Chewing Snow

Hey! Guess who? IT'S ME, DUSTIN!!!

Alright, a certain amount of the element of surprise is basically obsolete on E-mail. This is my biggest problem with E-mail. That, and the fact that you can't send packages through it. And believe me, I've tried!! Though they did figure out a way to send germs through the internet, so right now, as you read this, though you may not notice it, and some of you may not be affected, you are all contracting the elusive Screaming Cricket virus OF DEATH!!! Some assembly required. I'm in a rather weird mood today. Maybe it's this weather. Or maybe it's the fact that I don't sleep during the weekdays. Or maybe the pink dye from my hat is finally seeping into my brain. But anyway, just don't be too surprised if you wake up the day after reading this rubbing your legs together and playing the Pina Colada Song as sung by the Boss-Tones until Doug is standing over your bed threatening to kill you with a baseball bat. Alright, I'm going to cue up this quote before I lose the rest of my viewing audience.

Yesterday at lunch, John started chewing on an ice cube, to which I asked him if he was sexually frustrated, because there's a myth that says that one who is sexually frustrated chews on ice cubes (I'm not making this up, either). Well, John apparently disagrees with this theory:


Quote Of the Day 4/11

"That's so stupid. What about chewing gum?... Or what about if I chew snow? Does that mean I want to jerk off?"
-Tonto Sleepyhead



The soup nazi,
Screaming Cricket.

Sneaking Erick Into Potomac

Hello today troops. Just to let you all know, I've been sick for a little while but I'm getting over it. Though this damn weather is not helping any. Gotta love that Indian winter. April + Maryland = Snow. I'd appreciate it if some math major could explain that to me sometime. And you can all congratulate me. I've now been written up for overnight violation in three out of four dorms!! Look out Patapsco, I'm coming for you. So I'm actually thinking about trying for the grand slam of overnight violations. I'll let you know if I accomplish it. And speaking of overnight and stuff, I have a funny story to tell (but I'll keep it short). Last Thursday, Erick and I went to Garth Brooks and afterward, he, Billy, Suzanne, and I went out. We got back around 2:45 and had intended on watching Goonies in Suzanne's room. Problem: She can't sign in three people overnight, only two. So, outside of the dining hall, we shoved Billy in a sleeping bag and Erick flung him over his shoulder. Well, Erick was too concerned with carrying Billy and he was busy suffocating, but Suzanne and I lost it on our way into Potomac. We had tears in our eyes while trying to sign in myself and Erick. But the funniest thing is that it would have worked!! The chick at the desk didn't even pay enough attention to notice that there was a human being inside the sleeping bag. But we got somebody else to sign Billy in anyway, just in case Miss Perceptive had a flash of thought.

At any rate, this quote comes from a friend of mine who beat us in soccer last semester. I was walking around in shorts and he is always baffled how I don't get cold. So he asked me if I was cold, and I told him that the temperature is all in your mind. To this, he responded...


Quote Of the Day 4/10

"Yeah, but I'd hate to have to walk around thinking all day."
-Shawn Something


The best argument yet for me to wear pants.


Love, pink hats, and the muppet dance,
Extendo.


Still Standing Right Here...

Thieves, All of You

GEEZ!! You don't check your e-mail for like five minutes, and next thing you know, you have two imposters trying to take over quote of the day!!! Come on, Shannon. You really didn't want to lower yourself to the ranks of Foster and Lance Freelander, the free freelance lancer, did you? Well, anyway, for those of you who didn't get the quote from Shannon, it went something like this (O.K., exactly like this):

************************************************************************

> Subject: Quote of the Day: March 19, 1996
>
>
> "Do not condemn the judgment of another because
> it differs from your own. You may both be wrong."
>
> Dandemis
>
>
>

------- FORWARD, End of original message -------

******************************************************************

I vaguely remember some ancient Chinese proverb along the same lines. My memory is kind of clouded, but I think the saying went something like this:
"Don't cut out the coupons in your neighbor's newspaper just because he walks a different breed of Shitzu. They may both have flees."

FooNaiHaiWoh


Second of all, an announcement: Wayward Sun is playing on the half quad (from now on referred to as the eighth) this Saturday from 12:00 (noon) to 2:00 (two o'clock). I encourage everyone to come out. They are really fun to see in concert regardless of if you like their music or not. And I won't promise that I'll have bells on, but I'll definitely be there (as if that's incentive). And Nikki, I can stall them for about 5 minutes, so all you have to do is get off work 7 hours and 55 minutes early.

Recently, Laura has been becoming jealous of Suzanne's recent quote of the day notoriety (among other things ;-), but we won't talk about them right now), so she's decided to try and catch up by shoving her foot in her own mouth last night with this...


Quote Of the Day 4/9

"I have one of my own. It lives. It breathes. It wiggles when I want it to."
-Her Fatheadedness



Peeing on Shannon and Conover’s pillow,
Extendo.


Standing Over Here Again...

Mike Steals My Job - 2

Sorry to say, but I'm in such an un-creative mood right now that any attempt to make fun of Dustin or the way he handles this list would result in something along the lines of me in a coffin trying to nail myself in.

See what I mean?
Mike's Creativity Meter--- Boring [.\.......] Seinfeld

Anyway, a friend and I were walking down the street discussing such important topics as genetical ethics, number theory and slurpees when all of a sudden he blurted out:

"If you swallowed a caterpillar, would you get nervous later on?"


Kinda like a joke grenade, this one goes along with "The Funniest Joke That Never Gets a Laugh"


Knitting suds and Dusting Tins,
Lance


Still Understanding Right Here

Daylight Savings Sucker

Hey everybody. I hope all your weekends were fun and Eastery. And if you haven't yet, remember to set your clocks ahead. But don't do it when you're tired or this will happen: I put my laundry in the dryer yesterday at around 3:30 and on my way up, I stopped in John's room for a while and he reminded me to set the clock ahead. So I went back to my room and set my clock ahead an hour, and proceeded to clean up the room a bit (I know it doesn't look it, Billy, but I did). Anyway, I looked at the clock and it read 5:00, and I remembered that I had put my laundry in at 3:30. So I went down to get it out of the dryer.

It wasn't done yet.

For those of you who like Greg, and for those of you who don't, and for those of you who just want free pizza, we're having a Gamma Phi Pi (Gimme Free Pizza) meeting this coming Friday night in the lobby. Greg has ordered us about 10 free pizzas, subs out the ass and caffeine to wash it all down. And he's put me in charge of rounding up the people to consume the free food. So feel free to come on down to the lobby of Susquehanna this Friday around 8:30ish. The occasion is his second Gordan Elliot appearance where he allegedly "meets" for the first time this lesbian who he's been dating over the internet (it just needed to be on a talk show). And this weekend, he's doing the Jenny Jones show. Maybe our fraternity will have to have another election night when that show airs. Anyway, feel free to eat our pizza. We encourage it.

So this past weekend, we were all hanging out in John's room (the 5 of us who stayed this weekend), and John was reading a quote of the day, when he turned around and said to me...


Quote Of the Day 4/8

"How can you still be standing right there? You've been standing there for like two years. Take a walk! Sit down! Go out!..."
-My roommate that's not really my roommate




Living in an Amish paradise,
Extendo.


Peeing on John's pillow...