Tuesday, February 7, 2006

Rating Street Signs

Street Signs

Form Single Lane – I hate this sign. The city planning committee that decided this sign was a good idea has way too much faith in us as a society. We need to be able to assess blame. Tell us which of these lanes end. Don’t leave it up to us to decide who is supposed to yield to whom. Have you seen us drive? About a third of the time, two cars will come within millimeters of each other and the guard rails on either side just to not give way. Another third of the time, two cars will come to a complete stop and have a battle of waves and gestures to see who gets to go last while everyone behind them will honk and start to pull out their guns. And the other third of the time, we’ll actually get out alive. But I don’t like those odds. A simple “left lane ends” will suffice. There’s no time for democracy in driving. D

Stop – The stop sign is money, dudes. It’s so money it doesn’t even need to say stop. You just put a red octagon in front of somebody and they will stop. No matter what nationality, gender, or phylum. Even blind people can sense stop signs. It is probably the most distinguishable monochromatic shape in the world. I suppose a yellow circle might give it a run, but how many suns do you see a day? One. Max. If they weren’t so damn overused, these guys would be perfect. A-

Except Right Turn – These go underneath stop signs when you’re allowed to turn right without stopping but you have to stop if you’re going any other direction. I’ve seen these things phrased like 12 different ways and they are all pretty damn confusing. I’ve seen underneath a stop sign “right turn permitted without stopping.” By the time you’ve read it, you’ve already stopped because of the big red octagon above it. I like the concept of this sign, but everybody needs to get on the same freakin page here! And I forget what it said, but there was a white sign under a stop sign that I just assumed said something to the affect of “go ahead and turn right if you want without heeding warning to the above red octagon.” But it didn’t. It said something else completely unrelated to the damn stop sign. Stupid city planners. It probably said “form single lane.” Have a meeting and figure this out please! Maybe make it purple too so people know what it is. C+

Yield – This sign is great. Especially in the case where it is on an actual intersection, usually a T intersection. It doesn’t annoy you by making you stop when you know nobody is around for thousands of miles and it puts somebody at fault should somebody actually be around within a thousand miles. This sign does what the stop sign can’t. And it points downward as if to imply movement forward should continue. Brilliant! A

Red Light Cameras: Next 4 Miles – Thank you. Could you please tell us where the cops are currently hidden too? A+

A bunch of friends and I occasionally play this game called something like “Freestyle Scategories” where we replace the categories like “dessert foods” and “boy’s name” with categories like “bad pick-up lines” and “dumb animals with an explanation why” and you get like 12 minutes to come up with stuff for these 10 categories. When all the answers are read, we vote and the funniest one gets a point. Anyway, we were playing the game and the category was “Unhelpful Street Signs”…

Quote of the Day 2/7/06

“Right Lane Continues”
-Cowboy Kevin

Strangely enough, I asked only two people what their least favorite street sign was tonight and Sarah and Bethany both independently said they hate the yield sign. This further supports the point that females should not be allowed to get behind the wheel of a car. (Zing!)

Looking for a nice speed hump,


No comments:

Post a Comment