Parked Into Submission

Parked Into Submission

I finally, after years of struggling with the theory, have found proof that not only does hard work pay off, but so does laziness. Last Wednesday, I was too lazy to get up and leave work, so seeing that I was still here at 10pm, Geoff suggested I take Thursday off. If I had gotten the drive to actually get up off my ass and crutch the mile and a half out to my car, I would have had to work Thursday. Instead, I got the opportunity to do the leg work I needed to do (no pun intended) to get temporary handicap stickers. I actually have to go back Tuesday and take care of some crap in order to get them, but I will have them as of next Tuesday. Which in turn, will enable me to be even more lazy. Isn't America great?

But I'll possibly have to face the same dilemma I faced there last week when I went. I got there at around 1:00, and if you've been to the MVA in Glen Burnie, you know that the parking lot is flat. Probably not something a lot of people pay close attention to, but you guys know what's up. Anyway, at this time of the day, there are also no pull through spots. So I'm in a relatively bad situation. There was a nice spot up front, and after driving around for about 5 or 10 minutes, I figured "fuck it. I'll figure it out when I get back out." Well, I eventually got back out and had to, as I put it earlier, figure it out. It wasn't easy. I always feel nervous going to the MVA as it is. It's like driving into the lion's den. No tags on the front of the car, no insurance (which has been corrected mom), and I think I missed a vehicle emissions test sometime a while ago too. And I'm not sure if it's law to have a car that goes backwards, but it's probably not great that mine doesn't. They'd find something to write a ticket about.

So anyway, when I got back out to my car, there was a cop about 50 feet away, giving some lady in the middle of the parking lot a ticket. I figured I'd wait for him to be done, then I'd go. This must have been the most complicated citation in the world. I can't even fathom what would have taken them so long. They kept walking around the car inspecting it and pushing down on the hood and the trunk and yelping like monkeys (OK, now I'm just making stuff up). Anyway, I had to sit there for 50 minutes from when I got into my car. People were driving by looking for a spot and asking me if I was leaving. I'm like "No, I'm just gonna hang out here and read my magazine. Sorry." I tried several times as discretely as possible to push the car out with my opposite leg, but the car is very heavy, and "discrete" was not the word to use to describe it. Some hot chick walked by during one attempt, causing me to need to abort it. It was pretty embarrassing, but after reading the "privileges of handicapped stickers and tags" pamphlet 3 times, you are willing to compromise pride for freedom. Needless to say, I eventually got out. Even with the hot chick looking under her hood 3 cars down from me. So in order to combat this problem, I think I may need to park at the McDonalds across the street and crutch over to get my handicap parking stickers. Which will enable me to park in an even closer spot I won't be able to get out of. Life sucks.

Julie had her 21st birthday party this past Friday. She got a little tankered. Anyway, the night was winding down and a few of us were chillin in her room having a conversation, but for the most part, just letting her be drunk. She was babbling and giggling and slurring and from out of nowhere, she reached halfway across the room yelling "too bright!" and smacked the head of her desk lamp so it bent around and faced the wall. "That's better" she said, and cackled a sort of half cute, half evil cackle. We were all just sort of laughing, relatively amused at this action when Jaquez chimed in...

Quote Of the Day 9/7/00

"Was that the dimmer switch?"

-Quez


You should see her shut off the snooze alarm.

Stuck in a parking nightmare,

Grieving in Glen Burnie.


Still Stranded Right Here...

The Jessup Mafia

The Jessup Mafia

Hey. It snowed again. A lot. But just to throw a little wrench into things, it alternated snow, sleet, and rain. So there are a bunch of different layers out there, but ice is at the root of all of them, which makes for much more fun driving. I knew I was going to have problems when I started fishtailing around a corner in my sneakers. Never a good sign. But it does make driving a lot more "fun." I've gotten the controlled fishtail down to a science now. I was passing people on 95 who had skidded out of control into guard rails and were facing the wrong way and what not. Good Joe, wus that he is, asked me to slow down and stop doing donuts on the aforementioned major interstate. He was a little concerned about the aforementioned backwards cars. They just obviously couldn't drive. Modern day Darwinism at work.

There's a cool game a few of us have been playing recently called "Mafia." I'll spare everyone the details, but Russ is really good at guessing who is in the Mafia. I don't understand it. It's like he's been given one talent in his life, and this is it. How unfortunate. But anyway, he's really good at the game. In fact, he's so confident sometimes, that he lays $5 down on the table for anybody to take and says he'll bet that $5 that Julie or whoever is in the mafia. We questioned why just $5 if he was so confident. Then he showed us the glaring emptiness of his wallet with the absence of the dollar bill. Well, the game ended, proving Russ correct again, and he sighed a sigh of relief, picked up his money and said...

Quote Of the Day 1/24/00

"Thank God! Now let's put this money back in my wallet. In fact, let's put it in with this condom where I'm bound to not find it again for a good long while."

-Russel "Mafia Killer" Johnson


That'll really get you in good with a girl. Heat of passion, you pull out a condom and a $5 bill at the same time. But that's probably you're type. ;)

Carrying condoms and 57 cents in change,

X.


Still Standing Right Here...

House Sat

House Sat

Well, the house sitting has come to a welcomed end. That dog was the most stubborn thing in the universe. And I had to take her out a total of 6 times a day! I guess I shouldn't complain too much, because these people were paying me pretty decent money to just basically sit in their house and watch TV (TV watching optional), which is what I would normally do at home anyway. But Jiggy is so much cooler than that boring dog. For one, Jiggy moves when you push her, and sometimes she does it voluntarily. Keesha (the husky) just sits around collapsed under her own weight most of the day. But anyway, it's over. The thing that really sucked about it was that I had to just sit there all weekend knowing that there was other, much funner stuff going on elsewhere in the world. And I was stuck with this stupid lethargic as she wanna be dog. I got sick of staying in all the time though, so I went out with Tony and Julie to eat and lay carpet Friday night. We wound up in Giant somehow at around 1:00 in the morning. I was complaining that I didn't have time to play all night in Giant because I had to drive all the way back home and get up at 6:00 in the morning to walk the dog. Julie was a bit confused because last she had heard, we had a cat. Gender can be easily mistaken, but genus is pretty hard to fuck up. So she looked at me and Tony with this look that said "but I thought..." I was going to keep her in suspense, but Tony decided to break the silent confusion...

Quote of the Day 7/19/99

"He's learning how to do the yo-yo again."

-Mellow-tone-n.


Remind me to get some mad carbs in my system before I try to rock the cradle again.

Robbing, er uh... rocking the cradle,

Mr. Cantaloupe.


Still Standing Right Here...