Tony Toni Toe Knee

Tony Toni Toe Knee

Whatever I had planned on writing for this quote of the day has now been eclipsed by the fact that I just realized what time it is. So here's an article from last week's New York Times:

GORE CALLS FOR RECOUNT OF SUPREME COURT VOTE WASHINGTON, DC-- An increasingly desperate Al Gore called for a recount Tuesday of the U.S. Supreme Court's 9-0 decision in Bush v. Palm Beach County Canvassing Board. "There is reason to suspect that these nine votes were not properly counted and that as many as five justices who sided with Mr. Bush did not intend to do so," Gore said. "It is therefore in the best interest of our democracy for the U.S. Supreme Court to suspend judgment in this case until we can be absolutely certain that this court did, in fact, intend to rule in Mr. Bush's favor." Gore added that if his recount request is denied, he will file an appeal with the Interplanetary Supreme Court.

Wait, did I say "New York Times?" I meant "The Onion."

Quote Of the Day 12/7/00

"My only good knees are my toes."

-Boss Man Gary


I didn't know what he meant when he said it last year, but I think I can understand him now.

Meters to go before I sleep,

Meters to go before I sleep,

Screaming Frost.


Still Standing Right Here...

Why We Should Have a Queen

Why We Should Have a Queen

Well, they've finally reached a decision, and it looks like Bush is finally going to be our president. Oh, wait. No, they made the decision too quickly. This is now going in circles. It's insane. I think the winner is going to be the one who doesn't concede. Eventually, somebody's going to just give up, and the other one will become president, and will most likely be hated for the crap they put the nation through to get in there. I wonder what other countries think of us. "Dumb American fucks. That's why they should have a queen." So now Gore is pleading that they should go through and count all the votes in Florida, and Bush is complaining that the Florida state law says that they're not supposed to. And he's right. What the hell kind of law is against counting all the votes? This is why I don't vote. It's very discouraging. So Gore wants all the votes to be counted because he's losing. That's natural. And Bush wants them to stick to their word, their law, and concede the presidential race to him because they didn't count all the ballots in time. That stinks. I really don't have a strong feeling about either of these guys, but for Bush to come across basically saying that the will of the US citizens is not as important as what the Florida law says makes him sound like a bunghole. How will Americans be able to support this guy after that? And the Gore campaign claims that if they counted the partially indented ballots, that he'd probably be winning now. I guess Democrats just aren't as adept at punching holes. Whatever. I'm willing to bet that whoever it is that will finally be our president will only be there for one term. Unless of course, Dukakis runs again.

I went back home to spend this past weekend with some old friends in PA. As usually happens, we wound up playing this game which greatly resembles Scattegories, but instead of categories like "Boys name," and "things that are black," we have categories like "Bad pick up lines," "stupid animals and an explanation why," and "euphemisms for genitalia and/or sex." Well, one of the categories was "Fake Onion Headlines," and for those of you who don't know, the Onion is a farce of a news magazine with articles both in print and online such as "Dallas Receiver Arrested For Failure To Possess Cocaine," and "80 Billion Tons Of Jar Jar Merchandise Now 70 Percent Off." Anyway, the letter was P and here was Good Joe's Onion Headline...

Quote Of the Day 11/27/00

Presidential Race Finally Over, Bush To Become President For Remaining Year and a Half of Term

-Good Joe


It could happen.

Not necessarily the news,

Extendo.


Still Standing Right Here...

Florida's Worst

Florida's Worst

Hold the phone!! There's a red flag on the field. What the hell happened?!? I went to bed and we had a president and I woke up and we didn't. Who figured that going to bed at 3:30 was too early? I guess the people at CNN just wanted to go to bed at that point too. Well, if that's the case, I'm glad they're recounting everything. I'd hate to have our fate for the next four years sealed because reporters and election officials were getting too tired. And to all you Bush/Cheney fans out there who think the Democrats are being sore losers, I say let's take the extra week and not fuck it up. And I think I heard something about how the electoral vote can be swayed if the popular vote favors the other candidate. If this is the case, then why don't we just say fuck the electoral vote system and just go with the popular vote? But I'm probably misunderstanding something.

So for those of you who live in a darkened cave or have been trapped under something heavy with all sources of external stimuli off, here's the presidential race throwdown as explained by the definition of a layman: The man who will lead us for the next four years, direct our country into the new millennium (whether you believe my reasoning or not), our executive role model for the next tenure, will be chosen by 19,000 residents of Palm Beach County, Florida. We no longer matter. We're done. The only people that matter anymore are the voters of Palm Beach, Florida. Not just any 19,000 voters, but the stupidest 19,000 residents who were too dumb to fill out the ballot properly. These are the citizens who will choose our leader. 19,000 old Jewish ballot filling out fuck-ups. Apparently, there were way too many votes for Pat Buchanan of the Nazi party that somebody figured something had to be wrong. So Palm Beach, Florida will probably revote. I wouldn't be surprised if Dan Marino became our next president. Well, OK. It's still just between Gore and Bush. I hope if they revote that nobody votes for Nader either. They know it won't matter. His name on the ballot might as well have been Neither, because that's pretty much what a vote for him was. So the world's got to wait for Palm Beach to decide what they're gonna do. I think it's funny that Oregon is also still undecided, but nobody gives a shit. Fuck Oregon. It rains too much there anyway.

I'll tell you one thing about this presidential debacle. It's made it more interesting to watch. It's like a game. My team's ahead, my team's behind. It's a close one, we'll have to go to the replay. It's still too close. May go into overtime. I was talking about the race with a friend of mine, and he agreed that it was a hell of a contest to watch...

Quote Of the Day 11/9/00

"Don't get me wrong, it's no Monday Night Football, but it's still pretty exciting."

-Matt (Lordsoccer)


Sad as it is, I think I'd watch Monday Night Football if it were on against the election coverage. Until Gore bounces a ball on his helmet and shoulderpads and still pulls it off the ground and runs for a touchdown in overtime, I'll take my chances with Dennis Miller and gang.

Florida's best,

Mr. Dustin.


Still Standing Right Here...

Don't Rock the Vote

Don't Rock the Vote

So tomorrow is the day. The day where everybody can pretend that they actually have a say in who is going to lead our nation for the next four years. I mean, I'm sure on one hand every vote counts and stuff, but on the other hand, I'm a pretty busy guy, and I mean really, how much am I gonna sway the vote? If the guy I want to win loses by one popular vote, then I'll kick myself for the next four years and vote in 2004, but I'm not really that influential a person. I couldn't even get Doug Flutie on the NFL all-star ballot again this year. Besides, I'm voting for Mickey Mouse and he loses every year. And on yet a third hand, I haven't been following the political race at all. Maybe I really should be, but it falls right smack in the middle of football season. I know how little I know about these clowns running for president, and I hope people like me aren't voting. My vote would be based on George Dubya's mispronunciation of sublinable, and that really shouldn't be enough. I'm gonna let the smarter people vote. Problem with that is that the smarter people also tend to be the richer people. Or at least the ones that care enough about our future to watch debates and stuff. It's a responsibility thing. And the candidates know this. They do what they gotta do to get elected. So they cater to the haves instead of the have nots. Who do you thing funds their campaign? Poor people? And this is why our nation is so top heavy. But like I said, I haven't been following the race at all. Good Joe told me he thought Gore had a good plan for education, and that's good enough for me. In my opinion, that's where we need to start. We're so gung ho on the new technology that we've let our education system go to shit. Maybe if we stopped paying our teachers like the guy second in charge of the McFlurry machine, more decent teachers would pop up, and there wouldn't be such a teacher shortage. Who wants to go to college to become a $32/year teacher when you can make $70 in an entry level data entry position for some startup.com company? I don't know. I'm tired and cranky and should have been in bed hours ago. Damn Moonlighting. It comes on later every night I think. Anyway, go vote. Actually, I just heard that because there are so many people voting this year, that they are having all the democrats vote on Tuesday and all the Republicans vote Wednesday. Make sure you tell everybody.

Quote Of the Day 11/6/00

Dad: "Dust, I need a loan."
Me: "Alright dad. I'll leave you alone."


I hope that's what he meant.

Don't rock the vote, baby,

Extendo-duck.


Still Standing Right Here...