Top 15 Quotes about Dustin

One deadline made, one deadline broken. Oh well. Last I checked, this was free for everybody so we’re gonna go ahead and forgo that “every weekend” crap and just say I’m gonna try to get this out once a week.

And before I begin, you need to know something. I apparently wrote A LOT in the last 15 years on this QOTD thing. I guess I knew that, but just not to the extent that it actually was. I have these saved by “season” for the most part – not individual files, and the 99-00 season is 131 pages long single-spaced. And a lot of it is real crap. I can’t believe you guys actually pretended to be that interested in my life. The things I thought were funny. Jeez. But there are still a lot of incredible gems, as you’ll hopefully agree with soon. Anyway, there were too many great quotes to just pick 15, so I split them up into themes. This week’s Top 15 in 15 are the best 15 quotes about yours truly, as I’ve been the subject of some harsh and thusly humorous ridicule over the last 15 years (really, the last 35, but my records only date back to 95). So without further adieu (and without repeating anything you may have read last week), have at it.

Top 15 Quotes about Dustin

#15

So anyways, I was talking to Dan after I had stayed up all night for no flippin' reason about the trail of ex-girlfriends I had and the things they had in common. I started relating what they had in common to the color of their hair. I told him that all of the blonds I dated did one certain thing after we broke up, and the one redhead I dated turned gay when we broke up (and no, I'm not proud, and I didn't do it completely. She was already bi). To this, Dan replied…

Quote of the Day 11/18/97

"OK, you're not allowed to date anymore redheads if you're gonna waste them like that."
-Dan (the guy who drinks a whole hell of a lot) Gregory

#14

…At any rate, this quote comes from a friend of mine who beat us in soccer last semester. I was walking around in shorts and he is always baffled how I don't get cold. So he asked me if I was cold, and I told him that the temperature is all in your mind. To this, he responded...

Quote of the Day 4/10/96

"Yeah, but I'd hate to have to walk around thinking all day."
-Shawn Something

The best argument yet for me to wear pants.

#13

…I wore my favorite shirt into the dining hall (the button down one that is mostly skittle green, but has about 4 other gaudy pastel colors in it that don't match each other), and ran into quite a few people who haven't seen me in the shirt before. Jason Yankus, a pretty good friend of mine, saw me for the first time in about a week – with my shirt on – and of course a bright pink hat to accompany it, and the first thing he had to say to me wasn't "Hi" or "What's going on" or anything like that. He just walked straight up to me and said...

Quote of the Day 11/4/97

"WOW! Don't walk under a black light. You'll hurt somebody."
-Yankus

That still doesn't equal the damage Andrew's face can do under a normal light. (Bring it on, Proz!)

#12

Alright, I'm late. I gotta go. No time for wit. If you all know me, and you all do, you know I wear a pink hat most if not all of the time. Well, I was wearing this hat one day that isn't quite neon pink, but more purplish than most people are used to. My friend asked me what was wrong with the hat. It wasn't bright pink like the rest of them. I told him I was sort of depressed that day and wasn't in a neon pink hat mood...

Quote of the Day 4/15/96

"Well, that's not too bad if the most depressed you get is lavender."
-Crossover Manser (friend from home)

#11

My sister and her boyfriend were rolling through town in their RV a few months back at the same time I was having my old man D league softball game, so I asked her to stop by and the following conversation ensues between the two of them...

Quote of the Day 3/3/04

Char: "We're going to Dustin's softball game."
J-Me: "Don't you mean baseball?"
Char: "No, I mean softball. He's old."

And I'm not even good.

#10

Well, today was another Pimp Daddy Day. It was even Pimp Daddier than it was yesterday. Kate and I were sitting on the little ledge outside and talking about how I don't have any balls or guts or anything. Then I looked up and saw a cute girl in the parking lot. I asked Kate how much money she'd give me if I just brazenly walked up and kissed her...

Quote of the Day 3/15/96

"I won't give you any money. I might even give her a few dollars."
-Kate

#9

I know I'm late and I promise this won't become a habit, but I was asleep until ten today. Tonight. Anyway, this quote comes to us all the way from PA, from my friend and unpaid psychologist, Brian Reagan. Every time I go home and seek advice about my life, I always consult him. And he's usually right. A lot of you have heard this quote before, and I'm sure you'll all appreciate it. This is just a little piece of advice he gave me before I left for school:

Quote of the Day 3/10/95

"You worry too much. Life's not that important... Especially yours."
-Brian Reagan

#8

So I'm now addicted to this new board game called Settlers. It's overwhelming characteristic is that you can't explain it to anyone else. It's a board game somewhere between Risk and Civilization, and I'm going to leave it at that for now. I play this game with John and other people my age a lot, but now that I bought it myself I've introduced it to my college friends and I found myself on a Monday night/Tuesday morning playing it in the lounge of a dorm until the sun came up. That was a serious déjà vu. Probably because I had just done it the previous Saturday night too. But it was also a reality check for me. I was hanging in the lounge with two 19-20 year old sophomores when this came out. I know this comment was made with the intent to demean himself, but he did a pretty good job of deflating my self-worth in the process...

Quote of the Day 3/11/02

"I need to get a life. It's a Saturday night and I'm in the lounge playing a board game with my RA and a 27-year old man."
-Colin Fergus, adolescent child

Well, at least he called me a man.

#7

So I started hanging out with John and Scott and Giese again because I was starting to feel old always hanging out with the college crowd. That didn't help. At least now I feel like WE'RE old, as opposed to just me being old. Anyway, we've been getting together to play these games like Magic and Elvenland and the Bean game recently. We try to do this once a week and in the process I have realized that all these people still hung out with each other even after I stopped hanging out with them. I don't know why I expected the entire crowd to lose touch just because I did. Maybe that's a testament to how self-centered I am. But enough about me - We got together and I started asking about all these people and realized that I was so far out of the loop with my old 3rd South crowd. To this, Scott very appropriately responded...

Quote of the Day 3/3/02

"Well, that's because you're the only one who stayed in the loop."
-Scotty Too Hotty

#6

I was over at John's apartment and we were studying for our mid-term (complaining about how we're losers going nowhere), and I saw all of his D&D books, and I mistakenly thought I could insult John and get away with it. Well, here's the consequence...

Quote of the Day 10/11/96

Me: "How sad. You spend your life living in a false reality."
John: "You spend your life kicking a ball."

Touché!

#5

Anyway, for those of you who don't know, I am now a certified drunk. This past Friday marks my third time ever. And I was weird. I didn't have a hangover. I think I actually woke up still drunk. Apparently, that isn't as uncommon as I thought it was at first. I was sober enough to still whoop some Good Joe ass at tennis though, let me tell you! But I think Joe put it best the following day when he wrote me back. He's been my friend for about 6 or 7 years now, and has hung out with me more than anyone on this list, but has never seen me drunk until that night...

Quote of the Day 9/21/98

"It was really weird to see you like that... drunk, on top of being Dustin already."
-Good Joe

In other words, I'm drunker sober than a normal drunk is... Whatever.

#4

On the plus side, while I was out in Oregon, I got a dose of self-realization. Not necessarily in the spiritual sense, but my friend's wife pretty much put me in my place in the most exact way I think I've ever been described, word for word. I was trying to defend the point that I was relatively laid back when I'm not with Kevin, Joe and/or Mike. Kevin didn't buy it. Tanis hasn't known me since middle school, so she was more apt to believe...

Quote of the Day 6/10/02

"Well, I guess you have the potential to not be this spastic all the time."
-Tanis, holder of the whip

I have the "POTENTIAL"... not to be THIS spastic... ALL the time.

#3

This quote came a while back from the day that I went to my RA interview. As you know, every time I have to do something formal, I run around the night before borrowing clothes that are respectable enough to wear from anybody willing to lend them to me. And from all of these, I can generally make a decent looking outfit. Anyway, I stopped by Sedge's room seeking a little fashion advice, and he started telling me to match shirt to tie, and tie to belt, and belt to shoes...

Quote of the Day 3/7/96

"These are just strict rules of fashion, and you follow the rules of fashion like most people follow the speed limit."
-Dr. Sedge

#2

I'm pretty sure I got ripped off by the gas station in Philly for the gas can. It's kinda like a tow truck. They can overcharge, because they know you need the service. I have an idea for a way to make my millions. But anyway, I was pissed about it...

Quote of the Day 1/18/05

Me: "What kind of a place charges $9.00 for a gas can?"
Leigh: "What kind of a 30-yr-old man runs out of gas?"

OK, Rendé. You win this round.

#1

The following quote was actually taken directly from John's wedding program and the reason I am using it is because it describes my relationship not only with him but also the other 249 people on this list. Anyway, so John had a few sentences about everybody in his wedding and here is an excerpt from mine...

Quote of the Day 3/16/04

"...Dustin orbits in and out of my life at regular, comet-like intervals..."
-John and Rachel's Wedding Program

If that doesn't describe my relationship with you here, then it probably will once you graduate from UMBC.

So there you have it. Only one repeater on the list and go figure it would be the sharp tongue of the former roomie. Nothing from Mike, Kevin or Tony though, surprisingly. But don’t worry, there are still plenty more weeks of this to come. And they’ll likely pop up as early as next week in the Top 15 Improvisational Quotes of the Last 15 Years.

The 7th Day of Quotemas 2006

Warning: This one isn’t very funny. But it also isn’t very long.

Talkin Bout a Resolution

A lot of you don’t know this, but I made a New Years Resolution last year to not drink any soda. Except for the little bit they put in the top of a long island ice tea. I did it because I wanted to try to consciously eat and drink more healthily. So instead of drinking soda for dinner, I’d have the only other thing in our fridge, beer. And on long road trips where I needed caffeine, I’d drink red bull. Or do some speed. And my roommate and girlfriend who refused to remember this made it difficult at bars. I’d have to ask the bartenders to try to separate the jack from the coke on many occasions. So where everybody else will be drinking champagne at midnight tonight, I’ll be looking around for a mountain dew. So this year, I’ve decided to really challenge myself. I’m going to try to drink nothing but soda. I’ll let you know how that turns out…

The 7th Day of Quotemas 2006

“Kate has the worst sense of direction in the world.” – Colin
“What makes you say that?” – Me
“Well, first of all, she doesn’t know her left from her right or north from south.” – Colin

What the hell was the second of all?”

Getting ready for a root beer IV,

D Rec.


Still Standing Right Here…

Review of "Signs"

Review of "Signs"

I got a bunch (possibly bunches) of e-mails after I wrote my review of The Ring telling me I should see Signs. Like with the lights out in the complete silence, in the basement if possible, blah blah blah. It then dawned on me that I hadn't told everybody that I know how I felt about the film. So here is ver batem (whatever that really means) the message I sent to Terry:

> > >

Of course I saw Signs. I gave M. Night Shalayaman's first two films (well, first two well-known ones) a collective 21 bugs out of 20. That's a lot of love for the man. So I went out and saw Signs on opening night. Mind you, I have reasonably high expectations for the guy since I loved his last two films. And of course with all of them, there's gotta be a twist to the ending or it's just not an M calliber movie (I'm on a first name basis). And in this flick, the ending sucked. I was more dissappointed in a movie than I have been in a very long time. I was willing to overlook the fact that these highly developed creatures, capable of creating vehicles to travel light years away, could not open wooden unlocked doors. But when I found out that they were deathly allergic to... wait, where have I heard this before... water!!!, I was pissed! Very angry at the man. Did these aliens not do their research? I would think the first thing any alien would know about our planet is that it's close to 3/4 water. And the life forms on it are 2/3 water. (On another note, if I was the Wicked Witch of the West and I knew there was a substance that could, oh, say... melt me, I wouldn't leave a bucket of it just lying around on a wall somewhere. Like I don't leave buckets if battery acid just sitting on my desk at work.) And the fact that the whole thing was about Mel's faith being lost and then found again was a great way to play it. I've seen this trend in his other stuff (including a little known film called Wide Awake with Dennis Leary and Rosie O'Donnell, and of course several child actors - and by the way, there's a reason you never heard of it). Anyway, I liked that particular concept... but my problem was with a very specific, yet extremely important part of the climax of the film. Mel's wife was trapped between the car and the tree and given one last chance to talk to Mel (great thought, I've never seen that before). "Swing away." Now I understand that it needed to be something trivial to get the whole loss of religion part across to Mel (we're also on a first name basis), but "swing away?" And then Wakeem (I refuse to spell his name correctly) beats the alien with a bat? That's it? I would have even been able to overlook the water thing and the fact that this climax came after the world was already saved from mass extinction of the human race (it's kinda hard to have a second climax after that) if it was something better than Swing Away. Like, just off the top of my head, if instead of "swing away," she said "get motor oil" or something like that, I would have been happier. But Wakeem beat the alien to death with a bat. Just stupid and anti-climactic. OK, the motor oil thing woulda been too, but I think if he took another week to fine tune the script a bit, he coulda come up with something. But I did like the asthma saving the boy. That was a great touch. See!! It was so close to great, but I think he shot his load of good ideas on the asthma boy and alien gas and the wife dying pinned to the tree, not to mention the way he handled the crop circles being the landing patterns and how he dodged the fact that they were just pranks in real life. No more creativity left but to swing away and have the aliens die when subjected to fucking water. Maybe lemonade or shampoo or something. But that's getting a little too close to Evolution, the epi-center of all horrible movies with good potential. So I would be torn if I had to rate the film because I went in with impecibly high standards and I did like most parts of it. But I was thoroughly dissappointed with the ending, which is what stuck with me. He also needs to convince himself not to act in his films anymore. It wasn't so bad when he had one or two lines and he could kinda hide himself, but this was a really big and important part with a lot of dialog at the beginning of the turn of the movie. Oh well. I'll still be looking forward to his next film, whatever it's gonna be. This turned out to be a much longer e-mail than I ever planned to write, but I guess I needed to get it off my chest. Don't feel the need to write a novel back to me. And avoid at all costs Evolution if you can.

Dustin.

> > >

I know I said I'd be torn, but I just hafta rate it someway. I'll give it 7.5 bugs. It is better than most, but I'm still pissed at those few huge details that could have easily been avoided if he really cared about his film audience (boy, he's really taking this personally).

This quote came from one of my deadbeat roomies over the summer. I was driving Colin to work, or maybe the bank or something (probably the gay bar again), and 95 had a sign up that said "NEW TRAFFIC PATTERN." So I was prepared to get over a lane or jump a ramp or something. Well, all it was was a lot of orange barrels on the shoulder of the road, to which Colin started quickly pointing to and counting...

Quote Of the Day 1/31/03

"1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1... I think I got the pattern."

-Colin Batneck Fergus


Oh, that math humor! (Dorks, both of them)

Breaking the patterns of chaos,

Little Big Fish.


Still Standing Right Here...

Oh, I Thought You Were Funny

Oh, I Thought You Were Funny

Well, I'm not one to make excuses, but my computer got pink eye. I thought it best not to expose any of you to that. Damn kids.

Oh yeah. The kids. Here's what I'll say about camp so far this year. I have needed to go out drinking on weeknights after camp this year (in only 3 weeks) more than I have the entire other 6 years I've been working camps. Broken arms, social services and the same whacked out parents sending me e-mails complaining that my counselors are giving their child money (I'm not kidding). She even started the e-mail by saying she had a "serious" concern. How the hell am I supposed to talk to these people? I think I'll just sign her e-mail address up for a few porn sites. That'll be funny.

So anyway, camp started a few weeks back. I currently, as I type, have two of my staff members sleeping in my livingroom. So not much has changed except Colin and Woody don't put out first (I hope I didn't cross a line there). So we were all getting to know each other as a staff after work one day and a bunch of us were all telling jokes and piling semi-humorous quip after quip on top of each other. Well, I can't remember exactly what was said to provoke this, but it was one of the least subtle and degrading things that has possibly ever been said to a person. Well, maybe not, but it still stings three weeks later. So what led to this was Colin tossed a quip on the stack and people laughed at it, to which Nate asked what movie that was from. Laurie apparently didn't know it was from a movie and thought he came up with it on his own, to which she said very matter of factly...

Quote Of the Day 7/8/02

"Oh wait. That was from a movie? Oh, I thought you were funny."

-Miss Laurie


Oh wait. That's make-up? I thought you were pretty.

Testing the limits of child abuse,

Mr. Whistlehead.


Still Standing Right Here...

The Tell-Tale Boxers

The Tell-Tale Boxers

So there's this guy named Jason Woody who happens to be an RA in the less new dorm, named Erickson. As opposed to the new new dorm called New Dorm. I'm not kidding. For those of you who don't know, there have been two new dorms built in the past three years. They basically sold out their idea of having a body of water theme and named the less recent one after the guy who put up the money. Kinda like PSINet Stadium and 3Com Park, etc. So this new new dorm is already built and people are living in it and everything, and it still doesn't have a name. I think they were waiting for somebody to put up money so they could name the thing, but it's already built. So they don't need money to build it anymore. So they just want somebody to give them money now so they have money, and in return, they will put that person's name up on the New Dorm. That reaches a possible new height in selling out, unmatched by even the Stone Temple Pilots. So until somebody pays a lot of money, all envelopes going there will be addressed to "New Dorm." I hope they have a sign up there that says New Dorm, because I think that would exemplify how pathetic UMBC really is.

Anyway, I got a little off track. Jason is an RA. And he plays all the intramural events we have. And he ran track as a walk-on for a couple weeks during his sophomore year. There are a few other similarities, but he has often been referred to as being me when I was his age. Stunning good looks and neon pink hat aside. So anyway, we were playing that Settlers game that I told you about (that is like a combination of RiSk and Civilization, not a combination of RiCk and Civilization - that would be closer to Robot Rally), and toward the end of the night, I went to tuck in my shirt, and I noticed that I had the same boxers on that I thought I saw sticking out of Woody's shorts all night (It's not as gay as it sounds right now, I swear). After an entire night that was spent going over more and more similarities between us, I pointed out that we had the same boxers on. That was almost a scary coincidence. Actually, it was a scary coincidence. And Colin pointed out something about the situation that I hadn't thought of that made it even scarier...

Quote Of the Day 3/15/02

"And not only do you have the same boxers on, but you actually noticed that you have the same boxers on."

-Colin (brother of Brad) Fergus


OK, I've given up. Maybe it is a little bit gay.

Molding apprentices,

Sorceror Extendo.


Still Standing Right Here...

Settling

Settling

I did it! I googled McSugarBoobs and I found her! I actually came up with a picture of her are her soon-to-be husband before they got married. I knew the stalking skills would pay off in the long run. So now I have a visual of her and I remember who she is now. And she wrote me and said her name was Karen, as the caption in the picture indicated also, but all through college I swear I called her Kathrine. Folks, if I get your name wrong, please stand up for yourself. I won't feel embarrassed or humiliated or anything. I'm a big boy and I can handle making a mistake. Anybody who's ever seen me ref can tell you the same thing. But to sit there and let me call you the wrong name for like 3 whole years has got to be either some sort of joke that you are playing on me or a clear indication that you are deaf. Of course I didn't know Stryker's first name for the first 2 years I knew him. And he's got a really cool last name so who really needs a first name. Except now that he's kinda being semi-professional, whenever he introduces himself to a client or somebody like that, he introduces himself as Greg Stryker. And then they meet me and I feel compelled to introduce myself as Dustin Fisher. How gay is that? "Hi, I'm Dustin Fisher" like I'm in kindergarten again. Add that to the list of ways Stryker makes me feel like an idiot. But anyway, point is that I now should be able to recognize this Karen/Katherine chick. What I'm going to call her when I see her, I'm not sure yet, but at least I don't have to walk around Bennigans with a pink carnation in my mouth. Of course, I might do that anyway.

So I'm now addicted to this new board game called Settlers. It's overwhelming characteristic is that you can't explain it to anyone else. It's a board game somewhere between Rick and Civilization, and I'm going to leave it at that for now. I play this game with John and other people my age a lot, but now that I bought it myself I've introduced it to my college friends and I found myself on a Monday night/Tuesday morning playing it in the lounge of a dorm until the sun came up. That was a serious deja vu. Probably because I had just done it the previous Saturday night too. But it was also a reality check for me. I was hanging in the lounge with two 19-20 year old sophomores when this came out. I know this comment was made with the intent to demean himself, but he did a pretty good job of deflating my self-worth in the process...

Quote Of the Day 3/11/02

"I need to get a life. It's a Saturday night and I'm in the lounge playing a board game with my RA and a 27-year old man."

-Colin Fergus, adolescent child


Well, at least he called me a man.

Letting the air out quickly,

Deflated Cricket.


Still Standing Right Here...