Bushwhacked

Bushwhacked

So we have a new president now and it's been almost two days. It looks like it's going to stick this year. As dumb as Bush is, or at least as dumb as he pretends to be, he was just smart enough to get himself reelected. And I love the talk I hear from everyone about how Kerry gave up too early. Apparently he's a soft democrat loser baby wus. Or maybe he's just a decent guy who remembers what Bush drug the country through to get the presidency back in 2000 and he wanted to try to avoid making the nice people of Ohio work sleeplessly through their Thanksgiving weekend recounting hanging chads and deciding what constitutes a hole punch and what doesn't. Or maybe he's going to flip-flop one more time for good measure and sue the Bush campaign or the people of Ohio or whoever he thinks he can at this point to become president. But he's probably just a wus.

As a side note, I think it was funny that the biggest partisan split came in DC, granting Kerry 90% of the vote. And these are people that know politics. Just about all of them do it for a living or are trying to break into the market. Kinda like what Hollywood is to actresses. It's like all the waiters down there are aspiring politicians waiting for their big break. It's kinda funny to think about it that way, but that's not what I logged on to write to you about. Think about it this way. How much does the average guy in, say North Dakota, know about politics? Not nearly as much as the smaller, but densely populated political capital of our country. And 90% of them thought that Kerry would be a much better leader than the guy that's been living there for the last 4 tears. That should say something. Like when your neighbors all think you're an asshole, maybe the rest of the world should listen to them. As much as I preach that everyone's vote should carry the same amount of weight, I am really just kidding. I'd rather leave the election process up to people who vote based on more than just how the candidates feel about drug testing in the MLB. Maybe we should give DC more electoral votes, like 1/4 or 1/3 of the country's votes. Whatever suits my current needs.

Quote of the Day 11/4/04

"I may be big and dumb, but I'm not stupid."

-One of our D linemen after a game

2nd Quote of the Day 11/4/04

I was telling Tom what he said later on that day:

Me: "Well, he has a point."
Tom: "And I think he proved it."

He was actually trying to make a point when he said that too. You gotta love linemen.

Mock the vote,

D Rec.


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Rating Decision 2004 Players

Decision 2004 Players

Bush - I still can't believe he's actually our president. And barring another extreme Florida-2000-scale debacle, it looks like we'll probably have another 4 years of this monkey. But he's a resilient one, you have to admit. He didn't win the election but he still became the president. The UN said he couldn't go to war, he went to war anyway. I'm starting to think he didn't even get accepted to Yale. He probably just showed up there one day and started going to classes. Ugh. D+

Kerry - I have to admit that other than the hour or so of the one debate that I saw, I don't know much about Kerry. His name, as far as most people are concerned, might as well be Not Bush. That's the best thing he has going for him. But from what I've seen, he has some good ideas and he can actually think for himself, which is something I personally look for in a president. And he can do it in stride on the fly without a microphone in his ear. Hell, I'd have voted for Ryan Stiles over G Dub. C+

Voters - OK, let's not fuck this up like we did in 2000. I was embarrassed to be an American for a while. Elections should never be about whether or not you punched a hole all the way through a piece of paper. They went to touch screen voting in Florida this year just to help the old folks of Palm Beach so they don't go voting for Pat Buchannan of the Nazi Party again. And I don't think the term "idiot-proof" has ever been more literal. It's a good thing that the electoral system eliminates the margin of error by devaluing everyone's individual vote. B

Media - OK, I know the voters of Palm Beach garnered a lot of attention last time for their ballot-punching incompetence, but I think we all know who really fucked up. It was the bastards at CNN and every other station that jumped the gun with the Florida prediction just cause they got tired at 3:30 in the morning. I am going to assume they don't make that mistake this time. So far, there are three different electoral vote counts on three different stations. I don't see how math is different on one channel than it is on another. Yes I do. Here's the explanation. F

So I was playing poker one day during one of the first debates and I asked the guys in the livingroom staring at the TV what was going on...

Quote of the Day 11/2/04

"Bush just won on a last second field goal."

-Some poker guy

It's funny because it's kinda true. I don't know how you keep score at a debate, but I don't know how you keep score of curling either. I don't know why that matters to you.


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Florida's Worst

Florida's Worst

Hold the phone!! There's a red flag on the field. What the hell happened?!? I went to bed and we had a president and I woke up and we didn't. Who figured that going to bed at 3:30 was too early? I guess the people at CNN just wanted to go to bed at that point too. Well, if that's the case, I'm glad they're recounting everything. I'd hate to have our fate for the next four years sealed because reporters and election officials were getting too tired. And to all you Bush/Cheney fans out there who think the Democrats are being sore losers, I say let's take the extra week and not fuck it up. And I think I heard something about how the electoral vote can be swayed if the popular vote favors the other candidate. If this is the case, then why don't we just say fuck the electoral vote system and just go with the popular vote? But I'm probably misunderstanding something.

So for those of you who live in a darkened cave or have been trapped under something heavy with all sources of external stimuli off, here's the presidential race throwdown as explained by the definition of a layman: The man who will lead us for the next four years, direct our country into the new millennium (whether you believe my reasoning or not), our executive role model for the next tenure, will be chosen by 19,000 residents of Palm Beach County, Florida. We no longer matter. We're done. The only people that matter anymore are the voters of Palm Beach, Florida. Not just any 19,000 voters, but the stupidest 19,000 residents who were too dumb to fill out the ballot properly. These are the citizens who will choose our leader. 19,000 old Jewish ballot filling out fuck-ups. Apparently, there were way too many votes for Pat Buchanan of the Nazi party that somebody figured something had to be wrong. So Palm Beach, Florida will probably revote. I wouldn't be surprised if Dan Marino became our next president. Well, OK. It's still just between Gore and Bush. I hope if they revote that nobody votes for Nader either. They know it won't matter. His name on the ballot might as well have been Neither, because that's pretty much what a vote for him was. So the world's got to wait for Palm Beach to decide what they're gonna do. I think it's funny that Oregon is also still undecided, but nobody gives a shit. Fuck Oregon. It rains too much there anyway.

I'll tell you one thing about this presidential debacle. It's made it more interesting to watch. It's like a game. My team's ahead, my team's behind. It's a close one, we'll have to go to the replay. It's still too close. May go into overtime. I was talking about the race with a friend of mine, and he agreed that it was a hell of a contest to watch...

Quote Of the Day 11/9/00

"Don't get me wrong, it's no Monday Night Football, but it's still pretty exciting."

-Matt (Lordsoccer)


Sad as it is, I think I'd watch Monday Night Football if it were on against the election coverage. Until Gore bounces a ball on his helmet and shoulderpads and still pulls it off the ground and runs for a touchdown in overtime, I'll take my chances with Dennis Miller and gang.

Florida's best,

Mr. Dustin.


Still Standing Right Here...

A Bush and a Dick

A Bush and a Dick

So we have a new president finally. It's about friggin time. The last election I actually watched coverage of was Bush-Dukakis and I was in bed by 8:00. And once again, it looks like we'll have a republican president, senate, and house of reps. You guys did not do a good job of spreading my rumor. Oh well. We have a new pres for the next 4 years, even though the popular vote could still go either way. I still don't know how that electoral vote thing works exactly. Tony tried to explain it to me and it probably sounded like when I tried to explain the quarterback passer rating system to Suzanne. All I know is that Florida was the key (no pun intended). And it took them until 2:fucking:30 to make a decision. And George Dubya is Florida's favorite, so we have to live with him and Dick for the next four years. And this officially gives Clinton a place in history between two bushes. He always seemed like more of a breast man.

Speaking of boob men, I went to watch the girls soccer club team play a game this past weekend. One of the girls took a shot right in the boob with the ball. Jason Corns (ghost of quote past) made a comment to the effect of that the word Nike was probably tattooed across her boobs now. I told him that she actually only got hit in the left boob, and within a minute, she took one in the right boob. We estimate that probably left a swoosh mark. How scary would that be if you went out with that girl at night and got to second base and saw that...

Quote Of the Day 11/7/00

"Wow! Your boobs are sponsored!"

-Jason


I just noticed that we now have a bush and a dick in the white house. It just gets funnier and funnier. I've always preferred bush to gore anyway.

Done with the puns,

Senator Quorax.


Still Standing Right Here...

Don't Rock the Vote

Don't Rock the Vote

So tomorrow is the day. The day where everybody can pretend that they actually have a say in who is going to lead our nation for the next four years. I mean, I'm sure on one hand every vote counts and stuff, but on the other hand, I'm a pretty busy guy, and I mean really, how much am I gonna sway the vote? If the guy I want to win loses by one popular vote, then I'll kick myself for the next four years and vote in 2004, but I'm not really that influential a person. I couldn't even get Doug Flutie on the NFL all-star ballot again this year. Besides, I'm voting for Mickey Mouse and he loses every year. And on yet a third hand, I haven't been following the political race at all. Maybe I really should be, but it falls right smack in the middle of football season. I know how little I know about these clowns running for president, and I hope people like me aren't voting. My vote would be based on George Dubya's mispronunciation of sublinable, and that really shouldn't be enough. I'm gonna let the smarter people vote. Problem with that is that the smarter people also tend to be the richer people. Or at least the ones that care enough about our future to watch debates and stuff. It's a responsibility thing. And the candidates know this. They do what they gotta do to get elected. So they cater to the haves instead of the have nots. Who do you thing funds their campaign? Poor people? And this is why our nation is so top heavy. But like I said, I haven't been following the race at all. Good Joe told me he thought Gore had a good plan for education, and that's good enough for me. In my opinion, that's where we need to start. We're so gung ho on the new technology that we've let our education system go to shit. Maybe if we stopped paying our teachers like the guy second in charge of the McFlurry machine, more decent teachers would pop up, and there wouldn't be such a teacher shortage. Who wants to go to college to become a $32/year teacher when you can make $70 in an entry level data entry position for some startup.com company? I don't know. I'm tired and cranky and should have been in bed hours ago. Damn Moonlighting. It comes on later every night I think. Anyway, go vote. Actually, I just heard that because there are so many people voting this year, that they are having all the democrats vote on Tuesday and all the Republicans vote Wednesday. Make sure you tell everybody.

Quote Of the Day 11/6/00

Dad: "Dust, I need a loan."
Me: "Alright dad. I'll leave you alone."


I hope that's what he meant.

Don't rock the vote, baby,

Extendo-duck.


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