The Patriot Missile of Humor

Well, Mike will be happy to know that I'M CAUGHT UP!!! This is actually the quote of today that I'm sending. Well, for those of you who aren't anal and don't consider 1:00 in the morning part of Tuesday, I'm caught up. Well, here's the situation, for those of you who are interested. I moved out of my apartment unofficially. I brought almost all my necessary crap down and set up camp. All I needed was to get Lisa's signature and I could move the rest of my crap down and exchange my key. Lisa went away this weekend. At least from business. So I was forced to sleep somewhere else last night because I had been in Susquehanna 3 nights in a row. It was actually fun being homeless. But anyway, I got Lisa to sign the thing this morning and all I need to do is move the rest of my crap down and exchange the key and I'm golden. I hope. So if any of you have a car and some spare time, I'd appreciate the help.
A word of warning to all of you: DON'T GIVE EARL YOUR PASSWORD!!! Or anyone who might give it to Earl. He can do some serious fucking up of one's account. He's learned some new shit that no one has ever seen before. He can write a program into your account so that everytime you try to login, the keyboard gives you an electric shock. And then everytime you hit a certain few keys in a certain order, a boxing glove comes out of the monitor and smacks you in the head. Moral of the story: DON'T GIVE EARL YOUR PASSWORD!!! In fact, that's why the university invented passwords. So Earl couldn't get into your account and fuck it up.
You know what I just noticed. David's in here. If it wasn't enough that he's up at this hour, he's here. That's weird. At any rate, this is another quote from this past weekend. Kate's friends tend to stick their feet in their mouth just as much as her. It's kind of ironic. Don't you think? Alright, this one isn't nearly as bad as last one, and that's mostly because it isn't Kate. And as usual, I could give you the context this was in, but it wouldn't be nearly as funny. So here's Nikki, that girl you all kind of met or kind of heard of, with...


Quote Of the Day 3/11

"Well, I saw you coming and I thought I'd make you feel good."
-Nikki (to me)



And Kate, thank you for telling me all about the term "Dickless" and how it's spelled and how it's not a put down for girls. Now let me share a principle with you. It's called SARCASM. It's the driving force behind a lot of my jokes, Kate. I'll refrain from explaining it, as I'm sure most of you know what it is on some level. Now let me explain another principle to you. Mike and I call it the "patriot missile of humor theory." This suggests that there is a person who waits for a joke to start ascending, and just when it looks like it has potential, they shoot it down for no apparent reason. If you want to be that person Kate, go ahead. I'm sure Amanda will be happy you took the crown from her. If not, STOP RUINING MY JOKES!!!


Launching SCUDs over enemy territory,
The Sergeant At Arms of Humor.
(I still love you Katey)


Still Standing Right Here...