Rating Decision 2004 Players

Decision 2004 Players

Bush - I still can't believe he's actually our president. And barring another extreme Florida-2000-scale debacle, it looks like we'll probably have another 4 years of this monkey. But he's a resilient one, you have to admit. He didn't win the election but he still became the president. The UN said he couldn't go to war, he went to war anyway. I'm starting to think he didn't even get accepted to Yale. He probably just showed up there one day and started going to classes. Ugh. D+

Kerry - I have to admit that other than the hour or so of the one debate that I saw, I don't know much about Kerry. His name, as far as most people are concerned, might as well be Not Bush. That's the best thing he has going for him. But from what I've seen, he has some good ideas and he can actually think for himself, which is something I personally look for in a president. And he can do it in stride on the fly without a microphone in his ear. Hell, I'd have voted for Ryan Stiles over G Dub. C+

Voters - OK, let's not fuck this up like we did in 2000. I was embarrassed to be an American for a while. Elections should never be about whether or not you punched a hole all the way through a piece of paper. They went to touch screen voting in Florida this year just to help the old folks of Palm Beach so they don't go voting for Pat Buchannan of the Nazi Party again. And I don't think the term "idiot-proof" has ever been more literal. It's a good thing that the electoral system eliminates the margin of error by devaluing everyone's individual vote. B

Media - OK, I know the voters of Palm Beach garnered a lot of attention last time for their ballot-punching incompetence, but I think we all know who really fucked up. It was the bastards at CNN and every other station that jumped the gun with the Florida prediction just cause they got tired at 3:30 in the morning. I am going to assume they don't make that mistake this time. So far, there are three different electoral vote counts on three different stations. I don't see how math is different on one channel than it is on another. Yes I do. Here's the explanation. F

So I was playing poker one day during one of the first debates and I asked the guys in the livingroom staring at the TV what was going on...

Quote of the Day 11/2/04

"Bush just won on a last second field goal."

-Some poker guy

It's funny because it's kinda true. I don't know how you keep score at a debate, but I don't know how you keep score of curling either. I don't know why that matters to you.


Still Standing Right Here...

It's Election, Boogie Woogie Woogie

It's Election, Boogie Woogie Woogie

Well, it seems like a decision has finally been made about the presidency. Again, we don't matter, only Florida matters. Well, the Florida Supreme Court has decided to let the recount last until Sunday, at which time, a final number ABSOLUTELY MUST be reached. So if they don't count your vote before Sunday, then it doesn't get counted. That sounds about fair. The Bush people are pissed off at the decision. He feels that the decision of who is to be president should be decided by Florida state law, not the will of the people. I'm really getting annoyed at this whole process. I think we should just put it off another year. Clinton did pretty good with the country in the past 8 years. We're off the ground and in the air. Let's just let er coast for a year, and then we'll sort all this mess out. Besides, what did our forefathers know about the length of a presidential term? A lot of new crap has happened since that damn Constitution was written. Washington chopped down a cherry tree and couldn't tell a lie, and Clinton shoved a Cuban up Monica's (insert your own vaginal euphemism) and redefined the age old word "is." I'm kinda sick of all this legal garbage. Both sides are starting to look like sore losers. They both remind me of soccer coaches that blame the ref for their loss after the game is over. Whine, whine. And now those poor Floridians have to spend all weekend counting these chad things. "No thanks, that's enough turkey for me. I have to go back to the office and count those tiny fucking pieces of cardboard for the rest of the weekend. Save me some cranberry sauce." Well, at least this close race proves that every vote counts. Unless you didn't quite punch the hole all the way through. In which case, it gets thrown out.

Kevin (my idiot friend that not only moved to Portland, but got married in the process) called the other day to tell me his plans for the trip home this Thanksgiving and also to thank me for the George Foreman Grill Mike and I got him for the wedding. Anyway, he went on to say how much he uses the thing, and the following conversation ensued...

Quote Of the Day 11/17/00

Kev: "Yeah, it works great. It was the first gift we actually used when we got back."
Me: "Cool. It cooks fast, doesn't it?"
Kev: "Yes it does. Our food was ready so fast, we weren't even hungry yet."


I must have mistakenly got him the one with the back to the future knob.

Done with the word "elector" for another 4 years,

Lord Extendo.


Still Standing Right Here...

Florida's Worst

Florida's Worst

Hold the phone!! There's a red flag on the field. What the hell happened?!? I went to bed and we had a president and I woke up and we didn't. Who figured that going to bed at 3:30 was too early? I guess the people at CNN just wanted to go to bed at that point too. Well, if that's the case, I'm glad they're recounting everything. I'd hate to have our fate for the next four years sealed because reporters and election officials were getting too tired. And to all you Bush/Cheney fans out there who think the Democrats are being sore losers, I say let's take the extra week and not fuck it up. And I think I heard something about how the electoral vote can be swayed if the popular vote favors the other candidate. If this is the case, then why don't we just say fuck the electoral vote system and just go with the popular vote? But I'm probably misunderstanding something.

So for those of you who live in a darkened cave or have been trapped under something heavy with all sources of external stimuli off, here's the presidential race throwdown as explained by the definition of a layman: The man who will lead us for the next four years, direct our country into the new millennium (whether you believe my reasoning or not), our executive role model for the next tenure, will be chosen by 19,000 residents of Palm Beach County, Florida. We no longer matter. We're done. The only people that matter anymore are the voters of Palm Beach, Florida. Not just any 19,000 voters, but the stupidest 19,000 residents who were too dumb to fill out the ballot properly. These are the citizens who will choose our leader. 19,000 old Jewish ballot filling out fuck-ups. Apparently, there were way too many votes for Pat Buchanan of the Nazi party that somebody figured something had to be wrong. So Palm Beach, Florida will probably revote. I wouldn't be surprised if Dan Marino became our next president. Well, OK. It's still just between Gore and Bush. I hope if they revote that nobody votes for Nader either. They know it won't matter. His name on the ballot might as well have been Neither, because that's pretty much what a vote for him was. So the world's got to wait for Palm Beach to decide what they're gonna do. I think it's funny that Oregon is also still undecided, but nobody gives a shit. Fuck Oregon. It rains too much there anyway.

I'll tell you one thing about this presidential debacle. It's made it more interesting to watch. It's like a game. My team's ahead, my team's behind. It's a close one, we'll have to go to the replay. It's still too close. May go into overtime. I was talking about the race with a friend of mine, and he agreed that it was a hell of a contest to watch...

Quote Of the Day 11/9/00

"Don't get me wrong, it's no Monday Night Football, but it's still pretty exciting."

-Matt (Lordsoccer)


Sad as it is, I think I'd watch Monday Night Football if it were on against the election coverage. Until Gore bounces a ball on his helmet and shoulderpads and still pulls it off the ground and runs for a touchdown in overtime, I'll take my chances with Dennis Miller and gang.

Florida's best,

Mr. Dustin.


Still Standing Right Here...

A Bush and a Dick

A Bush and a Dick

So we have a new president finally. It's about friggin time. The last election I actually watched coverage of was Bush-Dukakis and I was in bed by 8:00. And once again, it looks like we'll have a republican president, senate, and house of reps. You guys did not do a good job of spreading my rumor. Oh well. We have a new pres for the next 4 years, even though the popular vote could still go either way. I still don't know how that electoral vote thing works exactly. Tony tried to explain it to me and it probably sounded like when I tried to explain the quarterback passer rating system to Suzanne. All I know is that Florida was the key (no pun intended). And it took them until 2:fucking:30 to make a decision. And George Dubya is Florida's favorite, so we have to live with him and Dick for the next four years. And this officially gives Clinton a place in history between two bushes. He always seemed like more of a breast man.

Speaking of boob men, I went to watch the girls soccer club team play a game this past weekend. One of the girls took a shot right in the boob with the ball. Jason Corns (ghost of quote past) made a comment to the effect of that the word Nike was probably tattooed across her boobs now. I told him that she actually only got hit in the left boob, and within a minute, she took one in the right boob. We estimate that probably left a swoosh mark. How scary would that be if you went out with that girl at night and got to second base and saw that...

Quote Of the Day 11/7/00

"Wow! Your boobs are sponsored!"

-Jason


I just noticed that we now have a bush and a dick in the white house. It just gets funnier and funnier. I've always preferred bush to gore anyway.

Done with the puns,

Senator Quorax.


Still Standing Right Here...