Currently in Theaters

Currently in Theaters

I've actually been to see 6 movies that are still currently in theaters. I honestly don't know that this has ever happened. So in case you're in that small subset of humans that trust my opinions, check these out. And some of these are almost out of theaters and you already have to drive 34.7 miles to see them, so don't dilly-dally.

Cabin in the Woods (9 bugs): If you liked Zombieland, you'll like this movie. In fact, I think if you have a sense of humor, you'll like this movie. It's a horror that doesn't take itself too seriously. And Joss Whedon, the Avengers guy, wrote and produced this. So there ya go, nerds. Oh, and hustle. You're gonna need to drive a bit to get to this one.

Avengers (8 bugs): There isn't much more to say about this movie, but it is worth the hype. You don't need to see the previous 5 Marvel movies to watch this either. Just stop being such a lazybones and/or contrarian and go see the damn thing. This will still be in theaters in two months.

Men in Black III (8 bugs): Roger Ebert says it might be better than the first. I don't necessarily disagree. Josh Brolin's version of Tommy Lee Jones is worth the price of admission alone.

Hunger Games (6 bugs): Listen, you're going to see this movie. Come to terms with it. No one will think less of you for not reading the book and no one will question you when you say that it wasn't as good as the book. Though I hear this movie stayed pretty true to the book. Regardless, it's not without its flaws and I'm not a big fan of it being a mandate that all teen books/movies have female characters with two love interests and that's just OK nowadays. This fad better be over in 25 years, when I allow my daughter to start dating.

What to Expect When You're Expecting (5.5 bugs): What to Expect When You’re Expecting is exactly what you’d expect. Unless of course, you expected it to be anything like the book. But I wouldn’t expect you would. This is the latest movie trying to spin off of the success of the Love, Actually formula. The great thing about having 5 or 6 storylines in a movie is that you don’t really have to spend the time developing any of them. Each was amusing, some were attempts at touching, some were silly, but it was all as expected. Which is probably why that word is in the title twice.

The Five-Year Engagement (4 bugs): For most of the more than 2-hour long movie, the couple gives us a realistic back and forth about a real couple’s struggles, sacrifices and compromises that gives this viewer hope this will be something real. Then the movie bends to the will of the genre police and becomes that formulaic rom com that Taylor Swift is usually in.

Review of Avengers

Review of Avengers

I originally went to see Men in Black III on Friday but it was so good, I figured I’d stay to see if there were any other movies out where aliens invade New York. Apparently, that’s the hot plot point this summer.

Listen, there is no way possible I can say anything new about the Avengers movie. I did a lot of homework for it, having watched at least three movies I had planned on never seeing in Captain America, Thor and The Incredible Hulk in the last couple weeks. And I don’t do homework for classes, let alone movies. So I was obviously intent on enjoying this movie. It did not disappoint.

I don’t really know Joss Whedon from mulch. Apparently, he’s big in dork culture, largely because he gave us Buffy. But holy crap, has his name been all over the place for this!? The next Marvel film is actually going to be about him. That’s how much of a hero he is. Dorks my age are saying that this is the movie they’ve been waiting for their entire lives. I guess they all conveniently forgot about Episode One too.

Anyway, being only a 3 on the dork scale, I couldn’t tell you the backstory of all these comic book heroes. I don’t know how true to the comic book all these people and demi-Gods are. And like the rest of the dork world, I was concerned with how some of this team was going to fit in with other much, much more powerful team members. For example, the Black Widow can do some nasty Ninja stuff. But Thor can fly and shoot lightning and summon seemingly endless power. How the hell are these two going to work together? And the answer is easy. Joss Whedon.

He really did a great job of exactly that. Making sure all six team members had something to do that was helpful on some level and not outside their physical talent level. While Thor and Hulk were off fighting this ½ mile long flying alien spacecraft, Captain America and Hawkeye were on the ground protecting the civilians. Nice touch. Something to do.

And most notable is that this movie wasn’t afraid to sprinkle a little humor in with the action. I would really like to see Robert  Downey Jr. win an Oscar before he goes back into rehab, and the money is about even. And of course, there’s Joss Whedon. There is a moment about an hour into this movie that had me laughing for about 3 minutes straight. Good thing I did my homework. Also, if you’re familiar with Marvel’s post-credit sequence promoting of this very movie for the past 5 years, stay to see this one. It was half genuine, half parody, completely perfect.

I’m not a comic book dork, a fan of long movies, a homework guy or a conformist blindly seeking approval for my opinions and I still really liked this movie. Go see it before it leaves the theaters. You still probably have about two months. 8 bugs (out of 10)