Crazy Bout a Mercury

Crazy Bout a Mercury

Well, I did it. I went out and bought a new car today. Well, not really "new," but more like "different." Like for example, it stops when you step on the brakes, and it probably goes backwards. I'm not sure because I just instinctively pushed it out of the dealership. They looked at me really funny. Anyway, it's a 94 Mercury... something. I forget. It's not yellow. There was nothing yellow in my price range. It must be an expensive color.

I've got to take a moment to say goodbye to the Extendo-Mobile. It might have been a piece of shit, but it had character. The Extendo plates just won't look the same on a maroon hatchback. And it provided me with a lot of material for you guys. This new thing looks to be in decent condition. No missing windows (or directions), 3 functional mirrors, and it even has a cupholder for my McFlurry. But it is a stick, which will be fun with my gimpy brace leg, and once I hit 40, the "check engine" light came on. Which, by the way should say "get engine checked," instead of "check engine." I pulled over and checked the engine myself. It was still there. At least I think that was the engine. Anyway, CarMax told me they'd fix it. They're mailing me a 1x1 inch piece of electric tape tomorrow.

I also want to thank Rich for helping me out by coming with me and Joe for being my phone a friend in Michigan. I actually brought Rich with me because I wanted to see if we could steal a car first. He said something about already on probation or some crap. Good friend he is, eh? Anyway, people ask me what I'm doing with the old car and I really don't know yet. Hadn't thought about it. Some people ask why I didn't try to trade it in. "Because it doesn't stop or go backwards" usually ends that conversation. I didn't want to have to push in into the dealership and haggle about it not having reverse and crap. If anybody wants to try, they can seriously have it. The only other decent idea I've come up with is taking the VID # off the front of the car and rolling it down a hill in the woods somewhere or into a lake or something. Dan then mentioned that there was an internal VID # hidden somewhere on the inside of the vehicle so people don't do that sort of thing. Or at least so they don't get away with it. He also said that he knew somebody who could take care of that for me if I wanted him to. Naturally, I asked how...

Quote Of the Day 10/20/00

"Well, let me put it this way. A friend of a friend knows more about cars than he should.

-Vulture Dan.


Maybe I should have gone to Dan before I went and spent hard earned money on a legally purchased vehicle.

Moving forward but going backward,

Dustin.


Still Stranded Right Here...

Rating Season Ending Injuries

A while ago, back when I was doing the quote of the day via typewriter and Pony Express, I did a movie review every Friday and a random review of different crap every Tuesday. I'm going to try to go back to that format now. Oh, and we're going to all collectively pretend it's Tuesday too.

Season Ending Injuries

ACL - The ever popular injury that sends people out of the NFL by the week. But there are so many ligaments around the knee, that people who completely tear their ACL can still apparently limp around. Some stupider people don't even know they did it (Evil Joe). And what the hell does it stand for? I'll bet 97% of you don't know. B-

Rotator Cuff - This is a little wussy injury that only happens to pitchers who, in my opinion, are like the place kickers of the baseball league. Half of them are too wussy to even get up to bat. Learn to throw with the other arm. Besides, people with this injury can still walk around and shower. D+

Broken bone - Very blah-zay, however I'm supposed to spell that French-sounding word. I broke my tibia or fibula or something. Boring. Unless you did it like Joe Theisman did. Or if the bone sticks out of the skin. C+ (compound fractures and leg injuries add one letter grade each)

Concussion - This isn't a real season ending injury unless you're a huge baby wus. But getting hit so hard that you go unconscious temporarily is a sign of bravery. And stupidity. And it's just football and like sports. You don't hear about wussy baseball guys or tennis chicks getting concussions. Troy Aikman has had 34 concussions in his football career, 12 by the Eagles alone. And he keeps coming back. Concussions are violent and the word sounds cool, but people are up and walking around within minutes. And they feel woozy all the time, which I consider a plus. But I imagine the headaches that follow aren't a joy ride. B+

Achilles - Vinny Testeverde ruptured his Achilles turning to go get a fumble. Nobody hit him. Just plant, twist, pop. An Achilles injury is purely a sign of getting old. But it is the mother of all leg injuries. Try jumping without bending your ankle. You can't. And without the Achilles, you can't bend the ankle. Trust me. You can't walk (unlike that wussy ACL). And it was named after a hero of the Trojan War with a cool story to go along with it about his mom dipping him in the River Styx and stuff. And it is associated with the word "rupture," which is probably even more violent sounding than "concussion." A+

But maybe I'm biased.

Well, I was sitting around with Rich shamelessly watching the women's volleyball club practice late last night. I'll admit, there are some lookers. And look is about all I can do at my Achilles-rupturing age. Anyway, Brad Fergus came up to me and Rich saying that he had found a new appreciation for volleyball now. To get that many tall chicks together with spandex on he said, was genius...

Quote Of the Day 9/12/00

"...and they even have knee pads."

-Big Bad Brad


I don't get it.

Just browsing,

The Watcher.


Still Stranded Right Here...