Why We Should Have a Queen

Why We Should Have a Queen

Well, they've finally reached a decision, and it looks like Bush is finally going to be our president. Oh, wait. No, they made the decision too quickly. This is now going in circles. It's insane. I think the winner is going to be the one who doesn't concede. Eventually, somebody's going to just give up, and the other one will become president, and will most likely be hated for the crap they put the nation through to get in there. I wonder what other countries think of us. "Dumb American fucks. That's why they should have a queen." So now Gore is pleading that they should go through and count all the votes in Florida, and Bush is complaining that the Florida state law says that they're not supposed to. And he's right. What the hell kind of law is against counting all the votes? This is why I don't vote. It's very discouraging. So Gore wants all the votes to be counted because he's losing. That's natural. And Bush wants them to stick to their word, their law, and concede the presidential race to him because they didn't count all the ballots in time. That stinks. I really don't have a strong feeling about either of these guys, but for Bush to come across basically saying that the will of the US citizens is not as important as what the Florida law says makes him sound like a bunghole. How will Americans be able to support this guy after that? And the Gore campaign claims that if they counted the partially indented ballots, that he'd probably be winning now. I guess Democrats just aren't as adept at punching holes. Whatever. I'm willing to bet that whoever it is that will finally be our president will only be there for one term. Unless of course, Dukakis runs again.

I went back home to spend this past weekend with some old friends in PA. As usually happens, we wound up playing this game which greatly resembles Scattegories, but instead of categories like "Boys name," and "things that are black," we have categories like "Bad pick up lines," "stupid animals and an explanation why," and "euphemisms for genitalia and/or sex." Well, one of the categories was "Fake Onion Headlines," and for those of you who don't know, the Onion is a farce of a news magazine with articles both in print and online such as "Dallas Receiver Arrested For Failure To Possess Cocaine," and "80 Billion Tons Of Jar Jar Merchandise Now 70 Percent Off." Anyway, the letter was P and here was Good Joe's Onion Headline...

Quote Of the Day 11/27/00

Presidential Race Finally Over, Bush To Become President For Remaining Year and a Half of Term

-Good Joe


It could happen.

Not necessarily the news,

Extendo.


Still Standing Right Here...

It's Election, Boogie Woogie Woogie

It's Election, Boogie Woogie Woogie

Well, it seems like a decision has finally been made about the presidency. Again, we don't matter, only Florida matters. Well, the Florida Supreme Court has decided to let the recount last until Sunday, at which time, a final number ABSOLUTELY MUST be reached. So if they don't count your vote before Sunday, then it doesn't get counted. That sounds about fair. The Bush people are pissed off at the decision. He feels that the decision of who is to be president should be decided by Florida state law, not the will of the people. I'm really getting annoyed at this whole process. I think we should just put it off another year. Clinton did pretty good with the country in the past 8 years. We're off the ground and in the air. Let's just let er coast for a year, and then we'll sort all this mess out. Besides, what did our forefathers know about the length of a presidential term? A lot of new crap has happened since that damn Constitution was written. Washington chopped down a cherry tree and couldn't tell a lie, and Clinton shoved a Cuban up Monica's (insert your own vaginal euphemism) and redefined the age old word "is." I'm kinda sick of all this legal garbage. Both sides are starting to look like sore losers. They both remind me of soccer coaches that blame the ref for their loss after the game is over. Whine, whine. And now those poor Floridians have to spend all weekend counting these chad things. "No thanks, that's enough turkey for me. I have to go back to the office and count those tiny fucking pieces of cardboard for the rest of the weekend. Save me some cranberry sauce." Well, at least this close race proves that every vote counts. Unless you didn't quite punch the hole all the way through. In which case, it gets thrown out.

Kevin (my idiot friend that not only moved to Portland, but got married in the process) called the other day to tell me his plans for the trip home this Thanksgiving and also to thank me for the George Foreman Grill Mike and I got him for the wedding. Anyway, he went on to say how much he uses the thing, and the following conversation ensued...

Quote Of the Day 11/17/00

Kev: "Yeah, it works great. It was the first gift we actually used when we got back."
Me: "Cool. It cooks fast, doesn't it?"
Kev: "Yes it does. Our food was ready so fast, we weren't even hungry yet."


I must have mistakenly got him the one with the back to the future knob.

Done with the word "elector" for another 4 years,

Lord Extendo.


Still Standing Right Here...

A Bush and a Dick

A Bush and a Dick

So we have a new president finally. It's about friggin time. The last election I actually watched coverage of was Bush-Dukakis and I was in bed by 8:00. And once again, it looks like we'll have a republican president, senate, and house of reps. You guys did not do a good job of spreading my rumor. Oh well. We have a new pres for the next 4 years, even though the popular vote could still go either way. I still don't know how that electoral vote thing works exactly. Tony tried to explain it to me and it probably sounded like when I tried to explain the quarterback passer rating system to Suzanne. All I know is that Florida was the key (no pun intended). And it took them until 2:fucking:30 to make a decision. And George Dubya is Florida's favorite, so we have to live with him and Dick for the next four years. And this officially gives Clinton a place in history between two bushes. He always seemed like more of a breast man.

Speaking of boob men, I went to watch the girls soccer club team play a game this past weekend. One of the girls took a shot right in the boob with the ball. Jason Corns (ghost of quote past) made a comment to the effect of that the word Nike was probably tattooed across her boobs now. I told him that she actually only got hit in the left boob, and within a minute, she took one in the right boob. We estimate that probably left a swoosh mark. How scary would that be if you went out with that girl at night and got to second base and saw that...

Quote Of the Day 11/7/00

"Wow! Your boobs are sponsored!"

-Jason


I just noticed that we now have a bush and a dick in the white house. It just gets funnier and funnier. I've always preferred bush to gore anyway.

Done with the puns,

Senator Quorax.


Still Standing Right Here...