Friday, February 23, 2001

Review of "Chocolat"

Review of "Chocolat"

I know I mentioned it before, but I saw that flick called Chocolat. Not to be confused with Like Water For Chocolate. This one is just plain chocolat. No other words. Not even an E at the end. Because otherwise, it would just be called "Chocolate." And that's kind of a stupid title. Anyway, this is one of the movies like Traffic and Sitting Monkey Farting Squirrel that came out in New York for a day and a half before the end of the year just so it could make it into this year's pool of Oscar nominees that will lose to Gladiator. I sat in a theater with one other couple during this ugly storm I told you about last time. I think I ruined an otherwise perfectly romantic evening for them. Sorry. So anyway, this was like Pleasantville, except instead of sex, it was about Chocolate, and instead of coming through a TV set from the future, it came from the North wind, which is more poetic. It's a good movie about how this chocolate gypsy corrupts an entire town and wins the hearts of these chocolate pirates. It's a good date flick, or so the couple in front of me mentioned. It's a pretty good get the hell out of the hellish winter storm flick too. But those are the only circumstances under which I think I'd ever watch I Might Have Forgotten What I Did Last Summer ever again. So this rating might be tainted, but I'll give it a solid 8 bugs out of ten. 2 bugs were taken away because I'm never sure how to pronounce it when I say it out loud.

Mike was describing the movie to me and telling me I should go see it sometime. When asked what it was about, he explained...


Quote Of the Day 2/23/01

"Well, you know those commercials, 'Behold the power of cheese?' Well, they made a whole movie out of chocolate."

-Mikey "Chaka" Khanover


I keep waiting for them to make a movie about the Nike Boing commercials.

Beholding the power of a nap,

Achilles.


Still Standing Right Here...

Thursday, February 22, 2001

Worst Commute Ever

Worst Commute Ever

That was probably the least fun I've ever had driving a vehicle before, and in this case, "fun" is not being meant as the kind of "fun" one might derive from being forced to steer one's own roller coaster car. For those of you who didn't have the pleasure of driving to MD from PA in rush hour traffic on 95, let me describe it to you. Well, first of all, for those on the west coast or those who slept through the entire day, we had somewhat of a storm here. And it wasn't like the last "storm" we had where everybody panicked and ran out to get milk and canned beans the day before and then Mother Nature just passed gas on us. No. This was shit. And I had to brave the shit.

First off, I left a good hour early, thinking that traffic might be a little backed up. Well, as soon as I hit 76, I didn't see even 2nd gear for the first hour. I left Angelo's pizza at 2:30 and didn't get to 95 until 5:00. Less than 16 miles away. I was supposed to be at work in half an hour. I saw a girl talking on a car phone and had an idea. I crumbled up a $10 bill and a note telling her to call Gary and tell him I wouldn't be there until about 4 in the afternoon on Saturday if I kept this pace. But by the time I got done with the note, I had hit 95 and had to shift into second gear. This was not a step up. This was actually very scary. There was a span of about an hour in which I never actually had control of my car. I just went through a series of overcompensations that kept me from hitting anybody else.

There are a few natural social wonders that occur when such a storm hits like it did today. First of all, people drive like they should normally and let other people in. It's not worth the risk. Nobody's tailing anybody to try to keep a spot. We're all in this together and we just want to survive. Also, there are no lanes. There are paths of less resistance. 95 South turned into two such paths by accident (whereas it's normally 3 lanes). I had no idea where the actual lanes were supposed to be. Which reminds me of a time about 3 years ago when Evil Joe and I were on 695 and the three lanes had shifted over so much, there was an actual empty lane on the right which no one was using. So Joe and I blazed the trail. He was worried about getting pulled over, but I assured him that we were actually in an actual lane. In fact, we were the only ones.

Anyway, at the very worst times there was only one lane, though it was moving at a decent pace. If somebody did try to pass you, it was a task. Halfway through some passes, I stop to wonder if it was really worth the risk. The only people that passed confidently were the damn 18-wheelers. They aren't affected by such weather conditions. And I think they're out to get revenge. I was passed by more of those scary fuckers than I think I've ever been in my entire life total. Here I am muddling along at about 5 mph with every muscle in my body tensed up like I'm about to get hit with a wrecking ball (sure, why not) just trying to keep the car going the same way my tires are pointing, and Mr 2-ton asshole flies by me at like, 40 or something insane like that. Just wait til it's dry again, buddy.

At 6:15, I had reached Delaware's Service Station, about 1/4 to UMBC. I called in to work and they told me not to worry about it, like they were supposed to. So with no deadline, I decided to eat and watch Chocolat and wait for the damn storm to subside and the salt trucks to come to the rescue. So I left home at 2:30 and got back to Baltimore at about 12:45. Like I said, not too much actual "fun."

Good Joe is lucky enough to be in Turkey right now, where ritual killings are much more common than snow. But before he was there, he and I had a chance to hang out for a few weeks. When this happens and neither of us have to worry about work or any obligations at all, sleep schedules tend to get whacked up and sometimes even reverse polarity. This was the case in the week after Christmas. We were trying to describe to Mike something we had done sometime in the recent past, but couldn't figure out what the word "yesterday" meant to us or Mike as it pertained to the event in question. So when we tried to describe something that had happened "yesterday" when in reality as far as the sun is concerned, happened 3 days ago...


Quote Of the Day 2/22/01

Mike: "What the hell kind of day are you talking about?"
Me: "His body's naturally attuned to a 36-hour day."
Joe: "It's actually a metric day."

He was already preparing for his trip to Turkey. Hard core.


Swerving and out of washer fluid,

Nervous Cricket.


Still Standing Right Here...

Friday, February 16, 2001

Achilles Healed

Achilles Healed

Well, I'm up and running again finally. I decided to take the "sick of waiting for doctor's clearance" method of approach. I was getting bored of just going to get my little ultrasound thing and standing on my toes for 2 hours a day, so I decided to stop that entirely. Realizing that wasn't the way to go, I made a command decision to forgo the advice of the doctor. The facts that I could start to see a gut form and I put on ten pounds since this happened were large contributors. So I decided to say the hell with the doc and I'm just gonna see what happens. Apparently, this is a fairly common approach. Especially among people with health insurance to fall back on. And the real bad news is that I was fine running the 2 mile loop around campus. I started to feel good. Which means I'm going to get overly excited and start to try other stupid things. Which in turn means I'm going to inevitably rerupture my Achilles tendon. It sucks, but there's really no way around it now. I expect more sympathy cards this time.

Well, Good Joe (who is working in Turkey building the new Ford Box until July) wrote me to tell me he was sorry about losing my ratchet set. Especially because it was his ratchet set. Anyway, he was telling me a little bit about how the system works. He told me that the little windows can often cost more than the big windows. They do that because they make more money that way. They have corporate meetings about this kind of stuff. And he also told me that every once in a while, when it's slow in the office, they go around breaking windows and stealing tools to help increase revenue. He had this revelation in his ramblings...


Quote Of the Day 2/16/01

"Wait, I think I just figured out why we have deer on the payroll."

-Good Turkey Joe


It's a shitty job, but I guess when you're a deer, you don't get too many offers.


Never underestimated,

Achilles Heal.


Still Standing Right Here...

Thursday, February 15, 2001

Deer John

Deer John

Well I know I spoke of the Valentines Day curse that I have and tried to convince myself that I actually wasn't experiencing it this year. Well, somebody must have heard me. Sometime last night, my driver side rear window imploded. As if that wasn't enough, my ratchet set and about $2.45 in change managed to escape through the broken window. So Happy V-Day to me. Actually, whoever did it was comparatively decent about it. On one hand, sure they broke my window and took my stuff, but on the other hand, they only broke the small triangular window that doesn't roll down anyway, and they didn't take my jumper cables or audio cassette of Paul Reiser's Babyhood. Maybe the guy just needed a ratchet set. He (or she, don't want to be sexist here) didn't bother to break into my other car and take all my tennis rackets and volleyballs and stuff. Oh well. I get to see my good buddies at Safelite again. And at least I didn't hit a deer. ;)

Tony hit a deer last Thursday. More appropriately, the deer hit him. He said it came running out of the woods like a cornerback going for a tackle. And the deer managed to run or limp off afterwards. But until Tony's appointment to get the thing fixed, he's driving around with a crushed bumper and fur sticking out of his headlight. Not to mention the hoof print on his hood. In fact, the deer might be the jerk who broke into my car. A deer with a vengeance. So if anybody sees a deer limping around the woods with a ratchet set, tell him he owes me $2.45.

This quote came in response to me telling Teresa, the subject of last night's quote, that I was hesitant to send the e-mail because he didn't want her to take it the wrong way and ditch my good buddy...


Quote Of the Day 2/15/01

"Don't worry about me and Mike..we'll screw things up ourselves before you ever have a chance to ruin it with quotes or...reason and such"

-Mrs. Little Boy Hair Girl Freelander


He's a guy. He's got to screw it up eventually anyway. Even without my help.


Always gotta be the window,

Mr. Glass.


Still Standing Right Here...

Wednesday, February 14, 2001

Floating Valentine's Day

Floating Valentine's Day

I know yesterday I referred to being alone on Valentine's Day as "the Valentine's Day curse." Well, I'd like to retract that statement. It's easy to be depressed and say it sucks when you spend V-Day alone, but I think I've been looking at things all wrong. I'm the lucky one. This holiday doesn't suck for me, it sucks for them. Those poor unfortunate boyfriends/husbands that are required to make some sort of attempt to not screw up the V-Day. And I'm sure that's precisely what they're thinking. I'm a guy. We probably fuck up 80% of the times we try anyway, and with all the expectations and pressure of trying to make this the most romantic day of her year, we're bound to bungle it up. Romance should be spontaneous, not one planned day every year. Take it from a guy who hasn't been in a serious relationship in 4 years, I should know. Here's what you do whenever you start dating somebody. You say, "OK, we're going to have a Valentine's Day, but it's not going to be on February 14th. And I'm not going to tell you when it's going to be." That not only adds to the spontaneity, and thus the romance, but it buys you another 10 1/2 months to figure something out. I'm brilliant! I'm going to try to apply this to other areas of my life too. Like Christmas. And filing my taxes. I've already started doing it with laundry day. So anyway, when you start to feel lonely tonight, just think of all the poor schmucks who are presently letting their girlfriends/wives down. I'm glad I got cut. Actually, her agent told me she wants to continue talks about a possible short term contract if I haven't already signed with another team or retired. I think this metaphor has gone on too long. Anyway, Happy Valentine's Day all! I hope you all at least broke even. I'm going to go watch Temptation Island with Russ and Tony now.

This quote came from a conversation I had with Evil Lance McFreelander as he was in the process of signing his contract a few weeks ago with Little Boy Hair Girl (I need to start renicknaming my friends again). Anyway, he was trying to describe to me the state of being his relationship with Teresa was in...


Quote Of the Day 2/14/01

Me: "So are you guys exclusive now?"
Mike: "Well... kinda."
Me: "Well, if she goes out with somebody else, would you get pissed?"
Mike: "Yeah."
Me: "And if you go out with somebody else, would she get pissed?"
Mike: "Gosh, I hope not."


Where do I sign?


Cupid's arch nemesis,

Achilles.


Still Standing Right Here...

Monday, February 12, 2001

Diving on the Grenade

Diving on the Grenade

I normally don't like to go too far into detail about my personal life on this list - wait, that's a lie. But I don't really like to exploit my failures for the amusement of the masses. OK, that's a HUGE lie. But this sucks. I've reached an all-time low in Dustin - girl relationships. I was dumped twice in the span of a week. Well, OK. I guess I was probably more appropriately dumped once and just kinda cut the second time. More like an unrestricted free agent that just wasn't signed again. But I told you I wouldn't talk about football anymore. And the first time probably wasn't so much "dumped" as it was just designating me as a transitinoal player instead of a franchise player. And the second time was probably what hurt more, because not only was that the one I REALLY wanted to work, but it was the second time in a fucking week. I mean, come on! A man can only take striking out so much before he throws the bat down in disgust and gets fined for hurling a water cooler at the heckling fans. But this wasn't even striking out so much as getting tricked. Like getting picked off on that fake baseball, throwing the potato over the first baseman's head play. See there's a not-so-affectionate term that some of us guys refer to as "diving on the grenade." It can be more tactfully called being the wing man. It's the guy that talks to the really pretty girl's... well, not-so-pretty friend so your friend can talk to the pretty chick. It's a very noble man that does this job proficiently.

This past Friday, I was the grenade. I came to that realization fairly early but chose to ignore it. Besides, we had hit it off pretty well despite the circumstances which could have possibly led us to one another. So then I thought that maybe I wasn't really the grenade, but it was just a coincidence. I can't tell if my initial thought was the pessimist in me coming out or if the justification was the optimist peeking through. At any rate, I'm willing to accept defeat again. It's the damn Valentines Day curse. Cupid's got the arrows sharpened and pointed the right way, but the tips are laced with cyanide.

Well, I was telling a mutual friend of me and the girl about how we met that Friday night. Maybe she was "diving on the grenade," but I wasn't the only guy with the non-grenade guy...


Quote Of the Day 2/12/01

"So at least you were the best of all the other grenades."

-Chris Hudsucker Augsburger


Not really, I was just the least explosive of all of them.


Kicking Cupid in the nuts,

Exploding Cricket.


Still Standing Right Here...

Friday, February 9, 2001

Up and Running

Up and Running

Well, today is the 1/2 year anniversary of the Bad Day. Six months ago today, I ruptured my left Achilles tendon. It's not really all that exciting. I didn't take it out to dinner to celebrate or anything. Actually, we ran the loop together. I started running again last week. Which means I started wanting to do other things. Which means I will inevatibly rerupture it soon enough.

I was talking to one of the counselors I had over the summer. The day camp counselors, that is. Not the other counselors. Anyway, I told him that I had to go through about 3 hours of physical therapy a day for the first four months. I went on to tell him that I had to do these excercises where I'd have to move a towel with a can of soup on it across the floor with my foot and I'd also have to get ultrasound done to my tendon. He asked me what the ultrasound was for...

Quote Of the Day 2/9/01

Me: "To break up the scar tissue around my tendon."
Sam: "Well... where does it go?"


That's a damn good question that I never bothered to think about until he brought it up. I hope they've thought about that ahead of time.


Up and running again,

Crippled Cricket.


Still Standing Right Here...

Thursday, February 8, 2001

The Hypocrisy of Drew Carey

The Hypocrisy of Drew Carey

Well, I have a few more points to make while this football topic is still hot. If I was anywhere else, I probably would have rooted very adamantly against the Ravens. For starters, they were the arrogant, trash-talking team going into the big game, and I've always rooted for the Doug Flutie soft-spoken humble type, which is exactly what the Giants were. But mostly, Ray Lewis... This guy is world class jerk. You could tell just by listening to him that he didn't have an ounce of remorse in his body for the two dead victims in which he had at least some part in the murders of, even if he didn't hold the knife himself. Instead, he refused to answer, asked them to change the topic, or stood up and left. Never once apologized. But we don't care, because he brought home the trophy. Baltimore doesn't hate Albert Belle because he's an asshole. They hate him because he doesn't hit home runs like he should and because he plays right field like a sick walrus. So Ray Lewis better keep on winning or the city won't be blinded by the air of victory anymore, and we might actually see him as a person instead of a hero.

One thing I don't agree with is the crap that Baltimore gets for having stolen a team from Cleveland. First of all, the older city folks seem to think they have the right because one got taken from us long ago. Secondly, last year's Superbowl found the Tennessee Titans losing to the St. Louis Rams in a battle of franchises who skipped town, but nobody seemed to even mention that. Maybe it's just because I live here that I hear it so often. Or maybe it's because Drew Carey won't shut up about it. Well Drew, Art Modell said he didn't feel that he could win in Cleveland and it only took him 4 years to prove himself correct. Because Cleveland doesn't rock. And didn't you leave Cleveland just about the same time the Browns did? Didn't you move to LA because you thought it was in your better business interests? Aren't you like the world's biggest hypocrite? You and Art are one of a kind Drew. While I'm at it, there are way too many weird dance sequences in your silly show.

Well, back to Ray Lewis. We were talking about him and the events at Atlanta last year at the start of the Superbowl...

Quote Of the Day 2/8/01

"Well, at least he's got an alibi this year."

-Large Mike


OK. I'm done with football for a while.


Nevermore,

Extenda-Poe


Quoth the Raven, "Still Standing Right Here..."

Tuesday, February 6, 2001

Rating Rules of the XFL

Rules of the XFL


No kicking of the extra point - I like this rule. They make you have to earn the extra point. It's not just a 98% gimme. Of course, it is fun seeing Al Del Greco miss one to lose a game against Baltimore, but that's a little too rare to merit a change of opinion here. But this rule change eliminates the 2 point conversion, which is even more exciting, because it happens so rarely. But then again, it happens so rarely. OK, I'm done. B

Scramble for the ball - OK, they've eliminated the coin toss. I think it's kinda cool that they start with a wrestling match like that. A guy already separated his shoulder on the scramble which put him out for the season, unable to collect any more money. But I do like the scramble. It sets the tone for the kind of blue collar backyard ball that you're about to start watching. I wouldn't take it to the NFL though. B+

Bump and run until ball is released - You can bump the receivers going out for a pass until the ball is released as long as they are facing you. That's gonna screw up a lot more timing patterns, but it's actually easier for the refs. This rule I don't mind so much. It would probably help the NFL clear up it's pass interference calls. A-

No fair catches - This translates loosely into "I'll bet people will watch more often if they think there's a higher possibility of death." The ball is live after it goes 25 yards, but the punt returner has a 5 yard halo which the would-be decapitators aren't allowed in. The penalty for violating the halo is 5 yards. So you can kill the guy on the first play and just get a 5 yard penalty. I'll bet the second guy isn't going to go anywhere near the ball. I guess that rule is in there for the wrestling fans that take to that sort of violence. Not me. "Mr. McMahon, this man's helmet saved his life." "OK, next week, the no helmet rule." C-

Only one foot in bounds for a legal catch - Why? If it's to make it easier on the refs, A+. If it's to allow more acrobatic catches, B. If it's to emulate college football even more, C. If it's just to be different from the real football league, F.

OK. I'm honestly really sick of the not-so-subtle trashing of the NFL that is going on. The XFL website describes the league as being "100 percent competitive sport - the brand of football that hardcore football fans havent seen in a long time, and the brand of football that new fans have never seen before." It goes on to be even more arrogant. I guess the brand of football they are talking about is the Night Train Lane football before they outlawed the head slap and the clothesline, which I'm surprised I haven't seen yet. Anyway, I think it would be in their better interests to seek help from the NFL rather than try to spread rumors about the popular kid in school. But again, that's probably why I'm not the commisioner. Hell, wrestling seems to be doing OK for him somehow.

My dad was growing weary of the boringness of some of the NFL games during the season. He turned to me during a game (probably a Ravens game) and said...


Quote Of the Day 2/6/01


"Field goals kicked after the 3rd quarter shouldn't count."

-The Dad

Right dad. I think he could have been on the XFL rules committee.



Switching to basketball,

Insulted Viewer.


Still Standing Right Here...

Monday, February 5, 2001

The Beginnings of Something Bad

The Beginnings of Something Bad

So the XFL kicked off its inaugural season this past weekend. You'll excuse me if that doesn't inspire a break from my normal prose format. That reminds me. Thanks to all of you who responded to The Raven 2001, and even more thanks to those of you (Shannon) who wrote or e-mailed the Baltimore SUN, Jojo and Kenny, ESPN, Marty Bass, the Ravens, and so on. I don't think it actually got published or will get published anywhere, so I'll just have to settle for internet infamy. I've already gotten about 10 responses from people I don't know, some of whom got the poem from people I don't know either. That's pretty flattering. Thanks again. I'll do it again when the O's win the pennant.

Anyway, the new fandangled brand of football kicked off over the weekend, complete with horrible camera angles, gaudy uniforms and Xtreme audio problems. OK, yeah it's football. And yeah, they're trying, but I have a few problems with it. First, let's face it. These are players who were not good enough to be in the NFL for a reason. Also, nobody knows anything about them. Am I supposed to root for a team just because they're called the Hitmen? Actually, I like the Birmingham Thunderbolts because I think it's funny that Alabama has a pro sports team. Anyway, I think I heard more talk about the cheerleaders at work today than the actual game play. That's not really a good sign. I have a cable modem and a Pentium III. In other words, I'm not going to watch a football game just for the cheerleaders. But the XFL is getting some air time on SportsCenter, though I'll bet they have to pay a ton for it. Especially the way they're putting down the NFL, which I think is stupid. They are trying to appeal to football fans, who probably rather enjoy the NFL, and they have commercials with Steve Austin telling fans that the NFL is a league of sissies. I also don't think running their second nationally televised game opposite the Pro Bowl was a good idea for ratings. But that's probably why I'm not the commissioner. And how the hell do you put a line on a league that hasn't even played a game yet? "Yeah, I'll take the Maniax giving 3 1/2 and the over." You have a gambling problem if you're betting on the XFL.

Mike called me a few weeks back at a time which I knew wrestling to be on TV. I was astonished he wasn't watching it at the time. I was proud of him. I asked him if he knew wrestling was on...

Quote Of the Day 2/5/01

"None of these guys are on my fantasy team."

-He Hate Me Mikey


Fantasy wrestling. That's the sign of two things going way too far.


Nevermore,

Dustin.


Still Standing Right Here...

Monday, January 29, 2001

The Raven 2001

The Raven 2001

Hey everybody. I spent a long time on this and I really like it. Probably better than last year's Ode To the Stain On Your New Rug. Anyway, if you like this and feel like forwarding it on to anybody else you know, I'd consider it a compliment. Thanks a ton.

Dustin.

---
The (new) Raven
-as adapted by Dustin Fisher

Once upon a long off season, Ravens fans were given reason
To sit in the bleachers freezin, spilling nachos on the floor -
For Ray Lewis was aquitted, Sharpe and Coates were then admitted,
All the pieces neatly fitted, shaped to form an inner core.
So the pieces came together forming thence a champion core.
"Praise the Lord" quoth Baltimore.

But I recall in the beginning, 'fore the Ravens started winning,
Twere not many fans a-grinning for a team which could not score.
It's already been three games, and still the touchdown drought remains.
The city started pointing blames; they could not take this anymore.
"Surely we can fix this problem and thence rise again once more."
And so speaketh Baltimore.

With the offense all disjointed, Banks - the scapegoat - was appointed,
"Lynch him! Lynch him! He's the one! Thence we shall rise again once more."
Then they turned to this Dilfer guy and gave his head and arm a try.
The city loved him for he'd cry; he'd cry and we'd not know what for.
Maybe twas his second chance at Tampa he was longing for.
We'd speculate, but never sure.

Then week ten had come around, the team not looking playoff bound,
For still the end zone was not found; they hadn't seen it since week four.
Then, a play I'd not believe, a pass which Stokely did recieve,
And searching for his team's reprieve, dove to the pilon for the score.
The city cheered unlikely heros, for the Ravens found a score.
Quoth the city "We want more."

Touchdowns started freely flowing, and now with the offense going,
This whole city started glowing; something special was in store.
Then the Ravens spoke their credos: "Who out there thinks they can beat us?
"Who among you will defeat us? This, of you, we do implore!
"Is there any better football team among us? We implore!"
Quoth the Ravens "Nevermore."

Cincinnati took a shot, the Chargers might as well have not,
And though Dallas came in hot, they went home without having scored.
Many teams would think they're ready, holding to their game plan steady,
But not even mighty Eddie put a C-note on the board.
Corey, Fred and even Eddie still fell short on the scoreboard.
Quoth the Ravens "This is war!"

Then the regular season ended, but the Ravens' was extended.
All vacations were suspended, playoffs knocked upon their door.
First the Broncos were impaled, the Mighty Titans fell and failed,
The Raiders, they jumped ship and bailed for them there pirates lost the war.
Even armed with Gannon's cannons, still the Raiders lost the war.
Quoth the Ravens "Never score."

And so they made it to the dance, though no reporter gave them chance
Except that prophet Sterling Sharpe, whose bald head we all still adore.
Still, these birds had made a science out of hands-down odds defiance,
A position which the Giants likened with from weeks before.
Both the Ravens and the Giants, underdogs in weeks before.
Quoth the Ravens "Nevermore."

So with this game's obvious pretense of both teams now preaching defense,
Twas to be a Superbowl to which reporters called a bore.
Most had thought they'd come out mellow; some, I'll bet, saw them as yellow.
But hey! There's that Stokely fellow granting them an early score.
Brandon Stokely once again would give the birds a needed score.
Quoth the Ravens "Nevermore."

Then New York began to stumble, still the Ravens would not crumble.
That record-setting defense got four picks and would not heed a score.
Shannon Sharpe would say he knew it - Kerry Collins claims he blew it -
Marvin Lewis, cool all through it, breathed a sigh he'd not before.
All the city cheered a cheer they'd never got to cheer before.
Cheered the Ravens "Nevermore."

Ray got MVP as planned, though Dilfer went to Disneyland,
And all the fans would storm the streets from Fells Point to the Harbor shore.
Last year's memories hath faded, Raven fans were too elated
For now Billick celebrated "Finally, we won the war!"
Finally the nation realized what these ominous birds of war
Meant in croaking "Nevermore."

Friday, January 19, 2001

Review of "Frequency"

Review of Frequency

Well, I went out to see one of the possibly 10 best movies I've ever seen on Friday. I was all prepared to come back here and tell everybody how awesome The Gift was, which I still might do... But then I saw what I'm now considering my new favorite movie. It's replacing The Sixth Sense. It has to. The Sixth Sense gave me major chills. This one gave me the same chills and made me hyperventilate in a way that I thought I was having an episode. And I know I lost some degree of respect when I gave Unbreakable as high a rating as I gave it, but this is the real thing. Go see Frequency NOW! Bring a paper bag.


Here's the premise. It's 1999. There's an old guy who can mystically communicate with his dead father in 1969 on a ham radio. I know, I know. You just have to accept the premise and move on. Like Quantum Leap or Back To the Future. Or the electoral process. Why 88 miles per hour? No, it doesn't make sense, but no one has ever time travelled yet to the knowledge of the greater public. That's another great thing about the concept of time travel in a film. Nobody's really gonna pose a serious argument that it wouldn't happen that way. "There's no way dogs can see Dean Stockwell, that's just silly." "I seriously doubted that if Old Jennifer saw Young Jennifer that it would begin a chain reaction that would unravel the very fabric of the space time continuum." So yeah, just accept it and move on, OK? It's for your own good.


I don't want to ruin the movie by going into detail, but let's just say that (as you would expect from a time travel flick) the son from the future tells his dad (Dennis Quaid) some info that helps him avoid his death, but then in turn, creates a chain reaction that does bad things to a lot of people. So he has to help dad try to put right what went wrong. And I know I said that there can't really be any room for argument about time travel, but it does need to be at least consistant with itself for the duration of the movie. This storyline seems to be air tight to me, and it's extrememly well written. And while nobody ended up sleeping with their own grandfather in Frequency, it was still a good romp. I'm giving it the new highest ranking of what would be the equivalent of a number whose limit is approaching 11 bugs from above, hence bringing it as close as you can get to 11, but still being a little bit higher. For those of you who aren't math nerds, that's 11.



Still Standing Right Here...

Dad's Gambling Theorem

Dad's Gambling Theorem

In the spirit of Frequency, I'm going back in time for this next quote, and it involves my dad. No ham radio, though. Anyway, I was telling him my theory on why casinos make money when I got back from Reno. In a nut shell, here it is: See, when you're up $200, you could always be up $300, or even $900. You can always go higher into the positive. But if you start out with $400 and you get to a point where you have $0, you are done. There's a sense of closure. Unless of course, you were stupid enough to not tell somebody to hide your credit cards. Then, who knows where the night can take you. So anyway, I was telling him about my idea of there being closure when you go broke...

Quote Of the Day 1/19/01

"Oh, I get it. So there's closure... and then shortly thereafter there's foreclosure."

-The Dad


Spoken like an experienced gambler.

Passed the red and into the maroon,

DuckPin Dustin.


Still Standing Right Here...

Tuesday, January 16, 2001

Rating Women's Hair Color

Rating Women's Hair Color

Blonds - OK. Blonds are typically looked at as the sexiest hair color in women. About 85% of guys are looking for a tall blond woman, or something like that. Lots more girls dye their hair blond to try to impress more guys (and girls) than other colors. I'd like to dispel this rumor. But I can't. As much as I try to have a different favorite hair color, it's hard. Don't know what it is, but the media is right sometimes. They missed the boat on wrestling completely, but blonds are fun to look at. A

Brunettes - Brunettes span the attractive woman superlatives. They can be cute or sexy, pretty or exotic, Treat Her Right or Back That Ass Up. I guess blonds can be too, and so can redheads too for that matter, but there's something about Charlotte from Sex & the City that just does it for me over the rest of them. Of course, Miranda isn't really representing redheads that well. Anyway, brunettes have that look in their eye like they've got it all together. I don't know what I'm talking about. A

Redheads - I've always had a redhead fetish as far as I can remember, and I don't know why. A girl with red hair for some reason gets a little leeway in other areas (such as the face) with me just because she's got red hair. I don't know why that is, but I'm sure I seem like a superficial prick to all of you now. Well, I figure you all know me well enough by now anyway. Besides, it's a subconscious decision, which makes me a subconscious prick, which probably isn't any better at all. A

Bald chicks - Well, I've only ever actually known and spoke to one bald chick and she was big and frightened me before she was bald, so it would be unfair to say I'm intimidated by all bald chicks, but based on the fact that they are still female, the can't get below an A -. A -

Greenheads - OK. These girls get below an A-. Same with orange, pink, purple, teal, etc. That just screams "FREAK." Except for that girl on Temptation Island. I think she's my favorite. But that's just the exception, thus proving the rule. D

While home in PA on another hot tub night, Teresa brought up how close we all seemed to be as friends, but also how incestuous we are with dating all the same people. It's like that Kevin Bacon game getting from one of us to another. Except Kevin. Kevin can definitely claim he's not incestuous. He went on to explain that it was just a choice...


Quote Of the Day 1/16/01

"Because I couldn't get any of your girls and nobody wanted mine. Remember Collete?! Who's gonna do that?"

- Kevin


I said it was a choice. I didn't say it was his choice.
Also, I'd like to commend him on a proper use of the word "that."


In search of a blond brunette redhead,

The Extendinator.


Still Standing Right Here...

Monday, January 15, 2001

Happy New Beer

Happy New Beer

So the Ravens are in the Superbowl. And they're playing the Giants. I'll bet a lot of bookies are making a lot of money right now. If things keep going well for them, Trent Dilfer will be the worst quarterback in history to ever win the Superbowl. I wouldn't mind that title. But it looks like I'm going to have to wait at least another year to get it.

Well, as you all possibly know already, I went to the Inner Harbor for New Years Eve with 5 guys and no chicks. Upon retrospect, that's maybe one of the few things about that night I'd change. Anyway, we wound up in the middle of the inner harbor at exactly the stroke of midnight. I think I kissed a girl I didn't and still don't know. If memory serves me correctly, I think she was surprised and not necessarily pleasantly. Ah, she'll get over it. But anyway, from there, we went to Max's, who, unbeknownst to us, was having a private party. We had no idea of this until they didn't charge us for drinks. I don't remember leaving the bar. I remember talking to a girl named Shannon who Mike later said was hot. But what the hell would he know, he doesn't remember leaving the bar either. Apparently we wrestled on the way home and I pinned him and then proceeded to shove his head into the mulch repeatedly. That's the kind of crap you wish you could remember. Oh well. We were reminiscing about the events of the previous night (that which we could recall) at the International House of Hangovers, and Tony sarcastically interjected...


Quote Of the Day 1/15/01

Tony: "Dustin, at one point, you were hitting on a lamppost."
Me: "Well, she was hot."
Mike: "Yeah, but not very bright."


But she was probably at least 18.


And the beat goes on,

Dustin.


Still Standing Right Here...

Wednesday, January 3, 2001

Improper Equipment

Improper Equipment

Well, another year has come and gone and here I am. Still in Baltimore. Still doing the quote of the day. Still at UMBC. Only difference now is that I "work" more and don't take classes. Other than that, not much has changed. Still hang out with the same people. We drink a little more now, but that's about the only change. It makes me long for the day when we'd stay up all night in Teresa's hot tub until her parents went to work and then crash in her livingroom until they came home from work and she'd get in trouble and Joe's dad would be calling everybody in his addressbook and their boss to find him. Actually, that was only last Tuesday, but it's still better than working, however cool it may be. After sleeping until 4 and 5 in the afternoon, it's just so difficult to pull yourself out of bed at noon to go bowling with college kids. Sometimes I think I deserve to be in debt.

Well, a huge reason I haven't been sending out quotes and probably won't be sending out quotes with regularity is the ping pong factor. There is now a bonafide actual ping pong table in our livingroom. So I had to move my desk piece by piece into the only floor space I had left in my room. Until I figure out a tetris like way to fix everything, I'm gonna have a few spacial problems to deal with. Anyway, I went and got a ping pong table and two paddles and a few balls at Dick's Sporting Goods the week before vacation and it wasn't long before Russ threatened to break one by slamming it on the table...


Quote Of the Day 1/3/01

Me: "If we break one of these we'll have to go back to Dicks."
Tony: (walking past the table) "I'm NOT using my dick!"


I'll bet you're laughing out loud.


Starting off the year on the right foot (because I have to),

Achilles Heal.


Still Standing Right Here...