Application for Quote Of the Day

Well, recently I've been getting a lot of people suggesting quotes of the day. I can understand it sometimes. Sometimes funny things are said regardless of if I was there to witness them or not. It's a sad fact of life, but it's true. Anyway, I've gotten tired of humoring people and telling them I'd think about it when I just don't find it funny or interesting at all. (Also, I just forget what you say a lot). So anyway, here's my way of fixing these problems:

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Application for Quote Of the Day

1. Date of incident:

2. Approx. time:

3. Witnesses if any:

4. This quote is funny to:
A) probably just me.
B) only the 3 people that were there (but it's REALLY FUNNY).
C) anybody with any sense of intelligence at all.
D) hardcore fans of e.e. cummings.
E) nobody really, but it can be taken as a sexual innuendo.

5. I am sending you this because:
A) you weren't there and I feel the world can benefit from the humor implicit in the quote that you missed.
B) satan told me to.
C) I am jealous of Tony and Geoff and their wit, so I'm going to try to seek quote notoriety through blatant self-promotion.
D) the first amendment allows me to.
E) I don't want to go to CHEM Lab.

6. I found this quote funny because:
A) of the multiple meanings that can be interpreted from the statement and the ambiguous nature in which it was presented.
B) it was about sex.
C) He/she made themselves/Meawad/somebody else look like an idiot saying it.
D) I had never thought of that aspect of contemporary art/chicken thumbs/the French language before.
E) I was drunk.

7. (Comedy background check) Rank in order of funniest to least funny:
Howie Mandel
Paul Reiser
Adolf Hitler
Urkel
A Bug's Life

8. Choose from the following standard apologies for not being Dustin:
A) First of all, I would like to apologize for not being Dustin...
B) Though Dustin is usually foreseer of all the quotes around these parts, I thought I'd make a humble request to have a quote because (see question #5).
C) It appears as though Dustin has better things to do than to pay attention to his precious quote of the day, so in his absence, I declare myself QuoteMaster.
D) Dustin is the Man!! I wish I were as cool/coordinated/massive as him.
E) Traditionally nobody likes me, so I'm going to try to ride on the coat tails of Dustin's popularity.

9. Random bitching about something (women and cars work well):
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10. Description of incident leading up to quote (also known as segue):
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Quote Of the Day xx/xx/xx

11. Actual quote:
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12. Some silly version of the person's name (witty or degrading as it applies).

13. Some summing up comment. (Poking fun at Russ is generally safe.)

14. A bad reference to something said in the quote followed by a comma.

15. A stupid/witty/grammatically correct version of your name.

16. The last line of the chorus of a song you wrote...

The $5 application fee should be attached via e-mail.

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Stryker, Geoff, and I were in the office "working" and having a conversation about women's swimsuits at the same time. Stryker mentioned that he liked the thong bikini. I asked him if he was referring to the "anal floss." Geoff agreed with me that it was a not so relatively attractive feature in women's swimwear. Stryker stuck by his claim...


Quote Of the Day 2/23/99

"There's nothing wrong with a clean butt."
-Strike Force One


I wonder what would happen if you put it on backwards.


Ball Force Two,
The Extendinator.


Still Standing Right Here...