to crickets. I'm not kidding. Just so you guys can sympathize, here's an excerpt from our book on the "History and Theory Of Digital Art"...


Quote Of the Day 10/10

"The meaning of 'cow' is defined as that which is not 'not-a-cow.' Hence, 'cow = not-not-cow."
-Digital Mantras p.37



Well, that certainly clears it up.


Strangling the not-not-cow,
Not-not-Dustin.


Still Standing Right Here...
(not-not-not-there)

Transformation Complete

Yes it's that time of the month again (no, not THAT time). The time where the Pimp-Daddies and Everyday @ Six play at the Bank. They are playing there tonight, and if enough interest is raised, we can all go! And Cliff (the suave lookin' guy from Everywhere @ Once), promised to dedicate a song to each and every one of his fans who wore a pink hat. I think he was referring only to me when he made that comment, but he probably didn't plan on me renting out my hats!! Well, if you are at all interested, call me at x1962. Or if you've just been having a bad day and want to chat. But in that case, just so I know ahead of time, I go by the code name "Chad." So if you want to go to the concert, ask for me by name. If you want to tell me how you're dog went to the vet to get a splinter removed from his paw, just ask for "Chad."

I'll warn you all ahead of time, if you're in a frat, or a girl frat, or the cub scouts, you may find this offensive. Well, probably not really, since I know none of you are in that evil womanizing club known as the "zeebeetees." At least I hope not. Or else I'm in trouble. Anyway, there is this real dickhead who still goes here that a friend and I saw practicing soccer with ZBT a while back. We always knew he was a dick, but now, just to accentuate his personality, he joined the mother ship of all prick organizations. To this, Davey said...


Quote Of the Day 10/9

"He's joined ZBT. Transformation to ass hole complete."
-Davey "says it like it is" Keane



Next he'll be playing mailbox baseball with Biff Tannen and Anita Hill.



Trying to surf in the wading pool of opportunity,
Screaming Cricket.


Still Standing Right Here...

Alterior Motives

I think the world today puts too much stress on deadlines, and just in general running around. Everybody's always in a rush, and it's making the world more impatient. For example, just the other day, some guy tried to pass me in a car wash.

I don't know how many of you out there know Greg (actually, I know exactly how many of you out there know Greg, it just seemed like a good opening), but I think Suzanne put him in his place with this quote. We were all conversing and Greg was telling us how he can recognize every scent of perfume and he was telling us some of the moves he uses to persuade women. And he still maintained that he was being sincere and had no alterior motives, to which Suzanne replied...


Quote Of the Day 10/8

"Greg, you're the kind of guy that just radiates alterior motives."
-Suzanne



Sorry Greg.


Desperately seeking Suzanne,
Bungle Nut.


Still Standing Right Here...

The Nutcracker

If you've been following the debate, then you won't be surprised if it ends in a fist-fight tonight. This campaign will be known as one of the dirtiest in history. The Democrats are inviting Dole's first wife to the debate. Ouch! Maybe tomorrow, the Republicans will find the guy who passed the pot pipe to Clinton. And his 24 year old niece.

Alright, well that was my attempt at keeping up with politics. I promise I'll never do it again. Anyway, I was talking to Kevin, my friend from home who goes to school at Appalachian State University. And if you don't know where that is, it's because it's surrounded by trees for 8000 miles in each direction. It looks almost like they were flying an entire college campus from Boston to Miami and dropped it in a forest and figured 'fuck it, we'll get it later.' Well, anyway, it appears as though poor Kevin has pulled his groin. How and where he did it is a funny story in itself, but that would require a lot of typing. So fuck it, I'll do it later. Well, it seems that Kevin's new girlfriend, an aerobics instructor (way to go, big guy!), has him working out on weights and other things that he's not used to...


Quote Of the Day 10/7

"They had one of those things that we had in high school. You know, the thing that stretches your legs apart more than normally humanly possible, and it's your job to put them back together.(?) Well, I had a fight with it... and it won... decisively."
-Kevin, aka Cowboy



Well, Kevin, now you know why we called it the Nutcracker in high school.



Pasta la visa, baby,
Dustin.


Still Standing Right Here...

Intimate Officiating

I can tell by your silence that you are overwhelmed with humor. But I can also tell by your stench that you're still out there. Well, intramural volleyball season is over which means two things: I won't be reffing or playing anymore games so I won't come home with constant shoulder and knee problems, and football season starts. So the real spinal and neck problems should start to surface. Well, that was more like three or four things, but who's counting?

Speaking of reffing volleyball games, the last game I ever "up reffed," we were looking for somebody willing to be my down ref. Gary finally asked Cory if he wanted to do it, to which he responded...


Quote Of the Day 10/4

"Sure, Dustin. I'll go down on you."
-Cory


You gotta love that referee humor!


Wiping my butt with the toilet paper of despair,
Extendo.


Still Standing Right Here...

The MacGyver of Clothes

Some of you would be surprised at how fast I can type the phrase "quote of the day." I never timed it, but let's just say I can do it pretty darn fast.
I don't know if any of you have heard of Billy's latest venture, but he's recently taken the drawstring out of a pair of shorts, and was looking for a way to repair them easily. (Billy's definition of easily is quite different than a normal homo sapien's.) So what he does is takes a sock that he doesn't use as a sock anymore, and cuts it and sews it (using fishing wire) to his shorts to act as elastic. It works, but there is a very obvious sock sewn to his shorts, and it looks rather silly. But that's Billy for you. So next time you ask yourself what that funky thing is around Billy's waist, you can answer yourself too. That way, you can have a whole conversation with yourself. I take no responsibility for anything you do to yourself after that.

In response to Billy's explanation of what exactly he was doing to his sock...


Quote Of the Day 10/3

"Wow, Billy. You're like the MacGyver of clothes."
-Andrew (Jolly Rancher dude)



If only he were the MacGyver of homework.


Looking at socks in a whole new light,
Bungle Nut.


Still Standing Right Here...

(I can type that pretty fast too.)

The Asylum

Wow, you skip a week, you get REAL behind. Sorry guys. Well, in most recent news, Susquehanna 3rd South placed 2nd in Oktoberfest this year!!! We were beaten by Patapsco 3rd South again, but more importantly, we blew 3rd North out of the water! Speaking of water, we placed third in the synchronized swimming competition. I feel we were robbed, but apparently the judges gave out places based on which group was the most in sync. Go figure.

Anyway, while a slew of us were at synchronized swimming and the intertube relays, Saddiq, the RA on duty in Susquehanna, stopped up on our floor, and surprised at the surroundings, asked Brigid...


Quote Of the Day 10/2

"Why is it so quiet? What are you guys up to?"
-Saddiq, RA on duty


It seems as though "The Asylum" already has a reputation.


Wearing trash bag skirts and paper plate masks,
Chief Screaming Cricket.


Still Standing Right Here...

Former Emotional Dominatrix

Well, I just had to do my first film last Thursday. It was doomed from the start. To begin my film, I took the camera to Giant to do my film there about a Banana. I got two shots into it when they kicked us out. That's right. I got kicked out of Giant along with SuperDave and Jason. They had to call Giant headquarters on us and threatened to expose my film. They were real dicks about it so I encourage all of you to boycott Giant Foods! Of course I don't expect you to follow this, as I have already broken that promise, but I'll be moved by your nice gesture. Second thing: The morning after, I had a hooded sweatshirt on with just that one pocket that goes all the way through and the very expensive light meter in it. I went to pee and lifted up my sweatshirt to avoid peeing on it. Then, just as I should have expected, the light meter fell in the toilet I had just peed in. Not a fun thing to wash off. The lens then proceeded to fog up from the pee inside of it. Let's just say it wasn't a great first outing.

Well, staying in the theme of quotes having to do with ex-girlfriends, this quote comes from one. I was talking to Leigh this weekend, and just for some background, she's always had quite a dominant personality, and in a conversation we had where she was trying to defend the fact that she's changed and is nice to Joe, she said...


Quote Of the Day 10/1

"You can be nice and still have...you know...subservient men."
-Leigh "former" emotional dominatrix


Anything you say can and will be used against you


The walls have ears too,
Screaming Cricket.


Still Standing Right Here...