ANOTHER
IMPOSTER!!! WHEN WILL IT END!!! Alright, I have to let that one slide because
it was really funny when it happened and I kind of gave Chris my permission.
BUT NO MORE!!! I'm back on track here. The pope has returned from sabbatical
and is ready and willing to excommunicate anyone willing (and a few I just feel
deserve it). And I'm starting with a certain job-stealin' free freelance
lancer. If he's not just a freelancing carcass when Smiley gets through with
him.
Anyway... yesterday, not only do all my troubles seem so far away, but we were
playing softball against the only other undefeated team in the league. The Violators!!!
Scary, isn't it? Well, we're winning like 6 to pi/2 or something (irrelevant),
and Augsburger hits a pop fly between the shortstop and the left fielder. Long
story short, they collide giving each other concussions, with blood all over
the place (I never said it was a pleasant story). About fifteen minutes later,
the police car drives up from all the way over in Jibib and we were curious as
to why they didn't just come from the campus police station right directly
about 50 feet behind us (not an exaggeration). To this, Earl says jokingly:
Quote Of the Day 4/29
"Campus police don't cover this area."
-The big guy with lots of RBI's.
Anyway, to continue the story, the guys still remained just lying there until
the ambulance came a good 20 minutes after then. When the ambulance finally
showed up, they were both conscious and as they were both about to be taken
away to the hospital overnight, when the shortstop, having now heard what had
happened during the play, said...
Quote Of the Day 4/30
"You mean you ran into me, and you didn't even catch the ball!!!"
-Some unlucky shortstop
Practicing safe sax,
Screaming Cricket.
Still Standing Right Here...
Tuesday, April 30, 1996
Sunday, April 28, 1996
Highlander Steals My Job
Hey,
everybody, I'm new to the WEB, but I think it's a trip. As it probably says in
the From: part of this message, my name is Chris MacLeod and I'm a junior here
at this fine institution (insert editorial comment here: ) Anyway, his
Pink-hattedness actually made it to class today, and he uttered a phrase of
such journalistic power that I am forced to steal his e-mail list so that you
all can appreciate it as much as I did (I am sending this from the hospital
where they stitched my gut back up.)
So here goes: We were sitting in philosophy, me, dustin and matt, and we were poking fun at our friend Jacqui (in the purest, well-meaning, politically correct sense, mind you!), when she said that we were being sexist. And, well, from Dustin himself, out this came:
(BTW, to all female members of the web, feel free to blame dustin completely for this,
as it is totally his fault)
" Sexism is such a waste of time..........there are plenty of reasons to hate women on an individual basis."
Enjoy!
Crows, swords, and giant squids,
Highlander
So here goes: We were sitting in philosophy, me, dustin and matt, and we were poking fun at our friend Jacqui (in the purest, well-meaning, politically correct sense, mind you!), when she said that we were being sexist. And, well, from Dustin himself, out this came:
(BTW, to all female members of the web, feel free to blame dustin completely for this,
as it is totally his fault)
" Sexism is such a waste of time..........there are plenty of reasons to hate women on an individual basis."
Enjoy!
Crows, swords, and giant squids,
Highlander
Saturday, April 27, 1996
The Futility of Finals
GEEZ!!
You don't check your E-mail for a week...
Alright troops, I really shouldn't be doing this because I have a paper to write, a tape to edit, and a freelance lancer to behead by sunrise, but I heard rumors of an alleged attempted stealing of my position as quote of the day Emeritus. Well, I trust that the perpetrator was put straight by Detective Smiley AND WILL NOT TRY THIS AGAIN EVEN IF DUSTIN IS FALLING BEHIND!!!!
Seriously, you'll all have to excuse MacFreelander. He's been diagnosed with Sychistsoid Pinkhatenus. It's a rare disease where penis envy drives a person to try to take over another person’s E-mail list. So please forgive him. You slip and hit that button just once, and next thing you know, the
hounds are right up on your ass and you're fresh out of dog tranquilizer death
darts. But a few tips for the quote of the day, Yelnick: First of all, sexual
references are passe (picture an accent eh grave on the "e"), and
should be avoided unless you're desperate, or it was REALLY good. Secondly,
don't bother telling them what happened at Pitt. No one really cares. They just
barely care about my life, and they're my actual friends. And most of them page
through to the quote directly anyway. Well, I'm sure you've gotten your severe
internet spanking, so I'll let you go now. And thanks to all my faithful
followers. You all get a big wet kiss from Scott for your continued support.
Wow! It's really getting late (or early actually). So here's a quote from Detective Smiley himself about this paper and the class we have to write it for, and about his major and life in general:
"The Titanic is going down. I've just woken up and realized there are no lifeboats. I'm looking for a wooden plank, anything. I don't care if you have a dinghy."
-The Bungling Sleepyhead
Love, pink hats, volleyballs, videotapes, softballs, research papers, due dates, fat guys, soccer balls, overdue library books, attendance sheets, recontracting, registration, and a
brownie bottom sunday,
Stressing Cricket.
Still Trying To Stand Right Here...
Alright troops, I really shouldn't be doing this because I have a paper to write, a tape to edit, and a freelance lancer to behead by sunrise, but I heard rumors of an alleged attempted stealing of my position as quote of the day Emeritus. Well, I trust that the perpetrator was put straight by Detective Smiley AND WILL NOT TRY THIS AGAIN EVEN IF DUSTIN IS FALLING BEHIND!!!!
Seriously, you'll all have to excuse MacFreelander. He's been diagnosed with Sychistsoid Pinkhatenus. It's a rare disease where penis envy drives a person to try to take over another person’s E-mail list. So please forgive him. You slip and hit that
Wow! It's really getting late (or early actually). So here's a quote from Detective Smiley himself about this paper and the class we have to write it for, and about his major and life in general:
"The Titanic is going down. I've just woken up and realized there are no lifeboats. I'm looking for a wooden plank, anything. I don't care if you have a dinghy."
-The Bungling Sleepyhead
Love, pink hats, volleyballs, videotapes, softballs, research papers, due dates, fat guys, soccer balls, overdue library books, attendance sheets, recontracting, registration, and a
brownie bottom sunday,
Stressing Cricket.
Still Trying To Stand Right Here...
Weed Steals My Job
Okay,
this battle for the quote of the day crown must stop! Dustin is the rightful
owner, and while he battles dragons and fly balls for the good of the campus,
we must be patient. I would never dream of usurping his throne, but I swear to
God if Dustin had heard this, it would be the quote of the day for the next 26
weeks.
I was visiting some friends from the Rugby team, and they were trying to get their Oriental roommate Hana to take them to Backdraft. This guy Iman comes up to my friend Ian and says, "Why don't you get that Chink on the sofa to take us to Backdraft?" Ian looks at him and says, "Man, that's my roommate, chill out!" Then he looks at us and says:
Quote of the Day whenever
"He called Hana 'that Chink on the sofa...that'll go over like a pregnant pole vaulter."
Weed
"Pleased to meet you, hope you guess my name. But what's puzzling you is the nature of my game."
R.S.
I was visiting some friends from the Rugby team, and they were trying to get their Oriental roommate Hana to take them to Backdraft. This guy Iman comes up to my friend Ian and says, "Why don't you get that Chink on the sofa to take us to Backdraft?" Ian looks at him and says, "Man, that's my roommate, chill out!" Then he looks at us and says:
Quote of the Day whenever
"He called Hana 'that Chink on the sofa...that'll go over like a pregnant pole vaulter."
Weed
"Pleased to meet you, hope you guess my name. But what's puzzling you is the nature of my game."
R.S.
Friday, April 26, 1996
Detective Smiley Saves The Quote
On
Thu, 25 Apr 1996, Michael J Conover wrote:
(snip)
> Still Stealing Dustin's Job Right Here.
>
FREEZE CONNOVER!!
Just drop Dustin's Job right there! Hands behind yer head! Behind yer head mother fucker!! That's it, easy, easy.. good. Book 'im Dan-o. Okay, lemme esplain somethin' here. Dustin's job ain't here for the takin', see. See Dustin here, he's got the position for life; kinda like the Pope. So, you know if the Pope is havin' a bad week, you can't just pop over to the Vatican and start excommunicatin' people. Okay, so Dustin's not keepin up to speed. Just hang in there for a while and he'll get back on track. But till that time, you "MacWawa", are spendin' some time in the drunk tank. Let’s go boys...
Detective Smiley
(snip)
> Still Stealing Dustin's Job Right Here.
>
FREEZE CONNOVER!!
Just drop Dustin's Job right there! Hands behind yer head! Behind yer head mother fucker!! That's it, easy, easy.. good. Book 'im Dan-o. Okay, lemme esplain somethin' here. Dustin's job ain't here for the takin', see. See Dustin here, he's got the position for life; kinda like the Pope. So, you know if the Pope is havin' a bad week, you can't just pop over to the Vatican and start excommunicatin' people. Okay, so Dustin's not keepin up to speed. Just hang in there for a while and he'll get back on track. But till that time, you "MacWawa", are spendin' some time in the drunk tank. Let’s go boys...
Detective Smiley
Thursday, April 25, 1996
Mike Steals My Job - 4
Alright,
so here I am again taking over Dustin's ex-job.
Not a damn thing else is happening at Pitt, but I can make stuff up, y'all'll never know the difference.
You know that big building in the middle of campus? The Cathedral of Learning, a forty-two story Gothic Cathedral? Well, yesterday, I was playing football on the Cathedral Lawn and a pass went through the receiver's hands and into the wall of the Cathedral, AND IT FELL DOWN! Not the ball, the Cathedral. So anyway, all the people in the building were okay, but one unlucky Weiner Dog was killed when the building fell on him. He put up a good fight, trying to maneuver himself so that when it fell on him he would be inside an open window (a la Aladdin), but you know how the depth perception is on a Weiner Dog (especially one's made after 1968) and he didn't make it.
Also, I found twenty bucks.
Okay, for all of you who want to win a prize (Joe can be in on this one) I'll give a prize to anyone who can tell me which of these stories is true. (Hint: if anyone says the first one, the contest is off)
So, here's the second quote, again from my lovable Girlfriend, Kris, Smiley, The 'Ol Ball and Chain, The Reason I Ain't Gots No Cash. She and I live about 5 hours apart. (Not during school, I mean our HOME homes. Our campus is BIG, but let's be realistic) We live about 5 hours apart, and we're going to be visiting each other over the summer, her coming to my house once a month, and I going to her house once a month. What we couldn't figure out was who would go to the other's house FIRST, which prompted her to say,
"You can't come first, I WANNA COME FIRST!"
Willy Nilly Silly Ol Bear,
Rance Fleerander, The Flee Fleerance Rancer
Still Stealing Dustin's Job Right Here.
Not a damn thing else is happening at Pitt, but I can make stuff up, y'all'll never know the difference.
You know that big building in the middle of campus? The Cathedral of Learning, a forty-two story Gothic Cathedral? Well, yesterday, I was playing football on the Cathedral Lawn and a pass went through the receiver's hands and into the wall of the Cathedral, AND IT FELL DOWN! Not the ball, the Cathedral. So anyway, all the people in the building were okay, but one unlucky Weiner Dog was killed when the building fell on him. He put up a good fight, trying to maneuver himself so that when it fell on him he would be inside an open window (a la Aladdin), but you know how the depth perception is on a Weiner Dog (especially one's made after 1968) and he didn't make it.
Also, I found twenty bucks.
Okay, for all of you who want to win a prize (Joe can be in on this one) I'll give a prize to anyone who can tell me which of these stories is true. (Hint: if anyone says the first one, the contest is off)
So, here's the second quote, again from my lovable Girlfriend, Kris, Smiley, The 'Ol Ball and Chain, The Reason I Ain't Gots No Cash. She and I live about 5 hours apart. (Not during school, I mean our HOME homes. Our campus is BIG, but let's be realistic) We live about 5 hours apart, and we're going to be visiting each other over the summer, her coming to my house once a month, and I going to her house once a month. What we couldn't figure out was who would go to the other's house FIRST, which prompted her to say,
"You can't come first, I WANNA COME FIRST!"
Willy Nilly Silly Ol Bear,
Rance Fleerander, The Flee Fleerance Rancer
Still Stealing Dustin's Job Right Here.
Tuesday, April 23, 1996
Mike Steals My Job - 3
The
green MONKEYS are not dangerous, but their AUNTS aRE!!!!!?
It seems again Dustin is neglecting his duties as Quote of the Day Coordinator Emeritus. (I don't know what Emeritus means, but I saw it after some Professor's name and thought it sounded cool. Say it out loud, emeritus, emeritus, glad I ain't got gingivitis.) So, once again, I must take the initiative and get this thing done for you all. God I hate Dustin. First our engagement, now this.
Anyway, let me catch you up on the news here at Pitt. Like I said, we're in Finals Week, which i have already told one of you is short for God I Hate Finals Because I Have To Study A Semester's Worth Of Stuff In One Night AND I HATE COFFEE BUT I NEED IT TO STAY AWAKE, So I'll Take The F. I'll give a prize to the first one who guesses who I said that to, and Joe, you can't answer.
Other things at Pitt, let me see......the Penguins are in the Superbowl or something, but I've been studying so much I don't even know who they're playing. I think maybe the Brazilian Team.
But what is REALLY cool, is the fact these two Professor's were stuck in one of the elevators, and...
So, here is one of the quotes I'm doing here, it was said by quite a brilliant mind, my girlfriend, also known as klmst60+@pitt.edu
"Ok, Kelly, now I'm gonna give you syphilis!"
Tan hats, Finals and Ramen Noodles, OH MY!
Yelnick MacWawa
Still Masticating Right Here...
It seems again Dustin is neglecting his duties as Quote of the Day Coordinator Emeritus. (I don't know what Emeritus means, but I saw it after some Professor's name and thought it sounded cool. Say it out loud, emeritus, emeritus, glad I ain't got gingivitis.) So, once again, I must take the initiative and get this thing done for you all. God I hate Dustin. First our engagement, now this.
Anyway, let me catch you up on the news here at Pitt. Like I said, we're in Finals Week, which i have already told one of you is short for God I Hate Finals Because I Have To Study A Semester's Worth Of Stuff In One Night AND I HATE COFFEE BUT I NEED IT TO STAY AWAKE, So I'll Take The F. I'll give a prize to the first one who guesses who I said that to, and Joe, you can't answer.
Other things at Pitt, let me see......the Penguins are in the Superbowl or something, but I've been studying so much I don't even know who they're playing. I think maybe the Brazilian Team.
But what is REALLY cool, is the fact these two Professor's were stuck in one of the elevators, and...
So, here is one of the quotes I'm doing here, it was said by quite a brilliant mind, my girlfriend, also known as klmst60+@pitt.edu
"Ok, Kelly, now I'm gonna give you syphilis!"
Tan hats, Finals and Ramen Noodles, OH MY!
Yelnick MacWawa
Still Masticating Right Here...
Friday, April 19, 1996
The New Geography
Has
anybody else out there ever noticed that in both sections of the dining hall,
especially the "quiet side," they hang the clocks up strategically so
that there is a glare from some light from everywhere you look at it in the
room! Everybody look next time you're in there. You can't tell what time it is
unless you get up REALLY close to it. BAD THING!! In fact, this is like the definition
of Bad Thing!! I was playing volleyball yesterday out in the sand pit and when
I went to leave, my keys were missing. I have absolutely no idea where they
could be, so if anyone sees them, let me know. Complete description: They are
on this bright pink phone cord-looking thing and they open my door. Help.
Because if I can't find it, then all the locks in Susquehanna need to get
changed and I have to pay for it (around a couple hundred dollars from what I
hear). So if I can't find them in the next week, I'll be sending out a message
asking people to contribute to the "Dustin Is A Dumbass Fund,' which will
take precedence to the "Chris Is A Dumbass Fund," because we all know
Chris was aiming for Lisa's window anyway. ;-)
This quote is also from a long time ago (even longer) and also from Sedge. Before Christmas Break, Sedge and I were having a conversation about where we were spending Christmas vacation. He asked where I would be for break...
Quote Of the Day 4/19
Me: "Hopefully, I'll be spending a little time in New Jersey."
Sedge: "Why, what's in New Jersey?"
Me: "Michigan."
The look on his face is what actually should have made quote of the day. And for those of you who are lost... tough!
The parking vigilante,
Extendo.
Still Standing Right Here...
This quote is also from a long time ago (even longer) and also from Sedge. Before Christmas Break, Sedge and I were having a conversation about where we were spending Christmas vacation. He asked where I would be for break...
Quote Of the Day 4/19
Me: "Hopefully, I'll be spending a little time in New Jersey."
Sedge: "Why, what's in New Jersey?"
Me: "Michigan."
The look on his face is what actually should have made quote of the day. And for those of you who are lost... tough!
The parking vigilante,
Extendo.
Still Standing Right Here...
Thursday, April 18, 1996
30 Monkeys
Sorry
this one is so late, but Eighthmania kind of snuck up on me. Oh, and by the
way, if you weren't there... you didn't really miss too much. The Pimp-Daddies
were fun as always, but I couldn't enjoy it fully as I was stuck in a mosh pit
in bare feet (OUCH!!). But I got my share of crowd surfing in. One more
Pimp-Daddy note: The Pimp-Daddies are playing with the Houseplants and EVERYDAY
@ SIX this Wednesday at the Bank. I'm going along with a few people from back
here and a couple of Loyolan friends too and I'm trying to raise interest.
Anyway, let me know if you want to go, 'kay?
This quote came from a little while ago. Actually a long time ago, like just as we got back from winter break. I went to see 12 Monkeys over break with Sedge and liked it so much, that I drug Joe and Erick to see it when I got back home over break. However, halfway through the movie, the entire power shut off and the emergency lighting came on. Anyway, they gave us 2 free tickets to any AMC theatre as compensation for the power outage. I was telling Sedge this story when we first got back, to which he said...
Quote Of the Day 4/18
"Wow. So you get 30 monkeys for the price of 12!"
-The "Master"
Making faces back at little kids,
Screaming Cricket.
Still Standing Right Here...
This quote came from a little while ago. Actually a long time ago, like just as we got back from winter break. I went to see 12 Monkeys over break with Sedge and liked it so much, that I drug Joe and Erick to see it when I got back home over break. However, halfway through the movie, the entire power shut off and the emergency lighting came on. Anyway, they gave us 2 free tickets to any AMC theatre as compensation for the power outage. I was telling Sedge this story when we first got back, to which he said...
Quote Of the Day 4/18
"Wow. So you get 30 monkeys for the price of 12!"
-The "Master"
Making faces back at little kids,
Screaming Cricket.
Still Standing Right Here...
Wednesday, April 17, 1996
Guilty Roaches
Well,
as co-captain of the Good People softball team, I would just like to say HOT
DAMN WE'RE GOOD!!! After one week of play, we came out with two wins and no
losses. (Wish I could say the same for our soccer team.) Anyway, we started off
the week with a little appetizer of Kiwi Lime (sorry, Cheryle), and finished up
on Wednesday with a hearty chef special come-from-behind SAE sandwich. With a
little Del Phi Mu on the side for flavor, of course. Meanwhile, the Good Guys
men's team has been serving up some Pi Epsilon Pie of their own. Anyway, good
job everybody. And I know we all wanted to kill him then, but we did win the
game, and Augsburger did hit in the tying and winning run in the 5th inning.
And to top off the comeback, Jen and Suzanne thoroughly embarrassed their third
baseman with consequent shots down the line. GOOD WORK TEAM!!
Alright, I'm done bragging for a little while. And besides, you all want the quote anyway. I was in class today (the one I didn't skip), and our teacher was talking about surveillance. And she said something so off the wall, yet thought-provokingly true, I had to use it:
Quote Of the Day 4/17
"Roaches, by nature, feel guilty. I mean you turn on the lights and they immediately feel like they did something wrong and run and hide."
-Cluadia the Scary
Weird, but kinda true.
Love, softballs, and the third base line,
The "Left Fielder."
Still Standing Right Here...
Alright, I'm done bragging for a little while. And besides, you all want the quote anyway. I was in class today (the one I didn't skip), and our teacher was talking about surveillance. And she said something so off the wall, yet thought-provokingly true, I had to use it:
Quote Of the Day 4/17
"Roaches, by nature, feel guilty. I mean you turn on the lights and they immediately feel like they did something wrong and run and hide."
-Cluadia the Scary
Weird, but kinda true.
Love, softballs, and the third base line,
The "Left Fielder."
Still Standing Right Here...
Tuesday, April 16, 1996
Just a Dork
Bon
jour. Je suis le papier bleu. Sorry bout that, but I gotta tune up on my French
because I'm probably taking it next semester with Suzanne (almost makes you
want to puke, eh?). And in case you non-French speakers out there were
wondering, I just said "Good day. I am blue paper." It's one of three
sentences I can still say after two years of French in high school over four
years ago. I can't remember how to say "Can you please fix my broken
record player?" off hand, and I wouldn't want to even try to spell the
other one.
Well, today has been kind of weird so far. I fell asleep in class today (not the weird part), and after a while, I was so out of it, I started to have a daydream. The daydream wasn't complex, but it was just enough to get me disoriented. I dreamt that I walked up to the front of the class for some reason (don't remember why) and fell asleep in the desk up front. IT was really real, because I already was asleep, so I didn't have to feel different or anything. So when I woke up I had that split second of whatthehellhappenedness. But I soon realized what had happened and went right back to sleep.
Well, I'm sure a lot of us can relate to this quote, and I've been doing pretty good with straying away from the sexual reference quotes of the day too. Anyway, this one might remind you of yourself in high school, so have fun...
Quote Of the Day 4/16
"...and then I got my braces off and contacts instead of my glasses. Then I was just a dork. I had no other excuse."
-Suzzie
P.S.- Congratulations to the Good People are in order. We had our first win yesterday and a 19-4 victory is a good way to start off the season.
Peeing on Chris' head,
Screaming Frog.
Still Standing Right Here...
Well, today has been kind of weird so far. I fell asleep in class today (not the weird part), and after a while, I was so out of it, I started to have a daydream. The daydream wasn't complex, but it was just enough to get me disoriented. I dreamt that I walked up to the front of the class for some reason (don't remember why) and fell asleep in the desk up front. IT was really real, because I already was asleep, so I didn't have to feel different or anything. So when I woke up I had that split second of whatthehellhappenedness. But I soon realized what had happened and went right back to sleep.
Well, I'm sure a lot of us can relate to this quote, and I've been doing pretty good with straying away from the sexual reference quotes of the day too. Anyway, this one might remind you of yourself in high school, so have fun...
Quote Of the Day 4/16
"...and then I got my braces off and contacts instead of my glasses. Then I was just a dork. I had no other excuse."
-Suzzie
P.S.- Congratulations to the Good People are in order. We had our first win yesterday and a 19-4 victory is a good way to start off the season.
Peeing on Chris' head,
Screaming Frog.
Still Standing Right Here...
Monday, April 15, 1996
The Color of Depression
Hi
again. It's that time again. The time where Dustin'd got to catch up so you all
get two or three (in this case just two) quotes in succession!!! So enjoy twice
the fun today with this double-dose. I would first of all like to thank Chris
for that rather impressive mathematical proof. I'm actually really convinced
that April + Maryland = Snow. So expect me to run to you with more real life problems
that you can solve mathematically. And I have a good prank I want to pull that
everybody on campus is invited to help me out doing. It's clean and we can't be
legally penalized for it, and it'll take a lot of paper and markers and time. I
want to change all the Quadmania signs on campus to say
"Eighthmania." It's kind of a political statement, and I just want to
see if I can get enough interest and if you all think it's a good idea or if
you think it's just stupid.
Alright, I'm late. I gotta go. No time for wit. If you all know me, and you all do, you know I wear a pink hat most if not all of the time. Well, I was wearing this hat one day that isn't quite neon pink, but more purplish than most people are used to. My friend asked me what was wrong with the hat. It wasn't bright pink like the rest of them. I told him I was sort of depressed that day and wasn't in a neon pink hat mood...
Quote Of the Day 4/15
"Well, that's not too bad if the most depressed you get is lavender."
-Crossover Manser (friend from home)
Doing the happy dance,
Twitching Cricket.
Still Standing Right Here...
(don't worry Joe)
Alright, I'm late. I gotta go. No time for wit. If you all know me, and you all do, you know I wear a pink hat most if not all of the time. Well, I was wearing this hat one day that isn't quite neon pink, but more purplish than most people are used to. My friend asked me what was wrong with the hat. It wasn't bright pink like the rest of them. I told him I was sort of depressed that day and wasn't in a neon pink hat mood...
Quote Of the Day 4/15
"Well, that's not too bad if the most depressed you get is lavender."
-Crossover Manser (friend from home)
Doing the happy dance,
Twitching Cricket.
Still Standing Right Here...
(don't worry Joe)
Friday, April 12, 1996
Good Vibrations
Gutenmorgan,
everyone. Sorry this Friday's quote is so late, but there really weren't any
great stand-out quotes. That, and I'm like really lazy. In fact, I'm going to
answer the question that a few of you have asked recently. I was offered the
alternate position for RAship, and silly me was too upset/lazy/forgetful to
return my letter of acceptance by the date needed. I turned it in late, but in
all likelihood, I will not be an RA next year, and anyone who wants to help me
shit bomb ORL can E-mail me back here. And I see Chris has already started
without me.
Well, anyhow, I was over Suzanne's room (surprise), and her roommate, Courtney was commenting on the music playing and how her speaker was right around where her and Steve were sitting. And out of the blue, she turns to him and says:
Quote Of the Day 4/12
"Can't you feel her voice vibrating in your butt?"
-Courtney
By the way, if you all would like to reach me and I'm not in my room, try me in Suzanne's (x8724). The same would probably apply for her. ;)
The shepherd,
Dustin.
Still Standing Right Here...
Well, anyhow, I was over Suzanne's room (surprise), and her roommate, Courtney was commenting on the music playing and how her speaker was right around where her and Steve were sitting. And out of the blue, she turns to him and says:
Quote Of the Day 4/12
"Can't you feel her voice vibrating in your butt?"
-Courtney
By the way, if you all would like to reach me and I'm not in my room, try me in Suzanne's (x8724). The same would probably apply for her. ;)
The shepherd,
Dustin.
Still Standing Right Here...
Thursday, April 11, 1996
Chewing Snow
Hey!
Guess who? IT'S ME, DUSTIN!!!
Alright, a certain amount of the element of surprise is basically obsolete on E-mail. This is my biggest problem with E-mail. That, and the fact that you can't send packages through it. And believe me, I've tried!! Though they did figure out a way to send germs through the internet, so right now, as you read this, though you may not notice it, and some of you may not be affected, you are all contracting the elusive Screaming Cricket virus OF DEATH!!! Some assembly required. I'm in a rather weird mood today. Maybe it's this weather. Or maybe it's the fact that I don't sleep during the weekdays. Or maybe the pink dye from my hat is finally seeping into my brain. But anyway, just don't be too surprised if you wake up the day after reading this rubbing your legs together and playing the Pina Colada Song as sung by the Boss-Tones until Doug is standing over your bed threatening to kill you with a baseball bat. Alright, I'm going to cue up this quote before I lose the rest of my viewing audience.
Yesterday at lunch, John started chewing on an ice cube, to which I asked him if he was sexually frustrated, because there's a myth that says that one who is sexually frustrated chews on ice cubes (I'm not making this up, either). Well, John apparently disagrees with this theory:
Quote Of the Day 4/11
"That's so stupid. What about chewing gum?... Or what about if I chew snow? Does that mean I want to jerk off?"
-Tonto Sleepyhead
The soup nazi,
Screaming Cricket.
Alright, a certain amount of the element of surprise is basically obsolete on E-mail. This is my biggest problem with E-mail. That, and the fact that you can't send packages through it. And believe me, I've tried!! Though they did figure out a way to send germs through the internet, so right now, as you read this, though you may not notice it, and some of you may not be affected, you are all contracting the elusive Screaming Cricket virus OF DEATH!!! Some assembly required. I'm in a rather weird mood today. Maybe it's this weather. Or maybe it's the fact that I don't sleep during the weekdays. Or maybe the pink dye from my hat is finally seeping into my brain. But anyway, just don't be too surprised if you wake up the day after reading this rubbing your legs together and playing the Pina Colada Song as sung by the Boss-Tones until Doug is standing over your bed threatening to kill you with a baseball bat. Alright, I'm going to cue up this quote before I lose the rest of my viewing audience.
Yesterday at lunch, John started chewing on an ice cube, to which I asked him if he was sexually frustrated, because there's a myth that says that one who is sexually frustrated chews on ice cubes (I'm not making this up, either). Well, John apparently disagrees with this theory:
Quote Of the Day 4/11
"That's so stupid. What about chewing gum?... Or what about if I chew snow? Does that mean I want to jerk off?"
-Tonto Sleepyhead
The soup nazi,
Screaming Cricket.
Wednesday, April 10, 1996
Sneaking Erick Into Potomac
Hello
today troops. Just to let you all know, I've been sick for a little while but
I'm getting over it. Though this damn weather is not helping any. Gotta love
that Indian winter. April + Maryland = Snow. I'd appreciate it if some math
major could explain that to me sometime. And you can all congratulate me. I've
now been written up for overnight violation in three out of four dorms!! Look
out Patapsco, I'm coming for you. So I'm actually thinking about trying for the
grand slam of overnight violations. I'll let you know if I accomplish it. And
speaking of overnight and stuff, I have a funny story to tell (but I'll keep it
short). Last Thursday, Erick and I went to Garth Brooks and afterward, he,
Billy, Suzanne, and I went out. We got back around 2:45 and had intended on
watching Goonies in Suzanne's room. Problem: She can't sign in three people
overnight, only two. So, outside of the dining hall, we shoved Billy in a
sleeping bag and Erick flung him over his shoulder. Well, Erick was too
concerned with carrying Billy and he was busy suffocating, but Suzanne and I
lost it on our way into Potomac. We had tears in our eyes while trying to sign
in myself and Erick. But the funniest thing is that it would have worked!! The
chick at the desk didn't even pay enough attention to notice that there was a
human being inside the sleeping bag. But we got somebody else to sign Billy in
anyway, just in case Miss Perceptive had a flash of thought.
At any rate, this quote comes from a friend of mine who beat us in soccer last semester. I was walking around in shorts and he is always baffled how I don't get cold. So he asked me if I was cold, and I told him that the temperature is all in your mind. To this, he responded...
Quote Of the Day 4/10
"Yeah, but I'd hate to have to walk around thinking all day."
-Shawn Something
The best argument yet for me to wear pants.
Love, pink hats, and the muppet dance,
Extendo.
Still Standing Right Here...
At any rate, this quote comes from a friend of mine who beat us in soccer last semester. I was walking around in shorts and he is always baffled how I don't get cold. So he asked me if I was cold, and I told him that the temperature is all in your mind. To this, he responded...
Quote Of the Day 4/10
"Yeah, but I'd hate to have to walk around thinking all day."
-Shawn Something
The best argument yet for me to wear pants.
Love, pink hats, and the muppet dance,
Extendo.
Still Standing Right Here...
Tuesday, April 9, 1996
Thieves, All of You
GEEZ!!
You don't check your e-mail for like five minutes, and next thing you know, you
have two imposters trying to take over quote of the day!!! Come on, Shannon.
You really didn't want to lower yourself to the ranks of Foster and Lance
Freelander, the free freelance lancer, did you? Well, anyway, for those of you
who didn't get the quote from Shannon, it went something like this (O.K., exactly
like this):
************************************************************************
> Subject: Quote of the Day: March 19, 1996
>
>
> "Do not condemn the judgment of another because
> it differs from your own. You may both be wrong."
>
> Dandemis
>
>
>
------- FORWARD, End of original message -------
******************************************************************
I vaguely remember some ancient Chinese proverb along the same lines. My memory is kind of clouded, but I think the saying went something like this:
"Don't cut out the coupons in your neighbor's newspaper just because he walks a different breed of Shitzu. They may both have flees."
FooNaiHaiWoh
Second of all, an announcement: Wayward Sun is playing on the half quad (from now on referred to as the eighth) this Saturday from 12:00 (noon) to 2:00 (two o'clock). I encourage everyone to come out. They are really fun to see in concert regardless of if you like their music or not. And I won't promise that I'll have bells on, but I'll definitely be there (as if that's incentive). And Nikki, I can stall them for about 5 minutes, so all you have to do is get off work 7 hours and 55 minutes early.
Recently, Laura has been becoming jealous of Suzanne's recent quote of the day notoriety (among other things ;-), but we won't talk about them right now), so she's decided to try and catch up by shoving her foot in her own mouth last night with this...
Quote Of the Day 4/9
"I have one of my own. It lives. It breathes. It wiggles when I want it to."
-Her Fatheadedness
Peeing on Shannon and Conover’s pillow,
Extendo.
Standing Over Here Again...
************************************************************************
> Subject: Quote of the Day: March 19, 1996
>
>
> "Do not condemn the judgment of another because
> it differs from your own. You may both be wrong."
>
> Dandemis
>
>
>
------- FORWARD, End of original message -------
******************************************************************
I vaguely remember some ancient Chinese proverb along the same lines. My memory is kind of clouded, but I think the saying went something like this:
"Don't cut out the coupons in your neighbor's newspaper just because he walks a different breed of Shitzu. They may both have flees."
FooNaiHaiWoh
Second of all, an announcement: Wayward Sun is playing on the half quad (from now on referred to as the eighth) this Saturday from 12:00 (noon) to 2:00 (two o'clock). I encourage everyone to come out. They are really fun to see in concert regardless of if you like their music or not. And I won't promise that I'll have bells on, but I'll definitely be there (as if that's incentive). And Nikki, I can stall them for about 5 minutes, so all you have to do is get off work 7 hours and 55 minutes early.
Recently, Laura has been becoming jealous of Suzanne's recent quote of the day notoriety (among other things ;-), but we won't talk about them right now), so she's decided to try and catch up by shoving her foot in her own mouth last night with this...
Quote Of the Day 4/9
"I have one of my own. It lives. It breathes. It wiggles when I want it to."
-Her Fatheadedness
Peeing on Shannon and Conover’s pillow,
Extendo.
Standing Over Here Again...
Mike Steals My Job - 2
Sorry
to say, but I'm in such an un-creative mood right now that any attempt to make
fun of Dustin or the way he handles this list would result in something along
the lines of me in a coffin trying to nail myself in.
See what I mean?
Mike's Creativity Meter--- Boring [.\.......] Seinfeld
Anyway, a friend and I were walking down the street discussing such important topics as genetical ethics, number theory and slurpees when all of a sudden he blurted out:
"If you swallowed a caterpillar, would you get nervous later on?"
Kinda like a joke grenade, this one goes along with "The Funniest Joke That Never Gets a Laugh"
Knitting suds and Dusting Tins,
Lance
Still Understanding Right Here
See what I mean?
Mike's Creativity Meter--- Boring [.\.......] Seinfeld
Anyway, a friend and I were walking down the street discussing such important topics as genetical ethics, number theory and slurpees when all of a sudden he blurted out:
"If you swallowed a caterpillar, would you get nervous later on?"
Kinda like a joke grenade, this one goes along with "The Funniest Joke That Never Gets a Laugh"
Knitting suds and Dusting Tins,
Lance
Still Understanding Right Here
Monday, April 8, 1996
Daylight Savings Sucker
Hey
everybody. I hope all your weekends were fun and Eastery. And if you haven't
yet, remember to set your clocks ahead. But don't do it when you're tired or
this will happen: I put my laundry in the dryer yesterday at around 3:30 and on
my way up, I stopped in John's room for a while and he reminded me to set the
clock ahead. So I went back to my room and set my clock ahead an hour, and proceeded
to clean up the room a bit (I know it doesn't look it, Billy, but I did).
Anyway, I looked at the clock and it read 5:00, and I remembered that I had put
my laundry in at 3:30. So I went down to get it out of the dryer.
It wasn't done yet.
For those of you who like Greg, and for those of you who don't, and for those of you who just want free pizza, we're having a Gamma Phi Pi (Gimme Free Pizza) meeting this coming Friday night in the lobby. Greg has ordered us about 10 free pizzas, subs out the ass and caffeine to wash it all down. And he's put me in charge of rounding up the people to consume the free food. So feel free to come on down to the lobby of Susquehanna this Friday around 8:30ish. The occasion is his second Gordan Elliot appearance where he allegedly "meets" for the first time this lesbian who he's been dating over the internet (it just needed to be on a talk show). And this weekend, he's doing the Jenny Jones show. Maybe our fraternity will have to have another election night when that show airs. Anyway, feel free to eat our pizza. We encourage it.
So this past weekend, we were all hanging out in John's room (the 5 of us who stayed this weekend), and John was reading a quote of the day, when he turned around and said to me...
Quote Of the Day 4/8
"How can you still be standing right there? You've been standing there for like two years. Take a walk! Sit down! Go out!..."
-My roommate that's not really my roommate
Living in an Amish paradise,
Extendo.
Peeing on John's pillow...
It wasn't done yet.
For those of you who like Greg, and for those of you who don't, and for those of you who just want free pizza, we're having a Gamma Phi Pi (Gimme Free Pizza) meeting this coming Friday night in the lobby. Greg has ordered us about 10 free pizzas, subs out the ass and caffeine to wash it all down. And he's put me in charge of rounding up the people to consume the free food. So feel free to come on down to the lobby of Susquehanna this Friday around 8:30ish. The occasion is his second Gordan Elliot appearance where he allegedly "meets" for the first time this lesbian who he's been dating over the internet (it just needed to be on a talk show). And this weekend, he's doing the Jenny Jones show. Maybe our fraternity will have to have another election night when that show airs. Anyway, feel free to eat our pizza. We encourage it.
So this past weekend, we were all hanging out in John's room (the 5 of us who stayed this weekend), and John was reading a quote of the day, when he turned around and said to me...
Quote Of the Day 4/8
"How can you still be standing right there? You've been standing there for like two years. Take a walk! Sit down! Go out!..."
-My roommate that's not really my roommate
Living in an Amish paradise,
Extendo.
Peeing on John's pillow...
Friday, April 5, 1996
Unprejudiced Singers
I
SAW GARTH BROOKS LAST NIGHT!! I know probably half of you don't really care,
and the other half of you probably doesn't care even more, but I had a lot of
fun. And even though we were two hours and fifteen minutes late thanks to
Greg's not so direct directions, we saw all his good stuff. It's really a cool
show, though it doesn't compare
to STOMP!!.
On the way back, Erick and I are singing a capella in his car, and when we get done, he asks me something like "How many keys did we just sing in?" I counted at least 3, but probably closer to 5. Anyway, to this Erick says...
Quote Of the Day 4/5
"We're not note prejudiced. We want to get all the notes in, no matter what key they're in. We're equal opportunity song killers."
-Big Sucky
I also wanted to wish everyone a Happy Easter, though most won't get this message until afterward anyway. Also, you can thank Erick for Easter this year. The Easter Bunny darted right out in front of our car, and he managed to just barely avoid a near traumatic death bunny incident.
Going to Old Dominion in my mind,
Dustin.
Still Standing Right Here...
to STOMP!!.
On the way back, Erick and I are singing a capella in his car, and when we get done, he asks me something like "How many keys did we just sing in?" I counted at least 3, but probably closer to 5. Anyway, to this Erick says...
Quote Of the Day 4/5
"We're not note prejudiced. We want to get all the notes in, no matter what key they're in. We're equal opportunity song killers."
-Big Sucky
I also wanted to wish everyone a Happy Easter, though most won't get this message until afterward anyway. Also, you can thank Erick for Easter this year. The Easter Bunny darted right out in front of our car, and he managed to just barely avoid a near traumatic death bunny incident.
Going to Old Dominion in my mind,
Dustin.
Still Standing Right Here...
Thursday, April 4, 1996
Not Necessarily a Saying
Well,
I've figured out the number of consecutive days I can go without more than 3
hours sleep before I start losing severe motor control. It's around 8. So don't
expect me to be too coherent. I just hope I don't fall asleep at Garth Brooks
tonight. Oh, and Laura, just wanted to tell you that not only am I at least
half of that, but I'm all of that. And the nine of diamonds!
This quote was kind of funny when it happened and I hope it still is now. But hey, they can't all be gems. Anyway, a few of us were over at Eddie's place and I asked why his long line of lights had a few bulbs in the wrong place. For example, when all the green ones were shining, there was like one bright pink one in the mid-center. He told me that his friend gave them to him as a present and thought it would be rude to second-guess him by changing them. In his mind...
Quote Of the Day 4/4
"The way I figure it is you can't look a gift light in the bulb."
-Eddie Swanson
Desperately Seeking Sleep,
Sucky Sucky.
Still Standing Right Here...
This quote was kind of funny when it happened and I hope it still is now. But hey, they can't all be gems. Anyway, a few of us were over at Eddie's place and I asked why his long line of lights had a few bulbs in the wrong place. For example, when all the green ones were shining, there was like one bright pink one in the mid-center. He told me that his friend gave them to him as a present and thought it would be rude to second-guess him by changing them. In his mind...
Quote Of the Day 4/4
"The way I figure it is you can't look a gift light in the bulb."
-Eddie Swanson
Desperately Seeking Sleep,
Sucky Sucky.
Still Standing Right Here...
Wednesday, April 3, 1996
The Priority of Wiping
If
I wasn't before, now I am thoroughly convinced that my suitemates have tapped
our room. I swear they have a microphone in there somewhere because everytime I
tell Billy I'm about to jump in the shower, I hear someone sprint in the other
side and lock the door really fast and turn on the shower. And this was at like
2:00 in the afternoon. And I think the entire population of our floor showers
in there because I know BJ and Dinari don't shower 3 times a day each. They
just don't look that clean.
Anyway, this quote is from video class and if you don't get it, it's probably funnier. But it was said by Matt Fullcheron (the head Pimp-Daddy) and I still don't know why I was the only one laughing. Maybe I'm just too damn smart or something.
Quote Of the Day 4/3
"Doing a wipe isn't high on my priority list."
-The Original Pimp-Daddy
Turning candles into phones,
Sucky Sucky.
Still Standing Right Here...
Anyway, this quote is from video class and if you don't get it, it's probably funnier. But it was said by Matt Fullcheron (the head Pimp-Daddy) and I still don't know why I was the only one laughing. Maybe I'm just too damn smart or something.
Quote Of the Day 4/3
"Doing a wipe isn't high on my priority list."
-The Original Pimp-Daddy
Turning candles into phones,
Sucky Sucky.
Still Standing Right Here...
Tuesday, April 2, 1996
Sleeping With the Television Off
So
this is the fifth sunrise in a row I've seen. It’s kind of discouraging to try
to go to bed when birds are chirping and the sun has already started on its way
around the earth. I'm lucky I've never been one for sleep anyway.
Did anybody do anything cool for April Fool's Day? I didn't. I couldn't think of anything cool enough and I didn't have enough duct tape to hold Billy to the bed for any significant period of time. But who says it has to be April Fool's Day to play a joke on somebody? Don't be surprised if one of you gets a prank pulled on him or her sometime. I don't need an excuse.
So Kentucky won. hooray. Like who didn't know they would? And do you know what kind of personal hell Sedge would be living in if they didn't? Everybody on campus would remind him. It would have been great. Oh well.
This quote comes from basically everybody up on third south, but Earl was the one to say it to me. And the reason it's funny is because it's so true...
Quote Of the Day 4/2
"Ever since you moved back, we've been seeing a lot less of you."
-Earl
I never promised anything Earl. And it doesn't look like things are going to get any better for you (assuming that seeing me is better than not, which isn't always true).
Sleeping With the Television Off,
Dustin.
Still Standing Right Here...
Did anybody do anything cool for April Fool's Day? I didn't. I couldn't think of anything cool enough and I didn't have enough duct tape to hold Billy to the bed for any significant period of time. But who says it has to be April Fool's Day to play a joke on somebody? Don't be surprised if one of you gets a prank pulled on him or her sometime. I don't need an excuse.
So Kentucky won. hooray. Like who didn't know they would? And do you know what kind of personal hell Sedge would be living in if they didn't? Everybody on campus would remind him. It would have been great. Oh well.
This quote comes from basically everybody up on third south, but Earl was the one to say it to me. And the reason it's funny is because it's so true...
Quote Of the Day 4/2
"Ever since you moved back, we've been seeing a lot less of you."
-Earl
I never promised anything Earl. And it doesn't look like things are going to get any better for you (assuming that seeing me is better than not, which isn't always true).
Sleeping With the Television Off,
Dustin.
Still Standing Right Here...
Monday, April 1, 1996
Homeless Stomper
First
of all, I'd like to make a formal apology to Laura because I really hit her
hard in the last quote. You just have to understand that that's the way I deal
with the bad things that happen to me. I just think of a time when my life was
worse and suddenly I feel better (kidding again).
Feel the love.
Anyway, I'd also just like to say that I screwed up in my last message and I put it as "quote of the day 3/29" in the header, but I labeled it as "Quote Of the Day 4/1" in the body. Well, it really was the make up one from last Friday, and this is the one from today so that I'm all caught up. And I'd also like to elaborate on that dancing with the homeless thing because it was pretty funny. The night after STOMP!!, a few of us tried to go see Everyday @ Six in Baltimore somewhere. As you've probably figured out by now, we got lost. So we decided to stop at the inner harbor. There was this wooden stage set up, and having the STOMP!! energy still running through me, I jumped up there and started doing STOMP!!. Two other members of our party joined me. But the coolest thing was when this homeless guy came by whistling to the beat and then started banging on the side. Eventually, he came up and joined us. It was quite cool and we paid him for the show.
Well, Suzanne, though new, is fighting her way toward the resident foot-in-mouth expert herself. I've found that its funniest when the innocent types do this to themselves. So she might not remember saying this last night, but you can all still appreciate it.
Quote Of the Day 4/1 (the real one)
"Wait. Stop. I can't handle both of you at once."
Oh Suzanna! (out of breath and talking to me and Eddie).
Bathing in the puddle of spite,
Extendo.
Still Standing Right Here...
Feel the love.
Anyway, I'd also just like to say that I screwed up in my last message and I put it as "quote of the day 3/29" in the header, but I labeled it as "Quote Of the Day 4/1" in the body. Well, it really was the make up one from last Friday, and this is the one from today so that I'm all caught up. And I'd also like to elaborate on that dancing with the homeless thing because it was pretty funny. The night after STOMP!!, a few of us tried to go see Everyday @ Six in Baltimore somewhere. As you've probably figured out by now, we got lost. So we decided to stop at the inner harbor. There was this wooden stage set up, and having the STOMP!! energy still running through me, I jumped up there and started doing STOMP!!. Two other members of our party joined me. But the coolest thing was when this homeless guy came by whistling to the beat and then started banging on the side. Eventually, he came up and joined us. It was quite cool and we paid him for the show.
Well, Suzanne, though new, is fighting her way toward the resident foot-in-mouth expert herself. I've found that its funniest when the innocent types do this to themselves. So she might not remember saying this last night, but you can all still appreciate it.
Quote Of the Day 4/1 (the real one)
"Wait. Stop. I can't handle both of you at once."
Oh Suzanna! (out of breath and talking to me and Eddie).
Bathing in the puddle of spite,
Extendo.
Still Standing Right Here...
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