Accidentally Italian

Accidentally Italian

Sorry about the incredibly sporadic quote production, but something really unexpected happened to me recently. I found a social life. I'm not quite sure how to handle it and I've already cut sleep out of my schedule, so squeezing the quote in will be even more tricky. I'm only going to brush my teeth every other day and I'll sleep in my car to save time somehow. That having been said, I'm obviously not funny right now. So I'll let Tony's self-serving quote of the day application e-mail speak for itself.

Quote Of the Day 7/11/02

MJConover7: Wanna hear a cool song?
Tonedef6: does anyone actually answer 'no' when use phrase it like that?
MJConover7: Download "Inches Feet Miles" by Heywood Banks.
Tonedef6: "use phrase it like that"...odd, ordinarily i have to consciously try to sound italian
Tonedef6: it usually doesn't just happen on its own
MJConover7: LOL

When languages are born from bad spelling and improper grammar...

Sounding Canadian by accident,

Mr. Bacon, eh.


Still Standing Right Here...

Rating Day Camp Players

Day Camp Players

Kids - Not to sound annoyingly obvious, but these little punks are the reason we're all here. And as bratty as some of them are, I miss the kids. My job isn't just playing with kids anymore. I get to play with the parents and the health inspector, etc. The kids are actually the ones that keep my sanity. And my whistle. And the keys to my car. Even the bad ones aren't so bad comparatively. And they have to listen to me. If I go tell them to sit in a corner, they might argue, but every last one will go sit in that corner. I don't think my boss would be as cooperative. A

Counselors - I lied. I do have a group of kids. There are about 13 or so and they wine and bitch about everything all the time too. And some of them are just as bratty as their kids. "Do we have to go to tennis? It's too hot outside." "What's next?" "Can I have a dollar?" But so far this year, none of them have needed to be fired for talking about smoking pot to their kids. A

My boss(es) - I'll be honest. My bosses have bailed me out of trouble when I got in over my head. They're usually very reasonable when I need to order stuff or use the bathroom. But it's really all about the Bengimans to them. Two years ago, my boss's boss sat me down and explained very matter of factly in as nice a way as possible that I wasn't getting a raise or a promotion because they knew I'd stay anyway and I frankly just wasn't worth their money. It burned, but at least I know what he's all about. And it's the Bengimans. Unfortunately, I'm only all about the Washingtons. B-

The parents - 85% of the parents I have to deal with are great. They tell me that their child is having fun at camp and they might have a little constructive criticism or a minor question about policy, but they are founded in reality. Then there's the other 15%. These people have no clue how to parent a child. Granted, I've never had to father a child and I can only imagine how hard it might be, but give me a fucking break. I told a father that I saw his daughter scratch another child's face, showed the child's bloody face to him and the skin was still practically under his daughter's nails, and the guy still sat there and told me that his daughter wouldn't do something like that and that "something else must be going on here." Further down the line on the bad parenting spectrum, I had social services and the police called on me earlier this year for possible child neglect and/or sexual assault over one 8-yr-old calling another 8-yr-old gay in the locker room. She also threatened to go to WBALTV and stand outside with a picket sign saying that we abuse kids. These kind of parents drag down the average. C-

Quote Of the Day 7/9/02

"That's fine. I'll just stand out there with a picket sign that says 'She's a knucklehead.'"

-Mr. Geoff


The two of them can march around in a circle on the FOX Evening News.

Stuck in an endless piggyback ride,

Mr. Jungle Gym.


Still Standing Right Here...

Oh, I Thought You Were Funny

Oh, I Thought You Were Funny

Well, I'm not one to make excuses, but my computer got pink eye. I thought it best not to expose any of you to that. Damn kids.

Oh yeah. The kids. Here's what I'll say about camp so far this year. I have needed to go out drinking on weeknights after camp this year (in only 3 weeks) more than I have the entire other 6 years I've been working camps. Broken arms, social services and the same whacked out parents sending me e-mails complaining that my counselors are giving their child money (I'm not kidding). She even started the e-mail by saying she had a "serious" concern. How the hell am I supposed to talk to these people? I think I'll just sign her e-mail address up for a few porn sites. That'll be funny.

So anyway, camp started a few weeks back. I currently, as I type, have two of my staff members sleeping in my livingroom. So not much has changed except Colin and Woody don't put out first (I hope I didn't cross a line there). So we were all getting to know each other as a staff after work one day and a bunch of us were all telling jokes and piling semi-humorous quip after quip on top of each other. Well, I can't remember exactly what was said to provoke this, but it was one of the least subtle and degrading things that has possibly ever been said to a person. Well, maybe not, but it still stings three weeks later. So what led to this was Colin tossed a quip on the stack and people laughed at it, to which Nate asked what movie that was from. Laurie apparently didn't know it was from a movie and thought he came up with it on his own, to which she said very matter of factly...

Quote Of the Day 7/8/02

"Oh wait. That was from a movie? Oh, I thought you were funny."

-Miss Laurie


Oh wait. That's make-up? I thought you were pretty.

Testing the limits of child abuse,

Mr. Whistlehead.


Still Standing Right Here...

Rating Countries That Border The United States

Countries That Border The United States

Mexico - The most common thing that people have to say about Mexico is that you shouldn't drink the water. Everytime you go on vacation. "Don't drink the water." Don't drink the fucking water?! Are you serious? Can the Mexicans drink the water? I don't think I could live in a place where I couldn't drink the water. It's a pretty important ingredient in every food I make. I think I might be able to survive in a country where it wasn't a good idea to eat the maraschino cherries, but water? So unless you enjoy dysentery, I guess it's not a great place to be. No wonder they're all trying to flee across the border. D

Canada - I'm not even going to make a joke about Canada. They've all been done. I just checked, and every single Canadian joke has been done at least 250 times. So rather than flog a dead maple leaf, I'll move on. C

New Jersey - I know it's not a country, but I'd like to say something. I've been to New Jersey and it stinks. Literally. At least the half of New Jersey that wants to be Philly does. I haven't heard great things about the half that wants to be New York either. But Trenton stinks. There's a reason they call it the arm pit of America and it has nothing to do with geography. I wouldn't drink the water from there either. F

Atlantic Ocean - Well, I know it's not a country. It's not even a land mass. But it is huge. And it does border the US. And did you know that it has the largest mountain range in the world in it? The largest mountain range is actually under the water in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean called the Mid-Atlantic Ridge. It comes complete with active volcanoes and everything and it's all under seas level. Pretty neat, huh? But not quite neat enough to make you forget that it's not really a country. F

Quote of the Day 6/11/02

"Why do they put Canadian bacon on Hawaiian pizza?"

-Megan O'Canadien


Turns out there was still one out there.

Blaming New Jersey,

Spastic Man.


Still Standing Right Here...

Spastic Man

Spastic Man

Well, sorry again, but my computer went on the IR again. But on the plus side, you guys seem to be getting more tolerant and understanding of the over-two-month lapses in the quote's schedule. And you're also a lot less surprised for some reason.

So hey. I just got back from visiting a few friends that moved out to Portland, OR (yes, I have friends that stupid). Actually, the place is really pretty. Lots of trees and grass and shit if you're into that. No football team to speak of, but they do have cable if push comes to shove. They are only an hour away from Eugene which is just basically more pretty stuff. And then there's the cold part of the Pacific Ocean. If I were Lewis, I would've ditched Clark and headed south for Sunset Boulevard. Lots more chicks in bikinis on roller skates and shit if you're into that.

Joking aside, it was beautiful out there. 78 and breezy most of the time. And the "rain" they talk about it doing all the time out there is like the equivalent of spray coming off a trucks tire at you. It ain't like east coast rain. Out here, when it rains, it poors. Hey! That phrase really does have a little merit to it. But anyway, I left there and flew into BWI at 6:31 at night. The pilot warned us, but I was hoping he was lying. Sure enough, it was 91 degrees and 85% humidity. I think I actually tripped over the air. It sucked. And I was jet lagged. Well, my normal sleep schedule usually gets me lagged about twice a week anyway, so that was easy to bounce back from. But I had to go to work the next day and everything. Man, I'm never going on vacation again.

On the plus side, while I was out there, I got a dose of self-realization. Not necessarily in the spiritual sense, but my friend's wife pretty much put me in my place in the most exact way I think I've ever been described, word for word. I was trying to defend the point that I was relatively laid back when I'm not with Kevin, Joe and/or Mike. Kevin didn't buy it. Tanis hasn't known me since middle school, so she was more apt to believe...

Quote Of the Day 6/10/02

"Well, I guess you have the potential to not be this spastic all the time."

-Tanis, holder of the whip


I have the "POTENTIAL"... not to be THIS spastic... ALL the time.

Portland's newest superhero,

Spastic Man.


Still Standing Right Here...