Currently in Theaters

Currently in Theaters

I've actually been to see 6 movies that are still currently in theaters. I honestly don't know that this has ever happened. So in case you're in that small subset of humans that trust my opinions, check these out. And some of these are almost out of theaters and you already have to drive 34.7 miles to see them, so don't dilly-dally.

Cabin in the Woods (9 bugs): If you liked Zombieland, you'll like this movie. In fact, I think if you have a sense of humor, you'll like this movie. It's a horror that doesn't take itself too seriously. And Joss Whedon, the Avengers guy, wrote and produced this. So there ya go, nerds. Oh, and hustle. You're gonna need to drive a bit to get to this one.

Avengers (8 bugs): There isn't much more to say about this movie, but it is worth the hype. You don't need to see the previous 5 Marvel movies to watch this either. Just stop being such a lazybones and/or contrarian and go see the damn thing. This will still be in theaters in two months.

Men in Black III (8 bugs): Roger Ebert says it might be better than the first. I don't necessarily disagree. Josh Brolin's version of Tommy Lee Jones is worth the price of admission alone.

Hunger Games (6 bugs): Listen, you're going to see this movie. Come to terms with it. No one will think less of you for not reading the book and no one will question you when you say that it wasn't as good as the book. Though I hear this movie stayed pretty true to the book. Regardless, it's not without its flaws and I'm not a big fan of it being a mandate that all teen books/movies have female characters with two love interests and that's just OK nowadays. This fad better be over in 25 years, when I allow my daughter to start dating.

What to Expect When You're Expecting (5.5 bugs): What to Expect When You’re Expecting is exactly what you’d expect. Unless of course, you expected it to be anything like the book. But I wouldn’t expect you would. This is the latest movie trying to spin off of the success of the Love, Actually formula. The great thing about having 5 or 6 storylines in a movie is that you don’t really have to spend the time developing any of them. Each was amusing, some were attempts at touching, some were silly, but it was all as expected. Which is probably why that word is in the title twice.

The Five-Year Engagement (4 bugs): For most of the more than 2-hour long movie, the couple gives us a realistic back and forth about a real couple’s struggles, sacrifices and compromises that gives this viewer hope this will be something real. Then the movie bends to the will of the genre police and becomes that formulaic rom com that Taylor Swift is usually in.

Review of Hunger Games

Review of Hunger Games

OK, teen book-reading groupies, you may want to get your big girl helmets on for this. You can use the same one from the Phantom Menace review. Nerds are sensitive too.

First off, I did not read the book. I’m assuming the movie is both better if I’ve read the book while also not being as good as the book. Because that’s what EVERYBODY says when a book is made into a movie. Both of these statements are implied concurrently with the phrase “Well, you have to read the book” upon hearing that this isn’t my new favorite movie. But see, reading the book is a lot of extra work that you’re asking me to do and I don’t think it’s fair to ask that kind of homework of your audience. That’s why I go to the damn movies in the first place.

Despite the aforementioned fanboy canned response, I don’t believe the filmmakers are trying to make a movie that requires you to first read a book. So I’m judging this on its merit as a movie alone. Maybe that will make some of you feel better somehow.

I actually really enjoyed it. (But I wouldn’t go unbuckling that chin strap just yet) I bought into the entire post-apocalyptic teenage death games as they were explained. Hell, we still sacrifice virgins in certain parts of West Virginia. I even enjoyed Katness as the reluctant hero. Unfortunately, the movie couldn’t quite figure out what it wanted to do with its reluctant hero.

Every time they tried to paint Katness as the underdog nonconformist, Woody Harrelson would tell her to smile and twirl around for the crowd or to make an impression or to flirt with the boy. He was telling her to do things that the movie didn’t want her to want to do on her own, but it knew would still appeal to the 13-25 year-old female demographic. This viewer was not fooled. And then the movie decided to make her the pre-game favorite thus completely shattering the underdog motif. What the hell are you trying to do, movie?

Then the game officials couldn’t decide whether or not they wanted her to win or to make out with a boy or die. They rewrote the rules to help foster a triumphant love story and then created four killer dogs out of thin air to try to kill her. And of course every movie since Twilight that involves a teenage girl needs to have multiple love interests which is a disturbing trend and a conversation for another time.

Also, I expected to be moved by this movie and I was not, likely due mostly to my inability to connect with the main character. I consider her character inconsistencies a directorial mistake, however I suppose it’s possible I really have no idea what it’s like to be a teenage girl anymore. The exception to this came about 90 minutes into the movie when I finally saw the heart that I expected the entire film. Unfortunately that was but only one scene.

The movie was entertaining but riddled with character inconsistencies which eventually delivered a convoluted message that the movie itself doesn’t quite seem to have figured out. 6 bugs (out of 10)