Showing posts with label Job. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Job. Show all posts

Monday, April 12, 2004

Jobs I Don't Have

Jobs I Don't Have

So the trip to Charlotte was about par as far as volleyball was concerned, great as far as my strep was concerned, and awesome for this little humor column I got going on. I could probably go on for the next month on stupid comments, busted pick-up attempts and sexual innuendos. But in the interest of getting to bed sometime tonight, I'm gonna cut it off at one story.

So we were sitting at the scorers table watching Providence College play their game. Jason was talking to one of the players on the bench and was impressed that they had such a good team with an enrollment of only 4,000 students. I told him that I knew a lot about the school because I had actually applied for a job there last year. In fact, the person hired in what would have been my position was this chick just out of college. There was a girl who fit that description sitting on the bench with them who I assumed went with the team as a team liaison. So I told Jason that I knew so much about the school because I had applied for that girl's position. Jason wouldn't leave it alone at that and continued to fraternize with the guy on the bench and this is what he found out...


Quote of the Day 4/12/04


"If he applied for her position, he applied to be one of the player's girlfriends."

-Some guy from Providence College


Yeah. And I didn't get that job either. :(


Eating solid foods again,

Swallowing Cricket.


Still Standing Right Here...

Monday, November 13, 2000

The Real Job Search

The Real Job Search

Well, everybody. Today is a landmark day in the life of one of my good friends. Today, Lance McMikey Chaka Khanover actually started a "real job," that doesn't include serving fish to old Jewish people. At least not in as far as he's described it to me. In fact, he's working 8-4 and he gets benefits and sick days and lunch hours any everything. This milestone is especially important because Mike used to be the only friend I had who was possibly less motivated than myself when it came to getting a job. Now he's gone and upstaged me. I don't have sick days. I just have days where I don't come in. I guess it's like the same thing. Same with vacation. I just tell Gary I won't be around next week. But not Mikey. He got a real job. Even realler than the one I have now. But I'll bet he can't red card people on a regular basis. I might not get health insurance, but I have my own "benefits." About a year ago, I went out with Mike and tried to talk him into getting out of Red Lobster. Like, working there, not like he was stuck in the building or anything. Anyway, I tried the old "no chick is gonna wanna be with a fish servin lackey" bit. He didn't bite. He told me he was "looking for a job." I said "Mike. You're not talking to your parents here. I know what 'looking for a job' means. Now what exactly were you doing to try to find a job?"


Quote Of the Day 11/13/00

"Well, I'd spend about 45 minutes on Monster.com typing in stuff about newspaper entry level positions... and then I'd play Civilization for about 8 hours."

-Yelnick McFreelander


I told you guys he was unmotivated.


Still looking for that "real job,"

The Extendinator.


Still Standing Right Here...

Thursday, May 6, 1999

Tony's New Job

Tony's New Job

Well, not only does Tony have a better spike and a better body than me, but now he has a better job than me. (Actually, that's debatable). At any rate, he's making at least $8,501 a year, so he's getting paid more than I do. But his job does not require of him to play intramural softball with chicks, so I still have at least one finger's worth of an upper hand on him. He is gonna be the FDIC's newest bank examiner. I'm not exactly sure what a bank examiner does, or even if I spelled it correctly, but I somehow think there's more to it than going around from bank to bank and picking up discarded deposit slip receipts off the ground. Anyway, I just wanted to congratulate Tony on his new job. And so did my dad when I told him about it...


Quote of the Day 5/6/99


"Really?!? That's great. Tell him congratulations for me. And tell him I wish he was my son."

-My ever-supporting father


Feel the love.

Accepting applications for new father,

SWM.


Still Standing Right Here..