So this Independence Day started out just like any other day. I woke up on top of my blankets with my pants on and a vague recollection of karaoke, water towers and doing splits on the stage of Brick Street. I had to call my neighbor to find out who drove us home and I crossed my fingers that I didn’t lose my glasses, credit cards or self-respect last night. Then I woke up and watched Monk for 7 hours. What an awesome day.
Fast forward ahead to the barbeque with brisket, banana pudding and raspberry muffins shaped like penises (we’ll talk more about this later). I got a phone call from my best friend from high school who asked me if I could come pick him up and drive him back to his car. He was in Cleveland. Four hours away. I’m not kidding. He wasn’t kidding. Nobody was kidding. Not even him. Trust me, I asked again. All Mike would tell me is that there was nothing legally or medically wrong and he knew the magnitude of what he was asking me. He was at Jacobs Field watching the Yanks play the Indians. So I was putting the top on my jeep trying to figure out what the hell was going on. Was he in some gang trouble? Did Derek Jeter steal his car keys? Was he so upset over the 19-1 drubbing of the Yanks that he slashed his own tires in disgust? (19-1? Was that even a baseball game?) Well, I’m a good friend so I wasn’t going to ask. Besides, the only single chick at the party who hadn’t already turned me down was about to leave. So I took off towards Cleveland. Meanwhile, Mike had convinced his girlfriend’s ex-boyfriend to start to drive him south to meet me. He’s apparently trying to win the ex-boyfriend of the year award.
So I got back home around 4am. The fireworks were apparently all over. But for about 15 minutes just north of Dayton, God had his own display that was pretty impressive. Good to know he’s a patriot. And this quote was from a while ago, but I like it a lot and it’s a great one to remember if you’re in relationship…
“Just because I don’t remember doesn’t mean I wasn’t listening.”
-Mikey “Owes Me a Favor” Conover. J
All the deer were hiding from me last night too. The word is out.
America’s beacon of freedom,
Captain Extendo.
Still Standing Right Here…
