Rating Responses to QOTD 1/31/05

OK. This is the day when I normally rate something that normally wouldn't be rated. But you guys seem to be having so much fun with that last QOTD, I kinda want to run with it. I've gotten more responses for a quote than I think I have since the time I gave the Star Wars movie a bad rating. What a fucking debacle that was. And back then, I sent it out so that everybody could respond to everybody else. It turned into this bitter, opinionated e-argument between those people who liked the movie and thought I was unfair in my rating and those people who disagreed with the misuse of my mailing list. It got ugly. I lost two friends over that. But an important lesson was learned. And we can all agree that important lessons are sometimes worth at least the friendship of two Star Wars geeks.

Sorry, I off-tracked myself a little. So I had a lot of fanfare is what I was saying. Now while I don't feel it is right to send out the entire thing to everybody on this list, I can give you all a taste. And with approximately every two sentences in this e-mail, one more person had to temporarily be deleted from this mailing list. Consider yourselves proud to have made the cut. Or to have an e-mail address I couldn't easily associate with you. Anyway, I'm going to rank some of the responses I've gotten from everybody about the letter I sent out, to try to stay with the theme. And in a cheap attempt to make my job easier, I'm going to make them a whole week's worth of quotes. I'm a schemer like that. So I hope you don't mind the personal messages you sent back to me going public. I deleted all the emotional, non-funny stuff. And thanks to everybody that wrote back. Apparently, lots of people have my back.

Responses to QOTD 1/31/05...

Quote of the Day 2/1/05

Stryker: "Women are like a fine wine. You pay a lot of money expecting a nice experience. But most of the time they end up being bitter and dry. That and they stain the carpet." - Here's what I like about this response. And Stryker. He comes up with a completely out-of-the-blue simile that makes a very good and relevant point however random it might be, but to make sure he maintains both his comic integrity and his macho dignity, he throws in a little joke at the end so we know it's not just a sympathetic "I love you, friend" type of note. It's not the funniest thing he's ever said, but he stayed within the framework of his intention. Well done. A

Quote of the Day 2/2/05

Jason Corns: "Despite the random flailings of women who think too highly of themselves... and despite even the staple-proof vest, you are a resoundingly thoughtful friend." Jason had the same concept, but in reverse order. Equally as effective as Stryker's and should show you the difference between the two of them and why obviously one is superior to the other. He started out with the joke and brought it back to the old "I got your back, bro" finale. Well constructed. A

Quote of the Day 2/3/05

Excerpt from 1/31/05:
> So please tell me now if I've ever thought that I was having a
> conversation with anyone on this list and I was actually undergoing some
> sort of exam and wound up failing miserably.

John Sears: "Dustin, it's time you knew the truth. Your parents have the originals." - So that's how it works? Well, this was all joke and John will therefore not be confused for anyone going on "The View." But our friendship is understood. He's pinned it down perfectly so many times, comparing me to comets and tumbleweed. But in a good way. A

Quote of the Day 2/4/05

MJ: "Having to give someone a test to find other whether you like them (or apparently absolutely hate them) is like a doctor giving you his own second opinion in order to validate his first opinion. Now that I just read that last sentence I don't know if that makes any sense. I should probably go get a third opinion. ;)" - Again with the similes. I like it. And this is like a joke on top of joke, the last of which he pokes fun at himself, which is one of my favorite techniques. He also went on to literally say that he had my back. Bro. A

Quote of the Day 2/5/05

Mike Conover: "Holy Christ on a stick! She's fuckin nuts! People don't even think to themselves the things she said, let alone write them and then actually communicate them." - See, Mike had the benefit of actually reading the e-mail in its entirety, so his needs to be graded on a curve. He wrote back a dissection of her hate message that comes close to 5 pages single spaced in Word. I actually read it at work and because I kept getting interrupted, it took me 2 hours to read. And I laughed the entire time. Thanks, Mike. And now there are two copies out there in case of my disappearance. And I finally have a reason to get a safe deposit box. But anyway, Mike's message was awesome, through and through. However, if I printed it all, I'd have to probably delete another 125 people off the list. But I'm sure I'll throw out bits and pieces when I can. This quote was just how his 5 page response started. And it should sum up the tone of the letter. Anyway, good job Mike. Originally A+, but with curve, A.


Whew! Five quotes in one day! I'm beat.

T-1 day until Eagle Superbowl detonation,

Dustin McNabb


Still Standing Right Here...

The Big Spam E-mail Where I Call Out My Friends

The Big Spam E-mail Where I Call Out My Friends

It looks like it's time for my annual spanking of the quote of the day list. You know how I usually do a movie review on Fridays? Well, this time, I'm doing a review on everybody's recent behavior with respect to my quote list. And I'll warn you, a lot of you won't like this.

Mike "Angus" Durgin's first response:
I knew doing a critique on The Phantom Menace would arouse a lot of opposition from people who liked the film. I was hoping it would stay under control. Mike was the first one to rock the proverbial e-mail boat. Though I NEVER appreciate anyone responding to all the people on my list (about 75% of which you've never heard of), especially to disagree with me, it was at least well written and topical. Possibly grammatically correct, I don't remember. And it had no original intention of starting what it had started. Besides, he may not have been around last time this happened. 3 bugs.

Chris Foster:
I know you know better. But I know you're a Star Wars freak and get a boner whenever anybody talks about it. I heard about the ETs, and though your insight is a little bit interesting and topical, just because Mike replied to the list doesn't qualify it as a Star Wars chat group. There are people on this list from California and Tennessee who don't know you, barely know me, and certainly don't care about Star Wars. Make your own list please. If you have anything like that to share with anybody, tell me and I'll give you credit for the comment when I mention it. I know it might sound egotistical of me, but you saw what it can do. 0 bugs, 1 quote probation.

Eric "Quez" Jacques:
OK. Eric is possibly my newest addition to the list and definitely didn't know how annoyed I get at this kind of stuff. He's just a guy from Jessup trying desperately to fit in. I'll grant him a pardon. No rating.

Shannon "Tigress" Spence:
Sorry for being brutal Shannon, but that's as annoying as it gets. And you should definitely know better. At least it wasn't hurtful though. -3 bugs, 2 quotes suspension.

Andrew "Superproz" Prosnik:
I would have gotten to this earlier, but I was without a car, therefore unable to get to work to check my e-mail, and the computer was disassembled for a few days. Maybe a lot of this could have been avoided if I had checked my e-mail earlier. Anyway, he said most of what I wanted to say. Maybe it's not by definition Spam, but it is annoying mail that you guys have been sending. And his point was that you were sending it to people you don't even know. If you want to do this again, get a yahoo account and go to a chat room. Does anybody out there know who cc2017a@american.edu is? Do you think my mom and sister want to know if you saw Willow? I told you this might be cruel. I hate more than anything when people ask to be taken off the list because they get annoyed at all the pointless responses. I have to walk a thin line between being friends of the people that do this and trying to maintain order in my own mailing list. Anyway, I appreciate Proz trying to help me out in my own absence, but he still owes me a computer. 7 bugs.

Joe "Polish Prince/Prick" Kalinowski:
I recognize it as an insult, based on the fact that I know Joe... but I have no idea who it was directed toward. Proz? Me? Anybody willing to be offended by it? That's never been your strong suit. Tact isn't up there either. Now I have a question about why you want to pick this fight. What exactly is your motivation? Streets of Jessup quiet tonight? Basically, what you're doing is fighting for Quez's right to my list. I don't get it, Joe. I'll just assume you were drunk or something, but I don't appreciate you picking on friends of mine for no reason other than just to be a bully. It was pointlessly degrading for a cause I'm not so sure you even really believe in. But I do owe you for that whole scam I pulled on you last year when I e-mailed everybody from your account telling them you were gay. -5 1/2 bugs, no probation.

Tim Wood:
Bravo, Tim. Tim was the subject of something like this that happened last year, and he now knows what kind of harm anarchy can cause. And he didn't even really offend anybody either. And he doesn't owe me a computer. 8 bugs, 4 gold stars.

Steve "Weed" Phillips:
I have virtually nothing left to say after that excellent grasp of what the quote list has historically been about. Weed does, however, have the advantage of having been with the list from conception, so he has seen all the ups and downs and the ins and outs and the backs and forths of what happens when crap like this... happens. But then again, so have Shannon and Foster. But I tigress... At any rate, Weed hit the head right in the nose on several occasions. First of all, I know all of you have a quote of the day application, and that was given out for a reason. Secondly, this is not a Star Wars Fan Club or Jar-Jar Binks Hate Club chat room. There are other places for that where people actually want to hear about it. My third and major point, which Weed touched on, but didn't express completely, is this: This is my list. No one on here knows everybody on here except me. Hell, there are about 10 or 15 people on here I don't even know. People have sent me messages saying that they heard about how funny my quotes are or how well I write, and there is no greater moment than getting one of those messages. This list is my hobby and my life. I have spent about 4 1/2 years building this social group of people who enjoy getting these messages from me daily (yeah, I know). Or at least a select group of people who don't mind it. If any of you don't want to be on my list, I'll understand, but I like writing and this gives me an opportunity to do so. I have a following who likes to hear from me. For those of you unable to appreciate it, I apologize and I have a feeling I'll be getting a few requests of people that want to be removed from this list after this message. But this is what I'm dealing. If any of you have something to tell everybody you know, tell everybody you know. My list is like a possession of mine, and I'm very possessive. Just ask my ex-girlfriends. Hell, I think they're all on here. But a lot of people get annoyed, and it's more than just hitting the delete key. Especially when the messages are degrading toward other people on the list. Well, I think I've said enough for now. I hope you can all understand where I'm coming from. And Weed had another thing right. I'm using this list as a foundation for at least a book and a website, and hopefully, possibly, a future stand up routine. It means more to me than you guys think. When I look back at my life, the quote of the day will tell the story of it. I know a lot of you can't appreciate that, but at least humor me. If you have any comments for me, mail them to me and me only please. Thank you. 10 bugs and a medal of honor.

Tony Harris:
Boy, is this hard. For a few reasons. On one hand, he responded to the entire list like I hate, but on the other hand, it was funny, which is exactly what the quote of the day was founded on. On one hand, he offended Proz, who tried to take matters into his own hands maturely by e-mailing Angus and only Angus. On the other hand, he offended Joe. And he's already pissed at me for showing up to help move in late today. And he's paying the first month's rent. But since it was at least light-hearted and funny, I can't be too mad at him. 5 bugs and he has to take out the trash for the first month.

Mike "Angus" Durgin's second response:
Why did you respond just to me if you wanted everybody to see it? I'm officially saying I don't like it when people respond to messages on the list. It would be OK every once in a while if I could trust everybody on the list to behave. History has proven that they can't. Over and over again. I wouldn't mind a reply every once in a while, especially something like Tony's message, but that brings up the problem again about what is funny and what isn't. That's why I made the application. At least if it isn't funny, it's what I think is funny, and that's what keeps the list going around and around. Maybe I should have everybody sign a disclaimer from now on. And I know everything that you said to Proz when it was just you, him and me in the e-conversation. I don't see the point in bringing it up now except to try to make an ass out of Proz and flex your computer knowledge for everybody. I will grant you a pardon because you haven't been through this before, but when you tell Proz to ask me what I really want from the list and don't do the same yourself, and instead you just assume you are right, you are being a little bit of a hypocrite, a term that has been going around a little recently. Proz mailed you because he's been here before and knows that I don't appreciate it. I'm sure you know that by now, so I won't pound you in the head with it anymore, but his experience-based suggestions and playfully sarcastic undertone was met with brazen (and incorrect) assumptions and unnecessarily sharp and belittling retorts. Let it die here. -4 bugs and a proverbial e-slap on the wrist.

Well, that brings an end to all that. I hope. Basically, I like the fact that I own the list and I use it for the explicit purpose of inspiring me to try to write comedy every day. Sure, all these people have to do is delete your message, which is generally what I do when I get chain mail or joke forwards when I don't have time to read them. But these are lists that friends of mine have made that include me on them because they know I appreciate that sort of stuff (or I'm at least too nice to tell them I don't :-)). I don't like the exploitation of my list because you guys don't have one of your own. Sort of like how I wouldn't like you guys getting a hold of my address book and calling random people in it, telling them that you are a friend of mine, and trying to start a conversation that way. Solicited or unsolicited. Spam or a slightly more pure meat substitute. It just feels like you're riding the coat tails of my popularity. Make your own list. Put me on it. Looking back over my list, I doubted even Tony could name half of the people I had on the list, and I know nobody else can come near that close. So please don't abuse the privilege that, as Mike pointed out to us, is available to everyone as a standard feature. If necessary, I will change to do that carbon copy thing, however it works, which probably isn't hard. I was just hoping it wouldn't be necessary. Well, I'm going to take a few days off of the quote again to let this thing simmer down (and to watch my new 440 stations of digital cable). Write me your thoughts please. Good or bad. I'm gonna go talk to my new stripper neighbors now.

Keeper of the quotes,

The Quorax.


Still Standing Right Here...

Review of "Star Wars: Phantom Menace"

Review of "Star Wars: Phantom Menace"

Well, I was a dork and saw Star Wars: the Phantom Menace the day it came out. But at least I didn't wait in line for tickets. I let my slightly dorkier roommate take care of that. And I figure that it's been almost a week, so for the 5 of you out there who haven't seen it yet, you might not want to continue reading this until you've already watched the movie at least once. Stryker saw it 4 times before he came back into work Monday. He redefines the word "dork." But enough about him, you're probably asking yourselves "what did Dustin, oh wise elastic guru of the film generation, think of the much awaited and overpublicized prequel of the already highest grossing trilogy in world history to our knowledge?"

It didn't suck.

I'll elaborate... Is there anybody else out there that felt that Chris Tucker's character in the Fifth Element ruined the movie for them? Well, Jar Jar Binks is less annoying. But not by much. He has this grating, squeaky voice with an unrecognizable accent and speaks in broken English worse than Yoda's. And he refuses to keep his dirty-ass tongue anywhere near the inside of his mouth. They even made a $7 lollipop (the kind where they put $6.75 of plastic around a regular lollipop) called the "Jar Jar Binks Monster Mouth Candy Tongue," in which you are forced to French kiss this hideous sidekick creature-thing. (Actually, it's probably closer to $0.50 of plastic and $6.25 of Lucas copyrights). The thought makes me never want another lollipop as long as I live. Who knows what his tongue tastes like? Probably artificial cherry, but I'm not taking the chance.

Anyway, this guy and random other Lucasville creations were too distracting too overlook. He's clumsy and stupid. At least C3PO and Chewbacca were helpful and humble. They didn't hog the spotlight from Mark Hamill, who can't really act anyway. But this Jar Jar guy is in about 85% of the film. Thank God Natalie Portman was in the whole thing. Then there's the kid. I didn't think he could act at all. But it's kinda tough to tell with dialogue as poor as what it was. I've never really cared for the dialogue in the Star Wars films though, so this film was about on par for the series. But the effects were awesome, as you would figure. In fact, I think a lot of the effects went unappreciated by me because I was already expecting them to be good. When you go see it a second time, pay attention to the sound effects during the pod race (and go see it in a theater with surround sound). And that's another thing. Everybody I know tells me I need to go see the movie a second time because it's so much better the second time. Well, I'm having problems accepting the fact that I'm not intelligent enough to get it all the first viewing.

But I guess anything is possible.

I'm not going to bother critiquing the story because I'm sure I'd piss off some Star Wars droid out there. I didn't follow it from conception. I haven't done any of the research required to understand every little thing that is going on. I don't own any Star Wars paraphernalia at all. I got a Jar Jar pog from Pizza Hut and set it on fire. I feel bad for Star Wars fans. Because even if they didn't like it, they have to pretend they did to save face with respect to the rest of us, who ignored all the hype and went to see it on our own leisure. I didn't dress up like Darth Vader or that Undertaker-looking dude. Imagine if you dressed up to go see the newest film in your favorite series and you didn't like it. Would you have the guts to tell anybody that? Or would you look straight at the lens of the channel 8 news camera and go "It was awesome!"? I'd do the same thing if "A Bug's Life II, Flik Goes to Hollywood" sucked. Keep in mind, I'm not saying Star Wars sucked, I just think it pales in comparison to the hype it's been getting. Kinda like Jurassic Park II, The Lost World. Except that sucked. Rating this film is difficult in many ways. For one, I don't know the entire background of The Trade Federation, Palpatine, and Naboo like a real Lucasfilms junkie. Secondly, I fell asleep several times during crucial moments in the movie. Thirdly, I'm biased by all the hype. Even someone as self-proclaimed numb to the media as myself couldn't help but be influenced at least a little bit by all the damn tokens and placemats and the first 8 pages of the new Toys R Us catalogue. So I'm rating this film with respect to 3 different axis. First, as a part of the series, I'll give it 8 bugs. I guess it follows the story pretty good. Maybe. Second, as a kid's movie, I'll give it 9 bugs. The kid hero gets everything right, and there are lots of neat bungling Gungans in it. And they don't curse at all either. At least not in English. As a regular movie that I went to see to be entertained, I give it only 6 bugs. The Matrix was much better. Maybe I'll change my mind when I see it a second time, plebian that I am. But for now, it gets only 6 bugs. The annoying factor was just too high.

I have no quote for you. I'm very sorry. Actually, I'm going to quote John from the message he sent me about the new Star Wars movie (which is where I got any actual Star Wars related facts that you may have read in this review). It's not fall down belly laughter, but it's topical and relevant...

Quote of the Day 5/21/99

"Look, go see it again, I'm tellin' you. Your opinion might not change, but at least you'll be sure you really do hate it."

-Boba Fett Freak

That's actually how I get stuck in so many relationships.

Putting the lid lid on Jar Jar,

Fun Solo.


Still Standing Right Here...