Clearance from God

Clearance from God

OK boys and girls, put on your game face. It's time. Is TO gonna play or not? You wanna know the truth? I don't give a fuck. Maybe it's because it's all I've been hearing about for the last two weeks. The Eagles are finally in the Superbowl for the first time since I was 5 and I have actually found myself turning off Sportscenter because I'm so sick of the Terrell Owens ankle updates. It seems to be all anybody asks me about the game too. If you haven't been paying attention, he's coming back from his injury 3 weeks early because God cleared him to play. Though if he does score, I can't wait to see what he'll do. I think he should just give the ball to the ref and walk back to the sidelines. It will be the most talked about celebration this year. And the camera will stay stuck on him for half an hour. Actually, I would like to see him run over and raise the PAT net himself. That would make his return worth it. But the real game takes place before the game even starts. You can bet on anything in the superbowl. Even the coin toss. This is how I will make my millions. There is something called a two-team parlay in sports betting. You bet that two things will happen and if they both happen, you get paid decent money. Something like 13:5. So if you put up $5 that the Eagles will cover and the score will go over the over/under (if you're lost, don't worry - it gets easier), you get 13 dollars if both things happen. OK, so put down $5 that the Eagles will win the toss and the Eagles will get the ball first. If you're right, you get $13. Then put up $5 that the Patriots will win the toss and the Patriots will get the ball first. If this happens, you get $13. So you'll lose $5 if you choose both of these, but you'll get $13 as long as whoever wind the toss elects to receive the ball. This happened in every Eagles game and every Patriots game this season. So for every $5 you put up, you win $8. Just so the bookie doesn't catch on, place these bets with two different bookies. It's a lock. In fact, it's more like an investment than a bet. And that's what I'm asking from you. Only $500 and you can get in on the ground floor. Now I just need to find two different bookies who will take a bet from somebody who's never placed a bet before. And I'm going to be the one getting my legs broken if the deal goes sour. Well, this is how I'm going to make my millions next year.

I fucked up my ankle again. Not as bad as it's ever been, but enough to sideline me from my lunchtime Tue/Thu old man basketball games. So one of the guys asked me if I'd be able to play next week...

Quote of the Day 2/6/05

"Well, all you need is God to clear you."

-Geoff


Unfortunately, my HMO won't send him my MRI.

Flyin like an Eagle,

Dustin McNabb.


Still Standing Right Here...

EagLLLes

EagLLLes

Alright everybody. Tomorrow is the big day. The day that will shape my attitude for the rest of the year and determine whether or not I sink into a two month bender and wind up in the gutter on the streets of Dundalk somewhere. It's the NFC championship game. And in case you don't follow football, the Eagles will be in it for the fourth year in a row. They lost the last three. I need them to win not as much because I am a fan, but because everybody knows I'm a fan, and there's nothing these Redskins fans at work like more than to tease me about those 3 lost championship games. Nevermind that their team hasn't had a winning season since the 90s. They try to rub in that superbowl they won back in the stone ages where everybody was beating up the Bills. What is the statute of limitations on that anyway? But even more than that, they thrive when the Eagles choke in the NFC championship every year. I can't go to work. Cause they know. They already started printing a shirt with Eagles spelled "EagLLLLes" that Geoff is going to buy for me if they lose again (the four Ls for the four losses - for my slower audience out there). And in the last three years, I think I figured out why there's two weeks between the championship games and the Superbowl. See, the programmers want everybody to watch the Superbowl. And everytime after that damn game, I don't feel like watching football for at least another two weeks. So for the peace and mind of an entire city who has made their temperament known to the sports world, root for the Eagles. To win. Not to lose. And I know some of you out there are jerks and you just thrive on other people's misery, and that's fine. I promise you some juicy stuff about my dating life will follow next week. Just get this damn monkey off our back. Besides, TO will be coming back for the Superbowl if we make it. And wouldn't it be cool to see his next celebration? I think he should raise the PAT net himself. That would be funny. I don't think anybody's done that one yet.

Meanwhile, the Saturday Morning Hero League continues... We go play football on Saturday mornings and go to a bar afterwards. This year, the owner/coach/manager/quarterback of the team decided to replace himself at QB after three seasons with a combined record of somewhere around 7-23. The new guy goes on to look better and get us a pretty decent win. At the bar afterwards, here's what our new fullback had to say...

Quote of the Day 1/17/05

"I finally figured out why I'm not a good quarterback. Because I'm not a quarterback."

-Bowman


Well, I'd been telling him that for years. It's about time somebody started telling it to Chris Redman.

Prying the monkey off the eagle,

Dustin McNabb.


Still Standing Right Here...

The Hypocrisy of Drew Carey

The Hypocrisy of Drew Carey

Well, I have a few more points to make while this football topic is still hot. If I was anywhere else, I probably would have rooted very adamantly against the Ravens. For starters, they were the arrogant, trash-talking team going into the big game, and I've always rooted for the Doug Flutie soft-spoken humble type, which is exactly what the Giants were. But mostly, Ray Lewis... This guy is world class jerk. You could tell just by listening to him that he didn't have an ounce of remorse in his body for the two dead victims in which he had at least some part in the murders of, even if he didn't hold the knife himself. Instead, he refused to answer, asked them to change the topic, or stood up and left. Never once apologized. But we don't care, because he brought home the trophy. Baltimore doesn't hate Albert Belle because he's an asshole. They hate him because he doesn't hit home runs like he should and because he plays right field like a sick walrus. So Ray Lewis better keep on winning or the city won't be blinded by the air of victory anymore, and we might actually see him as a person instead of a hero.

One thing I don't agree with is the crap that Baltimore gets for having stolen a team from Cleveland. First of all, the older city folks seem to think they have the right because one got taken from us long ago. Secondly, last year's Superbowl found the Tennessee Titans losing to the St. Louis Rams in a battle of franchises who skipped town, but nobody seemed to even mention that. Maybe it's just because I live here that I hear it so often. Or maybe it's because Drew Carey won't shut up about it. Well Drew, Art Modell said he didn't feel that he could win in Cleveland and it only took him 4 years to prove himself correct. Because Cleveland doesn't rock. And didn't you leave Cleveland just about the same time the Browns did? Didn't you move to LA because you thought it was in your better business interests? Aren't you like the world's biggest hypocrite? You and Art are one of a kind Drew. While I'm at it, there are way too many weird dance sequences in your silly show.

Well, back to Ray Lewis. We were talking about him and the events at Atlanta last year at the start of the Superbowl...

Quote Of the Day 2/8/01

"Well, at least he's got an alibi this year."

-Large Mike


OK. I'm done with football for a while.

Nevermore,

Extenda-Poe


Quoth the Raven, "Still Standing Right Here..."

Happy New Beer

Happy New Beer

So the Ravens are in the Superbowl. And they're playing the Giants. I'll bet a lot of bookies are making a lot of money right now. If things keep going well for them, Trent Dilfer will be the worst quarterback in history to ever win the Superbowl. I wouldn't mind that title. But it looks like I'm going to have to wait at least another year to get it.

Well, as you all possibly know already, I went to the Inner Harbor for New Years Eve with 5 guys and no chicks. Upon retrospect, that's maybe one of the few things about that night I'd change. Anyway, we wound up in the middle of the inner harbor at exactly the stroke of midnight. I think I kissed a girl I didn't and still don't know. If memory serves me correctly, I think she was surprised and not necessarily pleasantly. Ah, she'll get over it. But anyway, from there, we went to Max's, who, unbeknownst to us, was having a private party. We had no idea of this until they didn't charge us for drinks. I don't remember leaving the bar. I remember talking to a girl named Shannon who Mike later said was hot. But what the hell would he know, he doesn't remember leaving the bar either. Apparently we wrestled on the way home and I pinned him and then proceeded to shove his head into the mulch repeatedly. That's the kind of crap you wish you could remember. Oh well. We were reminiscing about the events of the previous night (that which we could recall) at the International House of Hangovers, and Tony sarcastically interjected...

Quote Of the Day 1/15/01

Tony: "Dustin, at one point, you were hitting on a lamppost."
Me: "Well, she was hot."
Mike: "Yeah, but not very bright."


But she was probably at least 18.

And the beat goes on,

Dustin.


Still Standing Right Here...