I
have a problem with the concept of dating. (What I'm about to talk about is a
problem in the universal sense of dating, not that I specifically have a
problem with the concept of dating. Hell, everybody knows that.) Anyway, I have
realized that I can only really date somebody and start to like them a whole
lot if we begin our relationship as something other than a couple, or an item,
as some would say. If the first thing we do, or the way we meet is through a
date, what’s the fun in that? Where's the chase? Speaking as a strictly
narrative filmmaker, I need conflict! Boy meets girl, boy likes girl, they live
happily ever after. What kind of crap is that? No one's ever gonna sell that screenplay
to anybody important. Come on! I'd walk out of the theater pissed if I had to
watch that movie, I sure as hell don't want to have to live in it. Of course
the plot is slightly better than some. Boy doesn't meet anybody, boy ends up
alone, life sucks. Fade out. I guess that's a little bit worse. I guess I
should be happy if my life turns into a screenplay at all, even if it does
suck.
Alrighty, all you guys. I originally wasn’t going to share this as a quote of
the day, but it's too funny not too. So I'll try to hide the relatively
personal parts and explain the premise. Whatever... So anyways, I was talking
to Dan after I had stayed up all night for no flippin' reason about the trail
of ex-girlfriends I had and the things they had in common. I started relating
what they had in common to the color of their hair. OK, I told him that all of
the blonds I dated did one certain thing after we broke up, and the one redhead
I dated turned gay when we broke up (and no, I'm not proud, and I didn't do it completely.
She was already bi.). To this, Dan replied..
Quote Of the Day 11/18
"OK, you're not allowed to date anymore redheads if you're gonna waste them
like that."
-Dan (the guy who drinks a whole hell of a lot) Gregory
Boy meets girl, boy gets girl, boy turns girl gay. Now there's some conflict!
The redhead convertor,
Extendo.
Still Standing Right Here...
Tuesday, November 18, 1997
Monday, November 17, 1997
Walking Distance
Hi
guys. I hope all your finals are going well. I'm not exactly done mine, but
I've gotten to the point where I'm in so far over my head that I can
procrastinate. I realized that I'm not going to finish my animation project
this semester. It's just not going to happen, got it? So once I realized that I
wasn't going to finish, I had a lot of freedom. Cause I mean what's the point
in working my ass off to get it 65% done when I can just slack off and hand it
in 40% done? Now that I've missed my deadline, there's no sense in busting my
ass. The same sort of thing happened with the quote. I got about a week behind,
and when you're a week behind, what's another day? And when you're that behind,
what's another weekend...
So anyway, here I am. I'll try and do as many as I can before we go, so don't be surprised to check your mailbox and find like 7 quotes of the day in a row. Of course, you also shouldn't be surprised if you check it and this is the only one. I have high ambitions.
This quote came from a conversation I had with Meghan (the volleyball one) the other week about her new house. I asked her how far away from campus it was. Here's her response:
Quote Of the Day 11/17
"It's within walking distance on a good day."
-Meghan (of M&M)
Apparently, the house is on some sort of tread mill controlled by the temperature outside. And when it rains outside, you have to call long distance.
Still crazy after all these years,
Dustin.
Still Standing Right Here...
So anyway, here I am. I'll try and do as many as I can before we go, so don't be surprised to check your mailbox and find like 7 quotes of the day in a row. Of course, you also shouldn't be surprised if you check it and this is the only one. I have high ambitions.
This quote came from a conversation I had with Meghan (the volleyball one) the other week about her new house. I asked her how far away from campus it was. Here's her response:
Quote Of the Day 11/17
"It's within walking distance on a good day."
-Meghan (of M&M)
Apparently, the house is on some sort of tread mill controlled by the temperature outside. And when it rains outside, you have to call long distance.
Still crazy after all these years,
Dustin.
Still Standing Right Here...
Friday, November 14, 1997
Really Satisfying
Well,
even if I do fail out of school this semester because I'm not doing my work, my
student career here at UMBC will have been worth it. And that is because I
finally, after five years of losing in the championship game, won indoor
volleyball sixes. And it's a good thing too. Because after every year I've
lost, I've taken that stupid mug (of which I had accumulated 12 before I
started giving them away as prizes), and punted the thing in frustration. And
now that they're glass, I imagine it would have hurt a lot more. Anyway, what
made it even better was that after two straight years of losing to Tony's team
(not our Tony, but evil Tony, the Asian one. He's not really evil, we just call
him evil Tony because we all met "good Tony," the blond one, first.
So if you ever meet another Dustin, he will be known as "evil
Dustin." Unless of course you have already met another Dustin, because I
cannot be known as "evil Dustin," so we make an exception to that
rule and call the first Dustin "first Dustin." OK, I'm going to
return to my sentence now), well, anyway, after two years of losing to evil
Tony's team in the finals, we beat them. It was neat. Lots of people showed up.
I fell down. They all laughed at me. So I punched them in the genitals. I like
monkeys.
Alright, now that that's over, I have to explain to you my family. There's a reason I am the way I am. Our entire family has the same sort of low-brow, off the wall sense of humor that I do. I remember this every holiday (for example Thanksgiving). I sat a little ways away from my uncle Eddie, who is over 50 years old and having another kid (well, his wife is having a kid. You know what I mean). That little fact has nothing to do with what I'm about to tell you, except that there's gonna be more little annoying kids I'm going to have to chase around the table playing dinosaur within the next few years. Anyway, we were eating our huge turkey dinner (Grandma made 15 pounds of mashed potatoes), and my uncle Eddie just finished his meal. He grunts, grabs his full tummy, and casually says...
Quote Of the Day 11/14
"Boy!... I could sure go for a Snickers Bar."
-My Wacky Uncle Eddie
Most of the family laughed at this "most-bizarre thing he could think of to say" statement. My grandmother didn't see the humor in it. I can still hear her bitching to him about not realizing the true spirit of the holidays.
Still crapping mashed potatoes,
Extendo.
Still Standing Right Here...
Alright, now that that's over, I have to explain to you my family. There's a reason I am the way I am. Our entire family has the same sort of low-brow, off the wall sense of humor that I do. I remember this every holiday (for example Thanksgiving). I sat a little ways away from my uncle Eddie, who is over 50 years old and having another kid (well, his wife is having a kid. You know what I mean). That little fact has nothing to do with what I'm about to tell you, except that there's gonna be more little annoying kids I'm going to have to chase around the table playing dinosaur within the next few years. Anyway, we were eating our huge turkey dinner (Grandma made 15 pounds of mashed potatoes), and my uncle Eddie just finished his meal. He grunts, grabs his full tummy, and casually says...
Quote Of the Day 11/14
"Boy!... I could sure go for a Snickers Bar."
-My Wacky Uncle Eddie
Most of the family laughed at this "most-bizarre thing he could think of to say" statement. My grandmother didn't see the humor in it. I can still hear her bitching to him about not realizing the true spirit of the holidays.
Still crapping mashed potatoes,
Extendo.
Still Standing Right Here...
Thursday, November 13, 1997
The Adrenzlization of William Tell
Have
any of you guys out there been so screwed, you can't express in English words
the amount of crap you need to do in the next couple of days? Well, I have
reached that point. I am so screwed for the next couple days, I feel like
anything I say to anyone will not do justice to the amount of work that needs
to be done. None of you (no offense intended) would be able to comprehend
merely by me telling you guys, just how far up shit's creek I am. So if you ask
me how I'm doing and I just laugh and say nevermind, that's why. Or if you
start to talk about how busy you'll be this week and I just laugh to myself and
start to cry uncontrollably, you have been warned. I'll tell you all once I get
through this week what it is that I did, but it's too depressing to think about
how much I have to do instead of just doing it. So please, nobody ask me to play
Mario Kart in the next three days, or I'll be likely to say yes and then I'll
fail all my classes, lose my job, and get kicked off campus next semester, and
I WILL blame you!
Well, I finally went home last Wednesday for the first time in over 3 months. We have a dog now. And a sister too. The dog's name is Romeo. I recognized the sister from a few years ago, before she moved out. She still answers to the name Charmaine. She can roll over now. It's pretty impressive. Who says you can't teach an old sister new tricks? Anyway, I got a ride home with Kevin and Mike, two of my closest friends from back home. A two hour trip with the three of us is like a virtual quote-of-the-day-on-wheels. Well, we were listening to one of my many mix tapes with the William Tell Overture on it (it's the one that goes "Da-da-dump, da-da-dump, da-da-dump-dump-dump. Da-da-dump, da-da-dump, da-da-dump-dump-dump. Da-da-dump, da-da-dump, da-da-dump-dump-dump. Da-da-dummmmmmmmmmmm, da-da-dump-dump-dump..."), and I was remarking on how cool it was that a classical song could get me so pumped up. I believe the actual words I used were:
Quote Of the Day 11/13
Me: "Wow. I've never had a flute get me that adrenalized before."
Kevin: "Well, you're probably using it wrong."
I don't even want to know how to use it if it doesn't involve blowing into the end with the whole in it. Of course, that would explain why I saw a piccolo in Russ' room.
Crying on the outside, crying on the inside,
Screaming Cricket.
Still Standing Right Here...
Well, I finally went home last Wednesday for the first time in over 3 months. We have a dog now. And a sister too. The dog's name is Romeo. I recognized the sister from a few years ago, before she moved out. She still answers to the name Charmaine. She can roll over now. It's pretty impressive. Who says you can't teach an old sister new tricks? Anyway, I got a ride home with Kevin and Mike, two of my closest friends from back home. A two hour trip with the three of us is like a virtual quote-of-the-day-on-wheels. Well, we were listening to one of my many mix tapes with the William Tell Overture on it (it's the one that goes "Da-da-dump, da-da-dump, da-da-dump-dump-dump. Da-da-dump, da-da-dump, da-da-dump-dump-dump. Da-da-dump, da-da-dump, da-da-dump-dump-dump. Da-da-dummmmmmmmmmmm, da-da-dump-dump-dump..."), and I was remarking on how cool it was that a classical song could get me so pumped up. I believe the actual words I used were:
Quote Of the Day 11/13
Me: "Wow. I've never had a flute get me that adrenalized before."
Kevin: "Well, you're probably using it wrong."
I don't even want to know how to use it if it doesn't involve blowing into the end with the whole in it. Of course, that would explain why I saw a piccolo in Russ' room.
Crying on the outside, crying on the inside,
Screaming Cricket.
Still Standing Right Here...
Wednesday, November 12, 1997
Deep, Dark, Filmographer's Great Time Abyss of Death
O.K.
You have all just witnessed what has become to be known as the "Deep,
dark, filmographer's great time abyss of death." All you engineering and
random other dumb class majors can complain all you want that we don't do any
work, but we do. We just take all the work that needs to be done in an average
semester and do it all in about a week. A long, sleepless, unfun week. But
anyway, I'm sorry I fell so damn far behind. I'm gonna hustle like a banshee to
catch up again (don't know what a hustling banshee does, but I imagine there's
a lot of screaming).
This quote comes from sometime around the beginning of the year. Eddie (really tall high jumper guy) was talking about this girl who goes here who suffers from dwarf syndrome, which is where a person has all their limbs and other bodily stuff in proportion to each other, they're just a lot smaller than normal. She stands about a little over two feet. (Note: Eddie is 6'3") Anyway, Eddie was telling us that he saw her the other day going to the library or something.
CUT TO:
INT. MIDDLE OF DINING HALL, UMBC - 1:20 PM
The sound of people chattering and utensils clanging against glasses pervades the room in the background. The camera pans across to reveal the dining hall full of students eating and talking around a grouping of tables. The camera pans passed this one group of tables with a tall man, EDDIE, standing up talking to the rest of the group. The camera fixes on the group and cuts to a tighter shot of the table in the foreground, everything in the background out of focus:
EDDIE
(Quote Of the Day 11/12)
"...but she's so cute! I just want to go up to her and bend down and give her a huge hug! But I know that would probably be the most insulting thing I could do to her. With the possible exception of running up and jumping over her."
Laughter fills the air as the camera pans back across the dining hall. A clumsy student in a pink hat drops his soft ice cream cone onto his left shoe. In trying to catch it, he inadvertently trips a tall blond girl, causing her to spill gravy all over her white dress. She yells and then punches him in the nose.
FADE OUT:
This quote comes from sometime around the beginning of the year. Eddie (really tall high jumper guy) was talking about this girl who goes here who suffers from dwarf syndrome, which is where a person has all their limbs and other bodily stuff in proportion to each other, they're just a lot smaller than normal. She stands about a little over two feet. (Note: Eddie is 6'3") Anyway, Eddie was telling us that he saw her the other day going to the library or something.
CUT TO:
INT. MIDDLE OF DINING HALL, UMBC - 1:20 PM
The sound of people chattering and utensils clanging against glasses pervades the room in the background. The camera pans across to reveal the dining hall full of students eating and talking around a grouping of tables. The camera pans passed this one group of tables with a tall man, EDDIE, standing up talking to the rest of the group. The camera fixes on the group and cuts to a tighter shot of the table in the foreground, everything in the background out of focus:
EDDIE
(Quote Of the Day 11/12)
"...but she's so cute! I just want to go up to her and bend down and give her a huge hug! But I know that would probably be the most insulting thing I could do to her. With the possible exception of running up and jumping over her."
Laughter fills the air as the camera pans back across the dining hall. A clumsy student in a pink hat drops his soft ice cream cone onto his left shoe. In trying to catch it, he inadvertently trips a tall blond girl, causing her to spill gravy all over her white dress. She yells and then punches him in the nose.
FADE OUT:
Tuesday, November 11, 1997
Carrying Ice
There
you guys are! I've been looking everywhere for you!
Sorry I haven't e-mailed anybody in a while, but I've been sick (he's just lazy) and overwhelmed with work (addicted to Mario Kart) as of recent. But I'm gonna try and crack that habit now by spending a little free time each day e-mailing again (he'll do anything to put off schoolwork). So here we go...
Alright. For those of you who don't know, I play intramural hockey. Our team name is Fathead. We are currently doing fair, but that's besides the point. We won a game last Monday and in doing so, Chika (opposing player) got jealous of my stunning looks (just a theory), and decided I needed a fat lip. Well, he hit me in the face with the stick and I start bleeding all over the gym floor. There was a point when they thought I might need stitches. And when they said that, my first thought was "Damnit!... I don't have time to go get stitches." Well, I had to keep this bag of ice attached to my lip for a while. Also, in walking back to the dorm with a big thing of ice on my lip and blood all over my shirt, two people on the way home that night still stopped me on the sidewalk and said, "Damn Dustin!... Put some freakin' pants on!" I tell ya! What does a guy have to do to get attention drawn to his lips these days? Well, I got back to Potomac's lobby and Ted saw me walking in from a distance carrying the bag of ice, and he says to me...
Quote Of the Day 11/11
"Damn Dustin, it's not cold enough out there for you, you have to carry around a bag of ice?!?"
-Ted "Head Trojan of the Pack"
Let the records show that Ted had on long pants, a heavy jacket, and gloves. But his ears were exposed to the open cold air. He's got to be insane!
Love, cranberry sauce, and
Bowser's freakin' Castle,
Yoshi.
Still Standing Right Here...
Sorry I haven't e-mailed anybody in a while, but I've been sick (he's just lazy) and overwhelmed with work (addicted to Mario Kart) as of recent. But I'm gonna try and crack that habit now by spending a little free time each day e-mailing again (he'll do anything to put off schoolwork). So here we go...
Alright. For those of you who don't know, I play intramural hockey. Our team name is Fathead. We are currently doing fair, but that's besides the point. We won a game last Monday and in doing so, Chika (opposing player) got jealous of my stunning looks (just a theory), and decided I needed a fat lip. Well, he hit me in the face with the stick and I start bleeding all over the gym floor. There was a point when they thought I might need stitches. And when they said that, my first thought was "Damnit!... I don't have time to go get stitches." Well, I had to keep this bag of ice attached to my lip for a while. Also, in walking back to the dorm with a big thing of ice on my lip and blood all over my shirt, two people on the way home that night still stopped me on the sidewalk and said, "Damn Dustin!... Put some freakin' pants on!" I tell ya! What does a guy have to do to get attention drawn to his lips these days? Well, I got back to Potomac's lobby and Ted saw me walking in from a distance carrying the bag of ice, and he says to me...
Quote Of the Day 11/11
"Damn Dustin, it's not cold enough out there for you, you have to carry around a bag of ice?!?"
-Ted "Head Trojan of the Pack"
Let the records show that Ted had on long pants, a heavy jacket, and gloves. But his ears were exposed to the open cold air. He's got to be insane!
Love, cranberry sauce, and
Bowser's freakin' Castle,
Yoshi.
Still Standing Right Here...
Monday, November 10, 1997
No Pants November
OK.
Most of you know me well enough to know that I wear shorts year round, but for
those of you who don't, I wear shorts year round. Usually in any type of
weather no matter what. I wore pants twice last year. Once for my job interview
for the RA position (and they weren't even mine, I had to borrow them), and one
other time when I went out and played tackle football in the snow (and people
still called me a wus). Also, I'm a pretty sharp witted guy, and usually good
with little one liners. Well, you'd think as often as I wear shorts in the cold
that I'd have some sort of stock answer or witty comeback kinda deal for every
time somebody says to me "Hey, isn't it a little cold for shorts?" or
"Aren't you cold?" or "Hey look, that asteroid is going to kill
us all, and hey, there's that freak who always wears shorts. HEY YOU! YEAH, YOU
IN THE PINK HAT! PUT SOME DAMN PANTS ON, IT'S FREEZING OUT HERE! AND STOP CRYING!...
Weirdo." But I don't. I have no comeback. And I feel so stupid for not
having a comeback. Because then I usually just say something like
"Yeah." and keep walking, thinking to myself how much of a dork I
must sound like now. So if anybody has any ideas for witty retorts, please let
me know. It's easy if I have my ear muffs on, because then I can just take a
shot right back at them about "MY LEGS? AREN'T YOUR EARS COLD? AND STOP
CRYING!... Weirdo." But without my ears muffs, I'm lost, and I could use
the guidance of you 110 or so of my best friends. Thanks.
OK. I find quotes in the strangest of places sometimes. Like this one I got from that dumb RA conference I went to in DC. I only say it was dumb because for the most part, it was pretty dumb. Anyway, during our lunch this guy who was some chairman of athletic academics or something, gave what they called a "keynote speech." I didn't see the relevance. Anyway, in his opening remarks, he said that a key player on Duke's basketball team was called in to see his coach, because it was discovered that he was getting 4 F's and a D midway through the semester. His coach sat him down, and said to him...
Quote Of the Day 11/10
"Son, I think you're spending too much time on one subject."
-Duke's b-ball coach
Alright guys, it's now 4:30 and I have a screenplay to finish by 10 (I just like saying "I have a screenplay to finish." It sounds cool).
Grating you like cheese,
Extendo.
Still Standing Right Here...
OK. I find quotes in the strangest of places sometimes. Like this one I got from that dumb RA conference I went to in DC. I only say it was dumb because for the most part, it was pretty dumb. Anyway, during our lunch this guy who was some chairman of athletic academics or something, gave what they called a "keynote speech." I didn't see the relevance. Anyway, in his opening remarks, he said that a key player on Duke's basketball team was called in to see his coach, because it was discovered that he was getting 4 F's and a D midway through the semester. His coach sat him down, and said to him...
Quote Of the Day 11/10
"Son, I think you're spending too much time on one subject."
-Duke's b-ball coach
Alright guys, it's now 4:30 and I have a screenplay to finish by 10 (I just like saying "I have a screenplay to finish." It sounds cool).
Grating you like cheese,
Extendo.
Still Standing Right Here...
Friday, November 7, 1997
A Q in Sex
I'm
not quite sure, but I think I saw an ark over by the ECS building.
It's now been raining for three days straight, and I know that's nothing compared to what Noah went through, but think about it. THREE DAYS!!! That's a long flippin' time for it to be raining non-stop. And we all know how great the drainage system is on campus. There'll be puddles on the quad until next March if this silliness doesn't stop soon. I found God's e-mail address on the web and I wrote him asking him to spare us, but he hasn't replied yet. I think I just assume everybody checks their e-mail daily nowadays. I know God's busy and everything, but so am I. And I manage to find time in my day to check my e-mail. At least almost daily. I'll give him until midnight tomorrow. If he doesn't reply by then, I'm going to mail dump him. He hates that.
I was in sex class the other day and we were about to get our papers back. Davey and I were kinda worried because we hadn't read a damn thing the entire semester up to this point. We had both BS'd our papers and we knew it, Davey worse than me. We started imagining exactly what death was in store for us. Davey said he'd be completely happy with a "D" but he imagined the grade would be worse. We wondered if she was the kind of teacher who would stop at an "F," or keep going down the alphabet if the paper sucked that bad. Davey was convinced that under that kind of a system, he would get no better than a "Q" or something around there...
Quote Of the Day 11/7
"I'll have to get an "A" on the final just to fail the course."
For the record, Davey got a "D" and gave me a high five.
Buying stock in canoes,
Wet Cricket.
Still Standing Right Here...
It's now been raining for three days straight, and I know that's nothing compared to what Noah went through, but think about it. THREE DAYS!!! That's a long flippin' time for it to be raining non-stop. And we all know how great the drainage system is on campus. There'll be puddles on the quad until next March if this silliness doesn't stop soon. I found God's e-mail address on the web and I wrote him asking him to spare us, but he hasn't replied yet. I think I just assume everybody checks their e-mail daily nowadays. I know God's busy and everything, but so am I. And I manage to find time in my day to check my e-mail. At least almost daily. I'll give him until midnight tomorrow. If he doesn't reply by then, I'm going to mail dump him. He hates that.
I was in sex class the other day and we were about to get our papers back. Davey and I were kinda worried because we hadn't read a damn thing the entire semester up to this point. We had both BS'd our papers and we knew it, Davey worse than me. We started imagining exactly what death was in store for us. Davey said he'd be completely happy with a "D" but he imagined the grade would be worse. We wondered if she was the kind of teacher who would stop at an "F," or keep going down the alphabet if the paper sucked that bad. Davey was convinced that under that kind of a system, he would get no better than a "Q" or something around there...
Quote Of the Day 11/7
"I'll have to get an "A" on the final just to fail the course."
For the record, Davey got a "D" and gave me a high five.
Buying stock in canoes,
Wet Cricket.
Still Standing Right Here...
Thursday, November 6, 1997
Jenny, I Got Your Number
You
know what I just noticed about my extension (a.k.a. Stryker told me a while
ago),? Remember that hit song of the 80's called "Jenny" followed by
a phone number? My extension is the first 4 digits of that phone number
(x8675). And coincidentally enough, the remaining 3 numbers in order, are the
amount of points scored by OA in our second volleyball game, followed by the
amount of points Diablo scored in their second game against us, and finally
ended with my favorite number plus 4. It's almost to the point of freakin me
out!
OK. I confess. I listen to country music. And one thing I noticed is that there are an amazingly high percentage of male country singers named Tracy. Tracy Bird, Tracy Atkins, Tracy Lawrence, and I'm sure there have got to be more. Well, a while ago, I asked a group of people sitting at a dinner table why they supposed that was so. Here's the end of the conversation:
Quote Of the Day 11/6
ME: "Why are so many male country singers named Tracy?"
TONY (after a brief pause): "Well, what else are they gonna do?"
Guys named Leslie turn into wacko actors, guys named Shannon play tight end for Denver football teams, why shouldn't guys named Tracy make a living whining about crap to that steel guitar twang?
Student, athlete, and masochist,
Dustin.
Still Standing Right Here...
OK. I confess. I listen to country music. And one thing I noticed is that there are an amazingly high percentage of male country singers named Tracy. Tracy Bird, Tracy Atkins, Tracy Lawrence, and I'm sure there have got to be more. Well, a while ago, I asked a group of people sitting at a dinner table why they supposed that was so. Here's the end of the conversation:
Quote Of the Day 11/6
ME: "Why are so many male country singers named Tracy?"
TONY (after a brief pause): "Well, what else are they gonna do?"
Guys named Leslie turn into wacko actors, guys named Shannon play tight end for Denver football teams, why shouldn't guys named Tracy make a living whining about crap to that steel guitar twang?
Student, athlete, and masochist,
Dustin.
Still Standing Right Here...
Wednesday, November 5, 1997
My Ugly Hat
Volleyball
started yesterday. I already skipped two classes on the first day of games.
This does not bide well for my attendance to these classes for the rest of the
season. I actually skipped one of those classes just to watch a game. And it
wasn't even a good game. This addiction I have to volleyball is quite
unhealthy. I didn't sleep all last night because I was thinking of a better way
to run a 6-2 offense. Let me rephrase that. I stayed up all last night because
I'm an idiot. I just happened to pass the time by thinking about volleyball. Both
our men's team (Extendo) and our coed team (Screaming Crickets) are 2-0 as of
right now. But I'm trying not to get a big head about it, because we will
inevitably run into the "Pucketeers" and there goes our undefeated
streak. But until then, we'll enjoy the weather.
OK, this quote is about the ugliness of one of my hats (as opposed to my shirt). I have this hat that I don't wear too often, unless I know for sure that I'm not going to run into anyone I need to impress for that period of time. It's not even really pink. It's got pink in it, along with yellow and brown and black. And it's a weird fabric, especially for a hat. It feels like a curtain. And the colors are in a really ugly pattern. It's almost random really. And in a bad way. And it's even shaped funky. I have to wear it backwards or else I won't be able to see. And then I can't look up. The only reason I keep it is that it matches everything I own. Well anyway, I was at dinner with Robyn, and I traditionally take my hat off to eat (mom would be proud). So I took my hat off and set it down at the table in the middle, somewhere between Robyn and myself. She had already started eating by the time I got there, and she looks down at it and says...
Quote Of the Day 11/5
"How am I supposed to digest food with that sitting in front of me?"
-Robyn, a.k.a. "Sarcastic One"
At least she wasn't eating with Andrew's face sitting on the table.
Trying to muster up the motivation
to get out of this chair,
Dustin Sleepyhead.
Still Standing Right Here...
OK, this quote is about the ugliness of one of my hats (as opposed to my shirt). I have this hat that I don't wear too often, unless I know for sure that I'm not going to run into anyone I need to impress for that period of time. It's not even really pink. It's got pink in it, along with yellow and brown and black. And it's a weird fabric, especially for a hat. It feels like a curtain. And the colors are in a really ugly pattern. It's almost random really. And in a bad way. And it's even shaped funky. I have to wear it backwards or else I won't be able to see. And then I can't look up. The only reason I keep it is that it matches everything I own. Well anyway, I was at dinner with Robyn, and I traditionally take my hat off to eat (mom would be proud). So I took my hat off and set it down at the table in the middle, somewhere between Robyn and myself. She had already started eating by the time I got there, and she looks down at it and says...
Quote Of the Day 11/5
"How am I supposed to digest food with that sitting in front of me?"
-Robyn, a.k.a. "Sarcastic One"
At least she wasn't eating with Andrew's face sitting on the table.
Trying to muster up the motivation
to get out of this chair,
Dustin Sleepyhead.
Still Standing Right Here...
Tuesday, November 4, 1997
My Ugly Shirt
I
forgot how much fun Halloween could be. I went to Fells Point for the first
time ever on Halloween last Friday. When we got there, there were these five or
six guys with drums on straps, and they were roaming all around the streets,
and stopping occasionally, creating a kind of dancing area right in front of
them. At one point, they stopped and these two girls who didn't know each
other, dressed up like Poison Ivy and Catwoman, started really getting into it
with each other. They were getting extremely graphic considering they were in
the middle of a street packed with people moreso than I've ever seen. And I
cannot express to you guys in words how upset I was that I had a Riddler
costume sitting in a ball at home on the floor, having just been taken off not
an hour prior to that moment. Damn. It was also a little discouraging that the
one time I dressed in normal clothes (long pants and very few fluorescent
things) to go out, I still looked awkward.
This quote came from a while ago, and I hope you guys can still appreciate it. I wore my favorite shirt into the dining hall (the button down one that is mostly skittle green, but has about 4 other gaudy pastel colors in it that don't match each other), and ran into quite a few people who haven't seen me in the shirt before. Jason Yankus, a pretty good friend of mine saw me for the first time in about a week, with my shirt on, and of course a bright pink hat to accompany it, and the first thing he had to say to me wasn't "Hi" or "What's going on" or anything like that. He just walked straight up to me and said...
Quote Of the Day 11/4
"WOW! Don't walk under a black light. You'll hurt somebody."
-Yankus
That still doesn't equal the damage Andrew's face can do under a normal light. (Bring it on, Proz!)
A statistic in a system that a civil servant dominates,
Screaming Cricket.
Still Standing Right Here...
This quote came from a while ago, and I hope you guys can still appreciate it. I wore my favorite shirt into the dining hall (the button down one that is mostly skittle green, but has about 4 other gaudy pastel colors in it that don't match each other), and ran into quite a few people who haven't seen me in the shirt before. Jason Yankus, a pretty good friend of mine saw me for the first time in about a week, with my shirt on, and of course a bright pink hat to accompany it, and the first thing he had to say to me wasn't "Hi" or "What's going on" or anything like that. He just walked straight up to me and said...
Quote Of the Day 11/4
"WOW! Don't walk under a black light. You'll hurt somebody."
-Yankus
That still doesn't equal the damage Andrew's face can do under a normal light. (Bring it on, Proz!)
A statistic in a system that a civil servant dominates,
Screaming Cricket.
Still Standing Right Here...
Monday, November 3, 1997
Old Knees
Holy
shit. I just now looked at the little clock on the computer. Apparently, it's
5:00 AM. I had no idea it was getting that late. Listen, I have to get some
sleep guys. Volleyball season starts tomorrow, and I've got two important games
to play. And my old age is already one strike against me, I don't want to be
exhausted too. I don't know if you guys are taking me seriously with this whole
me being old thing, but my knees don't do things that they used to. Of course,
when they did the things that they used to, they never really did the things
that they were supposed to, and I think I'm paying the price now. But I don't
know. Because had they not done the things they weren't supposed to, they might
not be able to do the things that they used to now anyway. Or maybe it would
just hurt a lot more. Who knows?
I went to Suzanne at dinner tonight and asked her to feel my knee when I bent it. It makes all these jerky popping and snapping motions. So after careful analysis, she determined the cause of my demise. "You're getting old." Well, I guess I'll have to accept it. I mean, it happens to the best of us. Unless of course, you're REALLY good.
Here's the quote just a little bit late. I'll catch up tomorrow. I was busy all today trying to find out a way to tactfully skip my class so I could go to the women's volleyball game. Anyway... I was talking to Danielle (the twin on the floor that isn't Natasha) about how it seems like whenever I walk into her room, she's got about 4 or 5 guys in there. She claims that a lot of the time they just come, whether she wants them to or not (don't even bother, it's too easy), and a lot of the time, she'd rather not have them in there. To help with her point, she asked her friend Marti to back her up. He used what's known in argumentative tactics as a "counterattack"...
Quote Of the Day 11/3
"The first time I walked into your room, there were 3 girls on the bed, and like 200 condoms on the floor."
-Marti (That's just how I spell it)
Just for the record, those condoms aren't for me anyway. I'm on the pill.
Love, volleyballs, and reconstructive surgery,
Extendo.
Still Standing Right Here...
I went to Suzanne at dinner tonight and asked her to feel my knee when I bent it. It makes all these jerky popping and snapping motions. So after careful analysis, she determined the cause of my demise. "You're getting old." Well, I guess I'll have to accept it. I mean, it happens to the best of us. Unless of course, you're REALLY good.
Here's the quote just a little bit late. I'll catch up tomorrow. I was busy all today trying to find out a way to tactfully skip my class so I could go to the women's volleyball game. Anyway... I was talking to Danielle (the twin on the floor that isn't Natasha) about how it seems like whenever I walk into her room, she's got about 4 or 5 guys in there. She claims that a lot of the time they just come, whether she wants them to or not (don't even bother, it's too easy), and a lot of the time, she'd rather not have them in there. To help with her point, she asked her friend Marti to back her up. He used what's known in argumentative tactics as a "counterattack"...
Quote Of the Day 11/3
"The first time I walked into your room, there were 3 girls on the bed, and like 200 condoms on the floor."
-Marti (That's just how I spell it)
Just for the record, those condoms aren't for me anyway. I'm on the pill.
Love, volleyballs, and reconstructive surgery,
Extendo.
Still Standing Right Here...
Friday, October 31, 1997
Bowman Logic
Dave,
what the hell are you doing? You did me proud in assisting me with the whole
"stalk the volleyball team campaign," but I have to put a stop to
this usurping of quotes of the day. I'm sure you remember what can happen.
Don't make me sick Detective Smiley on you. Or worse yet, I'll hire Earl to
screw with your account like he did Yelnick's. Just in case you guys don't
remember, Earl is the guy who can seriously fuck with your account. He wrote a
program that administered electric shock to a person every time they tried to
login to their account. And he also did this thing where if you tried to
falsely send in a quote of the day, a boxing glove would pop out of the monitor
and punch you in the face. Point is, you can reply as you wish, but you risk
being publicly embarrassed in front of however many people I have on here like
Chris (angst Boy) just recently was.
I showed up to a football game today with excited that I could just watch a game without having to ref or play in it. Well, I was there for about 3 minutes, and Gary gave me a video camera and asked me to tape it. He put me up on top of the van and actually tried driving around while the play was going on. It was pretty neat and fun. Anyway, Ryan Bowman, president of Sig Ep, and a pretty decent guy, was reffing the game. He told me that for the first year and a half he knew me, he hated me. And it was just because I wore "that stupid pink hat everywhere." He said he hated Stryker too, because he was loud...
Quote Of the Day 10/31
"Your hat was the equivalent of Stryker's mouth."
-Bowman
Well, so much for that theory on time changing things. And I guess it didn't help that we hung out together all the time either.
Too tired to be creative,
The Riddler.
Still Standing Right Here...
I showed up to a football game today with excited that I could just watch a game without having to ref or play in it. Well, I was there for about 3 minutes, and Gary gave me a video camera and asked me to tape it. He put me up on top of the van and actually tried driving around while the play was going on. It was pretty neat and fun. Anyway, Ryan Bowman, president of Sig Ep, and a pretty decent guy, was reffing the game. He told me that for the first year and a half he knew me, he hated me. And it was just because I wore "that stupid pink hat everywhere." He said he hated Stryker too, because he was loud...
Quote Of the Day 10/31
"Your hat was the equivalent of Stryker's mouth."
-Bowman
Well, so much for that theory on time changing things. And I guess it didn't help that we hung out together all the time either.
Too tired to be creative,
The Riddler.
Still Standing Right Here...
Thursday, October 30, 1997
Pi Kapp Football Strategies
Hey
Tony, that was cool as shit, man. Nice catch. I will no longer refer to you (or
anyone else) as Tony Testicle. And Angst Boy, first of all, you wern’t the
first to respond to my spelling error as a matter of fact. There are others out
there that take just as much delight in correcting my spelling errors as
yourself (and by the way, I know I misspelled weren’t wrong, I just don't feel
like going up to change it, damnit!). But had I written down the word
"segue," how many people of these hundred or so would have known what
it meant. Most would probably think I was talking about a French vegetable or
something. And they all hate French vegetables. Well, I do. I just assume
everybody else does. Anyway..., our men's football team lost our football game
today. But I know what we did wrong. See, what happened was that we let them score
more points than we did. I'm thinking if we had avoided that, we may have had a
better shot at winning. Oh well. They say that hindsight is 20/20, and in my
case it's probably twice that, because I don't wear glasses or anything. Of
course two times 20/20 is 40/40, which is still just 1. I don't know who we're
all kidding. I think it's a hoax, but I lack substantial proof. They do a good
cover-up job.
A funny thing I heard at a football game today: I hung out to watch Pi Kapp play ZBT after our game today. Pi Kapp lost by approximately the football score equivalent of a ton, but that's beside the point. They had a quarterback who tried to run every play. Even more than I did. And they had a couple of linemen who weren't the most dexterous of creatures. On one particular play, the quarterback found himself running all over the backfield... again, and Ryan Mihalic, notorious for being the ex-RA of third north and now a Pi Kapp lineman, was scrambling around with him until Ryan finally fell down trying to make a cut and the quarterback threw a lame duck up in the air that was, by pure luck, not intercepted. (I really apologize for that last sentence, by the way. Good luck reading it.) Well, Chris Kelly was walking back to the huddle up the sideline, to which I mentioned that their quarterback needs to learn how to throw...
Quote Of the Day 10/30
"Yeah, and Mihalic has to learn how to not be fat."
-The lone Pi Kapp receiver
I think I need to learn how to not be lazy, only I have no time. Ironic.
Praying that my knees last through volleyball season,
Extendo.
Still Standing Right Here...
A funny thing I heard at a football game today: I hung out to watch Pi Kapp play ZBT after our game today. Pi Kapp lost by approximately the football score equivalent of a ton, but that's beside the point. They had a quarterback who tried to run every play. Even more than I did. And they had a couple of linemen who weren't the most dexterous of creatures. On one particular play, the quarterback found himself running all over the backfield... again, and Ryan Mihalic, notorious for being the ex-RA of third north and now a Pi Kapp lineman, was scrambling around with him until Ryan finally fell down trying to make a cut and the quarterback threw a lame duck up in the air that was, by pure luck, not intercepted. (I really apologize for that last sentence, by the way. Good luck reading it.) Well, Chris Kelly was walking back to the huddle up the sideline, to which I mentioned that their quarterback needs to learn how to throw...
Quote Of the Day 10/30
"Yeah, and Mihalic has to learn how to not be fat."
-The lone Pi Kapp receiver
I think I need to learn how to not be lazy, only I have no time. Ironic.
Praying that my knees last through volleyball season,
Extendo.
Still Standing Right Here...
Wednesday, October 29, 1997
The Happiest Fart
You
know, it's a little disconcerting that my days don't seem to end until around
6:30 or 7 in the morning now. Yeah, just in case you see the date I sent this
and think I'm late, you're wrong. It's actually still Wednesday to me. Don't
argue with me. I'm right and I'm too tired to learn you the ways of time as it
applies to the college student right now. And damnit, this clock change is
messing with me because now the sun is always coming up as I try to fall
asleep. Sometimes I think I accidentally set mine back too many hours.
Great news everybody. Fathead is in the finals!! We upset T-Shirts Please today to grant us a chance for the championship. You know it's a good day when I say "Good job Russ" more than once. We had 5 interceptions, 3 returned for touchdowns, and one of them by Russ! Of all people, that uncoordinated bastard picked one off and ran it back. It was great. Our offense hardly ever got to play, but that's what happens when they drive all the way down to our ten yard line and then threw an interception that goes all the way back for a touchdown. They get the ball right back again, and they waste a hell of a lot of time. We had more interceptions today than offensive completions. I'd like to say we had a great game, but they did most of the work. Well, they can plead all they want, but they ain't getting no t-shirts this year.
Well, I needn't tell you guys that the drive back here from VA Tech can take a while. Anyway, right before we left, we were walking back toward the van, and I stepped in a pile of dog stuff. Everybody knows how much that sucks. Well, anyway, I wiped it all off, and got in the van with everybody. Shortly after we left, Dan asked me if I was sure I got all the dog stuff off my shoe because there was a distinct bad odor. To comfort him, I admitted that I had just released gas. This put Dan at ease because now he knew that the odor would pass and he wouldn't have to live with it all the way home...
Quote Of the Day 10/29
"That's the happiest a fart has ever made me."
Middle Linebacker Dan
Well, next time you need one, just ask.
Love, interceptions, and a clay imp,
Fathead.
Still Standing Right Here...
Great news everybody. Fathead is in the finals!! We upset T-Shirts Please today to grant us a chance for the championship. You know it's a good day when I say "Good job Russ" more than once. We had 5 interceptions, 3 returned for touchdowns, and one of them by Russ! Of all people, that uncoordinated bastard picked one off and ran it back. It was great. Our offense hardly ever got to play, but that's what happens when they drive all the way down to our ten yard line and then threw an interception that goes all the way back for a touchdown. They get the ball right back again, and they waste a hell of a lot of time. We had more interceptions today than offensive completions. I'd like to say we had a great game, but they did most of the work. Well, they can plead all they want, but they ain't getting no t-shirts this year.
Well, I needn't tell you guys that the drive back here from VA Tech can take a while. Anyway, right before we left, we were walking back toward the van, and I stepped in a pile of dog stuff. Everybody knows how much that sucks. Well, anyway, I wiped it all off, and got in the van with everybody. Shortly after we left, Dan asked me if I was sure I got all the dog stuff off my shoe because there was a distinct bad odor. To comfort him, I admitted that I had just released gas. This put Dan at ease because now he knew that the odor would pass and he wouldn't have to live with it all the way home...
Quote Of the Day 10/29
"That's the happiest a fart has ever made me."
Middle Linebacker Dan
Well, next time you need one, just ask.
Love, interceptions, and a clay imp,
Fathead.
Still Standing Right Here...
Tuesday, October 28, 1997
You Don't Know Jack About Sex
I
don't know if you guys remember me saying something last week about "if I
can only make it through this week, I'll be OK." Well, I'll be damned if I
wasn't wrong again. But once this week is over, I'll finally have a little down
time (note, I said DOWN time, not FREE time). Well, You Don't Know Jack About
Sex was quite a success. Everybody had a good time and it seemed like everybody
was laughing the entire time. I think a crowd favorite was the Dis or Dat
question which made them choose whether something was a sexual term, a city in
PA, or both. I was surprised she got "Conshohocken" wrong. I could
picture "Intercourse" or "Hardcock," but if there's any
sexual act called Conshohocken, I don't think I'd ever date a girl who has
performed it.
Well, I'm already off-topic and tired as a sperm in July (no, I don't know what it means), so I'm not attempting a segue to this quote of the day. It came a few weeks ago when Hassan, Meghan and I were talking about relationships, and Meghan introduced her theory on why so many relationships fizzle out after two years or so. And as unfortunate as it is, I think we all have to agree on some level...
Quote Of the Day 10/28
"...what used to be cute and endearing is now just annoying."
With me, it seems like I start out as annoying, and get possibly more annoying. That cute and endearing crap isn't for everybody anyway.
Just because I live in a teepee...
Screaming Cricket.
Still Standing Right Here...
Well, I'm already off-topic and tired as a sperm in July (no, I don't know what it means), so I'm not attempting a segue to this quote of the day. It came a few weeks ago when Hassan, Meghan and I were talking about relationships, and Meghan introduced her theory on why so many relationships fizzle out after two years or so. And as unfortunate as it is, I think we all have to agree on some level...
Quote Of the Day 10/28
"...what used to be cute and endearing is now just annoying."
With me, it seems like I start out as annoying, and get possibly more annoying. That cute and endearing crap isn't for everybody anyway.
Just because I live in a teepee...
Screaming Cricket.
Still Standing Right Here...
Monday, October 27, 1997
That Line Between Here and Stalking
Hello
again everybody. Sorry I fell off the edge of the earth last week, but it
really ought to have a guard rail or something. Anyway, I went to our girls
volleyball game this Sunday and SuperDave, my photographer friend, was taking
pictures for the newspaper. Jokingly around, I asked him if he could get me
some 9 by 12 glossies of a couple players. Well, he did. Which brings up a new
question. Where is the line between mere admiration from afar and stalking? I
mean, I have the picture, but it's not like I hung it up or anything. And I
don't really follow her around as much anymore. Well, I at least don't wear the
camouflage too much. At any rate, don't tell anybody about this. This information
is personal and must not be shared with anyone outside of the designated
hundred or so people. Because if word ever got out that I was stalking them
again, it would just make it that much harder.
Alright, we (other people and myself) went to VA Tech this weekend for an ultimate frisbee tournament. We didn't necessarily "win" in the true sense of the word, but we made up for it by getting hurt. We all had a lot of fun, and as silly as the sport of frisbee sounds, it's really physically grueling. At least, that's what I was thinking as the ambulance pulled away. Well, as I was bitching about being sore on the way home, Katie was sympathetic to my situation and decided to put her two cents in...
Quote Of the Day 10/27
"Derek's worried about his bone. It's hard and flat here (pointing to my 'bone'), but it's like pointy here."
-Katie
I was already writing down her first sentence, but she just kept digging the hole.
Bouncing the bad check of fate,
Screaming Cricket.
Still Standing Right Here...
Alright, we (other people and myself) went to VA Tech this weekend for an ultimate frisbee tournament. We didn't necessarily "win" in the true sense of the word, but we made up for it by getting hurt. We all had a lot of fun, and as silly as the sport of frisbee sounds, it's really physically grueling. At least, that's what I was thinking as the ambulance pulled away. Well, as I was bitching about being sore on the way home, Katie was sympathetic to my situation and decided to put her two cents in...
Quote Of the Day 10/27
"Derek's worried about his bone. It's hard and flat here (pointing to my 'bone'), but it's like pointy here."
-Katie
I was already writing down her first sentence, but she just kept digging the hole.
Bouncing the bad check of fate,
Screaming Cricket.
Still Standing Right Here...
Friday, October 24, 1997
Plotting
Alright,
guys. First of all, thank you everyone who was concerned about my whereabouts
and well-being this past week, thank you sincerely. For the small few of you
who thought I was in a dark studio animating an imp at a Halloween party and in
hell for 17 hours in a row just to avoid you, I hope you get constipated this
weekend. Well, I've now been up for 24 hours straight again. It's not
necessarily a new thing, but it's litterally the third time I've done it this
week. Thankfully, I have a restful weekkend of going to VA Tech to play
ultimate frisbee, being on duty, andn someweher in there, planning about 45
questions for a reaaly complicated sex game show. I was so out of it Tuesady, I
actually went up to Tanya, my Community director, and tried to call a time out
from life. It turns out I only get three per half, and I used all mine up when
I was seven. Who'd have thought? Well, I'm loking forward to 50. Until then, if
anybody wants to sub in for me, I wouldn't mind sitting out for a play or two.
Just watch the down, out and up. Don't bite the fake.
Well, that started out kinda funny and turned into a neat little metaphor for life (and a practical fottball lesson for several Good Guys). I go through thees mood swings when I'm tired. I thikn it's the estrogen. Anyway, the quote is one I got when I was talking to a freind of mine about a fight I had with a girl. It was sorta my fault adn I was worried she'd hate me. Well, I was excited when I told him vevrything was goi ng well. He taught me an important life lessonm...
Quote Of the Day 10/24
"Just becasue a woman is nice to you doesn't mean things are OK. She's probably plotting."
-Greg "ulterior motives guy"
I'm wearing a cup jsut in case.
The newest of life's injured reserves,
Dutsin.
Stil lStandirg RIhgre Hesrer./// (fuck it!)
Well, that started out kinda funny and turned into a neat little metaphor for life (and a practical fottball lesson for several Good Guys). I go through thees mood swings when I'm tired. I thikn it's the estrogen. Anyway, the quote is one I got when I was talking to a freind of mine about a fight I had with a girl. It was sorta my fault adn I was worried she'd hate me. Well, I was excited when I told him vevrything was goi ng well. He taught me an important life lessonm...
Quote Of the Day 10/24
"Just becasue a woman is nice to you doesn't mean things are OK. She's probably plotting."
-Greg "ulterior motives guy"
I'm wearing a cup jsut in case.
The newest of life's injured reserves,
Dutsin.
Stil lStandirg RIhgre Hesrer./// (fuck it!)
Thursday, October 23, 1997
Throwback QOTD - Stomphead
Rapid
fire. Here comes another "best of" quote of the day. And I figured
I'd make it another Billy-related one. OK, I'll write you all more when I'm not
dead.
Quote Of the Day 10/23
**************************************************************************
Subject: quote of the day 3/13
Howdy do all? Well, STOMP!! came around this past weekend and was as live as ever. Man, dat show was def! Seriously, it was the third time I've seen it, and I was just as blown away as the first time. Anyway, they put on a show just for me on Saturday. Sure, a lot of people were there, but they were just a formality for tax purposes. The show was just for me. If I had the time and the money, I'd become a STOMP!! groupie. I'd follow them from city to city, sleep out for tickets, call myself a Stomphead and park my VW bug outside the Lyric with tie-dye push brooms sticking out the sunroof. But that's just me.
Alright, this quote came from Adam because he claims he stopped playing worms with me because he didn't want to be embarrassed on the quote of the day (We all know it's just because he doesn't want us to know just how incompetent he really is). But anyway, I wrote this one down a while back, and I just wanted to prove to him that you're never safe from the quote of the day around me (insert evil maniacal laughter here). Well, all that needs to be said about this is that it was in reference to me...
Quote Of the Day 3/13
"Billy, commence the fucking."
-The worse(?) half of Dumb and Uglier
Let the record show that he never even tried.
Empathizing with Marv Levy,
dustin.
Still Standing Right Here...
Quote Of the Day 10/23
**************************************************************************
Subject: quote of the day 3/13
Howdy do all? Well, STOMP!! came around this past weekend and was as live as ever. Man, dat show was def! Seriously, it was the third time I've seen it, and I was just as blown away as the first time. Anyway, they put on a show just for me on Saturday. Sure, a lot of people were there, but they were just a formality for tax purposes. The show was just for me. If I had the time and the money, I'd become a STOMP!! groupie. I'd follow them from city to city, sleep out for tickets, call myself a Stomphead and park my VW bug outside the Lyric with tie-dye push brooms sticking out the sunroof. But that's just me.
Alright, this quote came from Adam because he claims he stopped playing worms with me because he didn't want to be embarrassed on the quote of the day (We all know it's just because he doesn't want us to know just how incompetent he really is). But anyway, I wrote this one down a while back, and I just wanted to prove to him that you're never safe from the quote of the day around me (insert evil maniacal laughter here). Well, all that needs to be said about this is that it was in reference to me...
Quote Of the Day 3/13
"Billy, commence the fucking."
-The worse(?) half of Dumb and Uglier
Let the record show that he never even tried.
Empathizing with Marv Levy,
dustin.
Still Standing Right Here...
Wednesday, October 22, 1997
Throwback QOTD - Billy's Socks
Alright
guys. I'm a little behind in my work, and I have decided that I'm going to take
it upon myself to tell you freshmen out there an important lesson. What do you
guys do if you have a paper due in like an hour and you're so behind, you
haven't even started it? (let's pretend you already have 222 papers of similar
style saved in a very accessible place? You recopy one of those. Lucky guess
guys, but I'll still give you the star sticker. Anyway, that's what I'm doing.
And since it's Billy's birthday today (actually, it was Wednesday), I've
decided to pick a quote about him. Hope you all enjoy this nostalgic quote of
the day:
Quote Of the Day 10/22
**************************************************************************
Subject: quote of the day 10/3
Some of you would be surprised at how fast I can type the phrase "quote of the day." I never timed it, but let's just say I can do it pretty darn fast.
I don't know if any of you have heard of Billy's latest venture, but he's recently taken the drawstring out of a pair of shorts, and was looking for a way to repair them easily. (Billy's definition of easily is quite different than a normal homo sapien's.) So what he does is takes a sock that he doesn't use as a sock anymore, and cuts it and sews it (using fishing wire) to his shorts to act as elastic. It works, but there is a very obvious sock sewn to his shorts, and it looks rather silly. But that's Billy for you. So next time you ask yourself what that funky thing is around Billy's waist, you can answer yourself too. That way, you can have a whole conversation with yourself. I take no responsibility for anything you do to yourself after that.
In response to Billy's explanation of what exactly he was doing to his sock...
Quote Of the Day 10/3
"Wow, Billy. You're like the MacGyver of clothes."
-Andrew (Jolly Rancher dude)
If only he were the MacGyver of homework.
Looking at socks in a whole new light,
Bungle Nut.
Still Standing Right Here...
(I can type that pretty fast too.)
Quote Of the Day 10/22
**************************************************************************
Subject: quote of the day 10/3
Some of you would be surprised at how fast I can type the phrase "quote of the day." I never timed it, but let's just say I can do it pretty darn fast.
I don't know if any of you have heard of Billy's latest venture, but he's recently taken the drawstring out of a pair of shorts, and was looking for a way to repair them easily. (Billy's definition of easily is quite different than a normal homo sapien's.) So what he does is takes a sock that he doesn't use as a sock anymore, and cuts it and sews it (using fishing wire) to his shorts to act as elastic. It works, but there is a very obvious sock sewn to his shorts, and it looks rather silly. But that's Billy for you. So next time you ask yourself what that funky thing is around Billy's waist, you can answer yourself too. That way, you can have a whole conversation with yourself. I take no responsibility for anything you do to yourself after that.
In response to Billy's explanation of what exactly he was doing to his sock...
Quote Of the Day 10/3
"Wow, Billy. You're like the MacGyver of clothes."
-Andrew (Jolly Rancher dude)
If only he were the MacGyver of homework.
Looking at socks in a whole new light,
Bungle Nut.
Still Standing Right Here...
(I can type that pretty fast too.)
Tuesday, October 21, 1997
Writing Tired
Morning
guys. My hellish span of work is coming to a close soon, which means that I may
be able to sleep again. Actually, right now I'm cutting into my sleep time to
e-mail you guys. And I'm really going to need some before my presentation
tomorrow, as I found out last night at my exam. I was up all last night writing
a screenplay. I finished it at 10 this morning and quickly made 15 copies of
this 26 page screenplay before class (we were supposed to). Don't ask me if
it's any good. I haven't read it yet. I just remember trying to write dialogue
while falling asleep on the keyboard.
Timeka
So, what the hell?
Tracy
I don't know.
Timeka
Damn.
Tracy
Well, what the hell?
Timeka
Shit, I dddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddd
dddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddd
dddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddd
That's approximately when I woke up. The keyboard was making an annoying gurgling sound. And then I had to stay up for another 12 hours to take a mid-term at 7 at night. I spent the entire girls volleyball match studying for that damn thing (well, I was sitting there with a book open at least. I think it was right-side-up). And then I got there and it turned out to be easy as cake. I was actually pissed that I left the volleyball game early to take the exam. I probably would have been out of there in half an hour, had I not decided to take a nap midway through the exam. Oh well. I'll get over having had an easy exam.
Alright. This quote was actually just said about 15 minutes ago when I started this message. I have no idea what Greg and Robyn were doing back there, but it's a feeling I'm sure we all can identify with.
Quote Of the Day
"OK, I'll hold your computer and you can beat it."
-Robyn "she of the stiff neck"
Alright, now Greg, you hold Robyn so I can beat her.
Too tired to be creative (sorry),
Screaming Cricket.
Still Standing Right Here...
Timeka
So, what the hell?
Tracy
I don't know.
Timeka
Damn.
Tracy
Well, what the hell?
Timeka
Shit, I dddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddd
dddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddd
dddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddd
That's approximately when I woke up. The keyboard was making an annoying gurgling sound. And then I had to stay up for another 12 hours to take a mid-term at 7 at night. I spent the entire girls volleyball match studying for that damn thing (well, I was sitting there with a book open at least. I think it was right-side-up). And then I got there and it turned out to be easy as cake. I was actually pissed that I left the volleyball game early to take the exam. I probably would have been out of there in half an hour, had I not decided to take a nap midway through the exam. Oh well. I'll get over having had an easy exam.
Alright. This quote was actually just said about 15 minutes ago when I started this message. I have no idea what Greg and Robyn were doing back there, but it's a feeling I'm sure we all can identify with.
Quote Of the Day
"OK, I'll hold your computer and you can beat it."
-Robyn "she of the stiff neck"
Alright, now Greg, you hold Robyn so I can beat her.
Too tired to be creative (sorry),
Screaming Cricket.
Still Standing Right Here...
Monday, October 20, 1997
My Coolest Professor
Well,
there you are. I've been looking all over for you. Oh, by the way, for those of
you who are new, I take the weekends off. I hope that doesn't inconvenience
anyone. If you are really in need of a QOTD fix and can't go a weekend without
one, let me know and I'll send you the "back issues" of Quote Of the
Day for only $3.95 a magazine. Or maybe I'll just give 'em to you for free. It
all depends.
Anyway, I am way freakin' busy this week, so don't be surprised if I get behind on this crap. I had to actually plan my week out hour by hour until Wednesday at 8:00 at night. Right now, I'm cutting into my 15 minute snack break. I hope you all appreciate that I starve for you. Also, because I'm as busy as I am, I won't be able to personally respond to you guys for a bit, but I wanted to say thanks for writing me anyway. It means a lot. Especially Tanner. Because he hurt his toe the other week, and to e-mail me in the condition he's in is just a display of what a trooper he is. (And he told me he felt guilty for catching a pass in the football game today because they only had 5 people and we had 7.) But anyway...
Sometimes I get material from places I never thought of. Like class. My animation teacher is one of the coolest professors I've had. He was describing to us this process called the "flicker-flame" method of animating. It involves taking a black piece of film, completely underexposed, and taking a razor and scraping the emulsion off of it all over the place. It creates this random, fast, and completely disturbing effect. He ends his demonstration of this technique by saying...
Quote Of the Day 10/20
"So if you ever want to make any mind-boggling, eye-hurting, epileptic fit-starting films..."
-SuperDan Bailey
Apparently I wasn't the only one who found the semi-popular technique disturbing.
Miles to go before I sleep,
Screaming Cricket.
Still Standing Right Here...
Anyway, I am way freakin' busy this week, so don't be surprised if I get behind on this crap. I had to actually plan my week out hour by hour until Wednesday at 8:00 at night. Right now, I'm cutting into my 15 minute snack break. I hope you all appreciate that I starve for you. Also, because I'm as busy as I am, I won't be able to personally respond to you guys for a bit, but I wanted to say thanks for writing me anyway. It means a lot. Especially Tanner. Because he hurt his toe the other week, and to e-mail me in the condition he's in is just a display of what a trooper he is. (And he told me he felt guilty for catching a pass in the football game today because they only had 5 people and we had 7.) But anyway...
Sometimes I get material from places I never thought of. Like class. My animation teacher is one of the coolest professors I've had. He was describing to us this process called the "flicker-flame" method of animating. It involves taking a black piece of film, completely underexposed, and taking a razor and scraping the emulsion off of it all over the place. It creates this random, fast, and completely disturbing effect. He ends his demonstration of this technique by saying...
Quote Of the Day 10/20
"So if you ever want to make any mind-boggling, eye-hurting, epileptic fit-starting films..."
-SuperDan Bailey
Apparently I wasn't the only one who found the semi-popular technique disturbing.
Miles to go before I sleep,
Screaming Cricket.
Still Standing Right Here...
Friday, October 17, 1997
Wave Back, Damnit
I
have a problem here. Or a complaint rather. Why do people that you know and
that know you refuse to say hi at certain times. For example, I know the entire
girls volleyball team. Like I've actually had conversations with each and every
one of them. And conversations of actual worth also. Yet whenever I see them
all together in the dining hall or something, I make eye contact, wave and get
nothing back. And I've decided that's the worst feeling in the world too. Because
you look and feel REALLY stupid. It's unavoidable. If you like fall over a curb
and spill your books all over the place, you can make fun of yourself and crap,
and you'll be embarrassed a little bit, but everything will be cool. But if you
make direct eye contact with somebody, wave, say hi, and they walk by you like
it was a mirage, there is no comeback. You can say something like "Oh, I
guess you're too cool to wave to a dork in a pink hat like me, eh?" But then
you look like an ass (the jerk part of ass, as opposed to the dork part of
ass). So I've decided to take the following action: Wave, nothing, get
embarrassed, get an ice cream cone, and when they're not looking, run by with a
ski mask and throw it at them. Well, I'll get back to you on my progress with
this theory. But the thing that gets me is that they all know me, and they all
know that each one of them knows me, and one of them even has a crush on me (or
did I get that backwards), but they still pretend they don't know me when there
are more than like 2 of them. If they weren't all so damn cute, I'd end our relationship
right now.
Wow, that took a lot longer than I thought. OK, Andrew may be gone, but Russ is here. He is by no means a replacement, but he's just as ugly, so we let him play with us. (?) Anyway, I can't even remember what happened to lead to this, and I don't particularly care to try, but this is something that could have only come out of Russ' mouth (and I'll bet Billy probably said it before sometime too)...
Quote of the Day 10/17
"I may be dumb, but I'm not outright stupid."
-Russ "littledick" Johnson
Actually, I don't think Billy knows what the word "outright" means. And yes, Russ, you are.
Collapsing under the pressure of my own weight,
Dustin "the exhausted" Fisher.
Still Standing Right Here...
(that's a lie)
Wow, that took a lot longer than I thought. OK, Andrew may be gone, but Russ is here. He is by no means a replacement, but he's just as ugly, so we let him play with us. (?) Anyway, I can't even remember what happened to lead to this, and I don't particularly care to try, but this is something that could have only come out of Russ' mouth (and I'll bet Billy probably said it before sometime too)...
Quote of the Day 10/17
"I may be dumb, but I'm not outright stupid."
-Russ "littledick" Johnson
Actually, I don't think Billy knows what the word "outright" means. And yes, Russ, you are.
Collapsing under the pressure of my own weight,
Dustin "the exhausted" Fisher.
Still Standing Right Here...
(that's a lie)
Thursday, October 16, 1997
My Busy College Life
Man,
I can't believe how freakin' busy I am. You'd never think just by looking that
an RA has to do so much damn work. On top of the normal expected crap like
roaming the halls twice a night, running volleyball tournaments for 6 hours,
and going to 2-hour long staff meetings every Thursday, we have to put up with
all these freshmen asking us how they can get more "involved" and
shit. Hey, you wanna get more involved? Change my damn calendar then! You're
the one who's been complaining for the past 3 weeks that you have no idea
what's going on. Just leave me alone so I can do the damn quote of the day.
Yeah, that's another thing. E-mail, at least the way I do it, should be a 3 or
4 credit course. And as if that wasn't enough, I'm managing 5 intramural teams
at the same time. And this is a slow period! Thank God I dropped all my classes
or I might be in over my head.
As funny as the random sexual innuendos are, when you've been doing this crap for 3 years, they, as a complete hick would say, get in your crawl. There's only so much humor value in them before they start getting annoying. But they definitely are a crowd favorite. And occasionally, I'm in the mood for one. Oh, what the hell, let's do it!
Quote of the Day 10/16
"What's that white stuff on his thing?"
-Some chick they call "Shaggy"
You would've thought she'd be prepared.
Lobbying to add more hours to the day,
Suckworm.
P.S. - I don't really hate all you guys. I just have to pretend to once in a while so you don't get spoiled.
Still Standing Right Here...
As funny as the random sexual innuendos are, when you've been doing this crap for 3 years, they, as a complete hick would say, get in your crawl. There's only so much humor value in them before they start getting annoying. But they definitely are a crowd favorite. And occasionally, I'm in the mood for one. Oh, what the hell, let's do it!
Quote of the Day 10/16
"What's that white stuff on his thing?"
-Some chick they call "Shaggy"
You would've thought she'd be prepared.
Lobbying to add more hours to the day,
Suckworm.
P.S. - I don't really hate all you guys. I just have to pretend to once in a while so you don't get spoiled.
Still Standing Right Here...
Wednesday, October 15, 1997
Below the Law
Let
me first tell you guys something about being an RA. Not that any of you guys
actually thought this, but we are not above the law. Prior to last night, I was
in Susquehanna (my home for the past 4 years) twice passed quiet hours, and I
was warned for noise once and documented once. That's right. An RA documented
for noise violation. How backstabbing is that? I mean, if you're a cop and you
see another cop murder a family of four, you don't tell anybody! You have to
protect your fellow employees. I mean, come on!
OK, I hope you all realize I'm kidding. I have nothing against the RA that documented me. Hell, I think it's kind of prestigious having been written up in the same dorm for noise violation 5 years in a row. That's got to be some kind of record or something.
At any rate, the quote has nothing to do with my documentation, being it wasn't really a funny night. It's actually a Billyism. I have come to realize how much easier the quote of the day was when I lived with Billy. If I was in a bind, all I had to do was hang around the room for 10 minutes and try to talk to him about something intelligent. Eventually he'd crack. And if I was really in trouble, I could just go down the hall to see Andrew (if I could separate him from his harem of women. And also if I could stand the smell). But anyway, I was talking to Billy about a certain girl who's name I will not disclose in this e-mail, and I said...
Quote of the Day 10/15
Me: "She's kinda cute."
Anonymous: "Yeah, but you don't know her. Once you get to know her, it goes away."
Oh yeah, I almost forgot. Billy wanted to remain anonymous for this quote, OK. So we don't know who said that, if you know what I mean. ;-)
Catch you later e-mail dudes,
dustin.
Still Standing Right Here...
OK, I hope you all realize I'm kidding. I have nothing against the RA that documented me. Hell, I think it's kind of prestigious having been written up in the same dorm for noise violation 5 years in a row. That's got to be some kind of record or something.
At any rate, the quote has nothing to do with my documentation, being it wasn't really a funny night. It's actually a Billyism. I have come to realize how much easier the quote of the day was when I lived with Billy. If I was in a bind, all I had to do was hang around the room for 10 minutes and try to talk to him about something intelligent. Eventually he'd crack. And if I was really in trouble, I could just go down the hall to see Andrew (if I could separate him from his harem of women. And also if I could stand the smell). But anyway, I was talking to Billy about a certain girl who's name I will not disclose in this e-mail, and I said...
Quote of the Day 10/15
Me: "She's kinda cute."
Anonymous: "Yeah, but you don't know her. Once you get to know her, it goes away."
Oh yeah, I almost forgot. Billy wanted to remain anonymous for this quote, OK. So we don't know who said that, if you know what I mean. ;-)
Catch you later e-mail dudes,
dustin.
Still Standing Right Here...
Tuesday, October 14, 1997
Scheduling Sex
Hey
guys. This is my second day in a row with a quote of the day. For those of you,
who don't know any better, it's a special treat to get two quotes of the day in
a row. Actually, it's really a special treat to get one at all. It's not like
I'm getting any monetary compensation or anything. By the way, all donations
are accepted.
Well, the summer is over finally and I'm back at school, which means that I got my life back. Unfortunately, it's still ramming its piping hot dildo up my ass, but this time it's got a sandpaper condemn on. Well, maybe it's not that bad, but I just wanted you all to think about my butt for a while.
Alrighty, folks. Back to business. I'm taking a class this semester called "Human sexuality in physiological perspectives." Alanis Morisette and Lorena Bobbit teach the class and the first thing that happens is all the guys line up and they kick us in the nuts. Other than that, it's a pretty decent class. Anyway, I wrote up my schedule, and had it lying around the room. Now, I'm not going to write down on a schedule "Human sexuality and favorite positions" or whatever it is on one of those tiny blue schedule. So I abbreviated it, and just wrote down "SEX." Robyn and Chris Kelly came into my room and Chris picks up the schedule and says to me...
Quote of the Day 10/14
"Wow. You have to schedule that in?"
-Chris Kelly
Well, when you're as busy as I am, you just gotta put everything down on paper. And you guys have no idea how many times I've skipped sex to play soccer. You have no idea how disconcerting it is to walk into sex late and find out they've already started without you.
Making bubbles in the wading pool of authority,
Screaming Cricket.
Still Standing Right Here...
Well, the summer is over finally and I'm back at school, which means that I got my life back. Unfortunately, it's still ramming its piping hot dildo up my ass, but this time it's got a sandpaper condemn on. Well, maybe it's not that bad, but I just wanted you all to think about my butt for a while.
Alrighty, folks. Back to business. I'm taking a class this semester called "Human sexuality in physiological perspectives." Alanis Morisette and Lorena Bobbit teach the class and the first thing that happens is all the guys line up and they kick us in the nuts. Other than that, it's a pretty decent class. Anyway, I wrote up my schedule, and had it lying around the room. Now, I'm not going to write down on a schedule "Human sexuality and favorite positions" or whatever it is on one of those tiny blue schedule. So I abbreviated it, and just wrote down "SEX." Robyn and Chris Kelly came into my room and Chris picks up the schedule and says to me...
Quote of the Day 10/14
"Wow. You have to schedule that in?"
-Chris Kelly
Well, when you're as busy as I am, you just gotta put everything down on paper. And you guys have no idea how many times I've skipped sex to play soccer. You have no idea how disconcerting it is to walk into sex late and find out they've already started without you.
Making bubbles in the wading pool of authority,
Screaming Cricket.
Still Standing Right Here...
Monday, October 13, 1997
Why We Don't Have Girlfriends
Is
it late in here or is it just me?
Well, hello everybody out there in e-mail land. Sorry I'm late, but it turns out that being immortal takes up a hell of a lot of time (or was that "immoral?"). Well, anyway, the quote of the day is back (for now), and most of you know what that means, but for the new guys on the list, here's what this game entails: your part is simple. You just kinda sit there and read the quote of the day and maybe giggle and talk about it with you parents. Whatever. My job is the hard part. Every day, I find something that somebody said that struck me as funny or something, and I send it out to a hell of a lot of people. So watch what you say. Any small slips of the tongue could become public knowledge. Of course, I'm not going to be a dick and tell everybody that you're gay if you happen to tell me that. Especially not after last year (Sorry Billy). But if you happen to say stuff like "well, then I guess I'll have to go ahead and whack off your Timmy," "Yeah, I guess I do have a little head," or "There ought to be a law against women. I don't know what it should be, but there should be one. That would be cool.", then I may feel inclined to make it a quote of the day.
Before I get rolling like a tumbleweed through UMBC on the weekend, I have a few favors to ask of you guys. If I have forgotten anyone that you think would enjoy this, or even just be able to tolerate it, let me know. Also, if you don't get anything out of this, or if you hate getting all this crappy mail in a day, write back and I'll yank your ass off the list as fast as I yank... nevermind. Also, if you guys happen to see a redhead with a green jacket on campus, give her my name and tell her where I live. Even if she doesn't have a jacket on, let her know I'm looking for her. Hell, blond, brunette, bald, send 'em my way!
OK, here goes...
Mike (Yelnick) and I were walking through ACME at about 3:00 in the morning over the summer and having one of our usual conversations revolving around the topic "why can't we find women" or something of the like. The normal woman-bashing goes back and forth, and he tells me that there is a lady who works with who asked him if he had a girlfriend or not. To this, Mike, loser that he is, replied "no." She said "why not? What's wrong with you?" Well, it got us to thinking. What is wrong with us? Why don't we have girlfriends? And in the middle of ACME, right next to the lactaid, Mike has an amazing revelation:
Quote Of the Day 10/13
"I guess it's mostly because I don't ask."
-Mike "the wise"
Sounds kinda simple, but when it comes down to it, that's the bottom line.
Brilliant, Mike. Brilliant.
Love, pink hats, and volleyballs,
dustin.
Still Standing Right Here...
Well, hello everybody out there in e-mail land. Sorry I'm late, but it turns out that being immortal takes up a hell of a lot of time (or was that "immoral?"). Well, anyway, the quote of the day is back (for now), and most of you know what that means, but for the new guys on the list, here's what this game entails: your part is simple. You just kinda sit there and read the quote of the day and maybe giggle and talk about it with you parents. Whatever. My job is the hard part. Every day, I find something that somebody said that struck me as funny or something, and I send it out to a hell of a lot of people. So watch what you say. Any small slips of the tongue could become public knowledge. Of course, I'm not going to be a dick and tell everybody that you're gay if you happen to tell me that. Especially not after last year (Sorry Billy). But if you happen to say stuff like "well, then I guess I'll have to go ahead and whack off your Timmy," "Yeah, I guess I do have a little head," or "There ought to be a law against women. I don't know what it should be, but there should be one. That would be cool.", then I may feel inclined to make it a quote of the day.
Before I get rolling like a tumbleweed through UMBC on the weekend, I have a few favors to ask of you guys. If I have forgotten anyone that you think would enjoy this, or even just be able to tolerate it, let me know. Also, if you don't get anything out of this, or if you hate getting all this crappy mail in a day, write back and I'll yank your ass off the list as fast as I yank... nevermind. Also, if you guys happen to see a redhead with a green jacket on campus, give her my name and tell her where I live. Even if she doesn't have a jacket on, let her know I'm looking for her. Hell, blond, brunette, bald, send 'em my way!
OK, here goes...
Mike (Yelnick) and I were walking through ACME at about 3:00 in the morning over the summer and having one of our usual conversations revolving around the topic "why can't we find women" or something of the like. The normal woman-bashing goes back and forth, and he tells me that there is a lady who works with who asked him if he had a girlfriend or not. To this, Mike, loser that he is, replied "no." She said "why not? What's wrong with you?" Well, it got us to thinking. What is wrong with us? Why don't we have girlfriends? And in the middle of ACME, right next to the lactaid, Mike has an amazing revelation:
Quote Of the Day 10/13
"I guess it's mostly because I don't ask."
-Mike "the wise"
Sounds kinda simple, but when it comes down to it, that's the bottom line.
Brilliant, Mike. Brilliant.
Love, pink hats, and volleyballs,
dustin.
Still Standing Right Here...
Tuesday, April 8, 1997
Why Worry
Hello
everybody out there in healthy-ankle-land. I'm merely a visitor to your
country. That's right everybody. In case you haven't heard, I'm the newest gimp
on the hall. The golden crutches have been passed down like a crown from Tony
to David to me. I'm confined to them and this stupid plaster cast for up to a
week or 10 days. At least that's what they tell me. They of course don't know
that my ligaments happen to heel at a rate 7 times faster than the ordinary
ligament. So I should be walking again by dinner tomorrow, and I'll be leading
off and playing left field in our game Friday. Actually, it's not that my
ligaments are 7 times stronger than the ordinary ligament. It's just that I'm 7
times stupider than the ordinary ligament.
Anyway, I was talking to my dad the other night about one thing or another that was going wrong in my life. He tried to console me, but I told him I was fine and I'd get by. I just had to stick it out until the end of the semester and I'd be fine. To this he replied "I worry about you, son." I told him that he shouldn't worry about me and was cut off...
Quote of the Day 4/8
"Well, I do. If I had another son, I wouldn't give a shit. But you're all I got."
-My always supportive and caring father
My mom wasn't quite as supportive as dad.
Love, crutches, and sore arm pits,
Dustin.
Still Hobbling Right Here...
Anyway, I was talking to my dad the other night about one thing or another that was going wrong in my life. He tried to console me, but I told him I was fine and I'd get by. I just had to stick it out until the end of the semester and I'd be fine. To this he replied "I worry about you, son." I told him that he shouldn't worry about me and was cut off...
Quote of the Day 4/8
"Well, I do. If I had another son, I wouldn't give a shit. But you're all I got."
-My always supportive and caring father
My mom wasn't quite as supportive as dad.
Love, crutches, and sore arm pits,
Dustin.
Still Hobbling Right Here...
Monday, April 7, 1997
Stages of "In Trouble"
As
a general rule, if you're about to drink from a water fountain that you've
never drunk out of before, push the button all the way in first, just so you
know what you're in store for. I'm sure you all know this anyway, but it's
probably worth the extra 3 seconds of your life.
Well, a bunch of us ate dinner tonight. Actually, I'm sure almost all of us ate dinner tonight, but I'm referring explicitly to those who ate with me. Anyway, Carl and Kalola (apologize about sp. if wrong) were there and Carl decided to talk in his girly voice and make fun of Kalola for a while when she then informed him "In case you were wondering, yes, you are in trouble." Eddie decided to cut in then with some insight on getting in trouble with the woman around the guys.
Quote Of the Day 4/7
"Well, Carl, since you're already in trouble, you might as well look cool in front of your friends..."
-The would-be women's high jump national champion
I've been there Carl. And Eddie, though he means well, is wrong here. There are a few more stages after "in trouble" that you really don't want to see. Trust me.
The would-be women's pentathlon national champ,
Mr. Whistlehead.
Still Standing Right Here...
Well, a bunch of us ate dinner tonight. Actually, I'm sure almost all of us ate dinner tonight, but I'm referring explicitly to those who ate with me. Anyway, Carl and Kalola (apologize about sp. if wrong) were there and Carl decided to talk in his girly voice and make fun of Kalola for a while when she then informed him "In case you were wondering, yes, you are in trouble." Eddie decided to cut in then with some insight on getting in trouble with the woman around the guys.
Quote Of the Day 4/7
"Well, Carl, since you're already in trouble, you might as well look cool in front of your friends..."
-The would-be women's high jump national champion
I've been there Carl. And Eddie, though he means well, is wrong here. There are a few more stages after "in trouble" that you really don't want to see. Trust me.
The would-be women's pentathlon national champ,
Mr. Whistlehead.
Still Standing Right Here...
Friday, April 4, 1997
The Last Pimp-Daddy Day
Tuesday
was a very sad day. For those of you who don't know, the Pimp-Daddies played
their last show. No more random wearing of wigs or tossing plaster ducks into
the crowd anymore. Nope. Tuesday was the very last "Pimp-Daddy Day."
But it was a great day. The show kinda sucked as far as Pimp-Daddies shows
usually were. There was no mosh pit and nobody in the crowd really got too into
their music. In order for the Pimp-Daddies to have a good show, they need
people to dance around with them and crap. But the coolest thing about the
night was that while the band that played right before them were taking down
their crap and the Pimp-Daddies were putting theirs up, there were 15 free
minutes. Matt "Soul Train" Fulchiron asked me if I wanted to do my
stand up routine in the meantime. I figured, what the fuck, nobody's here
anyway. So I got to open for the Pimp-Daddies!!! Man, there's nowhere to go but
down from there.
Alright, the quote. This one is another straightforward example of pure speaking incompetence exhibited by Tony again. He was playing worms with us late at night and tried to do something really tricky, that wasn't going to quite work out the way he had planned it...
Quote Of the Day 4/4
"I think I found a flaw in my problem."
-Tone-Def
I think we all did, Tony.
Sipping from the Tang of masochism,
Dustin.
Still Standing Right Here...
Alright, the quote. This one is another straightforward example of pure speaking incompetence exhibited by Tony again. He was playing worms with us late at night and tried to do something really tricky, that wasn't going to quite work out the way he had planned it...
Quote Of the Day 4/4
"I think I found a flaw in my problem."
-Tone-Def
I think we all did, Tony.
Sipping from the Tang of masochism,
Dustin.
Still Standing Right Here...
Thursday, April 3, 1997
More Damage Control
EASY!!
EASY!! EASY!! Slow down here guys! Now I'm going to grant Foster a pardon
because he probably sent that message before I sent the other quote of the day.
And I'll grant Yelnick a pardon because I happen to know personally how small of
a brain he has, and how little his powers of observation are. But it stops
here. No more pleading the fifth. Or the eighth, the nineteenth, or even the pi
over tooth. This will be the end of all usurpers! I have an exploding sheep and
I know how to use it!
Not only is this quote going to be from me, but it's gonna be cool, and do you know why? Because it's the first quote collaboration between Dumb and Uglier. And what's even cooler is that Uglier is taking a shot at Dumb's manhood. Well, here it is. Intact and the genuine article...
Quote Of the Day 4/3
Dumb: "Every time I go to the tennis courts, I get more balls."
Uglier: "One day, you'll be a man."
That's one hell of a prophecy you're making there Uglier.
Everything you know is wrong,
Extendo.
Still Standing Right Here...
Not only is this quote going to be from me, but it's gonna be cool, and do you know why? Because it's the first quote collaboration between Dumb and Uglier. And what's even cooler is that Uglier is taking a shot at Dumb's manhood. Well, here it is. Intact and the genuine article...
Quote Of the Day 4/3
Dumb: "Every time I go to the tennis courts, I get more balls."
Uglier: "One day, you'll be a man."
That's one hell of a prophecy you're making there Uglier.
Everything you know is wrong,
Extendo.
Still Standing Right Here...
Wednesday, April 2, 1997
Wandering Unprepared Into Similes
Apparently
I caught more than a few of you with my little prank. In fact, your gullibility
as a whole exceeded even my expectations. And they were pretty high to begin
with. I got more than a number of messages back asking me why I was quitting
and Khannover actually wrote a quote of the day. SuperDave asked to be taken
off the list if I wasn't running it anymore. And Dave, though I appreciate your
loyalty, I must mock your incompetence. If you still don't know what I'm
talking about, read that last message over. ALL OF IT! You may notice that the
little % thingy is only around 50% at what most people thought was the end of
my message. Nine times out of ten, that means that there is more to come. Well,
there's no need to dwell on it, though I did have fun with it.
Last Thursday, the track team had their first ever home meet at the new track. In case you didn't know (and why would you?), but when Teresa Love runs, her face turns really bright red. In fact, it was so red, Tony just had to comment on it...
Quote Of the Day 4/2
"Man, her face is redder than... (pause for 3 seconds)... something that isn't quite as red."
-Tony Harris, master of the English language
Moral: Know the punchline before you start the joke. What Tony had was the embryo of a joke. Though he quickly put it in the joke incubator, tragically, the joke died. But still, a nice try.
Not necessarily the news,
Screaming Cricket.
Still Standing Right Here...
Last Thursday, the track team had their first ever home meet at the new track. In case you didn't know (and why would you?), but when Teresa Love runs, her face turns really bright red. In fact, it was so red, Tony just had to comment on it...
Quote Of the Day 4/2
"Man, her face is redder than... (pause for 3 seconds)... something that isn't quite as red."
-Tony Harris, master of the English language
Moral: Know the punchline before you start the joke. What Tony had was the embryo of a joke. Though he quickly put it in the joke incubator, tragically, the joke died. But still, a nice try.
Not necessarily the news,
Screaming Cricket.
Still Standing Right Here...
Dsentarius Gets Confused
Mark
said something today that I couldn't help but capture immortally via the QOTD.
We were watching Battletech (those who don't know what this is, write to
lfoste1. Ask him what it is, he'll tell you all about it), and noticed one of
the female characters flirting with a guy she said was her cousin. Barnes and I
pointed this out, and to this, Mark replied with the:
QOTD, 4/14
"Lots of people marry their cousins."
One word: Cambridge.
With the love of ages,Dsentarius
Not standing here for long
QOTD, 4/14
"Lots of people marry their cousins."
One word: Cambridge.
With the love of ages,Dsentarius
Not standing here for long
Conover Gets Confused
> From the desk of Michael Conover...
I must refuse, both on the grounds that you spelled my name wrong, and you didn't refer to me by my rightful title, "Ruler of Life, the Universe, and Everything, and That's Final So Back Off." However, I will make every attempt to fulfill my duties, and in the event that the first Miss America cannot, I will happily step into her position.
For my first trick, this is something I was told by my brother, who is currently working at Red Lobster while putting himself through grad school. To pay the bills, he routinely works over 50 hours a week, and he's always looking for more hours. Everyone around the place knows that PJ is the guy to call if you need to drop some hours, but he felt that putting up sign would help his cause. He should have rephrased it.
"To: All Waiters/Waitresses
Too busy, or just need some time to relax? If you need to get off, call PJ, and he'll do the job for you."
So far he's gotten calls from Pee Wee Herman, "Uncle" Eddie Savitz, and of course, Bill Clinton.
In parting I'd like to refer to the wise words of Jack Handey.
"The face of child says a lot. Especially the mouth part of the face."
Flipping my dreidel,
Yelnick
I must refuse, both on the grounds that you spelled my name wrong, and you didn't refer to me by my rightful title, "Ruler of Life, the Universe, and Everything, and That's Final So Back Off." However, I will make every attempt to fulfill my duties, and in the event that the first Miss America cannot, I will happily step into her position.
For my first trick, this is something I was told by my brother, who is currently working at Red Lobster while putting himself through grad school. To pay the bills, he routinely works over 50 hours a week, and he's always looking for more hours. Everyone around the place knows that PJ is the guy to call if you need to drop some hours, but he felt that putting up sign would help his cause. He should have rephrased it.
"To: All Waiters/Waitresses
Too busy, or just need some time to relax? If you need to get off, call PJ, and he'll do the job for you."
So far he's gotten calls from Pee Wee Herman, "Uncle" Eddie Savitz, and of course, Bill Clinton.
In parting I'd like to refer to the wise words of Jack Handey.
"The face of child says a lot. Especially the mouth part of the face."
Flipping my dreidel,
Yelnick
Tuesday, April 1, 1997
Stepping Down?
I'm
warning you all now. Not everyone is going to appreciate what I'm about to do
in this message. I've decided that because I'm so busy with everything this
semester, that I'm resigning from quote of the day and I will hand over my
throne to Mike Conover (Yelnick MacWawa) and Foster (Dsentarius). They can
split the duties between the two of themselves I'm sure. But I just can’t' keep
doing this. I feel guilty that I only get around to it every so often, so this
is my only alternative. I apologize.
dustin.
APRIL FOOLS!!!!!!
I'll bet you suckers actually fell for that one. HA! HA! HA! Boy, was that ever fun! Actually, it's nowheres near Aril Fool's Day, but I plan on making up all those one's I missed that past week. (I'll let you all know if that was a joke later).
I just saw SCREAM for the first time yesterday in Lecture Hall 2 with the rest of the campus, and if you haven't seen it, it comes highly recommended. It's funny, it's almost scary, and the chick in it is really freakin' hot! But there was this line in the movie that I can't stop repeating, and everybody seems to like it (at least the guys do), so I'm making it the quote of the day because I want to. There were a couple of guys talking about what motive a guy would have to kill his girlfriend, and one of the guys said...
Quote Of the Day 4/1
"There's always SOME stupid reason to kill your girlfriend."
-Some goofy lookin' guy from SCREAM!
I think we can all (at least half of us can) agree with that.
Tragically hip,
dustin.
Still Standing Right Here...
dustin.
APRIL FOOLS!!!!!!
I'll bet you suckers actually fell for that one. HA! HA! HA! Boy, was that ever fun! Actually, it's nowheres near Aril Fool's Day, but I plan on making up all those one's I missed that past week. (I'll let you all know if that was a joke later).
I just saw SCREAM for the first time yesterday in Lecture Hall 2 with the rest of the campus, and if you haven't seen it, it comes highly recommended. It's funny, it's almost scary, and the chick in it is really freakin' hot! But there was this line in the movie that I can't stop repeating, and everybody seems to like it (at least the guys do), so I'm making it the quote of the day because I want to. There were a couple of guys talking about what motive a guy would have to kill his girlfriend, and one of the guys said...
Quote Of the Day 4/1
"There's always SOME stupid reason to kill your girlfriend."
-Some goofy lookin' guy from SCREAM!
I think we can all (at least half of us can) agree with that.
Tragically hip,
dustin.
Still Standing Right Here...
Friday, March 14, 1997
Conover's Worms
Well,
another gangsta rapper bit the big one; bought the farm; ate the cherry turnip
of unhappiness; died. When are these guys going to learn? It must not be easy
being a gangsta rapper. I guess I've just been taking it for granted.
This following message is a quote from my friend in Pitt who used to always steal my job. I laughed real hard at the irony and I hope you guys do to. And I'm sure a lot of you will understand what he's talking about (to catch you up, Angel, for all intents and purposes is his chick). But I mainly wanted to include this as a quote to condone his behavior (that of sending it to me and... well, you'll see...
Quote Of the Day 3/14
************************************************************************
Also, since I've come back to the 'Burgh, I've infested the my house with Worms. Of the five computers in the house, it's on all five, and I'll be damned if we don't all play a hell of a lot. This leads me to Official Quote of the Day Submission Form. You know I'd never try to post directly to the list without prior submission to you, of course. So, there we were, about five of us sitting around the computer, taking turns playing Worms and all that, with the usual snide comments. "I'll prod your ass, buddy" which is always followed by, "GAY!!!" But anyway, I lied and told her I loved and she didn't care. But anyway, so then Angel calls me to talk and whatnot (although it's really hard to do whatnot over the phone) and it was apparent early on that I wasn't listening to her because of Worms. She was understanding and let me go, saying,
"I'll let you guys go and play with your worms then"
Mike
************************************************************************
Well, Mike, it looks like you'll be playing with your worm for a while.
Keeper of the Crickets,
Suckworm.
Still Standing Right Here...
This following message is a quote from my friend in Pitt who used to always steal my job. I laughed real hard at the irony and I hope you guys do to. And I'm sure a lot of you will understand what he's talking about (to catch you up, Angel, for all intents and purposes is his chick). But I mainly wanted to include this as a quote to condone his behavior (that of sending it to me and... well, you'll see...
Quote Of the Day 3/14
************************************************************************
Also, since I've come back to the 'Burgh, I've infested the my house with Worms. Of the five computers in the house, it's on all five, and I'll be damned if we don't all play a hell of a lot. This leads me to Official Quote of the Day Submission Form. You know I'd never try to post directly to the list without prior submission to you, of course. So, there we were, about five of us sitting around the computer, taking turns playing Worms and all that, with the usual snide comments. "I'll prod your ass, buddy" which is always followed by, "GAY!!!" But anyway, I lied and told her I loved and she didn't care. But anyway, so then Angel calls me to talk and whatnot (although it's really hard to do whatnot over the phone) and it was apparent early on that I wasn't listening to her because of Worms. She was understanding and let me go, saying,
"I'll let you guys go and play with your worms then"
Mike
************************************************************************
Well, Mike, it looks like you'll be playing with your worm for a while.
Keeper of the Crickets,
Suckworm.
Still Standing Right Here...
Thursday, March 13, 1997
Stomphead
Howdy
do all? Well, STOMP!! came around this past weekend and was as live as ever.
Man, dat show was def! Seriously, it was the third time I've seen it, and I was
just as blown away as the first time. Anyway, they put on a show just for me on
Saturday. Sure, a lot of people were there, but they were just a formality for
tax purposes. The show was just for me. If I had the time and the money, I'd
become a STOMP!! groupie. I'd follow them from city to city, sleep out for
tickets, call myself a Stomphead and park my VW bug outside the Lyric with
tie-dye push brooms sticking out the sunroof. But that's just me.
Alright, this quote came from Adam because he claims he stopped playing worms with me because he didn't want to be embarrassed on the quote of the day (We all know it's just because he doesn't want us to know just how incompetent he really is). But anyway, I wrote this one down a while back, and I just wanted to prove to him that you're never safe from the quote of the day around me (insert evil maniacal laughter here). Well, all that needs to be said about this is that it was in reference to me...
Quote Of the Day 3/13
"Billy, commence the fucking."
-The worse(?) half of Dumb and Uglier
Let the record show that he never even tried.
Empathizing with Marv Levy,
dustin.
Still Standing Right Here...
Alright, this quote came from Adam because he claims he stopped playing worms with me because he didn't want to be embarrassed on the quote of the day (We all know it's just because he doesn't want us to know just how incompetent he really is). But anyway, I wrote this one down a while back, and I just wanted to prove to him that you're never safe from the quote of the day around me (insert evil maniacal laughter here). Well, all that needs to be said about this is that it was in reference to me...
Quote Of the Day 3/13
"Billy, commence the fucking."
-The worse(?) half of Dumb and Uglier
Let the record show that he never even tried.
Empathizing with Marv Levy,
dustin.
Still Standing Right Here...
Wednesday, March 12, 1997
No Hugging
Well,
we played an intramural soccer game last night. Apparently hugging is illegal
in that sport too. In fact, it's a two minute penalty. Man, where IS the love?
Actually, I was thinking about it, and the only sport where hugging is legal is
wrestling, a sport not traditionally known for it's grace and elegance. In
fact, you get points for it. Go figure. One could argue that hugging is legal
in football, but unless you're after the guy with the big brown ball, hugging
is 15 yards and a loss of down.
This quote came from a newbee on the list, and his performance at dinner earlier tonight got him his spot on the list (You know how selective I am to newcomers). Anyway, we were all sitting around eating and Darren strolled in after we were all done as usual. He sets his tray down, starts eating, and mumbles for a napkin with food in his mouth. I start handing him a napkin, and he mumbles "Only one?" to which I reply, "I'm coming, I'm coming"...
Quote Of the Day 3/12
"You come slow, I'll tell you that!"
-Darren
Well, Darren, you just don't do it for me.
The last Buffalo Bill fan,
Extendo.
Still Standing Right Here...
This quote came from a newbee on the list, and his performance at dinner earlier tonight got him his spot on the list (You know how selective I am to newcomers). Anyway, we were all sitting around eating and Darren strolled in after we were all done as usual. He sets his tray down, starts eating, and mumbles for a napkin with food in his mouth. I start handing him a napkin, and he mumbles "Only one?" to which I reply, "I'm coming, I'm coming"...
Quote Of the Day 3/12
"You come slow, I'll tell you that!"
-Darren
Well, Darren, you just don't do it for me.
The last Buffalo Bill fan,
Extendo.
Still Standing Right Here...
Tuesday, March 11, 1997
Potomac Bound
Well,
some of you may have heard the news already, but I got the RA job! Unfortunate
thing is that I have to move over to Potomac to get it. I spend 4 years of my
life in dear ole Susquehanna, and they decide it best to ship me off to the
land of the sterile walls, where the halls are wider and longer and you have to
shower one body part at a time because the rest won't fit in there. Well, maybe
they'll put me on third south just for kicks. Or maybe they'll shove me in a
basement somewhere where I'll have a marvelous view of the side of a hill for
an entire year. The things I do for ORL...
Well, Andrew and I were playing Worms last night for a change, and as usual, he stuck his foot in his mouth again. We can name our worms whatever we want to, and I chose to name mine after all my nicknames, and one of them put Andrew in a pretty precarious position when he tried to kill it...
Quote Of the Day 3/11
"Man, I want Nipples bad!"
-Spoogeboy
Don't we all...
From the law offices of Dewey, Cheatem, and Howe,
Nipples.
Still Standing Right Here...
Well, Andrew and I were playing Worms last night for a change, and as usual, he stuck his foot in his mouth again. We can name our worms whatever we want to, and I chose to name mine after all my nicknames, and one of them put Andrew in a pretty precarious position when he tried to kill it...
Quote Of the Day 3/11
"Man, I want Nipples bad!"
-Spoogeboy
Don't we all...
From the law offices of Dewey, Cheatem, and Howe,
Nipples.
Still Standing Right Here...
Monday, March 10, 1997
My Internship
Hi.
Sorry about only one quote last week, but it kinda sucked the e-mail life out
of me. In fact, that message took me longer to write than the total time I've
spent in French class all semester. And thank you all who responded either on
e-mail or in person. You are all appreciated. Except Andrew who kept yanking
the computer plug out of the wall. (Man, does THAT get annoying after like the
seventh time!) Clan McCloud had a basketball game today. It turns out that hugging,
though usually a sign of affection, is a foul in basketball. I tried to plea my
case, but I could tell it wasn't going anywhere, so I dropped it. I even hugged
the ref. That is apparently a technical foul. MAN! What happened to basketball?
Where's the love?
Alright, down to business. I skipped my internship today for a bunch of reasons. None of them were good, but nobody really gave me any shit about it. Well, last week, I was at my internship (at the Maryland Transportation Authority) and I looked down the row of videotapes, and I saw one that caught my eye...
Quote Of the Day 3/10
"Sexual harassment: training"
That ought to give you guys some idea of what I do at work.
Next in line at the guillotine,
Screaming Cricket.
Still Standing Right Here...
Alright, down to business. I skipped my internship today for a bunch of reasons. None of them were good, but nobody really gave me any shit about it. Well, last week, I was at my internship (at the Maryland Transportation Authority) and I looked down the row of videotapes, and I saw one that caught my eye...
Quote Of the Day 3/10
"Sexual harassment: training"
That ought to give you guys some idea of what I do at work.
Next in line at the guillotine,
Screaming Cricket.
Still Standing Right Here...
Friday, February 28, 1997
The Reason Women are Happy
In
my last e-mail, I signed off as "Queen Bitch of the Banchees." I have
since been informed by Keyeser Soze that a "banshee" is a mythical wailing
creature of England, whereas there was no such thing as a "banchee."
Well, actually, the word "banchee" is French for "buttered bread
not meant for consumption." And yes, that's what I meant.
Well, Eddie and I walked the loop 5 times today, and damn do my feet hurt. And then I got back and Adam and I walked it again. So along the path, we talked about many things. I brought up this girl that I thought was kinda cute and looked happy all the time, and Eddie happened to know a little more about her than I...
Quote Of the Day 2/28
"I hate to tell you this Dustin, but the reason she's so happy is because she hasn't a clue."
-My fellow fetishist
Oh, to live in bliss...
Queen Bitch of the Kaiser Roll,
dustin,
Still Standing Right Here...
Well, Eddie and I walked the loop 5 times today, and damn do my feet hurt. And then I got back and Adam and I walked it again. So along the path, we talked about many things. I brought up this girl that I thought was kinda cute and looked happy all the time, and Eddie happened to know a little more about her than I...
Quote Of the Day 2/28
"I hate to tell you this Dustin, but the reason she's so happy is because she hasn't a clue."
-My fellow fetishist
Oh, to live in bliss...
Queen Bitch of the Kaiser Roll,
dustin,
Still Standing Right Here...
Thursday, February 27, 1997
The Last Refuge of the Incompetent
I
have lost all desire to shower anymore. I'm just warning you guys ahead of
time, because I do hang out with Andrew a lot and the two of us together could
be too much for the senses. Seriously though. I wake up 7 minutes before class
starts, so I don't really have time to shower there. And I go straight to lunch
from class, and by then, I really don't feel the need to shower. I've already
seen 75% of the people I will see today, and they saw me all covered in scum,
so why change when they already know what I look like naturally. It's never
said it was a great theory. I also play so many damn sports that by the time I
get home from one, I have to go to another, or I'll go out to play basketball
at night, and then I get back so tired, I pass out on the futon until I dry off
and then have no energy and just go to bed and start the cycle all over again.
I have no idea why I just shared all that with you. The only reason I feel safe
is that I know at least half of you guys do the same thing.
Well, speaking of Dumb and Uglier, I was playing worms (cool computer game where worms take the law into their own hands) with Andrew and he was about to do something that looked to be really stupid (just take my word for it). Turned out that it was. But before he did it, I asked him exactly what the hell he thought he was doing. To this, he correctly replied...
Quote Of the Day 2/27
"This is the last refuge of the incompetent."
-the better half of Dumb & Uglier
Strangely enough, that's the last thing I remember my chiropractor saying.
Queen Bitch of the Banchees,
Screaming Cricket.
Still Standing Right Here...
Well, speaking of Dumb and Uglier, I was playing worms (cool computer game where worms take the law into their own hands) with Andrew and he was about to do something that looked to be really stupid (just take my word for it). Turned out that it was. But before he did it, I asked him exactly what the hell he thought he was doing. To this, he correctly replied...
Quote Of the Day 2/27
"This is the last refuge of the incompetent."
-the better half of Dumb & Uglier
Strangely enough, that's the last thing I remember my chiropractor saying.
Queen Bitch of the Banchees,
Screaming Cricket.
Still Standing Right Here...
Wednesday, February 26, 1997
Dude Where's My Car
Has
anybody out there seen me in the last two days. I've been wearing matching
clothes for the last two days and only one person has said anything. You realize
that this kind of behavior in you guys is going to throw me back into the plaid
on plaid fashion scene. And in case you were wondering, yes, they were the same
clothes. I figure, if you don't change into pajamas before you sleep and you
don't have time to shower when you get up in the morning, it's OK to wear the
same clothes, just as long as you haven't taken them off. Kinda like how it’s
not really cheating if you have a condom on. OK, it's nothing like that, and
but at least they use the same logical path.
This quote is from long ago, back when I was on the volleyball club team and the guys would stroll into Friday night practice either hungover, drunk, or with alcohol in their travel bag. I'll spare you all the talk about the women they had the night before because some things can't be typed down. Well, anyway, Keith strolls into practice while we're all suiting up and had apparently been drinking (surprise) the night before. Well, he was totally sober and ready to go out that night, but with one problem...
Quote Of the Day 2/26
"Hey, Bummy. Do you remember where I parked my car?"
-Keith
Apparently, he was too drunk to remember where he parked his car the night before. Of course, this implies that he was driving it on campus while in this state of consciousness. Scary.
Sleeping with the television on,
Extendo.
Still Standing Right Here...
This quote is from long ago, back when I was on the volleyball club team and the guys would stroll into Friday night practice either hungover, drunk, or with alcohol in their travel bag. I'll spare you all the talk about the women they had the night before because some things can't be typed down. Well, anyway, Keith strolls into practice while we're all suiting up and had apparently been drinking (surprise) the night before. Well, he was totally sober and ready to go out that night, but with one problem...
Quote Of the Day 2/26
"Hey, Bummy. Do you remember where I parked my car?"
-Keith
Apparently, he was too drunk to remember where he parked his car the night before. Of course, this implies that he was driving it on campus while in this state of consciousness. Scary.
Sleeping with the television on,
Extendo.
Still Standing Right Here...
Tuesday, February 25, 1997
Bidays and Ass Holes
You
never realize how purposeful a biday* is until you have one of those really
disgusting craps where you have to wipe your ass for half an hour until you're
out of toilet paper and your butt is redder than the ozone layer (trust me,
it's red).
Sorry to open with that, but I felt that talking about assholes was the perfect way to introduce Andrew to the quote of the day. This happened a long while ago, back before the middle finger became a sign of friendship on the hall. A few of us barged into Dumb and Uglier's room at about 1:00 in the morning or something like that and we found Andrew under the covers with no shirt or socks on, and looked just about naked. Well, while most of us were still in shock, someone was brave enough to ask him if he had any clothes on...
Quote Of the Day 2/25
Somebody: "Do you have any clothes on under there?"
Andrew: "Yeah... one."
We didn't bother to find out which one.
Walking the tightrope,
Extendo.
*Biday- don't know how it's supposed to be spelled, but it's that french thing that shoots water up your ass. Not to be confused with the douchay.
Still Standing Right Here...
Sorry to open with that, but I felt that talking about assholes was the perfect way to introduce Andrew to the quote of the day. This happened a long while ago, back before the middle finger became a sign of friendship on the hall. A few of us barged into Dumb and Uglier's room at about 1:00 in the morning or something like that and we found Andrew under the covers with no shirt or socks on, and looked just about naked. Well, while most of us were still in shock, someone was brave enough to ask him if he had any clothes on...
Quote Of the Day 2/25
Somebody: "Do you have any clothes on under there?"
Andrew: "Yeah... one."
We didn't bother to find out which one.
Walking the tightrope,
Extendo.
*Biday- don't know how it's supposed to be spelled, but it's that french thing that shoots water up your ass. Not to be confused with the douchay.
Still Standing Right Here...
Monday, February 24, 1997
Rook for a Rook
WOW!
Is it late in here, or is it just me? Sorry about the sudden lack of quote of
the day, but I went on sabbatical. (Sabbatical is a french word meaning
"too lazy to motivate myself to do anything.") So anyway, I'm back.
And those of you who knew me as a sophomore know me now. (If you don't get it,
don't worry about it. It's probably just because you're stupid.) I generally
try to stay as far away from baseball metaphors as possible, but there are some
times when life just throws you a curve ball and you have to swing blindly and
hope you hit it. Though this time, I swear there's Vaseline on the ball.
Well, lots has happened since I last saw you all here together on this E-mail list. OJ finally got poetic justice served to him, I think there was a war somewhere, and Andrew took a shower. I guess it has been a while. By the way, somebody give me his and his loser roommate's e-mail address so I can insult them directly rather than have to do it through somebody else who I'm sure doesn't have the time for Dumb and Uglier.
Anyway, this quote is rather personal, so if you have trouble watching those Sally Struthers infomercials, DO NOT CONTINUE. There. You've all been forewarned. And some are about to be forearmed. Alrighty then, with no further dew, I present the...
Quote Of the Day 2/24
"I know this may not mean a god damn thing, but I'm sorry, man."
-Darryl, MA extraordinaire
In the immoral words of Chris Swanson...
Rook for a rook,
Screaming Cricket.
Still Standing Right Here...
Well, lots has happened since I last saw you all here together on this E-mail list. OJ finally got poetic justice served to him, I think there was a war somewhere, and Andrew took a shower. I guess it has been a while. By the way, somebody give me his and his loser roommate's e-mail address so I can insult them directly rather than have to do it through somebody else who I'm sure doesn't have the time for Dumb and Uglier.
Anyway, this quote is rather personal, so if you have trouble watching those Sally Struthers infomercials, DO NOT CONTINUE. There. You've all been forewarned. And some are about to be forearmed. Alrighty then, with no further dew, I present the...
Quote Of the Day 2/24
"I know this may not mean a god damn thing, but I'm sorry, man."
-Darryl, MA extraordinaire
In the immoral words of Chris Swanson...
Rook for a rook,
Screaming Cricket.
Still Standing Right Here...
Monday, February 3, 1997
Limping Cricket
Hey
all you quote junkies out there. This marks the second day in a row that I've
fulfilled my obligations as Quote Sensei. It also marks approximately the 44th
straight hour I have been awake. I still got it!! That's right. Who's your
daddy?
Sorry guys. Just let me know if I get out of hand again. You know what I noticed since I've been crutching around for the past week on campus? First of all, there is a really wide space between the elevator (when it's open) and the floor in Potomac. However wide my crutch is, that's about how wide the space is. But secondly, I noticed that everybody in the world likes to hit that little button that opens the doors for you. It finally gives those lazy bastards an excuse to go through it. Also, people say the most clever things. Like "What happened?" And "Jeez... What happened?" And people wonder why I make crap up all the time.
Alright, this quote came from the same conversation yesterday’s did. And it's from the same person. He was talking about a completely different girl (as opposed to only a partially different girl), but with a common theme...
Quote Of the Day 2/3
"So anyway, I asked her if she wanted to see me on a regular basis, and she said no. So I said OK."
-Kevin "Should have been a cowboy" Hershey.
Ladies and gentlemen, Kevin Hershey: Posterboy for nobility.
Should have been a doughboy,
Crutch 2.
Still Limping Right Here...
Sorry guys. Just let me know if I get out of hand again. You know what I noticed since I've been crutching around for the past week on campus? First of all, there is a really wide space between the elevator (when it's open) and the floor in Potomac. However wide my crutch is, that's about how wide the space is. But secondly, I noticed that everybody in the world likes to hit that little button that opens the doors for you. It finally gives those lazy bastards an excuse to go through it. Also, people say the most clever things. Like "What happened?" And "Jeez... What happened?" And people wonder why I make crap up all the time.
Alright, this quote came from the same conversation yesterday’s did. And it's from the same person. He was talking about a completely different girl (as opposed to only a partially different girl), but with a common theme...
Quote Of the Day 2/3
"So anyway, I asked her if she wanted to see me on a regular basis, and she said no. So I said OK."
-Kevin "Should have been a cowboy" Hershey.
Ladies and gentlemen, Kevin Hershey: Posterboy for nobility.
Should have been a doughboy,
Crutch 2.
Still Limping Right Here...
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