Immune System vs Poor Judgment

Immune System vs Poor Judgment

So I'm sorry to the few of you (including my mom and sister who was about ready to drive down to Baltimore to pick me up) who I may have misled, but this go-around is just a Baltimore thing. And I'm actually going to be there for a decent amount of time. As I said before, I'm flying back in for Big Ferg's wedding on Friday and there's also gonna be a Rock Star party on Saturday, but the rest is all up in the air as of now. Including how I'm getting back from the airport this Wednesday and where "back from the airport" is. So far the only ride offer I've gotten has been from Ferg, who is getting married two days later. That is a damn good friend right there. I also have a ride offer from Tom if I agree to give up Laverneous Coles for Lawrence Maroney, and I'm not kidding. So if anybody wants to do anything Wednesday night, starting approximately 5:57pm EST not counting delays, I'm game.

Anyway, I need to make this short because I'm tired as hell from not sleeping this entire weekend. This weekend was like a constant battle between my Immune System and my Poor Judgment. Bill's pullover and fleece: advantage Immune System. Deciding to sleep out under the stars instead of pitching a tent: advantage back to my Poor Judgment. Liner and temperature-proven sleeping bag: advantage Immune System. Drinking about 10 beers just before bed: HUGE advantage Poor Judgment. This battle is definitely not over. I'm curious to see how it plays out. It looked as if my Immune System was going to squeeze out a victory. Then I decided to play soccer today in the cold rain with shorts on after sleeping about 6 hours in three nights. And I don't know that you can even call that sleep. I don't even think I sleep at all anymore. There are just a few parts of the night where I don't pay as much attention as I normally do. But anyway, I'm determined to go to this wedding with hypothermia. I'll show that Immune System just how much stronger a team my Poor Judgment is. It won't see what hit it. OK, I gotta go. I may not sleep until I get there Wednesday at this rate.

Quote of the Day 10/16/06

Me: "Dude, don't worry about me getting cold [out on the river]. I actually repel water."
Justin: "Yeah, when he jumps in water, he doesn't get wet, the water gets Dustined."


Justin doesn't want too much credit for this one because he thinks he stole it. I don't care once again cause I'm still tired. I just sent this out because I still need a ride and a place to go.

Raging against the white blood cells,

Poor Judgment Man.


Still Standing Right Here…

Owen Wilson Wannabe

Owen Wilson Wannabe

So I've taken up the hobby of crashing weddings. It's not the lavish life that Owen Wilson and Vince Vaughn lead exactly. They make it look easy. I also think they kinda ruined it for me before my career really got started. Because now when people hear that I'm crashing a wedding, they get that bedroom montage sequence stuck in their head and my game is shot. Just like how after Quick Change came out, you couldn't rob a bank dressed up like a clown anymore.

Anyway, so this wedding was only really a half-crash. Not like the full on crash that Bill and I pulled off last year. Jihna and Adam are actually friends of mine. And they knew I was coming. In fact, I crashed at their place the night before and night of the wedding. I think I just like to crash things. Nobody should probably ever get in a car with me. So Ian and Erin were both invited to the wedding and Erin couldn't make it. Ian thought I could just take Erin's invitation since the wedding was just down the road in Columbus. I tried to tell him that wedding invitations aren't like tickets to the O's game that you can just scalp to anybody you want to. But apparently I'm wrong and he was right. There's a first for everything. (Face!)

So I've found my niche at these functions. I'm the girlfriend sitter. I think it's because I like to dance and traditionally guys do not, but girls do. So if there is a couple out there and the guy knows me well enough, I can dance with his girlfriend. This is kinda what happened at this most recent wedding half-crash. So now my new approach is to find a hot chick and go hit on her boyfriend during dinner. That way he trusts me enough to dance with her when that part rolls around. Unfortunately, this will not lead to the bedroom montage sequence later on. At least not for me. I think I found a flaw in my problem. Fortunately, I'll have the opportunity to work on this like 23 times in the next year, starting with Ferg's in two weeks. He and Nina are engaged right now but he refuses to call her his fiancée…

Quote of the Day 10/8/06

"That's the French F word."

- The Future Mr. Nina Fergus.


Rant to quote correlation: Very High.

Crashing into my bed,

D Rec.

Still Standing Right Here...

REL 100: Remedial Religion

REL 100: Remedial Religion

So I celebrate Christmas, but I know not everybody does. And I'm really glad I do mostly because I don't understand how Judaism works. Sure, Chanukah sounds cool when you're a kid and you get jealous of your Jewish friends that get 8 presents when you only get that cardboard drum with the Quaker on it. But you'd have to convert to a whole other religion to do that. And that's a lot of work. You'd have to learn how to read backwards and wear the part of a hat that they cut out to make visors. And lots of other stuff like that. But Judaism is more than just a religion. It's a culture and it's almost like a race. How can you be half Jewish? What's the other half? If possible, I'd like to be half Jewish and half Christian to cover my ass, if that's an option. But then you get people that convert to Judaism with no background in it at all. I think. I should put up a disclaimer now that all of my information about the Jewish heritage comes from "The Hanukkah Song" by Adam Sandler. And off topic, I think it would have been funnier if the song was by Chaka Khan (get it, Chanukkah by Chaka Khan?). I'm sure there's a better joke in there somewhere, but I'm tired.

So anyway, these people that convert aren't really Jewish at all to begin with. I still don't quite get it. Can you decide to be part of the culture, but not the religion? Or vice versa? And can you just be Jewish when you need to get off for random holidays like Rosh Hashanikuh? But it's not like Christmas is any better. It's a religious holiday you don't even need to be religious to celebrate. You think all those people that celebrate Christmas are Christians, well you musta just fell off the Gullible Wagon. It's the default holiday. And somewhere along the line, they even took the Christ out of Christmas and replaced it with an X. Like you do in algebra. It's the age old science vs religion debate playing out under our noses on one of the most sacred (or secular) days of the year and we never even knew it! Those secret society masons are clever. And like all Christian holidays, it has a completely unrelated figure to make it more fun for kids. As a kid, I actually questioned what the heck this fat bearded old man had to do with the birth of Jesus Christ, our Savior. And why is New Years a whole week later, if that's supposed to be based on the birth of Christ (you know, BC and AD)? I'm sure somebody's got an answer to that. And I don't have time to get into Easter just now, but it took me a while to come to the realization that rabbits don't even have eggs. Why are they both synonymous with Easter? But hey, it (Christmas) is still the greatest holiday, no matter where your personal Christmas (or Hannukah) comes from. So who am I to ruin it with all this speculation? I'll ruin it in many other ways. :) And who the hell came up with Quanza? Like we don't have enough to try to figure out with these two wacky holidays. And I need to ask a favor of all of my friends. There's nothing I hate more during the holiday season than getting stressed out over buying gifts and making sure I don't offend anybody. So I've decided I'm not getting stressed out about it. I have also however, jam packed my calendar full with crap to do from now until the big day. And I haven't really started my Christmas shopping yet. Which also means I haven't finished it yet. It seems like this goes on almost every year, but this year is a lot worse. So I'll need you good friends of mine to bite the bullet on this one. Here's a conversation I could have had with Tony at his Christmas party this year:

Me: "Hey Tony. Sorry, but your present hasn't come in the mail yet."
Tony: "Don't worry about it."
Me: "Actually, I haven't even ordered it yet."
Tony: "..."
Me: "Well, to be honest, I haven't even figured out what I'm gonna get you yet."

I'm scheduling a special Dustin Christmas for sometime around Presidents Day. I don't think we'll all be getting together like we would on Christmas, but I think the deadline will help. And the extra added surprise will make it all the more special. Some of you may recognize this theory as the same one I use for Valentines Day. I've actually been applying this to all aspects of my life for years, I've just been playing along for the holidays for the last 11 years. Anyway, I'm out of time to be creative, so you may all get the same thing this year. And chances are it will be a UMBC day camp T-shirt, but that will really just be a proxy until the real holiday. President's Day.

Coming back from a football game, a few of us were in the car and this squirrel jumped out in front of the car. He ran halfway across the street, and cut back really quick, then doubled back and I didn't know what to do to help, so I just drove straight and somehow the little guy went underneath the car and came out the other side unscathed and running to the other side of the road...

Quote of the Day 12/20/04

"Did you see the moves on him? He's like the Dante Hall of squirrels."

-B Ferg


The Priest Holmes of squirrels was still sitting on the other curb in street clothes.

The Dante Hall of internet humor,

D Rec.


Still Standing Right Here...

Boys Behaving Badly

Boys Behaving Badly

So how about the NBA, huh? That's some good shit. I couldn't believe it. I was watching the TV in disbelief. No way he actually just ran up into the stands and punched that guy. Thank God his teammate went to get him. Wait, he's not getting him. Wow. That was nuts. And then South Carolina and Clemson broke out in a fight that even armed police officers couldn't control for 10 minutes. I didn't think we'd miss the NHL as much as we do. People don't know where to fight anymore. At least in the NHL, there's a layer of glass between the players and fans so Marty McSorly can't go into the stands and beat somebody with his skate. Thank God we don't take soccer seriously. Then we'd just be Europe sans the fog.

Quote Of the Day 11/22/04

"Well, at least the NBA is exciting again."

-B Ferg

Sure, if wearing flak jackets and a helmet is your style. Which, by the way, I think would be funny if somebody out there has lower deck tickets to an NBA game and wants to get on TV.

Fighting for the forces of goo,

Extendo.


Still Standing Right Here...

Rating Season Ending Injuries

A while ago, back when I was doing the quote of the day via typewriter and Pony Express, I did a movie review every Friday and a random review of different crap every Tuesday. I'm going to try to go back to that format now. Oh, and we're going to all collectively pretend it's Tuesday too.

Season Ending Injuries

ACL - The ever popular injury that sends people out of the NFL by the week. But there are so many ligaments around the knee, that people who completely tear their ACL can still apparently limp around. Some stupider people don't even know they did it (Evil Joe). And what the hell does it stand for? I'll bet 97% of you don't know. B-

Rotator Cuff - This is a little wussy injury that only happens to pitchers who, in my opinion, are like the place kickers of the baseball league. Half of them are too wussy to even get up to bat. Learn to throw with the other arm. Besides, people with this injury can still walk around and shower. D+

Broken bone - Very blah-zay, however I'm supposed to spell that French-sounding word. I broke my tibia or fibula or something. Boring. Unless you did it like Joe Theisman did. Or if the bone sticks out of the skin. C+ (compound fractures and leg injuries add one letter grade each)

Concussion - This isn't a real season ending injury unless you're a huge baby wus. But getting hit so hard that you go unconscious temporarily is a sign of bravery. And stupidity. And it's just football and like sports. You don't hear about wussy baseball guys or tennis chicks getting concussions. Troy Aikman has had 34 concussions in his football career, 12 by the Eagles alone. And he keeps coming back. Concussions are violent and the word sounds cool, but people are up and walking around within minutes. And they feel woozy all the time, which I consider a plus. But I imagine the headaches that follow aren't a joy ride. B+

Achilles - Vinny Testeverde ruptured his Achilles turning to go get a fumble. Nobody hit him. Just plant, twist, pop. An Achilles injury is purely a sign of getting old. But it is the mother of all leg injuries. Try jumping without bending your ankle. You can't. And without the Achilles, you can't bend the ankle. Trust me. You can't walk (unlike that wussy ACL). And it was named after a hero of the Trojan War with a cool story to go along with it about his mom dipping him in the River Styx and stuff. And it is associated with the word "rupture," which is probably even more violent sounding than "concussion." A+

But maybe I'm biased.

Well, I was sitting around with Rich shamelessly watching the women's volleyball club practice late last night. I'll admit, there are some lookers. And look is about all I can do at my Achilles-rupturing age. Anyway, Brad Fergus came up to me and Rich saying that he had found a new appreciation for volleyball now. To get that many tall chicks together with spandex on he said, was genius...

Quote Of the Day 9/12/00

"...and they even have knee pads."

-Big Bad Brad


I don't get it.

Just browsing,

The Watcher.


Still Stranded Right Here...