Downward Spiral Fantasy Football League - Meet the Players

Downward Spiral Fantasy Football League - Meet the Players

You probably already got an automated e-mail from Yahoo! reminding you of your draft time tomorrow night (Thu 9/1 @ 8:30pm). Well, now you’re getting an unautomated e-mail from me. Just so it feels more real. And just so you know who you’re up against:

“DustinMadeMe” a.k.a. “Evil Joe” Experience Level: Rookie Motivation: I made him. Football History: Wavers back and forth between being a Redskins and Ravens fan. Will likely have Kelly run his fantasy team for him. Dustin History: Hosted our wedding at his house. Good guy. “Evil” nickname slightly misleading.

“Dustin Made Me Too” a.k.a. “The Wife” Experience Level: Rookie Motivation: Promised she would join if Evil Joe did. Football History: Is from Texas. Has heard of it. Makes me shut it off whenever possible. Dustin History: Still agreed to spend the rest of her life with me back in May.

“ExcessiveCelebration” a.k.a “Tone-Def” Experience Level: Beginner (played once 10 years ago) Motivation: Got married last year. No excuses anymore. Football History: Played center for the “Good Guys” men’s football team in our heyday. Was a part of the 1998 historic ZBT collapse that still apparently haunts me. Dustin History: Let me live with him for 3 years. Unsuccessfully tried to teach me how to be an adult.

“HobNoGood” a.k.a “Tom’s Better Two Thirds” Experience Level: Advanced Motivation: Needs reason to spend time away from Tom. Football History: Has been with Downward Spiral since beginning. Last in 2006. First in 2007. Streaky. Dustin History: Very little. Knows my last name. Have conversed on the facebook.

“Justincredibles” a.k.a “Six Four” Experience Level: Advanced Motivation: Habit, Apathy Football History: Has also been with Downward Spiral since beginning. Second in 2006 and 2008. Can’t win the big one. May have cheated to get my bro-in-law out of the playoffs in 2006. Strangely is a Vikings fan. Dustin History: Once almost put a hole in my floor by getting bodyslammed by two guys both weighing over 400 pounds each.

“Mike Vick in a Box” a.k.a “The Best Man” Experience Level: Rookie Motivation: Curiosity, Isolation Football History: Lives in Indy. Waited on Reggie Wayne and Marty Schottenheimer. Different days. Dustin History: I got drunk for the first time on his 21st birthday in a tent in Santé Fe. Was the best day of his life.

“P-City Allstars” a.k.a “Perpendicular Keith” Experience Level: Advanced Motivation: Doing me a favor to make an even # of teams Football History: Played safety on Touchdown My Pants for 6 seasons. Had kid. Retired. Dustin History: Let me live with him for a year. Invented 11 ping-pong paddle grips together. Bailed me out of jail.

“Pump Fists Not Gas” a.k.a “Jersey Girl” Experience Level: Intermediate Motivation: Personal rivalry, Vengeance, Seeking painless connection to Ohio Football History: Lost the last two championship games to a superior team. Dustin History: Also from east coast. Spent two tragic years in Ohio together. Besides John Trainor, the only other person I convinced to do a stand-up routine.

“Vicktorious” a.k.a “D Rec” Experience Level: I do this for my job Motivation: Introducing game to friends, Reason to make Jenn watch football, Arrogance Football History: Called Jenn in the third quarter of the Eagles/Giants game last year to go look at a house. Saw DeSean’s TD return at Outback hours later. Dustin History: Most.

“Wads of Cows” a.k.a “Boatwad” Experience Level: Intermediate, Participates regularly in live drafts, Often tries to draft players already on other rosters Motivation: Joining old friends in new league, Insatiable need for attention Football History: Hosts Superbowl parties with TV on mute. Wears Patriots jersey. Will draft Tom Brady too high. Dustin History: Owns a boat.

Try to get to the room 10 minutes early if you can in case your watch stopped 10 minutes ago. You may actually have to physically click on something that says “draft central.” It’s not hard. Or don’t worry about it at all if you plan to autodraft. But plan to delete annoying messages from me much like this one once a week or maybe never again depending on how much time I have. Good luck.

Every Other Morning

Every Other Morning

There comes a time in all of your lives when you have to just look at the actual date and realize it doesn't correlate with the QOTD date and accept it and move on. Today is going to be another one of those times. Tomorrow looks about the same also. If you must know why I do this, it's because years from now, when I look back on all these quotes in trying to put together my autobiography, "Everything Sucks; A Life In the Life of Me," I'm going to try to convince myself I was very orderly and did all these quotes on the actual day the message says. This last paragraph, however, is going to throw a serious wrench into things. Oh well. But anyway, that's why I backdate a lot of these. The underlying reason, of course, is that I'm lazy, late, and anal, a lethal combination of character traits. Kind of like being drunk, covered in gasoline, and at a campfire with people who want to kill you. But probably not that lethal.

A billion years ago, Tony, Meawad and I drove down to Florida for Spring Break. Before we left, we made a bet on which song we'd hear the most often on the way down, knowing that we'd be using the seek feature on the radio. My bet was Slide, and Tony's was Every Morning. Chris probably picked something, but he wasn't close to being in the running. Probably It's Raining Men or something like that. Anyway, we had driven all the way down and around Fla and were almost out of Virginia on our way back, with me ahead by 1. Tony picked up his cell phone and called HFS...

Quote Of the Day 9/8/00

"I know this might be a strange request, but in about 20 minutes, could you play Every Morning twice?"

-Tone-Def


Well, his attempts at cheating failed and I won the bet anyway! In fact, I question whether or not he actually placed the call. Now that I think about it, it was a thumb and a finger masquerading as a phone, but that isn't nearly as funny.

Better late than loser,

Gimp Master D.


Still Stranded Right Here...

Frenemies

Frenemies

So we left Boone. There's only so much excitement one person can take before one decides that he needs to drive down Orlando and relax a little bit. So off we went. And we kept going. My mom asked where I went in Florida and I told her "Orlando, then Tallahassee, then
Jacksonville." She responded by asking me if I actually got out of the car. Actually, we didn't even think of that. That might have made for an even more fun time. Oh well. Maybe this summer.

So anyway, we drove all over the place and got on each other's nerves a few times. Actually, Meawad and Tony got on MY nerves. They had absolutely no problems with me. Well, anyway, we had just gotten back into Maryland and were dropping Chris off at his house after this stupid vacation. Julie, also known as ChickWad, asked Chris if after all that time together in the same car if we were still friends...

Quote Of the Day 3/31/99

"Actually, I never even really liked these guys in the first place."

-Wadzilla


Chris' sister and dad laughed, but Tony and I just sort of looked at each other and nodded.

Honorary wad of the week,

DorkWad.


Still Standing Right Here...

Funny Money II

Funny Money II

One interesting point of the trip we took was that we stayed in a different city with different people every night. From Sunday to Sunday, Tony stayed in a different city with different people for 8 nights in a row. That probably beats my record, if I actually kept one. WE did a lot of driving and not a lot of actual staying. I lost my hat, and when asked where I lost it, I said "Florida" because that's about as specific as I could get. Oh well. Maybe I'll go back to the pink ones.

Well, I'm gonna stay in Boone for this next quote in hopes that I'll never have to take you guys back here. Actually, this is a corollary quote to yesterdays. Chris went up to the ATM worrying that it was going to laugh at his puny little bank. He came back to the car excited and
with money. The following conversation ensued:

Quote Of the Day 3/30/99

Tanis: "So it didn't laugh at your bank?"
Tony: "Of course not. Nobody laughs at Chevy Chase. Did you see Fletch?"


I've always been more of a Steve Guttenburg fan myself.

Burning down the funny farm,

Tom Arnold.


Still Standing Right Here...

Funny Money

Funny Money

Sorry about the delay guys, but that last message gave me a hernia. That and I went on Spring Break. Me, Tony, and Meawad high tailed it outta Baltimore and made a B-line for sunny Florida. But we stopped in Boone, NC first, and as Drew, my Bennigans colleague put it, "why?" Well, in anticipation of having an excruciatingly exciting week, we figured that we'd begin by depleting our senses of all extraneous stimulation. And that's when we wound up bowling in Boone.

So anyway, since I've lived in the area for about 6 years now, I'm kinda numb to hearing it anymore, but for those of you who don't know, there's a city in MD called Chevy Chase. I don't know why, but there is. This is common knowledge to me and everybody in Maryland, but some
hick-type folk local to Boone have no idea of this city. Well, Tony, Wadzilla, and me were in Boone visiting a friend from home in PA who goes to school there, and Chris said that he needed to stop at an ATM to get money. He then grew concerned that he wouldn't be allowed to get money out because the ATM might have never heard of his bank. So Kevin asked him what his bank was called. After Chris told him, he responded...

Quote Of the Day 3/29/99

"You trust putting your money in a bank called... Chevy Chase Bank?"

-Boone Man, Come together with your ham.


And he got his lawyer from the law offices of Murray, Akroid, and Guttenburg INC.

Boone or bust,

Dustin.


Still Standing Right Here...