Double Feature Duel (Championship Match): The Nines vs. Rise of the Planet of the Apes

Double Feature Duel (Championship Match):
The Nines vs. Rise of the Planet of the Apes

The championship match is finally here. A couple surprising 10-buggers square off in the final match in a great example of a good idea gone way too far. But if you’re reading this, I suppose it was all worth it. Still a fun and interesting experiment if I didn’t have a job or a wife or a hobby.

Title: Rule #3.4 section A states that any movie with more than five words or 23 total characters shall be ineligible for competition in this category. Section B continues on to explain tie-breakers in the case that two movies are ineligible. Which I don’t need to do now. (Point, Nines 1-0)

Funnier: There’s a reason Will Ferrell and Ben Stiller aren’t in either of these movies. But Ryan Reynolds puts in a great performance in the second segment to sprinkle some humor on top. (Point, Nines 2-0)

Better Turn: The “turn,” as far as its definition with respect to film terminology is concerned, is the point in which the plot develops, or the first act (character development) yields way to the second act (plot development). (Ed note: There is no film definition of “turn.” He made it up.) Anyway, I think we all know how badass I think the scene where Caesar shuts the gate is. And this is no different. (Point, Rise 2-1)

Better Ending: Both of these endings are probably in the top 27% but not the top 8%. Rise connected the dots on their way to show how the Planet of the Apes could have begun. The Nines tied together three vignettes and introduced an interesting question of the nature of creation. It’s a tough one and I appreciate how Rise was able to be a prequel of sorts to the Planet of the Apes, but I really remember (barely at this point) being blown away by The Nines’ ending. Besides, Rise is coming out with a sequel, which should devalue the ending further. (Point, Nines 3-1)

Better Message: Maybe I’ve said this before, but Rise brings up a lot of issues of both chemical testing in animals and slavery. And it bundles it up in a nice badass ape revenge movie. (Point, Rise 3-2)

Poster: Not my favorite part of The Nines. And props to Rise for staying true to the original, whilst still being original. Which was basically its entire mission statement. (Point, Rise 3-3)

Better Acting: Two Oscar nominees (Melissa McCarthy and James Franco) didn’t even put up the best performances in each movie (Ryan Reynolds and Andy Serkis). And who’s going to be the tie-breaker? Little Elle Fanning beating out John Lithgow, perhaps? Well, I haven’t been talking for a year about Ryan Reynolds being snubbed by the Oscars. So congrats Andy. Why the hell not? (Point, Rise 3-4)

More Creative: It would be easy to cash it in and just say The Nines’ vignette structure and creative handling of the subject matter and the timely release of information garners yet another award for creativity. But Rise – well, I think I just talked myself into it. (Point, Nines 4-4)

Watch again: And it’s down to this. And there’s unfortunately not much I can say about the wall Rise is about to run into to make it close. There’s no movie that I’ve already seen that I want to see again as much as The Nines. (Point, Nines 5-4)

Overall: Congrats, Nines. You are a gentleman and a scholar. And you did it the hard way. You earned it. Winner: The Nines (5-4)

Double Feature Duel (Final Four): Big Fish vs. The Nines

Double Feature Duel (Final Four):
Big Fish vs. The Nines

The first matchup of the Final Four pits one of my Top Five (and a Father’s Day tradition) against a movie I didn’t even know about but now tell everyone to go see.

Title: The Nines isn’t particularly sharp in this category to begin with and it’s going up against a movie named after one of my nicknames. Tough break, newbie. Maybe Achilles would have had a better shot. (Point, Big Fish 1-0)

Funnier: The Nines was definitely not without humor, but that wasn’t its forte. Big Fish wasn’t exactly a laugh-out-loud production either, but the mood it set definitely tricked me into thinking it was humorous. (Point, Big Fish 2-0)

Better Turn: It’s tough to diagnose a movie’s turn when it’s shot as three vignettes. But this one was kinda easy. It was the end of the first vignette, which produced the first “What the hell?!” moment of the movie. And it definitely brought the audience into the second act. (Point, The Nines 2-1)

Better Ending: I almost started typing “Far and away, the better ending belongs to Big Fish” until I started thinking about The Nines. And it was worth a thought, but there’s a reason I watch Big Fish every year on Father’s Day. And there’s a reason I cry every year too. (Point, Big Fish 3-1)

Better Message: The Nines certainly posed an intriguing question about the nature of creation and thus, God. And though I love the Living Years message played out in Tim Burton’s head, I have to give the philosophical nod to the newbie. (Point, The Nines 3-2)

Better Acting: I do love me some Ryan Reynolds. But I also love me some Ewan McGregor. I also love Albert Finney. But I love Melissa McCarthy too. And then there’s Elle Fanning. But also Marion Cottiliard. This one is tough. And looking ahead, possibly game-changing. And I’m going to have to give it to The Nines. Despite the strange world Big Fish convinced us to believe in, The Nines gave us three different worlds, each of them different and superbly acted. (Point, The Nines 3-3)

Poster: Big Fish. In a landslide. (Point, Big Fish 4-3)

Watch again: The Nines. In a slightly smaller and less horrific landslide. (Point, The Nines 4-4)

More Creative: It all comes down to this. Which is more creative? They’re both top 5 percentile in creativity for sure. Big Fish has two worlds, one very real and based in fact and one very fantastic and based in story. The Nines shows us three vignettes and threads them together to question the nature of what it is to be a God. I haven’t seen either of these things taken to the extent these movies have brought it to. It could really go either way on any given day. But right now, if I had to pitch these two movies in 50 words or less, I’d lean toward the three vignettes spelling out the narrative of creation. (Point, The Nines 4-5)

Overall: It was the battle to the end we all hoped it would be and it came down to a category near and dear to my heart. And even that was a tough decision, especially considering what was on the line. Congrats, newbie. You have earned the respect of many today. Winner: The Nines (5-4)

Double Feature Duel: The Final Four Begins

Double Feature Duel:
The Final Four Begins

So there’s definitely an underdog but not necessarily a clear favorite. Of the three favorites, Big Fish has the distinction of being the only 10+ bug film at 10.5 and also carries with it a tradition (I watch it every year for Father’s Day) and the distinction of being occasionally called my favorite movie, and always one of my Top Five. Also, I had seen it before. Both The Nines and Rise of the Planet of the Apes were first-time views, though both got a 10-bug rating. I’ve also seen Rise of POTA another time since the first view because I like to make Jenn watch things I know she’ll hate I really enjoy. And then there’s the misfit Super 8 that has some sort of magic formula to keep winning this game. Like George Mason of 2006. And no, there was no storybook ending for them. And they were quite boring to watch actually. But anyway, let’s take a look at the paths of these movies before we get stated.

Big Fish (10.5): This movie won the Philadelphia Quadrant, which had the highest QBA (Quadrant Bug Average) of 6.31. It easily shut out the atrocious Storytelling and dodged An Inconvenient Truth with a little help from narrative-favored criteria. It shut down Body of Lies in the Sweet 16 and barely escaped with a one-point victory over Stranger Than Fiction, outscoring its first four opponents 27-9. Of the 9 points it lost, 3 of them were strangely in the category of “Watch Again,” which probably speaks to the fact that I watch this movie a lot. The other 6 points were in 6 different categories and the only two categories it won every time were “Best Ending” and “Most Creative.” It’s also due to get watched again in 2 months.

The Nines (10): This movie won the Baltimore Quadrant with a QBA of 5.94. This movie had by far the toughest road to the Final Four, having defeated (in order) Cars, The Cove, Planet of the Apes (1968) and Source Code, who had an average bug rating of 8. It was beaten 3 times in the “Poster” category but undefeated in “Better Acting” and “Watch Again,” the latter of which happens to be its next opponent’s biggest flaw. I think I see one point already.

Rise of the Planet of the Apes (10): This movie didn’t really see too much resistance on the way here, having its toughest match against a 7-bug Definitely, Maybe, thought this was indicative of the Cincinnati Quadrant, which was the only one to come in below average (4.91). It shut out the battle of the Planet of the Apes movies by shutting out the Battle of the Planet of the Apes in the second round. And it also got behind 0-2 in all other three matches by losing the “Title” and “Funnier” categories. It only lost 2 total other points – “Acting” to Definitely, Maybe and “Message” to Bucket List. It remained undefeated in the other 5 categories.

Super 8 (7): Proof that anything can happen. It took care of the top half of the DC Quadrant (which had an overall QBA of 5.44), beating a 3.5 (Pirates of the Caribbean 4) and two other 7s (Swimming to Cambodia and It’s a Wonderful Life). Meanwhile, the bottom of the bracket was doing battle with each other with 4 movies of an 8.5 or above and eventually put Midnight in Paris up to face Super 8. Somehow, Super 8 managed to squeak out four victories, despite never scoring more than 6 points. It lost every single “Best Ending” and “Better Message” point, but won all “Title,” “Better Turn” and “Poster” points. It has its strengths, I’ll give you that.

And now it’s time to get the Final Four underway. Can Super 8 do what George Mason couldn’t? Or will Big Fish finish its #1 overall seed Kentucky-style? Or will one of the two surprise new 10-buggers take it all? Tip-off in approximately 24 hours.

Double Feature Duel (Rd4): The Nines vs. Source Code

Double Feature Duel (Rd4):
The Nines vs. Source Code

10 vs. 10. A first in the very short history of the Double Feature Duel. And since the winner of this will get to square off against Big Fish, it won’t be the last. So will it be the existential romp through multiple worlds that raises questions about consciousness and creation? Or the other existential romp through multiple worlds that raises questions about consciousness and creation? If I were a betting man, I’d say it was going to be the existential romp through (do ya get it, yet?)…

Title: This is my fourth critique for each of these movies and I’m just now beginning to figure out that the title of Source Code has very little to actually do with the movie. Besides, I love the abstruseness of “The Nines.” And I’m tired of writing the word “ambiguity.” (Point, The Nines 1-0)

Funnier: You could pretty much just flip a coin here. But I don’t know why you would do that. The Nines is easily the funnier flick. (Point, The Nines 2-0)

Better Turn: The Nines has a very complicated turn. Like a string theory-type of turn that changed directions into another dimension. Or like starting over in MegaMan 2. Either way, I’m taking the more proper, yet still dramatic turn from the other guy. (Point, Source Code 2-1)

Better Ending: Hoo-ah! The first real challenge. Both were super strong and very geeky. Both wind up posing some very interesting questions about reality, though the complexity that Source Code conveys with such clarity is, shall I say, quite neat. (Point, Source Code 2-2)

Better Message: I can’t say enough about the questions that The Nines posed, which I understand are not necessarily a “message” per se. But Source Code was out at the bar when the message competition took place. (Point, The Nines 3-2)

Better Acting: Yes, I know Jake was nominated for an Oscar, but he didn’t get to play 3 different characters in his movie. (Point, The Nines 4-2)

Poster: Once again, I hate the gun and the tagline from Source Code. But The Nines went a little too far toward “Shhh! Don’t let anyone know what this movie is about. Or that it exists.” Which is why I didn’t know it existed until the morning I saw it. (Point, Source Code 4-3)

More Creative: In previous rounds, I have said it would take a miracle to lose this category about both movies. I guess this is a miracle then. And I’m going to have to go with Source Code here just because I fear that I’ve been giving a little too much credit to The Nines for the parts I don’t fully understand. (Point, Source Code 4-4)

Watch again: This is kinda tough because I really want to see them both again. But it’s also not really tough at all, because I don’t think there’s a movie out there that I want to see again more than The Nines right now. At least not one where the women keep their clothes on the whole time. (Point, The Nines 5-4)

Overall: And so The Nines wins the battle of the tens. I guess it was slightly tennier than Source Code. Congrats. Now onto the Cincinnati Quadrant. Winner: The Nines (5-4)

Double Feature Duel (Rd3): Planet of the Apes vs. The Nines

Double Feature Duel (Rd3):
Planet of the Apes vs. The Nines

Wow. A movie from the 60s actually got to the Elite Eight. Congratulations! I hope you didn’t pay for your hotel room tonight already.

Title: The Nines is ambiguous. I like ambiguous. Planet of the Apes is actually clever enough to throw you off of the scent. It is the first strike in a film designed to show you the left hand the entire time, while the right hand is poking you in the brain. In a good way. (Point, POTA 1-0)

Funnier: The dialogue in the middle vignette was positively delightful and Ryan Reynolds can now make me laugh by simply wearing worn-rimmed glasses. (Point, The Nines 1-1)

Better Turn: Huh. The Nines was split into three vignettes, which doesn’t usually lend itself well to turns. However, this wasn’t an average vignette-type of movie. Can you tell I like the word “vignette” yet? (Point, The Nines 1-2)

Better Ending: Not much is going to top the classic. I only wish I was around in 1968 to see it for myself. And only for that reason. Maybe to catch Hendrix in concert once, but then to hop immediately back in the Delorean. (Point, POTA 2-2)

Better Message: I’m struggling for the first time with the word “message.” Because The Nines’ strongest feature is the question it poses about creation. But is that really a message in the same way that “Don’t f@$# with nuclear weapons” is? I guess it kinda isn’t. (Point, POTA 3-2)

Better Acting: Uh-oh. Upset alert! Oh. But then there’s a category where I have to judge the acting ability of humans in fake, plastic ape masks. (Point, The Nines 3-3)

More Creative: Whatever credit I couldn’t give to The Nines for the message that wasn’t necessarily a message in the truest sense of the word, I will give here. Because it deserves the creativity points anyway, just in case my grading rubric is getting audited. (Point, The Nines 3-4)

Poster: I think this is a point that is going to a movie just because it isn’t from the 60s. Oh well. Audit that, stupid nameless auditors! (Point, The Nines 3-5)

Watch again: I may watch The Nines again even before I write up the last MvM. I should have watched it again the day I watched it the first time. Point is, it will get watched again.(Point, The Nines 3-6)

Overall: A surprising showing by POTA to be honest. I’m glad the 60s could be represented in the Elite Eight. But let’s get real, playa. Winner, The Nines (6-3)

Double Feature Duel (Rd2): The Nines vs. The Cove

Double Feature Duel (Rd2):
The Nines vs. The Cove

The most surprisingly good movie I’ve seen since Frequency vs. an Oscar-winning documentary. The ole narrative vs. documentary matchup. Not usually good for the documentary, but it made it this far so who knows?

Title: I do appreciate the brevity employed by both movies here, but I much favor the ambiguity of The Nines. Because if there’s one thing you know about me, it’s that I enjoy ambiguity. (Point, The Nines 1-0)

Funnier: The murder of dolphins isn’t really high on the humor scale. (Point, The Nines 2-0)

Better Turn: For a three-vignette series, The Nines has the feel of a complete narrative. And up against a documentary, it has a chance. That chance is now gone. (Point, The Cove 2-1)

Better Ending: The Cove isn’t going to lose this too often. It stepped away from the narration to let the power of the final scene do the work. However, The Nines raised some existential issues that I still haven’t fully grasped. And it made fun of gamers. (Point, The Nines 3-1)

Better Message: Well, The Nines isn’t going to lose this too often, but there hasn’t been a more direct and efficiently delivered message since An Inconvenient Truth than what The Cove delivered. (Point, The Cove 3-2)

Better Acting: It doesn’t always play out like this, but usually the documentary get the point for the message and the narrative gets this point to even it out. This is not exception. (Point, The Nines 4-2)

Poster: The Packers lead the NFC at 10-0 right now and yet they are 31^st in passing defense. The Patriots are 7-3 atop the AFC and have the 32^nd best pass defense (out of 32). If this was the battle between those two teams, this category would be like their pass defense. But I like the dolphins (on the poster, not the team – though they have a better pass defense). (Point, The Cove 4-3)

More Creative: It’s going to take a miracle for The Nines to ever lose this category. This isn’t it. (Point, The Nines 5-3)

Watch again: I wanted to watch The Nines again immediately after I saw it the first time. That hasn’t changed at all. (Point, The Nines 6-3)

Overall: Well, I have a feeling that the only movie that could have stopped The Nines from running through this half of the bracket would be a documentary. And yet, it didn’t. Winner: The Nines (6-3)

Double Feature Duel: The Nines vs. Cars

Double Feature Duel:
The Nines vs. Cars

Bout # 12: An awesome movie you’ve probably never heard of is up against a Pixar/Disney/Steve Jobs media powerhouse who have yet to put out a loser in a dozen movies.

The Nines: Shot as three seemingly separate vignettes, the film brings all of the realities together, mostly for better, at the film’s conclusion. It masters misdirection and intrigue and raises interesting perspectives about creators and creations. And it turns out Van Wilder can really act if given the chance. 10 whole entire bugs.

Cars: Pixar can create worlds we just take for reality after about 15 minutes. Cars is of course visually perfect and very funny, but seems to have reached its hand into a bowl full of morals and come up with the wrong one to force upon its viewers. 6.5 bugs.

Title: Props to Pixar for getting a google search for the word “Cars” to point to their movie in the first entry. But The Nines is cunningly vague and part of the conspiracy to provide a little misdirection. Incidentally, a google search for “The Nines” provides a Portland Hotel first. (Point, The Nines 1-0)

Funnier: I’m not a big fan of Larry the Cable Guy. But when disguised as a rusty tow truck with buck teeth, it’s a lot easier pill to swallow. (Point, Cars 1-1)

Better Turn: It’s tough to diagnose a real turn in a three-vignette series. But it’s easy to give away a point in a game where I make up the rules. (Point, The Nines 2-1)

Better Ending: The Nines poses an intriguing question about the nature of creation. Cars serves up a block of extra sharp cheddar cheese without crackers. (Point, The Nines 3-1)

Better Message: How do the beings in our creations – characters in a story, parts of a video game or beings in a world we create – see themselves? This is up against “Don’t build roads.” (Point, The Nines 4-1)

Poster: Cars attacked this by putting every car from the movie in Radiator Springs looking at the camera. It definitely gave the impression these things were real. (Point, Cars 4-2)

Better Acting: Not the category an animated movie wants to see on the brink of elimination. And like I said, Reynolds can actually act. Who knew? (Point, The Nines 5-2)

More Creative: The questions asked and half-answered and the delivery mechanism was pulled off masterfully in The Nines. Pixar has unfortunately raised their own bar too high to appreciate how hard it is to make believe that a car is alive. But the story is really kinda weak. (Point, The Nines 6-2)

Watch again: I want to watch the Nines again right now to try to absorb more of it. Cars just happened to be on TV at a time that I couldn’t get up. (Point, The Nines 7-2)

Overall: This is more about how impressive The Nines is and less about Cars. It just got in the way of a Mack truck of a film that I watched at the right time. Winner: The Nines (7-2)