The Beginnings of Something Bad

The Beginnings of Something Bad

So the XFL kicked off its inaugural season this past weekend. You'll excuse me if that doesn't inspire a break from my normal prose format. That reminds me. Thanks to all of you who responded to The Raven 2001, and even more thanks to those of you (Shannon) who wrote or e-mailed the Baltimore SUN, Jojo and Kenny, ESPN, Marty Bass, the Ravens, and so on. I don't think it actually got published or will get published anywhere, so I'll just have to settle for internet infamy. I've already gotten about 10 responses from people I don't know, some of whom got the poem from people I don't know either. That's pretty flattering. Thanks again. I'll do it again when the O's win the pennant.

Anyway, the new fandangled brand of football kicked off over the weekend, complete with horrible camera angles, gaudy uniforms and Xtreme audio problems. OK, yeah it's football. And yeah, they're trying, but I have a few problems with it. First, let's face it. These are players who were not good enough to be in the NFL for a reason. Also, nobody knows anything about them. Am I supposed to root for a team just because they're called the Hitmen? Actually, I like the Birmingham Thunderbolts because I think it's funny that Alabama has a pro sports team. Anyway, I think I heard more talk about the cheerleaders at work today than the actual game play. That's not really a good sign. I have a cable modem and a Pentium III. In other words, I'm not going to watch a football game just for the cheerleaders. But the XFL is getting some air time on SportsCenter, though I'll bet they have to pay a ton for it. Especially the way they're putting down the NFL, which I think is stupid. They are trying to appeal to football fans, who probably rather enjoy the NFL, and they have commercials with Steve Austin telling fans that the NFL is a league of sissies. I also don't think running their second nationally televised game opposite the Pro Bowl was a good idea for ratings. But that's probably why I'm not the commissioner. And how the hell do you put a line on a league that hasn't even played a game yet? "Yeah, I'll take the Maniax giving 3 1/2 and the over." You have a gambling problem if you're betting on the XFL.

Mike called me a few weeks back at a time which I knew wrestling to be on TV. I was astonished he wasn't watching it at the time. I was proud of him. I asked him if he knew wrestling was on...

Quote Of the Day 2/5/01

"None of these guys are on my fantasy team."

-He Hate Me Mikey


Fantasy wrestling. That's the sign of two things going way too far.

Nevermore,

Dustin.


Still Standing Right Here...

The War Against Raw

The War Against Raw

Well, I've finally reached the point where I need to get this off of my chest. I had to do something no man should ever have to do in his own home last Monday. I actually had to watch football on the dryer. Has it gotten that bad now? Wrestling has claimed the lives of so many of my close friends. It's sad. And it's not just people like Russ. There are these allegedly intelligent people who refuse to go out or away from a TV with wrestling on it. They all jump up and root for their favorite wrestlers (which in this case usually means they have the coolest theme music) like it's a sport. First of all, it's not a sport. If I can get the results of the match on the internet days before it occurs, it's not a sport. It's a soap opera combined with a well choreographed dance routine. Obviously, when people hit the mat hard, they actually do hit the mat hard. I don't deny that it's a physical activity, much in the same way rhythm gymnastics is a physical activity. The counterargument to that is that there are also times in which they fall for no reason. You don't see too much of that in football unless you're watching the Redskins. (OK, now I'm just hitting below the belt). So if you don't mind telling people you're watching a dance, I guess that's just your cup of tea.

I'm not arguing that the WWF aren't marketing geniuses. After all, they managed to sell this product to so many freakin people across the nation. They rival the producers of The Blair Witch project in that area. And if you've seen an XFL commercial, you know what I'm talking about. For example, they made the people who are in favor of censorship and against Playboy and other such female exploiting magazines the bad guys. Meanwhile, they made the beer guzzling, violent for no reason, drops cars on people from 30 feet in the air asshole the hero. Parents must love this concept. Anyway, little things like that and big things like the fact that it's all scripted out and just stupid in general that makes me not be able to stand it. The fact that I had to resort to watching Chris Carter make his 1000th career catch on the dryer on the little TV makes me hate it even more. I'm outvoted by both of my roommates now. And we entertained talk of having Mike move down here too! I think I'd break a TV or two before I had to move out. I suppose it has its superficial appeal. Seeing half naked guys roll around with each other on a canvas can appeal to some people. But if I want to see some guy hold another guys legs in the air in the spread eagle position, so that his partner can wiggle his tongue around and dive his mouth into the helpless victim's crotch, I'll go onto Russ' computer and check out his Gay Pollock porn site bookmarks. I dunno. I guess I just don't get it.

A while ago, Russ and I were talking about the names of intramural teams, and how both of us thought that the intramural football team "Beer" had the best name by far. I told him I was surprised that there weren't to my knowledge any wrestling references in any of the team names. He offered this as counterpoint...

Quote Of the Day 12/18/00

"Well, that's probably because most 'real athletes' don't give wrestling the respect it deserves."

-Russ "It Doesn't Matter" Johnson


Mind you, I actually turned the Jets game off a while back for a bra and panties match, but that's where I draw the line.

Laying down the smack,

The Pebble.


Still Standing Right Here...