Rating Songs About Huge Women's Backsides
Baby Got Back (Sir Mix-a-Lot) - White, black, green, whatever color you are, this song is fuckin funny. It's the apex of lyrical degradation of women before it took a sharp turn into the lyrics of today. Thought actually went into the song to come up with gems like "My anaconda don't want none unless you got buns, hon" and "He had game but he chose to hit em; so I pull up quick to get wit em." Funny stuff. And it's still the best use of a whip in any song. A
Big Bottoms (Spinal Tap) - It still cracks me up that Rob Reiner made this mockumentary about a really stupid crappy rock band, and they manage to sell albums and go on tour and have a following. It's a damn joke! The whole song is a parody, just like the movie, and a good one. "My baby fits me like a flesh tuxedo; i'd like to sink her with my pink torpedo." It's pretty funny, but it ain't Sir-Mix-A-Lot. B
Back That Ass Up (Juvenile) - This is a good example of where rap lyrics have gone. "Youz a big fine woman, won't you back that azz up." The title of the song is really the only thing going for this song. Probably because nobody can understand another damn word the guy says. D
Fat Bottom Girls (Queen) - These guys had to be the inspiration for Spinal Tap. I still can't believe they got away with recording for so many years. This was a real life farse of a music band. This song came out of nowhere too. But nobody blinked because it was Queen. Their name was Queen. Didn't that tell anybody anything? "Left alone with big fat fatty, she was such a naughty lady, big big woman - you made a bad boy out of me." It's not quite Weird Al or Spinal Tap, but it bridges them to the rest of the music world. C-
Doin' Da Butt (Cameo) - This is the one that started it all. One day, everybody was offended when you said they had a big ass. The next day, this song came out on the radio. All of a sudden, it was fashionable to have a lot of junk in the truck. Twiggy was dead and us white kids cried and cried when we realized what had happened years later. I was in middle school and the song kinda scared me because I wasn't very comfortable with girls as it was and I don't know that I liked telling them they had big ole butts. But the best part of the song is just that; that it lended itself to the "banana fanna fo fustin" song theory in that you could put anybody's name in there. "Joey's sister's got a big ole butt, OH YEAH! Ms. Lattanze's got a big ole butt, OH YEAH! Arnold Palmer's got a big ole butt, OH YEAH!" And when you told people they had a big ole butt, it was in the third person, so it wasn't as forcefully degrading. But it didn't matter, because they just said "OH YEAH!" right back at you anyway. This song changed the world. It inadvertently opened the floodgates for streams of horribly degrading lyrics, but we'll forgive it because the beat lends itself so easily to putting one's backfield in motion. A+
I was trying to explain this 9 card poker game to a few freinds of mine to try to get them to play. I think I had a couple of them, but Erick had to go and resist saying that he thought the game sounded made up...
Quote Of the Day 2/11/03
"Well, aren't all games made up?"
-J-Me
Apparently not.
Doin' side bends and sit ups,
Sir Mix-Just-Barely-Enough.
Still Standing Right Here...
