Quakeheads

Hey everybody out there. I want to apologize. It's my first late quote of the semester. I had basketball games to play/watch/ref from noon until 6, and then the volleyball game to go to, and finally the Wedding Singer to go watch. So as you can tell, I was up to my ears in wok. Well, that should read "up to my ears in work," but I guess I easily could have been up to my ears in wok. Oh, and another thing. The Wedding Singer is a pretty cool movie, but if you're not in the mood to have 8 to 12 cheesy 80's songs stuck in your head for the rest of the night, go see something else. If not, feel free to up chuck the boogie to the rhythm of the boogedy bee. But warn me first, because I've stopped carrying my mop around with me. (?)

Here's a little social commentary on those two guys that always hang out in their rooms playing Quake all the time. Greg and Tim. They are, for the most part, pretty cool people (at least Greg is), but they just never leave their room because they are addicted to that damn Quake thing. I guess I can relate. A few of you may still remember that whole "Magic" thing that physically sucked everybody into the lounge for anywhere from 8 to 24 hours on a given day (you're still out there  somewhere, aren't you Earl?). Well, at any rate, I walked into Greg's room on my way out to play basketball. I remember Greg complaining about how he really wanted to get on a team, but he missed the sign-up deadline, so I thought I'd extend my invitation to play with a few of us in the Fieldhouse that night. He and Tim were busy playing Quake at the time. (I wasn't too surprised). His response was extremely enthusiastic, but you could still tell that he wasn't playing full attention because of the Quake factor...


Quote Of the Day 2/27

Me: "Hey Greg, I'm going to the Fieldhouse to play basketball and I was wondering if you wanted to come?"
Greg: "COOL! WHERE?"


The really funny thing is that after Greg, Kathryn and I were laughing for about a minute, Tim asks if he missed something.


Love, big hair, and the moonwalk,
Boy Dustin.


Still Standing Right Here...

Well-Known People

Hey guys, is it not the coolest feeling when you put in a CD you like, and select random play, and you're favorite song comes on first. Man, that's a cool way to start the day. You just pop in a CD and the thing knows what song to play for you. That's just so cool. Especially when it's not even on the CD.

I'm going back to our trip to New York for this quote. My dad is a funny freakin' guy. If only he was a little better looking, I'd be fully convinced that he's my real dad. Anyway, we went to some really Ritzy theatre (I even spelled it the snotty French way) to see Paul Simon's musical, The Capeman. It was a good musical and had it not been for the time I lost my hat crowd surfing, it would have been absolutely nothing like the last Green Day concert I was at.
My dad was helping me get situated in my seat with my crutches and all that crap, and he was taking notice of the crowd around us, with all the people dressed up really nice and stuff. He turned to me and said...


Quote Of the Day 2/26

"Wow. This place is full of well-known people... I mean, I don't know 'em. But they all seem to know each other."
-Quote Daddy Dad


In all honesty, my dad doesn't know that many people anyway.



Going to Graceland,
Extendo.


Still Standing Right Here...

Forgetting Words

JEEZ! Somebody can't take a joke. I mean, has he not been reading these things for the past few years, or did he just not pick up on the fact that I thrive on "smartass?" No need to get your panties in a bunch. Well, it's a mute point now because you guys, and I guess with myself included, scared him off the list. It's his own mistake we're making fun of. Well, I always told him he needed to start being  responsible for his actions. ;)
Well, that was fun. Did anybody out there know that today is Ash Wednesday? I've decided that I'm going to give up Christianity this year. It won't be easy, believe me you. I'm going to have to go around all day not keeping holy the Sabbath day and coveting my neighbor's wife. I'm not looking forward to it. All my neighbors are girls anyway. And I am embarrassed to say this, but I don't know how to covet. And I'm not sure I'm that flexible anyway.

I'm going to do the quote now before I pass out from exhaustion. A few of us were walking to the Fieldhouse during some night last semester. We started talking about REM, who is apparently Steve's favorite band, or at least close to it. Well, they were talking about the song "It's the End Of the World As We Know It" and Robyn said she lost a lot of respect for Michael Stipe (singer dude) because he had to read the words or forgot the words to the song while he was on stage. Steve still argued that they were the greatest band ever.

Quote Of the Day 2/25

Robyn: "Steve, he didn't even know the words to his own song."
Steve: "Nobody knows the words to that song!"


Leonard Bernstein...



Dustin Fisher
Frat Busters Inc.
in association with:
Still Standing Right Here...

Bad QOTD Behavior

On Tue, 24 Feb 1998, Powdered Toast Man wrote:

> Okay...someone please correct me if I'm wrong....but didn't we all have
> the argument last year as to whether or not people should reply to the
> whole list?
> Didn't we decide not to?
>
>
>
> Always better with a glass of milk...
>
> Powdered Toast Man


Just thought I'd take a moment to point out the hypocrisy in this statement...

... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ...


OK, I'm done. Katey and Kristen have both been spoken to, so you guys can let them off the hook now. Detective Smiley, who I'm sure Genghis Conover remembers from last year, is investigating the case and information is classified. But I appreciate all or at least most attempts to keep the mass replying under control.
Oh and another thing. Here's a clip from yesterday's quote of the
day:

> P.S.- Please e-mail any critiques of temporary children's literature to
> me personally at dfishe1@gl.umbc.edu . Thank you.
>

And Tony's response (to just me personally)

> What's temporary, the books or the children???

Now, the word "temporary" was obviously supposed to say "CONtemporary." I would think that you guys would be able to piece together my broken typing patterns by now. Especially Tony. But the thought of temporary children is pretty funny when you think about it. And for some reason that I can't explain, when I try to think of who I know that could have possibly been a temporary child as a child, I think of Russ. For some reason, he just seems like a temporary person as it is. Richard Simmons is also another candidate.

OK, quote time again. Break out the crash helmets and the bean dip. I don't quite remember where, when, or why we were having this conversation, but it speaks for itself, anyway. This is just Dan's version of leadership, and his little twisted view on an old famous idiom...


Quote Of the Day 2/24

Russ: "If everybody jumped off a cliff, would you?"
Dan: "Hey, I'd be leading them off that cliff!"


I'm with you, Dan! I'm with you!!


Shoving three pronged forks of despair into the light socket of blissful torture,
Screaming Cricket.


Still Standing Right Here...

Like a Hole in the Head

Hey, I have exciting news guys! Not only is going to rain all throughout the rest of the day, but it will rain again tomorrow! And the next day! And the next day! And every subsequent day until I die! It's forecasts like these that make me question the validity of meteorologist's research.
I don't know if you guys know this idiot named Keith, but he's on our soccer team. During a game last month, he jumped up to head the ball and accidentally got a chin in his forehead. I don't usually use the term "in" when speaking about somebody getting hit in the forehead, but in this case, it applies. He came out of the game with a huge dent in his head. And this guy has a pretty big head to begin with. I mean you could lie him down and use him as an ashtray. Well, apparently, he suffered a dented skull or something of the sort. The guy has a hole in his freakin' head!!! And what does he do the following week? He comes back to the arena and tries to get in a game of soccer. Everybody said to him, "Hey Keith. Come on man, you got a hole in your flippin' head! Take it easy." But Keith was resilient to the logic everybody threw at him. Apparently he didn't think about the fact that he may need to head the ball or something like that. He'll probably get a metal plate put in there, but until then, if he gets hit in the head with a soccer ball, or even a random stray Friendly's straw wrapper, he'll be eating through a straw for the rest of his life. And if you thought those Frostys you get at Wendy's were tough to get through a straw, you should try a New York strip steak! Even without the bones. If anybody sees Keith out there, please stress to him the importance of a person's brain. Even his. Playing with a badly sprained ankle is one thing, playing with a hole in your head is an entirely different ballpark of unhappiness.

This quote is pretty self-explanatory, but I still thought it was funny. Anybody who's ever tried to speak, and it just didn't work for them can relate. OK, without any further adieu (that's French for "without any more delay, you inferior American bastards!")...


Quote Of the Day 2/23

"I jumped off the bed and my hurt started footing really bad."
-SuperWad


I know what you mean, Meawad. I fell off the bed and shouldered my hurt again last night.


Looking for the next best thing,
Suckworm.


Still Standing Right Here...


P.S.- Please e-mail any critiques of temporary children's literature to me personally at dfishe1@gl.umbc.edu . Thank you.

Russ Can't Score... Again

Alright, I had to say something here about my attire today because everybody else in the world did. Now when somebody who never even wears pants puts a suit on, I can imagine that it would cause a few double takes. But guys, you really need to get over it. OK, I put on pants and a tie. There's obviously something a little more important that a volleyball game going on. It's not an astronomical event, however. Don't think that the world will crumble all due to a slight variation in my attire. And I think it might put a lot of you at ease to know that the clothes weren't mine. I had to borrow them from Tony. But I have learned that next time that I will wear a suit, I'm going to e-mail everybody a week in advance to prepare them, post of flyers of warning all around campus, and get written permission from my boss to show everybody that I am allowed and required to wear a tie. I hope that suits everybody out
there.
As I was interviewing potential candidates for the RA position, we were required to write down a few general comments at the end, and for all four of my candidates, I wrote down something like "Would make a decent RA, but Tony would be better." They tried to tell me to be more professional. Also, I had to deny one of my potential candidates to go on. When asked the question "What would you do to create a more diverse community?", he replied that the first thing he would do would be to get rid of all the blacks and gays. Boy did he fall into that trap. (OK, guys, I'm kidding. Please don't take me seriously. I mentioned that little story to a few people today and I think almost everybody believed me. Well, don't.)

OK guys, get out your snorkel masks and cheese Doritos, it's time for the quote of the day. We were eating dinner tonight, as often happens around dinner time. Well, Russ was mentioning our little basketball game last week, and was telling Tim how well Suzanne guarded him. In his compliments toward Suzanne, he said...


Quote Of the Day 2/21&22

Russ: "She was the only one I couldn't score on all night."
Tony: "Yeah, her standards are a little higher than that."


Well, obviously not by much *OUCH*


Inhaling toxic fumes for fun,
Screaming Cricket.


Still Standing Right Here...

A Tale of Two Joes

This message is going to go down as a tale of two Joe's.

Do you guys remember the quote a while back, when I told Suzanne that Joe scared me worse than I've ever been scared in my entire life, and she replied "Was he driving?"? Well, this turned out to be sort of a prophecy apparently. (By the way, this is "Good Joe" for those of you who weren't sure. They both drive like idiots, so I felt I needed to clarify). Joe totaled his car. Apparently, it wasn't designed to survive rolling over, smashing into a grey blazer, getting rear ended, and crashing into a concrete barrier at 60 mph. And it was his sporty little red Dodge Daytona too. Do you guys have any idea how cool I looked in the passenger's side of that car. He'd fly by chicks in cool cars at like 90, and I'd get all the credit because we were passing them on the left. It was great. But bastard had to go and fuck it up! But he says he's getting a Jeep, so he's forgiven for the time being. This may turn out to be a blessing in disguise for me.
A lot of you may think I'm callous because I haven't even asked Joe if he was OK. Well, you guys don't understand. Hell, JOE doesn't even care if he's OK. It's the Dodge!! This car (and the superficial popularity associated with it) is worth more than both of our lives together. Especially Joe's. Hell, you could just barely get a pair of spark plugs for his tennis game (bring it on, Ass Banshee!). Besides, I'm willing to bet that Joe would be so upset over his totaling of the car, that even if he did feel any pain, he probably wouldn't feel it.

OK, on to "Evil Joe." This Dick Sausage left his book bag in the dining hall one night. Upon realization of this incredibly absent-minded blunder, he went back to find out that his bag had been opened and everything was still left there intact... Except his calculator. He said he was mostly pissed that he lost all of the programming stuff that he had on there, and he would have given the guys $100 if they wanted. So from now on, if you ever run into this situation and want a TI-85 out of the deal, just leave a note telling them that you were nice enough to not take their calculator, and therefore deserve for them to buy you one. Leave your phone number and mailing address for them. I promise it will work. Well, this whole calculator pilfering sent Joe into this pissed off rant about people and their intentions, wondering what would make a person do something like that...


Quote Of the Day 2/20

"Why are people so dishonest?... Now, I'm gonna have to steal my roommate's."
-Evil Joe


I'm beginning to think you might actually make a good RA now, Joe.


Love, twisted metal, and chick mobiles,
Dustin.


Still Standing Right Here...

Byte by Byte

Correct me if I'm wrong, but here's the story of Snow White:
This 15 year old girl goes up to her mother and asks her if she can go live with these seven guys in the woods. I wonder what that conversation could have possibly been like:
"Mom, can I go live with these seven older guys in the woods?"
"Well, what do they do? Are they field scientists?"
"No, they're coal miners."
"Do they have a house out there?"
"Well, it's kinda like this shack made out of a tree."
"Well, what are you going to do out there?"
"Oh, I'm gonna take care of them."
(mother pauses a while) "Sure, have fun."

And I had to be in at 11 o' clock.

OK, guys. I'm bidding you farewell. Reason being that I've just installed You Don't Know Jack with Acrophobia soon to follow on Suzanne's computer. I'm officially changing my mailing address next week, and you can reach me there. Anyway, as I was downloading it, my complete lack of computer knowledge caused me to constantly ask Russ if I was doing everything correctly. Now, in case you don't know this, Potomac dorm has ethernet connection, which is apparently about 500 or 600 times more fast than whatever system is running Suzanne's computer in Susquehanna. And so one of the times I turned to Russ to ask if everything looked like it should look, he replies to me...


Quote Of the Day 2/19

"I'll tell you what it shouldn't look like. (Points to this thing that says '0.4 K/sec) Point 4 K per second. I could run over and get the stuff byte by byte and it would be faster than that."
-Russell "the pointless guard" Johnson


You gotta love that computer nerd humor.


Loving you guys byte by byte,
Extendo.


Still Standing Right Here...

The Vague Guess Hotline

I don't know if I ever told you guys this, but I have developed a real affinity for redheads in the past year or so. I have almost regressed to the point where my standards for the rest of the girl's face, body, and personality drop as long as she has red hair... The same with blonds and brunettes. ;)
I don't know if you guys out there know this or not, but I WILL be graduating this May, and this inherently implies that I am going to have to start looking for a real job. I mean not that playing dodge ball isn't a real job, but I'm just not very good at it. I just seriously doubt that I could go national, and that's the only real place that there is any money in the medium. And my Swim Fishy Swim game has gone seriously downhill since the whole ankle thing happened. So I was thinking of starting one of those phone hotline things. Kinda like the "Psychic Friends Hotline," and all those others, but I'd call mine "The Vague Guess Hotline." People would call me and I'd tell them stuff like "You are having some sort of conflict" and "Life hasn't been picture perfect these past few months, has it?" and people would love it because I'm doing the same thing those other guys do, only I'm not trying to be parasitic about it. (BTW, I made up one of the words in that last sentence. See if you can try to pick it out.) And instead of telling them that they would soon get a lot of money, or go on a trip far away, I'd say stuff like "Nobody really likes you" and "They DO know where you live, and they ARE out to get you." Anybody want to invest?

Okey dokey, pokeys, it's quote time. I was hanging out around the desk chillin with Ed, who, in case none of you know this, is really funny in a subtle way. Apparently I had walked in on a conversation about Fuddruckers (or any of its derived nicknames), and Ed was describing his last trip to the bulky burger joint...


Quote Of the Day 2/18

"That burger was freakin' huge! It took me 10 minutes to figure out how to pick it up."
-Mr. Ed, Potomac's talking desk staff horse


I remember doing the same thing when I was on crutches. I had gotten my food and drinks and just stared at my tray and crutches for about 10 minutes, before I finally decided to eat right there in the drink line.



Sniffing lots of pepper and wearing a helmet,
Sneezing Cricket.


Still Standing Right Here...

Perpetual Motion

I don't know if you guys know this or not, but when I sneeze, I get really into it. Like no holds barred, man. When I have to sneeze, I just let the thing take over my entire body until it's done. It feels great. Some people think that it rivals a mini orgasm. Now I like the entire sneezing process, but I highly doubt that. At least, I hope that isn't the case. Of course, I have no real ground to stand on, but if it is, I'm going out in the rain naked more often!
Well, anyway, what I started saying is that I let myself loose when I sneeze, and earlier today, I could feel one coming up in my room. I stopped writing whatever I was writing, because that would have gotten that sneeze crap all over it. And the sneeze came while I was trying to put that stuff aside, so I was in motion to my right. Anyway, the sneeze came, and I quick threw my stuff on the bed and that motion must have been enough to disorient me temporarily. My head tilted back and snapped forward really fast, as it does when I sneeze. Well, long story short, I cracked my head on my wooden bedpost. I blacked out, and I didn't know if it was from the sneeze or the impact, so I panicked for two seconds. My vision came back a little bit at a time, and surprisingly, my head didn't hurt all that much. My first thought was "Thank God nobody saw me do that, because that would have been very embarrassing." So instead, I thought I'd tell you all about it later. Makes sense.

My friends from back home are really funny. Actually they're not. I'm lying to all of you. I hang out with the biggest bunch of idiots on the planet when I go home. And here's an example of just how dumb they are:
There are two brothers, Kevin and Erick. Erick has a girlfriend who, through some extraordinary stroke of luck, isn't dumb, and likes him (sounds like a contradiction there). Anyway, she bought him a tiny little thingy thing for Christmas. It was wooden, about 6 inches tall, and had a series of little ramps that if you dropped a little tiny silver ball on the top one, it would go down to the next one, and to the next one, and through about five or six of these ramps all the way to the bottom. The thingy thing came with its own little tiny silver balls that were the perfect shape to slide down this wooden piece of... work. It's not a very complex piece of machinery. Well, Kevin, Erick's younger brother, says "Wow, neat!" and proceeds to pick up one ball at a time and drop them on the top ramp and watches in amazement as they all make their way down to the bottom, where Kevin would pick them up from and repeat the process. As he picks up another ball and watches it roll down the simple model, Kevin asks...


Quote Of the Day 2/17

Kevin: "HEY! Is this a perpetual motion thing?"
Maria: "Yeah... If you keep doing it."



Kevin is a psychology major. That might help put things into perspective.


Sleeping with the television on,
Dustin.


Still Standing Right Here...

The Valentines Virus

I don't knock Valentine's Day as a national holiday, but I have to question a few things about it. Does anybody else find it disturbing that those little candy hearts that used to say stuff like "Be mine" and "You're cool" now say things like "You suck," "Fuck off," and "Stop following me around, you pink hatted bastard!"? And why are they all of a sudden written in pen too?

Seriously, the little hearts now say stuff like "outta web site" and "click here" and "upload my floppy." OK, one of those is a lie. Actually, two of them are a lie, and I'm not sure about the other one, but I know there was a common theme. The internet has grown so fast, it has now taken over Valentine's Day. What's next? A tale of this virtual bunny that hops to everyone's house hiding little tiny mouse balls for the boys and girls to find in their hard drives, and only their Mother board knows where they are?

Well, anyway, we were at dinner the other night, and I was asking people a little sports trivia just for kicks. The question at hand was whether or not there were more people in the NBA over 7 feet or under 6 feet. I asked around and Russ answered that he thought there were more people under 6 feet than people over 7 feet tall. I informed him that he was wrong and the answer was that there are actually more people in the NBA that are over 7 feet than under 6 feet...

Quote of the Day 2/16

"That would have been my second guess."
-Russ


Actually, we all know that would have been at least his third guess.



Love, Liberace, and the pursuit of hacky sacks,
Screaming Cricket.


Still Standing Right Here...

The Ride Is Over

OK,since this is a special day, I'll give you guys a special treat today. First of all, I hate about 95% of all love poetry, so in order for there to be a love poem that I could appreciate, I had to write one myself. It hits close to home, and I hope it lightens up anybody out there who is cynical when it comes to Valentine's Day and the undertones associated with it. Hope you enjoy...

The Ride Is Over

The ride is now over, the thrill is now gone
But it still looks as tempting as when you got on
The hills seem much higher and plentifully more
And the valleys don't seem quite as steep as before.

You beg and you plead that they must let you stay
But more people get on and they push you away
You cannot leave now - One last trip would be fine
But to get on again, you must get back in line.

The ride is now over, the fun is all gone
The chest bar has risen - you want to stay on
And as you flashback to the thrill of the ride
Your frail body shutters, you feel good inside.

You glance one last time at those admission gates
But there's no time for that; more pleasure awaits
There are plenty of rides in your favorite theme park
And another few hours before it gets dark.


by Dustin Fisher


and that's why I'm...

Still Standing Right Here...

Looking For Love in All the Wrong Places

And now introducing... Katey Springle, the Patriot Missile of Humor.

Thanks, Katey. That same thought occurred to me, and two other people who responded to me without making sure the rest of the non-English major people who I write to knew how incompetent I was when it came to saying things that have to do with words. But thank you nonetheless for proving my ignorance to all of my 140 closest friends. (Like they didn't know already)


I know Valentine's Day is not the most fun day in the world for most of the people I hang out with, but here's my advice. Get over it. It shouldn't depress you if you aren't seeing somebody at this time of year. I mean think about all the poor unfortunate guys who are seeing somebody right now. They are probably all stressing out because they have some sort of societal standard to live up to. That's what I always did (OK, once) when I was actually seeing somebody when this day rolled around. Believe me, we're better off than them. And some people decided to celebrate the holiday by playing Quake in their room. Hey, there's a much shorter line than the Cheesecake Factory, the prices are lower, and you're supplied with grenades and bazookas at your discretion. Beat that! Well, anyway, Robyn, Angela and Tracy were all encouraging Greg to go out and do something on this day of love. Angela brought up the fact that... well, hell, here's the whole conversation...

Quote of the Day 2/14/1998

Angela: "You have to go out today. You have your touch me, feel me shirt on."
Robyn: "Yeah, you need to start trying to find someone."
Greg: "I AM trying!"
Me: "Greg, there aren't any in your room."
Greg: (pause) "I didn't say I was trying hard."



That's the attitude, Greg. Eventually, they will come to you. Take it from a guy that's been single for over a year. I know. ;)


Love, loneliness, and revenge,
Dustin.

Thank You!!

You guys are AWESOME!!! That was the coolest thing that's ever happened to me in my entire life. If I could take all of you and fit you into one gorgeous woman, I'd give you a BIG sloppy kiss and have my way with you several times on the plywood scaffolding (that's a compliment). I mean, if I could take all of your limbs individually and separate them from your body, and melt them down into one tiny little gummi worm, I'd eat it slow as I possibly could just so I could savor the taste (I'm not sure what that was). What I should say is thank you guys, from the bottom of every damn organ in my body. Except maybe my appendix, because I'm not so sure I still have mine in, and I don't want to make you guys promises I can't keep, because I love you guys, and you deserve more from me. For those of you who aren't quite sure what I'm talking about, a huge group of people tricked me into staying in my room last night thinking someone was coming down on business, and then about 15 people showed up at my door at 11:00 at night, and gave me a 19" TV for graduation!! (Couldn't get that one last inch, could ya? (-:P ) Well, now I feel obligated to graduate. That's a hell of a lot of pressure on a guy. But if for no other reason, I'll do it for you guys... And the TV, but mostly for you guys. You're awesome!!!! And it works. I hooked it up and watched some TV after you all left at 3 in the morning last night. I watched some good infomercials. The Ab-Blaster is already on its way.

Well, I wish I had a very special quote saved up for such a grand occasion. But I don't. So you'll have to take this one for what it's worth. Alright, I was describing this situation to a few of my close friends and the situation was that I knew a girl whose friend was really cute. And so they asked me if I would have hooked up with her or not, and of course the answer was yes (though we all knew the likelihood of this to be the null set). So then I was trying to refer back to the first girl that I was talking about, the girl who had the friend that I wanted to hook up with. But I didn't want to end the sentence in a preposition, (old fourth grade english habit) and both with and up are prepositions, so I was having a hard time finishing my sentence. It took a while, but we all figured out how to phrase that clause without leaving a dangling preposition...


Quote Of the Day 2/13

"She's a girl whose friend up with which I'd like to hook."
-Me (with some help from smarter people)


The things I do for good grammar...



The guy with which you can up help the TV hook,
Dustin.


Still Standing Right Here...



*And thanks again guys. You're the best.*

Teaching a New Dog the Only Trick

I know it's only Thursday, but I now officially declare an end to Scattergories week. It was going to start getting ugly really soon. I don't know if you all remember Tuesday's message, but it was something about "I got 8 again..." Anyway, I had been on time everyday this semester with the quote of the day, so I wanted to keep that trend going as long as possible. Come 11:33 Tuesday night, I hadn't started the quote yet and it takes me an average of about 37 minutes to do the quote, so I was going to have to hurry up. Well, I started it, and forgot it was Scattergories week, so I had to run back to get my old notes, and I had a brain freeze, and whatever... Well, I typed it in, sent the thing, and turned around to look at the clock. It said 5 after midnight, but I knew it was fast. But it wasn't that fast. Anyway, I decided to check my message to see exactly how much I missed it by, and according to the computer clock, I had sent the message at Tue, 10 Feb 1998 23:59:37. I was so proud of myself. That's the kind of thing that makes my day. Unfortunately, there were only 23 seconds left in that day that I made. But MAN did I enjoy them!

My mother is not known in our family for her sense of humor, but with my sister, father and myself picking on her constantly, I must say that she never really got a chance. Anyway, I went home for break and found out that we had a little dog. As anybody who's ever seen him will tell you, he's the coolest little dog that ever lived. He's almost fully grown, and if I tried real hard, I could probably fit him entirely in my mouth. And if dad hadn't walked in when he did, I would be able to tell you for sure. Well, anyway, he pees a lot. And all over. That's the justice in having a cute dog, I guess. Well, my mom was leaving the house, and that means that Romeo (the dog) follows her all the way downstairs hoping that he will get to go out too. And these were mom's last words to Romeo before she left the house...


Quote Of the Day 2/12

"STAY! And stop peeing on everything."
-Quote Momma D


Poor dog. I don't think he understood either part.



Every dog's favorite chew toy,
Screaming Cricket.


Still Standing Right Here...

Only in College

OK. Here's a little dose of something I now call "only in college." I got to dinner the other day and sat down to eat some chicken or something. Whatever. It really doesn't matter that much. Well, upon completion, I stood up and told everyone I was going to get more food. Russ said he would but there was nothing good in the dining hall. I told him I was just going to get cereal. He exclaims "Brilliant!" and then proceeds to tell me that he's starving because he hasn't had anything to eat since his burrito for breakfast. I found the contradiction quite amusing. (Note: contradiction isn't exactly the word I wanted to use right there, but I got very tired of trying to think of the word I really wanted to use.)
Well, anyway, that is something that I would say fits under the category "only in college." Kinda like the phrase "7 in the afternoon." Again, you would here that phrase "only in college."

OK, in trying to stay on the topic of Scattergories Week, I'm finding some problems. One is that there are very few quotes left. In fact, today's is the last one. And the other is that this one is kinda funny, but not REALLY good. Oh, well, I still think it's worth sharing, because I've had the same thoughts about some of the dining hall food. We were playing Scattergories back home (same game as yesterday's), and the topic was ice cream flavors and the letter was S. Joe or Leigh, or somebody wrote down Spumoni. Now I worked at Friendly's for three years (I'm not bragging, I'm just sayin') and I never heard anybody order a spumoni sundae, or a brownie bottom spumoni, so I asked what the hell kind of ice cream is that!?! And my argument fell apart when Mike had actually heard of the stuff...


Quote Of the Day 2/11

"Yeah, spumoni. It's like chocolate, vanilla, and... green."


I still don't think I've ever seen the stuff, but Mike didn't do too good
of a job at selling it.


Driving the great quote caravan,
Extendo.


Still Standing Right Here...

8 Again

Well, for those of you guys care, the feeling in my knee finally came back, so you can all stop worrying. The inherent fear of amputation has all but died away. And for those of you who didn't care, and don't even really read this stuff at all, then I wish damnation upon you all. Or I at least hope your knee gets numb for a period of four and a half days. We'll see who's laughing THEN, won't we?
Another thing, along the same lines. I don't know if you know this, but the quote of the day doesn't go to EVERYone. In fact, that huge block of e-mail addresses that are listed above you really only constitute a very small percentage of the people in the world. So not everybody knew about the numbness I was experiencing in my knee. And because of this, about five people came up to me asking why I was wearing pants again. Especially on such a nice day. And so I had to proceed to tell them all individually that my knee had lost all of its feeling on Saturday, blah, blah blah. It really took a huge chunk out of my already busy schedule to stop to tell all those people why I had pants on. I don't have that kind of time. So here's my proposition. And I need you guys to help. Every time I send out information about myself, I need you all to tell everybody that you know what exactly has happened, and if they in turn, continue the chain, then eventually everybody will know why I am wearing pants. And so I will be able to walk from class to class relatively unbothered. As it stands right now, not having everybody on campus know everything about me has turned out to be such an inconvenience. I appreciate your help in advance. (For those who are a little slower than the rest of us, that was an exercise in sarcasm.)

OK, continuing with Scattergories Week, I'm going back home to PA, and pulling one out from over Christmas break. A bunch of us that most of you all don't really know anyway were sitting around playing Scattergories. You know how it is. Anyway, we had gotten to the part where we were shouting out our scores. I had gotten 6 or 7 or whatever, and Mike chimed in...


Quote Of the Day 2/10

"I got 8 again. Sorry, that was incorrect. I got eaten again."
-Mike "Genghis" Conover


Your fourth grade English teacher would be proud, Mike.



Love, pink hats, and volleyballs,
Quote Daddy D.


Still Standing Right Here...

One Huge Dice

February 9, 1998: 7:31 AM

Dear diary,
This is now the third day in a row I have gone without any feeling in my left knee. I don't think it's affecting my walking, but it is hard to tell, since I am already favoring my other leg because of my ankle. I tried loosening my ankle brace: Nothing. I tried keeping it warm: Still nothing. I even resorted to smoking crack: Again, nothing. Except the forty armored chocolate bananas with fishing lures and sausage links setting up a fort outside my window. The panic attacks are growing closer together and getting a little more intense. And I am probably stopping by Suzanne's after lunch today. When will the torture End? When, WHEN, WHEN?!?!?

Alright, you funky butlovin' cheesecake fanatics out there, this is Dr. Quote here to ail all your illnesses, and to fulfill all your desires, one at a time. But only if I'm not playing Acrophobia. Then I don't want to be disturbed, OK? Well, the DR. has declared this officially "Scattergories Quote Week." And I only have four good ones, so I'm gonna have to play it again sometime before this Thursday, got it? Well, this one comes from our (or at least my) most recent Scattergories outing. A bunch of us, including Tony (not Tiny, sorry about the misprint last quote, Tone. And ladies, I assure you, he isn't. (-:P ), were playing Scattergories in Misti's room late at night and Misti was taken aback when we opened the box and revealed the size of the... die.


Quote Of the Day 2/9

"That is one huge FUCKING dice!! Sorry,... die."
-Misti "Potty mouth" Thompson


Well, it's important to be grammatically correct.


Marveling at the size of Tiny's die,
Extendo.


Still Standing Right Here...

My Uncle's Saab

OK, before I start, I have a question to ask of you guys that I would like you to answer to me, be it in person, over the computer, on the phone, by carrier pigeon, whatever... Let's pretend that you went out and did something like, oh, let's say... played volleyball one night, and you woke up the following morning, or just got up from the computer the following morning, and your knee was numb. Like you couldn't feel it and it would tingle like pins and needles when you would touch it. OK, you take notice of this and figure "Well, it will go away soon." How long do you wait before you start to worry? And then before you start to panic? And how much more time before you break down and run screaming to you physical therapist ex-girlfriend? Well, my answer to the first one is about 4 hours. I'm slowly approaching the answer to the second one, also. Well, I'll keep you posted with updates.

Alright, this is a blast from the past. I just checked my old records and I can't believe I never sent this out as a quote of the day last year. I had an internship last year and there was about a span of three weeks when I didn't have a car, and so I needed Andrew to wake up and drive me there at 7 in the morning every Tuesday and back again around 5 or something. Well, we were driving back home after a long ass day and we passed a Saab. I started telling him that the ignition to a Saab is down between the driver's side and passenger's side of the seats. I then began to tell him that I knew this because we have a Saab. Well, we don't really have one, but my uncle from Maine, who isn't technically my uncle, went to Spain indefinitely, and... (he cut me off)


Quote Of the Day 2/7&8

"Wait, wait, wait. Is this another Saab story?"
-The slightly smarter half of Dumb and Uglier


I don't think I ever finished my story.



Sending you all quote-a-grams,
Extendo.


Still Standing Right Here...

Scary Joe

Listen up party people cause its Quotey Quote and his funky bunch and I'm about to kick it live fo yo mudders out dere! Actually, I don't think I'll be kicking anything live or dead. That's how I got hurt in the first place.

I'm doin this one quick cause I gotta get eatin and to the volleyball house so as I can reinjure myself again, K? And since I'm on a roll with my friends from home, I'll stay with it. Anyway, let me give you some information about Joe for you guys. He has a sporty red Dodge Daytona with a dent in it already, and no desire to live past 21. These two facts combined add up to a very stressful ride for the passenger. We made it from PA to UMBC and back in 10 minutes once. OK, got that part? Joe was coming to pick me up for a whatever the hell we were going to over break, and he does this thing where he rings the doorbell, comes in my door, yells "hello," hoping to get a response, and knocks on the wall on his way up if none of this works. Well, I was in my room screaming "She's lonely, she's lonely... She's the queen of the sea..." as loud as possible and didn't quite hear him come in. OK, to bring long story to a close, I was walking down from the 3rd floor and he had just gotten to the 2nd floor at about the same time. He thought it would be a hoot to jump and scream as loud as possible when I came down the last stair. This happened. I was somewhere around "the seeeeeeeEEEEEeee..." when I jumped up in the air with the foot that wasn't already in the air from walking, and proceeded to land on my bottom. This in turn makes Joe fall down laughing, completely disregarding the fact that my pride could have possibly been hurt just then. Well, I was just beginning to tell this story to Tiny, Kalola, and Suzanne on New Year's Day, and all I got out was "Oh my God, Joe scared the hell out of me the other day..."


Quote Of the Day 2/6

"Was he driving?"
-Suz (pronounced Sooz)


Looks like your reputation spans a couple of states.


Love, pink hats, and volleyballs,
Extendo.


Still Standing Right Here...

Pants Again

Well, I wore pants for the second day in a row today, eclipsing my old record of one. And I would like to thank all of you who saw me today and repressed the urge to say "You're wearing pants!" I actually got a plethora of witty responses from the group of people who I send this list out to. Everybody else said stuff like "You're wearing pants!... Again!" Thanks for your continued support, and once the weather goes back up to 40 degrees again, you can all start in with the "Geez, put some pants on," and "God, aren't you cold?"
Over break, I was suffering so much Mario Kart withdrawal, Joe, Mike and I actually went out and rented an N64 and a Mario Kart game from Blockbuster and played it for about 48 hours straight. At the end of the weekend, I had no fingerprint on my thumb, and I couldn't bend it almost at all. I had a bad case of Nintendinitis (Khanover's joke). Anyway, during the game, I asked Joe, who was Donkey Kong at the time, why his name was Donkey Kong when he was a monkey. The next thing I know, the game stopped. Joe was so baffled by my thought, he had to pause the game to think about it.

Well, this quote of the day comes from the many comments that I got as I was walking around today. ACDurgin had a good one about how he figured it was because I didn't shave today, but that's not the best (sorry). Actually, this one came when I was wearing shorts on my way to volleyball class. I passed Tracy on her way back to the dorm and she saw my outfit and...

Quote Of the Day 2/5

"I see you went back to being stupid again."
-Chex


Even a functional clock is wrong twice a day.


Curator of the quotes,
Extendo.


Still Standing Right Here...

A Dad in New York

Well, I just got Jiggy wit it, and will somebody please remind me to stretch before I do that next time. No wonder we never see Jazzy Jeff anymore.
Well, it's another beautiful day in Baltimore. (For all you out a staters, that is complete sarcasm. It's about 30 degrees and raining like a banshee). Why can't it just snow, damnit!! It's just annoying. And what I really don't understand is that it was like 60 degrees all last month. I went out and played tennis on January 2nd. Now, it's so cold, even I'm wearing pants. You heard me right. I'm wearing long pants today. And you know those clever comments that I mentioned yesterday that people would say when I was on crutches? These are even less clever. I swear to God, 5 people had something to say about me wearing pants this morning, and every single one was, and I quote, "You're wearing pants!" The inflection changed slightly from subject to subject, but that was the extent of the creativity of the comments I received. "You're wearing pants!" That's it. And yesterday, I got at least 4 or 5 people saying "Put some pants on," or some variation of it. I can't win. Or I can't lose, depending on how you look at it. Or maybe my life is just one long tie. Don't think about that one too long. I just did and nothing came of it.

Well, my family and I went to New York City this break to see The Capeman, Paul Simon's musical. The city was really cool, and the musical was good too. My dad started talking about how I needed to get a job and an apartment up here so he could live here for a year and visit all the libraries to get a lot of information. He's a big information junkie. Anyway, these are his thoughts on if he got to live in New York for a year...


Quote Of the Day 2/4

"I would be filled with so much information, it would be a sin to let me die."
My father, the hero...



...sandwich.

Taking over for Jazzy Jeff,
Grandmaster Quote.


Still Standing Right Here...

Puxatawny Bastard

Dumb fucking groundhog bastard.

I was listening to the news this morning and a serious news cast came on that said that some scientists at Virginia Tech discovered that whether Puxatawny Phil saw his shadow or not had no actual relation to the temperature of the next six weeks. Well, no shit! I want whoever's job it was to come up with that little piece of trivia. I have a few theories of my own I'd like to try and prove involving a fat bearded guy and a reindeer powered flying sled. And since when do we let a rodent from Puxatawny, Pennsylvania tell us what the weather is going to be like? It's not like rats can predict the weather, let alone the rats from Puxatawny. I only ever knew one guy from Puxatawny, and he was a real flippin idiot. He was one of those guys that always wore his hat backwards to try to look cool. And it wasn't like one of those baseball caps either. It was a cowboy hat. The man was an embarrassment to cowboys, Pennsylvanians, and groundhogs everywhere.
Anyway, welcome back everybody. I hope you all had a decent break. I spent the entirety of it sitting on my couch with my leg elevated watching Columbo reruns. For those of you who don't know yet, that thing I did to my ankle at the end of last school year, well I did it again. To my other ankle this time. Except this time I didn't freak out when my whole calf muscle turned purple. Besides, there were some good Columbos on.

Well, I'm gonna get down to business now because I am already behind in my work and it hasn't even been a full week yet...
My friend and I were having a conversation at Bennigans about women problems (from now on, when I say "conversation," just assume it was at Bennigans about women problems), and he began talking about how he had gotten turned down. And this is his version of what she said for what it's worth...


Quote Of the Day 2/2

"She didn't want that kind of relationship. You know, the kind with me in it."
-Kevin "Puxatawny Putz" Hershey



Well frankly Kevin, neither do I.


Gittin Jiggy Wit It,
Extendo.


Still Standing Right Here...