Steal Resolve: The 11th Day of Giftmas 2009

Steal Resolve: The 11th Day of Giftmas 2009

I was born on New Years Day 35 years ago, which makes me almost 28. So New Year’s resolutions have a little more meaning to me, as does New Year’s Eve and everything else that comes with the turning of a new year. For many years, I took great pride in getting together with Mike, Joe and Kevin every year on New Year’s Eve – whether in Baltimore, Boston or Edinburgh – so I could bring in the New Year with my best friends. Or maybe it was just habit. Or maybe I was just trying to cling onto a part of my life when I was actually happy while turning the page on not just a year, but an age. Or maybe they are my best friends and I try to use my birthday as an excuse to guilt them all into getting together. That sounds more like me.

I am one of the saps that makes New Year’s Resolutions though. And I’ve managed to keep a few of them too. My most proud accomplishment was giving up soda for all of 2006. With the exception of whatever they squirted in the top of a Long Island Ice Tea. I noticed I was going through a 30-pack of coke a week, which isn’t healthy or cheap. And guess what happened? Yep. I replaced it with beer and liquor. This was not any cheaper and cannot have possibly been any healthier. But I did it, nonetheless.

So now I’m back to about a 30-pack a week. But at least it’s diet coke. So I was going to try to do it again. And then I got the itch on Jan 2nd. And so I chugged a 6-pack of Yuengling. And a fifth of tequila. And did a line of cocaine. This is when I decided to take a different approach. So what I’ve decided to do is make a deal with myself. For every day I write one of these rants/stories/whiny diatribes and upload it to my website so that the five of you can read it, I’m allowed to have soda. Kind of an incentive laden contract, if you will, rather than a denial just for the hell of it. So instead of depriving myself of diet coke and getting drunk every night, I’m using my addiction to caffeine for the forces of good. Or at least for the forces of updating my blog. For the moment, we’ll call it good. Until I start to upload sentence fragments daily just to fuel my addiction. It’s only Jan 18th and I’m already 13 uploads in the hole.

Just to clarify, I don’t need any help uploading anything into my hole. Thanks for the offer, Russ.

Catching Back Up

Catching Back Up

Well, I think I set a new personal record for the number of mail delivery subsystem messages I've gotten from one e-mail. Can anybody out there top 8? Well, that's the new record until I hear otherwise. So what's new with me over the last year? Well, let me catch you up. Don't worry, it won't take too long. I had a girlfriend for almost 7 months. But now I don't. I've been told I'm funnier when I'm alone. Such is my lot in life. My parents closed their video store after being open a few months shy of 15 years. So there's a huge chapter in my life and their life that just ended. And then my mom got a job at, get this, Blockbuster. That must have been an easy decision for management. "Lemme see here, under previous experience, you listed that you owned and managed your own video store for over 14 years. I don't know. This other applicant worked the deep fat fryer for almost 6 months in a row. I'll have to get back to you."

Well, in case you didn't know, Russ moved out back in May and Brian Frisvold moved into his room. Kind of. He's actually there so sparsely, he unplugs his clock to save us electricity. So that makes him our third generation computer nerd in that room. And of the three, two of them got married in Spring and moved into Piney Orchard in Odenton. Russ really dropped the ball on that one. But I feel a little more at ease knowing that he's the one that no one would pollute the world with a marriage licence with his name on it. So I told Gary last May that Russ was moving out and Brian was moving in. He gave me this look that accompanied this phrase...

Quote Of the Day 3/4/02

"How did that happen? Did you have to give up a draft pick or something?"

-Boss Man Gary


Don't worry Russ, I'm sure he meant it in the most sincere of ways. ;)

I kid because I loathe - I mean love,

Dustin.


Still Standing Right Here...

Floating Valentine's Day

Floating Valentine's Day

I know yesterday I referred to being alone on Valentine's Day as "the Valentine's Day curse." Well, I'd like to retract that statement. It's easy to be depressed and say it sucks when you spend V-Day alone, but I think I've been looking at things all wrong. I'm the lucky one. This holiday doesn't suck for me, it sucks for them. Those poor unfortunate boyfriends/husbands that are required to make some sort of attempt to not screw up the V-Day. And I'm sure that's precisely what they're thinking. I'm a guy. We probably fuck up 80% of the times we try anyway, and with all the expectations and pressure of trying to make this the most romantic day of her year, we're bound to bungle it up. Romance should be spontaneous, not one planned day every year. Take it from a guy who hasn't been in a serious relationship in 4 years, I should know. Here's what you do whenever you start dating somebody. You say, "OK, we're going to have a Valentine's Day, but it's not going to be on February 14th. And I'm not going to tell you when it's going to be." That not only adds to the spontaneity, and thus the romance, but it buys you another 10 1/2 months to figure something out. I'm brilliant! I'm going to try to apply this to other areas of my life too. Like Christmas. And filing my taxes. I've already started doing it with laundry day. So anyway, when you start to feel lonely tonight, just think of all the poor schmucks who are presently letting their girlfriends/wives down. I'm glad I got cut. Actually, her agent told me she wants to continue talks about a possible short term contract if I haven't already signed with another team or retired. I think this metaphor has gone on too long. Anyway, Happy Valentine's Day all! I hope you all at least broke even. I'm going to go watch Temptation Island with Russ and Tony now.

This quote came from a conversation I had with Evil Lance McFreelander as he was in the process of signing his contract a few weeks ago with Little Boy Hair Girl (I need to start renicknaming my friends again). Anyway, he was trying to describe to me the state of being his relationship with Teresa was in...

Quote Of the Day 2/14/01

Me: "So are you guys exclusive now?"
Mike: "Well... kinda."
Me: "Well, if she goes out with somebody else, would you get pissed?"
Mike: "Yeah."
Me: "And if you go out with somebody else, would she get pissed?"
Mike: "Gosh, I hope not."


Where do I sign?

Cupid's arch nemesis,

Achilles.


Still Standing Right Here...

The War Against Raw

The War Against Raw

Well, I've finally reached the point where I need to get this off of my chest. I had to do something no man should ever have to do in his own home last Monday. I actually had to watch football on the dryer. Has it gotten that bad now? Wrestling has claimed the lives of so many of my close friends. It's sad. And it's not just people like Russ. There are these allegedly intelligent people who refuse to go out or away from a TV with wrestling on it. They all jump up and root for their favorite wrestlers (which in this case usually means they have the coolest theme music) like it's a sport. First of all, it's not a sport. If I can get the results of the match on the internet days before it occurs, it's not a sport. It's a soap opera combined with a well choreographed dance routine. Obviously, when people hit the mat hard, they actually do hit the mat hard. I don't deny that it's a physical activity, much in the same way rhythm gymnastics is a physical activity. The counterargument to that is that there are also times in which they fall for no reason. You don't see too much of that in football unless you're watching the Redskins. (OK, now I'm just hitting below the belt). So if you don't mind telling people you're watching a dance, I guess that's just your cup of tea.

I'm not arguing that the WWF aren't marketing geniuses. After all, they managed to sell this product to so many freakin people across the nation. They rival the producers of The Blair Witch project in that area. And if you've seen an XFL commercial, you know what I'm talking about. For example, they made the people who are in favor of censorship and against Playboy and other such female exploiting magazines the bad guys. Meanwhile, they made the beer guzzling, violent for no reason, drops cars on people from 30 feet in the air asshole the hero. Parents must love this concept. Anyway, little things like that and big things like the fact that it's all scripted out and just stupid in general that makes me not be able to stand it. The fact that I had to resort to watching Chris Carter make his 1000th career catch on the dryer on the little TV makes me hate it even more. I'm outvoted by both of my roommates now. And we entertained talk of having Mike move down here too! I think I'd break a TV or two before I had to move out. I suppose it has its superficial appeal. Seeing half naked guys roll around with each other on a canvas can appeal to some people. But if I want to see some guy hold another guys legs in the air in the spread eagle position, so that his partner can wiggle his tongue around and dive his mouth into the helpless victim's crotch, I'll go onto Russ' computer and check out his Gay Pollock porn site bookmarks. I dunno. I guess I just don't get it.

A while ago, Russ and I were talking about the names of intramural teams, and how both of us thought that the intramural football team "Beer" had the best name by far. I told him I was surprised that there weren't to my knowledge any wrestling references in any of the team names. He offered this as counterpoint...

Quote Of the Day 12/18/00

"Well, that's probably because most 'real athletes' don't give wrestling the respect it deserves."

-Russ "It Doesn't Matter" Johnson


Mind you, I actually turned the Jets game off a while back for a bra and panties match, but that's where I draw the line.

Laying down the smack,

The Pebble.


Still Standing Right Here...

Rating American Time Zones

American Time Zones

Central - As time zones go in the US, this one is fairly acceptable. It's the largest one in the country due in large part to Texas, but it does split the Dakotas and Nebraska in half with the Mountain Time Zone, which is pretty fucked up. B

Pacific - The Pacific time zone only takes up 4 states and a small part of Idaho. Very underachieving. It's our smallest time zone and I think I know why. People have to wake up at like 8 in the morning on a Sunday to watch football. Who the hell wants to do that? And I was over in Portland during a Monday Night Football game and midway through the 4th quarter, it was still light out. I just couldn't live like that. Then again, I wouldn't need to stay up until 3am just to watch Moonlighting. C-

Eastern - This is obviously the dominant time zone in the country. Everything is "Eastern time." 10:00 Eastern time, 8 eastern/7 central time, coming up except on the west coast... That's another reason I don't like the Pacific time zone. They always gotta be different. Also, "Eastern Time" has now turned commonly into "Eastern Standard Time," further supporting that dominant time zone theory. A

Mountain - I've had my problems with this damn time zone in the past, and they were for very justified reasons. They just don't care as much about times and schedules out there. They have states that just don't feel like setting their clocks back or ahead ever. That can really fuck up a couple long distance travellers trying to pick up somebody's sister from the airport. And I had to argue with Kevin for about 2 hours to finally convince him that there weren't 5 time zones in the continental US. Stupid Arizona. D+

The Wadfather was down here for a little bit over Thanksgiving Break. Russ, Tony, and I had the fortune of dining with him at Rocky Run before he left again for Boston. He was telling us that we should come up to visit him sometime. He mentioned a Pub that he goes to a lot. They have a dollar draft happy hour and they have Guiness, Bass, Magic Hat 9, Resurrection...

Quote Of the Day 11/28/00

"You had me at Guiness."

-Russ.


Don't even get me started on the International Date Line.

Too tired to think,

Extendo.


Still Standing Right Here...

Rating Days of the Week

I know I haven't done this in a while, but here are the Tuesday ratings for this week.

Days Of the Week

Saturday - Most Saturdays are spent trying desperately to get over a hangover so I can go out drinking again at night. My make or break point is usually around 7. If I still have a headache at 7, it's down time day. And the cool thing about Saturday is that you can do that crap. When you roll into work on Tuesday with a hangover, the day is not nearly as forgiving. A

Monday - This used to be the worst day of the week, because it was a cruel reminder of responsibility and a wake up call to the tune of Real Life singing "The Fun's Over Meathead, Get the Fuck Up." I hear that song about 4 or 5 times every morning in 9 minute intervals. But the night makes the day worthwhile. It has two of the greatest TV programs ever. Boston Public and Monday Night Football. That's right. Wrestling isn't even in the top 2 best shows on Monday night. Anyway, it makes up for the delirious funk I muddle through to make it to 8:00. B+

Thursday - Now this one is confusing. It was part of the weekend when I was in college, but it really isn't for people in the working world. Mind you, this is for people with real jobs like Mike and other people. I work, but part time. And at a college. So I'm really confused. But for other working persons, Friday is still an 8 hour work day that starts at 8 or something like that. Thursday is confusing now. And wrestling is on again. C-

Sunday - No other sport completely monopolizes a day like football does to Sundays for 17+4 straight weeks. And I LOVE IT! I drag myself out of bed at 11:00 to watch the pre-game shows and usually don't leave the recliner unless (with the exception of getting food) until about midnight. I fall asleep during halftime of one game and wake up during halftime of another game. It's a guy's bliss. And there's usually no wrestling to contend with. Awesome! A+

I actually learned this weekend that Philadelphia is last in the league at calling the coin toss to begin the game, having only gotten it right 2 out of the 11 games they've had. I think I watch too much football. I was talking to Russ about all the fantasy players I was trying to get on my team. I don't think I'd be able to afford them all and neither did he...

Quote Of the Day 11/14/00

"You're gonna have to start giving your players signing bonuses in order to fit them under the cap."

-Russ


I have two players holding out for higher salaries as it is. I hope I don't have to involve the lawyers like last year.

Living a fantasy,

Extendo.


Still Standing Right Here...

Showering All Over Again

Showering All Over Again

There are a lot of things that suck about crutches. A lot of people complain a lot about their arm pits chaffing and wrists getting sore. These things didn't really bother me so much. I actually learned a few tricks on the things to aid in my failed quest to get some sympathy bootie. But one day I needed to get a basketball from my car into my apartment. I stared at the problem for about 5 minutes before I realized that there was no real solution. Not at least given the variables I was given at the time. That's the bitch about needing to walk with your hands. You can't carry things. Like basketballs. And ravioli.

A little while ago, I was attempting to go to a party after volleyball practice. Figuring I wouldn't have time to go all the way home and shower, I told everybody and had pretty much decided on my own that I could just take a shower in the RAC at school and head over to her place. Everybody had left practice and I was ready to set the plan in motion when I grabbed a towel and began to crutch into the locker room and remembered I couldn't shower yet. I lacked the ability to stand and had to bathe in order to cleanse myself, and such facilities were not available in the RAC. Cleansing oneself is another shitty thing about crutches. Having realized my error, I drove back home very annoyed, and still quite dirty. I never made it to the party, but I got myself all cleaned up for it.

About a week later, I felt confident enough to try to shower for the first time since the stupid game. Russ was home, so I warned him I was about to try this normally uneventful everyday task. I told him not to take too lightly any violent slipping and falling noises coming from the bathroom. He nodded and understood. I then told him that there was a very huge likelihood that I would be naked, which is about when he cut in...

Quote Of the Day 10/10/00

"...I'll call somebody."

-Russ Dawg


Honestly, the choice between a gruesome bloody death and having Russ see my exposed privates is not an easy one to make. So I gave him a list in order of preference of people I want him to call just in case. Does anybody know Britney Spears' cell number?

Naked and standing upright,

Exposo.


Starting to Still Stand Right Here Again...

Shopped Into Submission

Shopped Into Submission

Well, I'm getting better now. In fact, I might be back in the shoe and walking by the end of the month. This, of course, is my own personal assessment, because I've stopped listening to my doctor. And I'm just not getting anything in the way of sympathy dates. I don't get it! I've even got a cute little blue dog humping my crutch. I must not look pathetic enough or something. Or maybe I'm just too cute that I'm unapproachable. It's probably one of those two things. So before I get completely better, I need to squeeze in all the material I've stocked up about me being injured while I'm still injured. For example...

I went to go get my antibiotics at Giant a few weeks back. I knew we were out of milk and other things, and I had to wait half an hour for my medication anyway. Apparently, taking 30 pills from a big bottle and putting them into a little bottle isn't as easy as I thought. So anyway, I needed to get some stuff. I would normally carry one of those hand baskets around and pile all the crap in there. This is not so easy when you need your hands to walk. So I thought I could just stick my bad foot on the push cart and use it like a skateboard. But because I couldn't put any weight on my left foot, I put all my weight on my arms, which were leaning on the handle of the cart when I pushed off with my good foot. This caused the cart to flip over backwards in not so subtle a way, which in addition to embarrassing the hell out of me, caused me a lot of pain. I was in a really bad position here and I had definitely lost my chance with any chicks in the relative vicinity. If Tony wasn't away for the week, I'm sure there would already be milk and other eating products in the fridge anyway. But relying on Russ to buy food for the apartment would mean I would eat smack ramen noodles and Natural Light until I died or Tony came home. That's when I saw the riding cart...

It seriously took me about 20 minutes to figure out how to use it. I had to take the advice of a 12-yr-old kid who helped his grandpa operate one once, and I'm still not kidding. And I didn't expect them to be like little racing go-carts, but I could have crawled along the floor, pushing my 12 items or less to the cashier a little bit faster. Having suffered enough embarrassment, I opted not to crawl. Though it was embarrassing enough driving around with my milk and Froot Loops in my cart, getting passed by two-legged walking people. I started "accidentally" running into the bastards. And I ran into some cute little freshman chick at the check out line who had seen me fall and asked if I was OK and wanted to know if I needed help carrying my Froot Loops to my car. So I told her to fuck off and to go patronize somebody who gave a damn. I have another theory on why I don't get any sympathy dates.

Well, today is the two month anniversary of that fateful fucking game. I was able to walk just two months ago today. If I hadn't won so many damn games in a row, I wouldn't have still been playing. So indirectly, it was my superior athletic ability that did me in. And one of the questions that most people asked me was if I won the game. I actually didn't know. I remember it was really close and really close to the end. I ran into a guy that I was playing with a few weeks later and asked him if we won...

Quote Of the Day 10/9/00

"Well, everybody kinda stopped playing when you went down... But we was up."

-Chuck (one of the fuckers responsible for this)


Excellent! I did not rupture in vain!

Going out a winner,

Achilles X.


Still Stranded Right Here...

Still Stranded Right Here

Still Stranded Right Here

Every now and again I get that "you need to get your car fixed" slap in the face by Mother Nature, Father Time, Lady Luck, or Jason Geography. The trip to Laurel & Mardy, M.D. was the most recent altercation by Mom and Jason collectively. I was running late, even for Dustin time, so I had to take the handicap spot right in front of the building rather than my normal spot around the other side of the building on one of the better hills I've ever seen. I parked and did that "Ah, I'll deal with it later" thing. Well, I left the office, and later had arrived, and no solution had presented itself in the meantime. I was hoping it was on enough of a hill, which it wasn't, or that it was dry enough out to get a little traction with my opposite foot to push the car out, which it also wasn't. I was turned around in my car facing backwards (because I need to push with my right foot), and trying desperately to get the thing out far enough so I could put it in D and take off. But I kept slipping and the car would drift forward the 8 inches that I had pushed it backward every time. I was helpless and looking like a damn fool in front of two ladies out on the benches taking their smoke break. So now what? Well, after Jason and Ma had had enough of a laugh, Dad sent a guy out of the building that was apparently in the lobby watching the entire bitchslap take place. He helped push the car out as I played the part of "I have no idea, it worked yesterday." And by the way, if any of you work for Progressive Auto Insurance, I'm just kidding.

It poured rain last Monday, which is why it was all wet out on Tuesday when I tried to get my car out of that heathenous parking spot. Well, Russ was out playing soccer in a pick up game like the idiot that he is. He came to sit down on the bench after having been in the game. I offered him to get under my protective umbrella, but he refused...

Quote Of the Day 9/28/00

"Eventually you just give up and become one with the shitty weather."

-Russ Dog


I think there was a little too much zen in that statement for commentary on a minor rainstorm.

Stuck in the perpetual thunderstorm of broken transmissions,

Squeegeed Cricket.


Still Stranded Right Here...

Wide Out Out

Wide Out Out

Well, there's still no freaking parking in the handicap spots. But there are these "special permit parking only" spots right next to the handicap spots reserved for people who want to get tickets. I just parked there and crossed my fingers, figuring I had a pretty decent case. Anyway, I didn't get ticketed, so I keep parking there. But it's not exactly a pull through spot either. However, I have found out that if I wait until everybody leaves, the lot is on enough of a slant that if I put it in forward and ram it into the wall as fast as I can from a dead stop 1 foot away, and quickly shift it into reverse (neutral), I can drift just far enough back to pull out across the other hopefully vacant spots. One time, I had to do it twice when there was another car to my right. And that was from like 4 feet away. Thank God I don't have air bags. That would have been an embarrassing story to tell.

Russ and Evil Joe went to the ABC-televised Monday Night football game at Fed Ex Field, home of the Redskins to watch them get beat up by Randall Cunningham and Dallas. Joey Galloway, the go-to receiver for Dallas tore his ACL the first game and is now out for the season, while Micheal Westbrook, the go-to receiver for Washington did the same thing to his ACL after last week's game. So Russ made a sign to try to get on TV...

Quote Of the Day 9/14/00

ACLs
Bench
reCeivers

He must have been in the nose bleed section, because I watched the whole game and only saw a pregnant chick with a star on her stomach.

Backin' that ass up,

Slim Gimpy.


Still Stranded Right Here...

Achilles and the 90 Degrees of Torture

Achilles and the 90 Degrees of Torture

Holy living FreaK! Jee-flippin Aaargh gack flicko for the love of Soupy sALes! And dare I say FUCKIN A THIS HURTS! I wish I could make you all feel this pain a little bit. Not because I loathe all of you, but just so you could understand some of the crap that comes out of my fingertips! Hookie Hookie damN!! See, I'll recap, since a few of you may be lost:

I got the surgery last Wednesday and I had my foot in a cast since then. My foot was angled at about 115 degrees in the plaster cast, which was the resting rate of my other foot. OK. Cool. Then they chopped off the cast today and put me back in the brace. At 90 degrees! They just took my foot with my brand spankin new tendon in it, which hasn't moved at all in over a week, and shoved it back with all their might, despite the violent ear-piercing cries the 9-year-old schoolgirl in me was letting out at the time. I mean, can't they at least give me one intermediate step or something? I don't think they know what the hell they're doing. Oh, but guess how many staples I had in my leg? Tell you what, write me back with your guess, and if you get it right, I'll give you one! Sorry just one, but I'm saving the other 17 for family.

Upon having heard about my condition when it first happened...

Quote Of the Day 8/30/00

"The ankle? Again? It's always the ankle. Except when it's the knee. Or the shoulder. Or the bersa sac..."

-Russel the two-legged.


I think that about covers all of em. Except that occasional raspberry up around my ass, but I don't like to talk about them too often.

Love, percaset, and an ice bag thing,

Crutch.


Still Stranded Right Here...

The Jessup Mafia

The Jessup Mafia

Hey. It snowed again. A lot. But just to throw a little wrench into things, it alternated snow, sleet, and rain. So there are a bunch of different layers out there, but ice is at the root of all of them, which makes for much more fun driving. I knew I was going to have problems when I started fishtailing around a corner in my sneakers. Never a good sign. But it does make driving a lot more "fun." I've gotten the controlled fishtail down to a science now. I was passing people on 95 who had skidded out of control into guard rails and were facing the wrong way and what not. Good Joe, wus that he is, asked me to slow down and stop doing donuts on the aforementioned major interstate. He was a little concerned about the aforementioned backwards cars. They just obviously couldn't drive. Modern day Darwinism at work.

There's a cool game a few of us have been playing recently called "Mafia." I'll spare everyone the details, but Russ is really good at guessing who is in the Mafia. I don't understand it. It's like he's been given one talent in his life, and this is it. How unfortunate. But anyway, he's really good at the game. In fact, he's so confident sometimes, that he lays $5 down on the table for anybody to take and says he'll bet that $5 that Julie or whoever is in the mafia. We questioned why just $5 if he was so confident. Then he showed us the glaring emptiness of his wallet with the absence of the dollar bill. Well, the game ended, proving Russ correct again, and he sighed a sigh of relief, picked up his money and said...

Quote Of the Day 1/24/00

"Thank God! Now let's put this money back in my wallet. In fact, let's put it in with this condom where I'm bound to not find it again for a good long while."

-Russel "Mafia Killer" Johnson


That'll really get you in good with a girl. Heat of passion, you pull out a condom and a $5 bill at the same time. But that's probably you're type. ;)

Carrying condoms and 57 cents in change,

X.


Still Standing Right Here...

Review of "Pleasantville"

Review of "Pleasantville"

You remember the critique I did of Waking Ned Devine? To recap, I'll just tell you that it was a fairly boring movie with a really cool ending confusing the lesser-intelligented people that it was a good movie. At least on their way out of the theater. Well, this movie is the exact opposite. Quite possibly in only that way, but you get the point. It was an excellent film on so many levels tainted by the "random grasp at an artsy ending" ending that it had. At the end. This guy in Pleasantville that had gone from good to sorta bad and back to good at the very end of the film was getting back together with his wife, and all of a sudden he turns into Jeff Daniels. I don't know how I would have ended the film, but I don't think that would have been it.

Now for the other 2 hours. This movie was incredible. It was great on so many levels, I probably didn't even get to fully enjoy it on all of them. And I fancy myself a pretty intelligent fella. Handsome too. It starts out by Don Knotts sending these two 90s kids to go back into this black and white 50s sitcom where everything is perfect and... well, pleasant. We don't know why he did this, what his plan was, and certainly how he did it. Whatever. It gets the movie started. Now these kids slowly corrupt this place little by little. People in this ideal town have never had sex before. Even the parents. Well, these kids come in and mix it up a little bit. They start boinking these people of Pleasantville, and this corruption makes them turn into color. Talk about a scarlet letter! Just like that chick with the red from Schindler's List. But in a completely opposite way I guess. But it's not just the sex that makes them change colors. It's the acceptance of change. Or something. I don't want to ruin it completely for you, because I require of all of you that you go see it. Eventually, the traditional folk riot the "coloreds" and put up signs that say "no coloreds allowed." Lots of literary and historically social references in this film. To Kill A Mockingbird, the aforementioned Scarlet Letter, Quantum Leap, Do the Right Thing, and this really cool Twilight Zone episode where monsters come down from another planet but don't really do anything except let the people tear themselves apart, to name a few. And the effects are incredible too. People walk around a world half in color and half in black and white. I can't believe I hadn't heard of this movie yet. It is very underrated on so many levels. Possibly because of the ending, but that might just be my own lack of tolerance for cheese in such matters. I'm giving this movie an unprecedented 9 1/2 bugs. I wanted to give it 10, but the ending is a real stumbling block I just can't get over. Maybe I'll sit down one day and think about it until I can convince myself it makes sense. I'm stupid enough to fall for that. But until then, I take 1/2 a bug away from it's perfect record.

Quote. Quote... Now I have to think of something funny somebody said. I got it!! Here's something good, but it's a real visual joke. And it makes fun of Russ, which is doubly awesome. Russ and a bunch of other coordinated people were playing a softball game today. There was a relatively close play at home in which Russ was directly involved, being the runner in question. Anyway, there were about 8 people all around yelling at him to slide. He does. But not really. He doesn't really stick one leg out and fold the other one underneath him like you're traditionally supposed to. Instead, he sort of timidly leaps both feet outward and in the air sticking in front of him and catches himself with his hands and sort of shimmies along until he finally gets to home plate. This looked like how most kids go on a slip and slide, but he did it on hard dirt. That's the best way I can describe this so-called-slide. But Derrick was able to describe it very loudly in a much better way...

Quote Of the Day 4/30/99

"What the hell was that Russ? You looked like a bear scratching his ass on the ground."

-FaTKiD groupie,

Cptn D.

You should see his crossover. He looks like a monkey scratching his nuts.

Setting bear traps on the basepath,

Poaching Cricket.


Still Standing Right Here...