New York vs. Texas

New York vs. Texas

Well, over the weekend, the longest game in Stanley Cup history took place. It went into a third overtime, and was watched by me from both our apartment, a restaurant, and a bar afterward. Dallas beat Buffalo 2-1 for those of you who care. And here's an interesting point I feel I have to make because it's kind of cool (note: I said "interesting," not "funny"). This is the first time ever that two teams from different cities in the same state were competing against two teams from different cities in another state in both the Stanley Cup finals and the NBA finals. While Dallas was beating Buffalo in hockey, San Antonio was beating New York on alternating night. Kinda cool, huh? Well, maybe just to me. And Bob Costas.

Well, I want to make this quick, because I need to be bright-eyed and rosy-cheeked for my 10-year-old fan club tomorrow morning. If I haven't had my beauty rest, those playful games of "Get Mr. Dustin" could turn fatal for the kids. Well, I was watching the basketball version of the Texas/New York war of the athletes tonight, when Charlie Ward (93 Heisman Trophy winner turned point guard (it's a long story)) dribbled the ball upcourt and tried some fancy Michael Jordan move and seriously fell over to the ground and lost the ball. To this, Bill Walton and whatever other sarcastic commentators that happen to accompany him, decided to comment (since it's their job) on the play...

Quote of the Day 6/21/99

"Now that's not what Charlie Ward does. Charlie Ward and Chris Childs [back-up point guard] are best when they just dribble the ball up and give it to somebody else."

-Bill Walton


I love the subtlety of this insult. That's basically as politely as they could say on national television, "These guys ain't worth a shit." But they're still better than Chris Dudley.

Pointless guard,

Mr. Crossover.


Still Standing Right Here...

Review of "Election"

Review of "Election"

Well, I'm going to critique a less controversial film this time. If there are any die-hard Election fans out there, please turn your eyes away now. I'm afraid to give anything a bad review anymore, but I figure any movie produced by MTV is a safe bet. Maybe I'll do Joe's Apartment next week.

Anyway, here are the basics: This supposedly attractive (Reese Witherspoon), meticulously stubborn teacher's pet-type runs unopposed for class president until her spiteful, annoyed for a reason (Matthew Broderick) teacher and guidance counselor of some sort convinces the out of commission, everybody loves you high school quarterback (some Keanu Reeves look and act-alike) to oppose her, accidentally causing his younger lesbian sister (some dike) who just had her girlfriend stolen by the aforementioned quarterback to run against him in order to think she's getting some sort of revenge. And that's just one plot. It's got teachers having sex with students, blackmail, extortion, and no real hero. Every time you thought you found some moral compass, they changed direction on you. Actually, I liked the movie in spite of myself. There wasn't much to it. They're most expensive "special" effect was an overhead camera zooming out fast. The story was well written, with too many twists and turns to possibly be able to be predicted. And even when you predicted one, you enjoyed seeing it happen. It was simple. It was cheesy. But it worked. And it was damn funny. It's only problem was that it has a couple of different codas after the main story ends, and I always hated that. It's like watching the end of a basketball game that your team won by 25 points. You are forced to stay in the theater even after you've climaxed and had your deep breath and optional cigarette (can I cram any more analogies in here?). I think half the theater already started putting their jackets on with 10 minutes left in the movie. But this is admissible if it is the only flaw in the film. I am going to give Election 7 1/2 bugs. It was really good for what it was. It just wasn't an 8 bug movie.

This quote is hearsay, but I do accept such quotes, especially when I am low on fuel. My sister apparently has a friend with a convertible Mercedes and lots of other cool toys. Char (aforementioned sister) was given the right to drive the vehicle and used this opportunity to show it off to the family. She pulled up to the video store and my mom was standing outside. Char turns to my mom and addresses the question...

Quote of the Day 6/18/99

"Hey ma. How does this look on me?"

-Charfish.


Slightly better than the '79 wheelless 3 shades of green Maverick that's been in our parking lot for 2 years.

Love, pink hats, and volleyballs, (for old times sake)

Dustin.


Still Standing Right Here...

Not Sure Insurance

Not Sure Insurance

Well, as of midnight tonight, I will no longer be driving an uninsured car. Just an unregistered one. With illegal tags. But it's got a whole window that goes all the way up and everything! Now my current problem is with the people to whom I am donating my car. The damn American Cancer Society. They're taking their sweet old time picking up my car, which is sitting at the mechanic's illegally with no tags. The Howard County Police already threatened to impound it once if I don't get it out of the lot. So I called AAA (of which I am a member) and asked if they would tow my car back to my apartment. They told me that they'd give me the first 3 miles free and it would be like $2.50 for each additional mile. At most, it would cost $5.00 to do this. But here's the catch. They won't tow it out of a mechanic's garage. They don't cover that kind of service for whatever reason. So if I want to get AAA to tow my car back to my apartment, I'll need to push it out of the parking spot, out of the lot, and down the street to where it is no longer in sight of Merchant's Auto Repair. I think I smell an accident brewing. That will possibly be the best thing that could happen. I'll aim for a telephone pole and then AAA will definitely tow it. Stupid instigating bastards. And they actually asked me in the insurance claim if I wore my seat belt. Apparently, my insurance goes up if I willingly concede the information that I don't wear my seat belt. Stupid ingrate bastards.

Well, I came upon this quote while searching through my wallet for the phone number of my insubordinate bastard of an insurance agent (OK, now I'm venturing into the territory of words I don't completely know the meaning of). So it was said a while ago. But I remember it as if it were yesterday. I was sitting around with my friend Jason that plays volleyball (or maybe somebody else), and we were probably talking about something rather insignificant. Anyway, this part I do remember. Somebody else walked in and said something that kinda degraded him. To this, I told him that he had finally found somebody that could match his wits. To this, he replied...

Quote of the Day 6/17/99

"There are plenty of people who can match my wits. I have just cleverly successfully mastered the art of not caring when it happens."

-Jason (maybe)


I have gone one step passed you and learned the art of pretending that I'm smarter anyway.

Pushing dead cars into poles,

Mr. Banana Nut Muffin (don't ask).


Still Standing Right Here...

Dear Diary: Day Camp Day 2

1999 Summer Day Camp, Day 2:
Dear Diary, it's only the second day of camp, and I've already witnessed a boy get hit in the eye with a tennis ball, the same boy have an asthma attack later that day, and an unnamed bastard counselor named Stryker bounce a kid into the pool off of the slippery wet pool deck and grate. And despite the 11 year old girls' endless attempts, they can't hook me up with any of the female counselors. Or tear my arms from my body. And if Gary asks me to tuck my shirt in again, I'm going to tuck it up his ass. If I'm not running from 25 kids in a spirited game of "Get Mr. Dustin," I'm busy being a host to these parasitic leech children, usually with one of them around each foot like two anchors making sure I can't drift too far out to shore, what with all the high tides I experience and everything. And these kids are the only ones who keep my sanity. Unfortunately, they also keep my whistle. And my extra shorts. And the keys to my car. I dread the day I go into work tired and cranky and give the first unfortunate soul who tries to jump on my back a bloody lip out of frustration. But as of yet, they don't know about my bad temper. Or my criminal record. Or the box of razor blades I keep in my top desk drawer. I must go now Diary, it's almost time for lunch. And I almost forgot about Billy. It's probably about time to uncuff him. I'll write again tomorrow. I love you.

Quote of the Day 6/15/99

Geoff into a crowded gym when a parent comes to pick up their child: "Jarret Davis! Let's go. You made bail."

-The taller Mr. Jungle Gym.


Mental note: Stay away from Stryker when near the pool.

Testing the boundaries of child abuse,

Mr. Dustin.


Still Standing Right Here...

Ch-Ch-Ch-Ch-Changes

Ch-Ch-Ch-Ch-Changes

Let's see, where do I start? A lot has happened in this last forced sabbatical of mine. Well, here, I'll make it easy for you:

Car saga:
Lost one car at a gas station (blown head gasket)
Miraculously drove it 1/2 a mile to the mechanics to find this out
Bought Stryker's car (same car, lighter shade of blue, FaTKiD sticker)
Dropped insurance on old car and put plate on new car
Didn't get new car's insurance, registration, or inspection
Still don't have Maryland license yet
Really illegal stuff if they find out
Howard County Police will have old "abandoned" car impounded in 2 days
That's not good either
More news on this as it breaks

Apartment story:
Moved out of Ellicott City
Moved into Tor
It's a little more exciting than that, but that's all you need to know
And we have a vacant apartment for the rest of the month
That's kinda cool

Chicks:
Nothing ventured, nothing gained

Job:
Well, for the fourth year in a row, I'm spending the summer under the alias of Mr. Jungle Gym. UMBC's Summer Day Camp started today, and I've already found four 9-year old girls who like to do this clinging to my limbs thing not all too different from being drawn and quartered. (I'm making blind assumptions again). So it's already not all too different from the past 3 years at Camp Wonderfun. Except now I don't get to use the term "Camp Wonderfun" anymore. "UMBC Summer Day Camp" just doesn't have the same ring. I'll talk to Geoff in the meantime and work on that. Well, this quote came second hand from one of my alleged medieval prosecutors named Ashley. She has a 6 year old sister who apparently got a hold of some of Tony's textbooks or lost the remote with the TV stuck on CNN or invests in stock or something. Anyway, according to Ashley, her 6-yr-old sister, Sarah, went up to her parents out of the blue and said...

Quote of the Day 6/14/99

"Dad, forget about my allowance. Let's talk mutual funds."

-Sarah "the Negotiator"


I can't tell if that's funny. I'm tired. I was up at 6:30 AM today. I fell asleep at 6:30 AM yesterday. If you're doing the math, that means I slept twice in the same 24 hour span. That'll be the last time that happens this summer.

Back to the slave and grind,

Mr. Jungle Gym.


Still Standing Right Here...