A Comedy Hypocrite

For the five or so of you out there that don't know me well enough to know that I am a student of comedy, there is a cardinal rule out there that I can't stand when other people violate. It's what I was originally going to name my book. "If at the end of a joke, you have to say 'well, I guess you had to be there,' then you shouldn't have told the joke in the first place." The reason I'm telling you this, is because I am about to be a hypocrite.
I was waiting tables sometime last week and I was sorta busy. Anyway, I was bussing a table and I had a few heavy plates and two really light, empty glasses on a tray that I was carrying back to the kitchen. Well, to make a long story kinda short, one of the really light glasses started to wobble and fell off the tray. I happened to be carrying the tray in front of me with both hands, so I couldn't reach down and catch it or anything. Well, my instinct when something falls out of my hands anywhere is to brace the fall with my foot. I wasn't necessarily going to try to juggle it with my feel, but if I could slow it down before it got to the ground, I figured it might not break. Well, it was a little too far in front of me to try such a delicate task. So here's what happened: the glass wobbled and fell off way far out in front of me, and I stretched out my foot to brace it, but realizing that it was too far in front of me, I lunged my foot at it, thus punting it straight into the wall, causing it to shatter into so many pieces I don't think some of the smaller pieces were considered glass anymore. My tables felt really bad for me and left me a big tip. I've been since trying to perfect this stunt. (remember, I warned you ahead of time it wouldn't be funny)

This quote came from a hell of a long time ago. Over a year ago, in fact. I found in written down on the back of a business card for some Chinese Restaurant I had never been to in my life while I was cleaning up my room. I remember it just as if it were last year. Anyway, we were standing on the sidelines of our hockey game, waiting to get in the game, and I started talking about the e-mail I had just gotten called "Girlfriend Five One." (I spelled it out for a reason) Anyway, I'm sure a few of you have gotten that e-mail. It talks about how it is incompatible with Mistress Two One and stuff like that. Pretty funny, but that's unimportant here. SO I was talking to Adam or somebody about this funny e-mail Girlfriend Five One...


Quote Of the Day 1/20/99

"What about girlfriend five two and three quarters?"
-Suzanne


I've been looking for a more current version of Girlfriend. Masturbation 5.1 gets old when you have to play it every night.


Doin the Indian boogie to a white man's song,
Screams with Crickets.


Still Standing Right Here...