Double Feature Duel: The Invention of Lying vs. Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2

Double Feature Duel:
The Invention of Lying vs. Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2

Bout #10: The end of a multi-billion dollar franchise vs. a movie that pulled in just under $19 million. But hey, the Marlins beat the Yankees once upon a time.

The Invention of Lying: In a world where no one has ever told a lie, this man realizes he can. Sounds stupid, right? Well, it is. But it’s also funny. From the first frame to about 25 minutes from the end. Ricky Gervais accidentally and hilariously invents religion, fiction and deceit to get a woman into bed. Then he falls victim to his conscience and a romantic comedy checklist. But the good was good. 6.5 bugs.

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2: My feelings on the Harry Potter franchise have been well documented over the past year. This episode in particular. In summation, I’m sorry, America. 4 bugs.

Title: The day that movie theater marquee workers most commonly call in sick is the day Harry Potter movies come out. True story. (Point, Lying 1-0)

Funnier: Louis C.K. is in this movie too. (Point, Lying 2-0)

Better Turn: The moment that Ricky tells his first lie is overhyped by the foreshadowing in the beginning of the movie and again right before that moment. However, Harry Potter turned over a year ago now. (Point, Lying 3-0)

Better Ending: They were both covered in enough cheese to put you on Lipitor, but Harry’s was certainly within the boundaries of the world the movie created. The Invention of Lying seemed to want to make up for its earlier discretions by becoming a feel-good story. Boo. (Point, Harry Potter 3-1)

Better Message: The Harry Potter franchise has beat us over the head with the “hold your loved ones close to your heart” bullshit for 10 years. The Invention of Lying tells you that it’s wrong to deceive for personal gain, be it sex or love. But if you’re the only person in the world with the ability to do something, you have an obligation to society. (Point, Harry Potter 3-2)

Better Acting: I’ll grant you Potterheads that the trio got better at acting and Emma Watson certainly – ahem – matured. However, Louis C.K., Chris Guest, Tina Fey, Rob Lowe, Jonah Hill, Jason Bateman and Ricky is a lot of comedy fire power. (Point, Lying 4-2)

Poster: Harry Potter has decided to attack this category with strength in numbers. Good luck to the person who decides to try to narrow their search down to THE ONE OFFICIAL poster. (Point, Harry Potter 4-3)

Watch again: I’m sitting at home and they both come on cable at the same time and they’re the only two channels I can find on my 7,000-channel cable for some reason. I probably go with Harry Potter. Just to make sure I don’t like it (I like to be thorough). (Point, Harry Potter 4-4)

More Creative: Harry Potter worlds remind me of dreams. They are amazingly creative and original and completely believable when you’re in them. But once you wake up and really think about it, it was really stupid. And it would probably make a pretty silly movie. And everybody has dreams just as stupid and silly. (Point, Lying 5-4)

Overall: Who says you need to gross $300,000,000 to get to the second round of my game? Winner: The Invention of Lying (5-4)

Review of "Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 2"

Review of "Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 2"

OK, America. I have now watched the entire Harry Potter series. I hope you're happy. And no, I'm not going to go see the Twilight series. That's too far, America. Stop asking.

If I was 19 and grew up with Harry, maybe I’d have appreciated it on some level. The movies are glorified versions of prom and field day and other middle and high school crap. It serves well as escapist fantasy, especially to those middle schoolers who had intimate knowledge of what a wedgie felt like. But what about the rest of you people? You adults out there in your 30s, telling me I need to read the books to understand. No, I don’t. My issue with the series is the “make up the rules as you go along” magic which governs the Harry Potter franchise, making any outcome possible at any time. Oh. Elves can walk people through circles of protection? How flipping convenient? That must have been so hard to write.

So now that we understand each other, how was this movie? Cheesy and formulaic. Again. It reeked of a franchise that needed to make sure that it got in everything the world wanted to see in the last episode. Voldemort dies, check. Ron and Hermione get together, check. An underdog does something really important, check. Everybody important lives, check. It even supplied us with an epilogue that gave us closure and all the “keep your loved ones close to your heart” morals a middle school kid needs. They covered all their bases and once again, nothing you couldn’t have predicted or written yourselves.

The redeeming scene from the film came when Professor Snape, who was really the only three-dimensional character throughout the series, was flattened. It turns out he wasn’t conflicted, but everything he did was for Harry, thus making him good, so as not to confuse the middle school kids. But it was nice to know that he wasn’t such a bad guy after all, especially since Bruce Willis threw him out of a 30-story building back in the 80s.

But my favorite part of the film was when Harry was temporarily dead (but in the most original of twists, it all turned out to be a dream – nice!) and you could actually hear people in the seats sobbing. A lot. More than I have ever heard and I saw Titanic on opening night. Mind you, I am certainly more predisposed to crying in public than the average bear and if you’ve ever sat with me through the first 5 minutes of Finding Nemo, the second five minutes of Up or the last 5 minutes of most Monk episodes, you know. But I laughed. People really love this guy. And they also don’t know that the writers would never really kill him off, even though Dumbledore said it was ABSOLUTELY NECESSARY in order to kill Valdemort. And what evil villain kills the hero he’s been after for the last ten years but never actually checks to see if he’s dead himself? Besides Dr. Evil and The Penguin?

All things considered, this was very pretty to look at, but laborious to sit through. If I did a shot of sake every time the writer bailed herself out with double-talk and nonsense like in that scene that explained the Elder Wand, I’d be drunk by the second act. And I’d have probably enjoyed myself better. 4 bugs.

Review of "Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows"

Review of "Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows"

OK Harry Potter freaks, buckle your chin straps. This might sting a bit. In the interest of full disclosure, I’m not obsessed with or even very familiar with the series. I haven’t read a single word of any of the books and I have only passively viewed the previous 4 or 5 or 6 or 7 movies. I knew very little about characters or story going into this movie. What I did know was that they decided to split up the last book into two movies and this would only be part one of two (of seven). This shows not only a deserved arrogance, but is also an obvious indication that they’re in it for the money now. “The book was so dense, it couldn’t fit into one movie” is what they’re hiding behind. Really? Because it felt like half of it was the three main characters sitting in a tent whining. So how do I grade this movie? As part one of two? As a sequel in the series? Or as a movie? I have no idea. I guess we’ll find out together.

As someone who doesn’t appreciate the Harry Potter franchise, I needed to find something to grab onto independent of the series to enjoy this film. The special effects were spectacular, but they’re spectacular in every movie now. There needs to be more to keep my attention. And so I turned my attention to the question that is paramount on everyone’s mind. Is the chick old enough to be attracted to yet? And more to the point, is she old enough to admit attraction to? (Ed note: The answer is yes and has been for two movies now. Whew.)

I remember the humble beginnings when it was just a cheesy feel-good flick about three humble kids in magic school where the only thing I really remember was the over-the-top cheesy music and even cheesier grins at the end when there were some bullshit points awarded to the Cheesy Cheesertons team for some bullshit reason when I thought we were going to be in for an honest lesson in Good Guys Don’t Always Finish First. Nope. And I can appreciate the transition to dark, scary Helena Bonham Carter-magic as that fluffy Lite Brite cheese-magic isn’t as cute when you’re 6-foot-tall and covered in acne cream. For that alone, I’ll add a few bugs to the movie’s rating.

But my problem is with the overall lack of rules that govern this Harry Potter world. My magic beats your magic that beats their magic sometimes which beats my magic depending on the vital plot point that needs to be developed in this scene. They can just use terms like “basilisk blood” or theories like “I’m an elf so I can take you through circles of protection” whenever the writers need to create an escape. It’s not a movie for thinking adults in this respect. There are rules in Back to the Future and Frequency, however far-fetched as they might seem, allowing the viewer to reasonably predict an outcome, or at least appreciate it. I remember being proud of myself for finding a scientific inconsistency in Back to the Future II, which I didn’t even hold against the film. Harry Potter solves this problem by not having any rules, enabling them to cause conflict whenever they want and resolve it however they want. No wonder J.K. can write these things so fast.

It’s also hard to get into a movie when you know the end already. The heroes are going to face some sort of challenge and the three of them will win in the end and get praised and all smile ridiculously to cheesy uplifting music. I’ll bet my elder staff on it.

Despite everything I mentioned, I still rather enjoyed the movie. I didn’t fall asleep in the theater, which is a step up from at least one of the previous films. I couldn’t follow most of it and had to constantly ask Jenn what the characters or terms were. Who is the guy without a face? What’s a mogul? Is that redhead chick 18 yet? Because I’m curious, that’s why. I couldn’t really get behind some of the scenes – like when some witch turned into a snake and stole some wand, but I rather enjoyed the scene where the three of them took the form of three adults to break into some magic house. That was fun. Not to mention the animated 5 minute-story of the Three Brothers (Ed note: His two favorite parts were the only two parts of the movie without the actual three main actors in them). I also enjoyed parts of the aforementioned hour and a half of the movie where the three characters were in a tent bitching to each other. The dynamic between the three of them was much better as the movie moved along and I reasonably enjoyed seeing the hot chick get annoyed at the jealous redhead mogul (human).

So what is my final verdict? Well, as a complete stand-alone movie, which is pretty much the only option I had to watch it as, I’ll give it a passing 6 bugs. It probably has the best chance at a positive rating in this entire series because it doesn’t have the benefit of an over-the-top cheesy ending like the other 7 will, since it’s only part one of two. There was some resolution, but not Cheez Whiz-type resolution. Also, I have the fact that Jenn is a big Harry Potter fan working against my desire to lower the score. But since we’re not married yet, I’m not rocking the Hippogryphe. 6 bugs.