Bushwhacked

Bushwhacked

So we have a new president now and it's been almost two days. It looks like it's going to stick this year. As dumb as Bush is, or at least as dumb as he pretends to be, he was just smart enough to get himself reelected. And I love the talk I hear from everyone about how Kerry gave up too early. Apparently he's a soft democrat loser baby wus. Or maybe he's just a decent guy who remembers what Bush drug the country through to get the presidency back in 2000 and he wanted to try to avoid making the nice people of Ohio work sleeplessly through their Thanksgiving weekend recounting hanging chads and deciding what constitutes a hole punch and what doesn't. Or maybe he's going to flip-flop one more time for good measure and sue the Bush campaign or the people of Ohio or whoever he thinks he can at this point to become president. But he's probably just a wus.

As a side note, I think it was funny that the biggest partisan split came in DC, granting Kerry 90% of the vote. And these are people that know politics. Just about all of them do it for a living or are trying to break into the market. Kinda like what Hollywood is to actresses. It's like all the waiters down there are aspiring politicians waiting for their big break. It's kinda funny to think about it that way, but that's not what I logged on to write to you about. Think about it this way. How much does the average guy in, say North Dakota, know about politics? Not nearly as much as the smaller, but densely populated political capital of our country. And 90% of them thought that Kerry would be a much better leader than the guy that's been living there for the last 4 tears. That should say something. Like when your neighbors all think you're an asshole, maybe the rest of the world should listen to them. As much as I preach that everyone's vote should carry the same amount of weight, I am really just kidding. I'd rather leave the election process up to people who vote based on more than just how the candidates feel about drug testing in the MLB. Maybe we should give DC more electoral votes, like 1/4 or 1/3 of the country's votes. Whatever suits my current needs.

Quote of the Day 11/4/04

"I may be big and dumb, but I'm not stupid."

-One of our D linemen after a game

2nd Quote of the Day 11/4/04

I was telling Tom what he said later on that day:

Me: "Well, he has a point."
Tom: "And I think he proved it."

He was actually trying to make a point when he said that too. You gotta love linemen.

Mock the vote,

D Rec.


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Rating Decision 2004 Players

Decision 2004 Players

Bush - I still can't believe he's actually our president. And barring another extreme Florida-2000-scale debacle, it looks like we'll probably have another 4 years of this monkey. But he's a resilient one, you have to admit. He didn't win the election but he still became the president. The UN said he couldn't go to war, he went to war anyway. I'm starting to think he didn't even get accepted to Yale. He probably just showed up there one day and started going to classes. Ugh. D+

Kerry - I have to admit that other than the hour or so of the one debate that I saw, I don't know much about Kerry. His name, as far as most people are concerned, might as well be Not Bush. That's the best thing he has going for him. But from what I've seen, he has some good ideas and he can actually think for himself, which is something I personally look for in a president. And he can do it in stride on the fly without a microphone in his ear. Hell, I'd have voted for Ryan Stiles over G Dub. C+

Voters - OK, let's not fuck this up like we did in 2000. I was embarrassed to be an American for a while. Elections should never be about whether or not you punched a hole all the way through a piece of paper. They went to touch screen voting in Florida this year just to help the old folks of Palm Beach so they don't go voting for Pat Buchannan of the Nazi Party again. And I don't think the term "idiot-proof" has ever been more literal. It's a good thing that the electoral system eliminates the margin of error by devaluing everyone's individual vote. B

Media - OK, I know the voters of Palm Beach garnered a lot of attention last time for their ballot-punching incompetence, but I think we all know who really fucked up. It was the bastards at CNN and every other station that jumped the gun with the Florida prediction just cause they got tired at 3:30 in the morning. I am going to assume they don't make that mistake this time. So far, there are three different electoral vote counts on three different stations. I don't see how math is different on one channel than it is on another. Yes I do. Here's the explanation. F

So I was playing poker one day during one of the first debates and I asked the guys in the livingroom staring at the TV what was going on...

Quote of the Day 11/2/04

"Bush just won on a last second field goal."

-Some poker guy

It's funny because it's kinda true. I don't know how you keep score at a debate, but I don't know how you keep score of curling either. I don't know why that matters to you.


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Tony Toni Toe Knee

Tony Toni Toe Knee

Whatever I had planned on writing for this quote of the day has now been eclipsed by the fact that I just realized what time it is. So here's an article from last week's New York Times:

GORE CALLS FOR RECOUNT OF SUPREME COURT VOTE WASHINGTON, DC-- An increasingly desperate Al Gore called for a recount Tuesday of the U.S. Supreme Court's 9-0 decision in Bush v. Palm Beach County Canvassing Board. "There is reason to suspect that these nine votes were not properly counted and that as many as five justices who sided with Mr. Bush did not intend to do so," Gore said. "It is therefore in the best interest of our democracy for the U.S. Supreme Court to suspend judgment in this case until we can be absolutely certain that this court did, in fact, intend to rule in Mr. Bush's favor." Gore added that if his recount request is denied, he will file an appeal with the Interplanetary Supreme Court.

Wait, did I say "New York Times?" I meant "The Onion."

Quote Of the Day 12/7/00

"My only good knees are my toes."

-Boss Man Gary


I didn't know what he meant when he said it last year, but I think I can understand him now.

Meters to go before I sleep,

Meters to go before I sleep,

Screaming Frost.


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Why We Should Have a Queen

Why We Should Have a Queen

Well, they've finally reached a decision, and it looks like Bush is finally going to be our president. Oh, wait. No, they made the decision too quickly. This is now going in circles. It's insane. I think the winner is going to be the one who doesn't concede. Eventually, somebody's going to just give up, and the other one will become president, and will most likely be hated for the crap they put the nation through to get in there. I wonder what other countries think of us. "Dumb American fucks. That's why they should have a queen." So now Gore is pleading that they should go through and count all the votes in Florida, and Bush is complaining that the Florida state law says that they're not supposed to. And he's right. What the hell kind of law is against counting all the votes? This is why I don't vote. It's very discouraging. So Gore wants all the votes to be counted because he's losing. That's natural. And Bush wants them to stick to their word, their law, and concede the presidential race to him because they didn't count all the ballots in time. That stinks. I really don't have a strong feeling about either of these guys, but for Bush to come across basically saying that the will of the US citizens is not as important as what the Florida law says makes him sound like a bunghole. How will Americans be able to support this guy after that? And the Gore campaign claims that if they counted the partially indented ballots, that he'd probably be winning now. I guess Democrats just aren't as adept at punching holes. Whatever. I'm willing to bet that whoever it is that will finally be our president will only be there for one term. Unless of course, Dukakis runs again.

I went back home to spend this past weekend with some old friends in PA. As usually happens, we wound up playing this game which greatly resembles Scattegories, but instead of categories like "Boys name," and "things that are black," we have categories like "Bad pick up lines," "stupid animals and an explanation why," and "euphemisms for genitalia and/or sex." Well, one of the categories was "Fake Onion Headlines," and for those of you who don't know, the Onion is a farce of a news magazine with articles both in print and online such as "Dallas Receiver Arrested For Failure To Possess Cocaine," and "80 Billion Tons Of Jar Jar Merchandise Now 70 Percent Off." Anyway, the letter was P and here was Good Joe's Onion Headline...

Quote Of the Day 11/27/00

Presidential Race Finally Over, Bush To Become President For Remaining Year and a Half of Term

-Good Joe


It could happen.

Not necessarily the news,

Extendo.


Still Standing Right Here...

It's Election, Boogie Woogie Woogie

It's Election, Boogie Woogie Woogie

Well, it seems like a decision has finally been made about the presidency. Again, we don't matter, only Florida matters. Well, the Florida Supreme Court has decided to let the recount last until Sunday, at which time, a final number ABSOLUTELY MUST be reached. So if they don't count your vote before Sunday, then it doesn't get counted. That sounds about fair. The Bush people are pissed off at the decision. He feels that the decision of who is to be president should be decided by Florida state law, not the will of the people. I'm really getting annoyed at this whole process. I think we should just put it off another year. Clinton did pretty good with the country in the past 8 years. We're off the ground and in the air. Let's just let er coast for a year, and then we'll sort all this mess out. Besides, what did our forefathers know about the length of a presidential term? A lot of new crap has happened since that damn Constitution was written. Washington chopped down a cherry tree and couldn't tell a lie, and Clinton shoved a Cuban up Monica's (insert your own vaginal euphemism) and redefined the age old word "is." I'm kinda sick of all this legal garbage. Both sides are starting to look like sore losers. They both remind me of soccer coaches that blame the ref for their loss after the game is over. Whine, whine. And now those poor Floridians have to spend all weekend counting these chad things. "No thanks, that's enough turkey for me. I have to go back to the office and count those tiny fucking pieces of cardboard for the rest of the weekend. Save me some cranberry sauce." Well, at least this close race proves that every vote counts. Unless you didn't quite punch the hole all the way through. In which case, it gets thrown out.

Kevin (my idiot friend that not only moved to Portland, but got married in the process) called the other day to tell me his plans for the trip home this Thanksgiving and also to thank me for the George Foreman Grill Mike and I got him for the wedding. Anyway, he went on to say how much he uses the thing, and the following conversation ensued...

Quote Of the Day 11/17/00

Kev: "Yeah, it works great. It was the first gift we actually used when we got back."
Me: "Cool. It cooks fast, doesn't it?"
Kev: "Yes it does. Our food was ready so fast, we weren't even hungry yet."


I must have mistakenly got him the one with the back to the future knob.

Done with the word "elector" for another 4 years,

Lord Extendo.


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Florida's Worst

Florida's Worst

Hold the phone!! There's a red flag on the field. What the hell happened?!? I went to bed and we had a president and I woke up and we didn't. Who figured that going to bed at 3:30 was too early? I guess the people at CNN just wanted to go to bed at that point too. Well, if that's the case, I'm glad they're recounting everything. I'd hate to have our fate for the next four years sealed because reporters and election officials were getting too tired. And to all you Bush/Cheney fans out there who think the Democrats are being sore losers, I say let's take the extra week and not fuck it up. And I think I heard something about how the electoral vote can be swayed if the popular vote favors the other candidate. If this is the case, then why don't we just say fuck the electoral vote system and just go with the popular vote? But I'm probably misunderstanding something.

So for those of you who live in a darkened cave or have been trapped under something heavy with all sources of external stimuli off, here's the presidential race throwdown as explained by the definition of a layman: The man who will lead us for the next four years, direct our country into the new millennium (whether you believe my reasoning or not), our executive role model for the next tenure, will be chosen by 19,000 residents of Palm Beach County, Florida. We no longer matter. We're done. The only people that matter anymore are the voters of Palm Beach, Florida. Not just any 19,000 voters, but the stupidest 19,000 residents who were too dumb to fill out the ballot properly. These are the citizens who will choose our leader. 19,000 old Jewish ballot filling out fuck-ups. Apparently, there were way too many votes for Pat Buchanan of the Nazi party that somebody figured something had to be wrong. So Palm Beach, Florida will probably revote. I wouldn't be surprised if Dan Marino became our next president. Well, OK. It's still just between Gore and Bush. I hope if they revote that nobody votes for Nader either. They know it won't matter. His name on the ballot might as well have been Neither, because that's pretty much what a vote for him was. So the world's got to wait for Palm Beach to decide what they're gonna do. I think it's funny that Oregon is also still undecided, but nobody gives a shit. Fuck Oregon. It rains too much there anyway.

I'll tell you one thing about this presidential debacle. It's made it more interesting to watch. It's like a game. My team's ahead, my team's behind. It's a close one, we'll have to go to the replay. It's still too close. May go into overtime. I was talking about the race with a friend of mine, and he agreed that it was a hell of a contest to watch...

Quote Of the Day 11/9/00

"Don't get me wrong, it's no Monday Night Football, but it's still pretty exciting."

-Matt (Lordsoccer)


Sad as it is, I think I'd watch Monday Night Football if it were on against the election coverage. Until Gore bounces a ball on his helmet and shoulderpads and still pulls it off the ground and runs for a touchdown in overtime, I'll take my chances with Dennis Miller and gang.

Florida's best,

Mr. Dustin.


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