Reali Check

Reali Check

Last night was a pretty average night that ended in a Tony Reali sighting. I’m not the kind of guy that gets starstruck, or at least I’m not the kind of guy who admits to getting starstruck, but I don’t even know how to act around hot bartenders and still get strangely intimidated by high school athletes at age 35, let alone real live famous people. I don’t necessarily feel that I’m inferior to these celebrities, or at least I don’t admit to it, but I just don’t know how to act around these celeb folk.

We sponsored a weight lifting competition a few weeks back with guest judge Brenden Ayanbadejo and I didn’t know how to act around him either. My goal was not to treat him like he was any different than anyone else in order to make him feel more welcome. So I treated him like I’d have treated anyone else and pretty much didn’t talk to him at all. But in this case, I was aware of it. Which makes it ignoring rather than indifference. So I’m apparently a dick to celebrities. But at least just a passive, flaccid dick. Not a… well, you get the point.

So last night, it all happened kind of fast. I was downstairs in this bar after the Speakeasy show with apparently a bunch of guys and girls who don’t watch nearly as much sports television as I do, which is pretty much going to always be the case unless Kevin, Russ or a professional sports writer is there. I saw him and he actually said something to somebody either in our group or to our waitress, who was part of our group by now. My brain searched the database of faces and voices and put it all together about 4 seconds after transmission who it was. He was already gone and up the stairs by the time I knew who he was and honestly, that’s probably the best scenario because I still haven’t thought of anything witty to say and I’ve had a night to sleep on it.

Tony apparently goes in there a lot and the waitress, seeing the vague look of recognition in my face as he walked by and disappeared up the stairs, tried to curb my enthusiasm as to not chase away any of his future business. The interaction went like this. “[confused look on my face]” “Shh.” “Hey –” “Shhhh.” “But… who –” “SHHHHH!” “That was Tony Reali!” “OK. Chill.” “I follow him on twitter. I FOLLOW YOU ON TWITTER.” I said this loud enough so that I doubt he really heard me but there was a small possibility that he did. So in 3 weeks, I’ve graduated from passive dick to passive aggressive dick. I’ll refrain from using a euphemism for that.

Pop Goes Pop

World’s Greatest Pop Star, Child Molester Dead at Age 50

The undisputed "king of pop," Michael Jackson, did not stop before he got enough and died today at the age of 50 from cardiac failure. His nose passed away a mere few minutes later. It was only 17.

An autopsy confirms that Jackson suffered a massive heart attack while performing Beat It one last time in front of a solo audience in the East Wing bathroom. He was found completely naked wearing only a single white glove.

Michael is survived by his three children, two sisters and four talentless hacks who made their livelihood by riding his coattails for a better part of seven years. Both Michael and his nose will be buried together next to his cheek bones this Saturday at the Vic Morrow Celebrity Funeral Home. Weird Al Yankovic will deliver the eulogy.

While this is a very sad day for the entertainment world and enthusiasts of a man who defined an era of music and invented the music video, it is a huge step forward for twitter. Sad as it may be for our country's future, all major news sources – including CNN – are citing twitter as an official reference. Upon hearing news of Jackson and Farrah Fawcett today, Patrick Swayze had this to say: “Whew!”

More on this as the story develops.

The King of Soda Pop,

D Rec.


Still Standing Right Here…


QOTD credits: Linda Gambino – ("Whew")