The Coroner of Love

For those of you who missed it, this past Friday night, we were graced with the presence of a Susquehanna ghost. That's right, The Chief himself stopped by to spread cheer and a little gross anatomy over the land. Sedgley was nice enough to let us in on the goings on in his graduate school classes. Turns out he's been dissecting dead humans for quite a while now. I found the conversation a bit on the disgusting side, but Suzanne, sadist that she is, became even more eager to get to med school as the conversation progressed. Well, as the big guy kept speaking, he was telling us how and why he was getting so much experience at his surgical techniques. Turns out, the other members of his "cuts group" were a little bashful around the dead bodies...


Quote Of the Day 10/17

"Nobody else in my cuts group would do it, and I've been there for three hours... I'm tired. I want to get out of there... Fine, I'll cut the penis in half."
Dr. Sedgley


You're a bigger man than I, Matt (you know what I mean).


The coroner of love,
Screaming Cricket.


Still Standing Right Here...

Exit Only, Bud

Well, the plague of those damn mugs is finally over. WE WON OUR INDOOR SOCCER TOURNAMENT!! And we did it in dramatic fashion. We were down by 4 with 6 1/2 minutes left to go, and tied it to go into overtime, and then won there. Sorry, Tony, Jenn and Laura, I'm not trying to rub it in, but with all due respect, I'm sick of the mugs. You don't have 10 of them yet. Regardless, it was the most exciting game I've ever been a part of. The mens game that we lost in the last 30 seconds right before it was probably the second most exciting. And I wonder why I 'm always behind in my work.

Speaking of work, I finally shot some stuff for my video project today. It involved Jason, Chris Swanson, Christina, Suzanne, the evil Dustin, and myself playing basketball. I refuse to set this up any better, because it would lose too much.


Quote Of the Day 10/16

"There's only a certain amount of people that will let you shove your hand up their ass."
-Chris "the proctologist" Swanson


Sorry Chris, exit only bud.


Ambassador of the Afghanistan Afghan Stands,
Dustin Abdul-Fisher.


Still Standing Right Here...

Paper Protest

Well, the pay-for-print is being instituted soon, so print out anything you want ASAP. Already some people have been protesting by printing out 500 copies of a piece of paper over and over again saying:

"WE PROTEST THIS ATROCITY!! WHAT HAPPENED TO ALL OUR SCHOOL FUNDS?"

The article in the paper said that this type of protesting is counterproductive to the cause. I don't care. It's got to really annoy the fuck out of 'em. I say go for it! And that penny idea won't work because you'll need to get a copy card to pay for it. So a have come up with an alternate plan (or an ulternate plan). And that is to stink bomb the place. Run in with a mask and three or four stink bombs and throw them behind the counter. That'll fix 'em!

Poor Jason has been working on this computer science project for the last week at least over half of his day every day (with possible time outs to e-mail me and others). So he came home last night and Suzanne cracked his back for him...


Quote Of the Day 10/15

Suz: "You have to turn your head back. I can't find your spine."
Jas: "That's because it's glued to one of the chairs in ECS."



I'm sure we've all felt like that at one time.



Removing belly button ring unwillingly,
Extendo.


Still Standing Right Here...

Corns Borrows My Job

This is a message I got from Jason that was funny enough as is just to send the entire message as the quote of the day for today. And it also gives my lazy ass a break.

Eating potato chips and pickin my wedge,
Screaming Cricket.


Still Standing Right Here...

************************************************************************

---------- Forwarded message ----------
Date: Mon, 21 Oct 1996 21:48:07 -0400 (EDT)
From: Powdered Toast Man <jcorns1@gl.umbc.edu >
To: Dustin Fisher <dfishe1@gl.umbc.edu >
Subject: quote of the day

okay...this one has got to make the quote...


meawad and I are in the computer lab (we have been since friday). Along with us is a few of the people from our computer science course. One of them happens to be what I consider a very attractive young blonde. That is the preliminary knowledge.

a few weeks ago, billy and dave and I were playing hacker Jr. on the computer, and we happened into one of billy's friends files, and we copied a file called .fuck. if, at the prompt you type fuck , basically it is a hell of a big zwrite. any way...chris was in the middle of a serious statement about the project, when my little window at the bottom said that billy had logged in. meawad zwrote him, to which billy implemented the fuck command. (the ensuing zwrite war was not pretty).

during the war, dawn, the young blonde I spoke so highly of before, came up to see how we were doing, and was a witness to chris's stumble over his sentence explaining what his plan for the program was.

here's where it gets funny:

dawn patted chris on the head and walked away...(y'know, making fun of the fact that he screwed up his thought).

when he got done giggling over the fact that he could speak jasonese...he said, in explanation of his forgotten thought, "I've just got fuck on the brain..."



abusing my grasp of the english language,

Powdered Toast Man

Dork vs Jock

Well, Momma Spence was right. It was only a matter of time before somebody picked out my misspelling of "ulterior." But I actually meant "alterior." It's a word that means "not the posterior." So basically, he's a dick in so many words. HA!

I was over at John's apartment and we were studying for our mid-term (complaining about how we're losers going nowhere), and I saw all of his D&D books, and I mistakenly thought I could insult John and get away with it. Well, here's the consequence...


Quote Of the Day 10/11

Me: "How sad. You spend your life living in a false reality."
John: "You spend your life kicking a ball."


Touché!


Kicking my ex-roommate in the nuts,
Extendo.


Still Standing Right Here...

Not Not a Class

So I was playing soccer this weekend, and Weed decides in the middle of the game, that my foot needs to face the other way. And just as we both went to clear the ball, he kicked my ankle so hard, it hurt. I fell to the ground immediately and started yelping like a 10 year-old schoolgirl, only with more hair. I didn't care. I have no pride. It just hurt a whole freaking lot. But I get up, ice it, wrap it, and struggle through the following game because we were down a man. I was kicked in the right leg more times in this game than there are stupid clichés in the Bryan Adams songs. At this rate, I'll be dead by the final game.

For those of you who don't know, I have a huge mid-term in this class that cannot possibly be outdone when it comes to irrelevant information per word. The class is called "History and Theory Of Digital Art." So far I've read three chapters in one of our books. The first one was about ancient Pygmy language, the second a synopsis of music 101, and the third chapter was a philosophical debate or the existence of emptiness. An entire page is devoted to teaching us how to speak to crickets. I'm not kidding. Just so you guys can sympathize, here's an excerpt from our book on the "History and Theory Of Digital Art"...


Quote Of the Day 10/10

"The meaning of 'cow' is defined as that which is not 'not-a-cow.' Hence, 'cow = not-not-cow."
-Digital Mantras p.37



Well, that certainly clears it up.


Strangling the not-not-cow,
Not-not-Dustin.


Still Standing Right Here...
(not-not-not-there)

Transformation Complete

Yes it's that time of the month again (no, not THAT time). The time where the Pimp-Daddies and Everyday @ Six play at the Bank. They are playing there tonight, and if enough interest is raised, we can all go! And Cliff (the suave lookin' guy from Everywhere @ Once), promised to dedicate a song to each and every one of his fans who wore a pink hat. I think he was referring only to me when he made that comment, but he probably didn't plan on me renting out my hats!! Well, if you are at all interested, call me at x1962. Or if you've just been having a bad day and want to chat. But in that case, just so I know ahead of time, I go by the code name "Chad." So if you want to go to the concert, ask for me by name. If you want to tell me how you're dog went to the vet to get a splinter removed from his paw, just ask for "Chad."

I'll warn you all ahead of time, if you're in a frat, or a girl frat, or the cub scouts, you may find this offensive. Well, probably not really, since I know none of you are in that evil womanizing club known as the "zeebeetees." At least I hope not. Or else I'm in trouble. Anyway, there is this real dickhead who still goes here that a friend and I saw practicing soccer with ZBT a while back. We always knew he was a dick, but now, just to accentuate his personality, he joined the mother ship of all prick organizations. To this, Davey said...


Quote Of the Day 10/9

"He's joined ZBT. Transformation to ass hole complete."
-Davey "says it like it is" Keane



Next he'll be playing mailbox baseball with Biff Tannen and Anita Hill.



Trying to surf in the wading pool of opportunity,
Screaming Cricket.


Still Standing Right Here...

Alterior Motives

I think the world today puts too much stress on deadlines, and just in general running around. Everybody's always in a rush, and it's making the world more impatient. For example, just the other day, some guy tried to pass me in a car wash.

I don't know how many of you out there know Greg (actually, I know exactly how many of you out there know Greg, it just seemed like a good opening), but I think Suzanne put him in his place with this quote. We were all conversing and Greg was telling us how he can recognize every scent of perfume and he was telling us some of the moves he uses to persuade women. And he still maintained that he was being sincere and had no alterior motives, to which Suzanne replied...


Quote Of the Day 10/8

"Greg, you're the kind of guy that just radiates alterior motives."
-Suzanne



Sorry Greg.


Desperately seeking Suzanne,
Bungle Nut.


Still Standing Right Here...

The Nutcracker

If you've been following the debate, then you won't be surprised if it ends in a fist-fight tonight. This campaign will be known as one of the dirtiest in history. The Democrats are inviting Dole's first wife to the debate. Ouch! Maybe tomorrow, the Republicans will find the guy who passed the pot pipe to Clinton. And his 24 year old niece.

Alright, well that was my attempt at keeping up with politics. I promise I'll never do it again. Anyway, I was talking to Kevin, my friend from home who goes to school at Appalachian State University. And if you don't know where that is, it's because it's surrounded by trees for 8000 miles in each direction. It looks almost like they were flying an entire college campus from Boston to Miami and dropped it in a forest and figured 'fuck it, we'll get it later.' Well, anyway, it appears as though poor Kevin has pulled his groin. How and where he did it is a funny story in itself, but that would require a lot of typing. So fuck it, I'll do it later. Well, it seems that Kevin's new girlfriend, an aerobics instructor (way to go, big guy!), has him working out on weights and other things that he's not used to...


Quote Of the Day 10/7

"They had one of those things that we had in high school. You know, the thing that stretches your legs apart more than normally humanly possible, and it's your job to put them back together.(?) Well, I had a fight with it... and it won... decisively."
-Kevin, aka Cowboy



Well, Kevin, now you know why we called it the Nutcracker in high school.



Pasta la visa, baby,
Dustin.


Still Standing Right Here...

Intimate Officiating

I can tell by your silence that you are overwhelmed with humor. But I can also tell by your stench that you're still out there. Well, intramural volleyball season is over which means two things: I won't be reffing or playing anymore games so I won't come home with constant shoulder and knee problems, and football season starts. So the real spinal and neck problems should start to surface. Well, that was more like three or four things, but who's counting?

Speaking of reffing volleyball games, the last game I ever "up reffed," we were looking for somebody willing to be my down ref. Gary finally asked Cory if he wanted to do it, to which he responded...


Quote Of the Day 10/4

"Sure, Dustin. I'll go down on you."
-Cory


You gotta love that referee humor!


Wiping my butt with the toilet paper of despair,
Extendo.


Still Standing Right Here...

The MacGyver of Clothes

Some of you would be surprised at how fast I can type the phrase "quote of the day." I never timed it, but let's just say I can do it pretty darn fast.
I don't know if any of you have heard of Billy's latest venture, but he's recently taken the drawstring out of a pair of shorts, and was looking for a way to repair them easily. (Billy's definition of easily is quite different than a normal homo sapien's.) So what he does is takes a sock that he doesn't use as a sock anymore, and cuts it and sews it (using fishing wire) to his shorts to act as elastic. It works, but there is a very obvious sock sewn to his shorts, and it looks rather silly. But that's Billy for you. So next time you ask yourself what that funky thing is around Billy's waist, you can answer yourself too. That way, you can have a whole conversation with yourself. I take no responsibility for anything you do to yourself after that.

In response to Billy's explanation of what exactly he was doing to his sock...


Quote Of the Day 10/3

"Wow, Billy. You're like the MacGyver of clothes."
-Andrew (Jolly Rancher dude)



If only he were the MacGyver of homework.


Looking at socks in a whole new light,
Bungle Nut.


Still Standing Right Here...

(I can type that pretty fast too.)

The Asylum

Wow, you skip a week, you get REAL behind. Sorry guys. Well, in most recent news, Susquehanna 3rd South placed 2nd in Oktoberfest this year!!! We were beaten by Patapsco 3rd South again, but more importantly, we blew 3rd North out of the water! Speaking of water, we placed third in the synchronized swimming competition. I feel we were robbed, but apparently the judges gave out places based on which group was the most in sync. Go figure.

Anyway, while a slew of us were at synchronized swimming and the intertube relays, Saddiq, the RA on duty in Susquehanna, stopped up on our floor, and surprised at the surroundings, asked Brigid...


Quote Of the Day 10/2

"Why is it so quiet? What are you guys up to?"
-Saddiq, RA on duty


It seems as though "The Asylum" already has a reputation.


Wearing trash bag skirts and paper plate masks,
Chief Screaming Cricket.


Still Standing Right Here...

Former Emotional Dominatrix

Well, I just had to do my first film last Thursday. It was doomed from the start. To begin my film, I took the camera to Giant to do my film there about a Banana. I got two shots into it when they kicked us out. That's right. I got kicked out of Giant along with SuperDave and Jason. They had to call Giant headquarters on us and threatened to expose my film. They were real dicks about it so I encourage all of you to boycott Giant Foods! Of course I don't expect you to follow this, as I have already broken that promise, but I'll be moved by your nice gesture. Second thing: The morning after, I had a hooded sweatshirt on with just that one pocket that goes all the way through and the very expensive light meter in it. I went to pee and lifted up my sweatshirt to avoid peeing on it. Then, just as I should have expected, the light meter fell in the toilet I had just peed in. Not a fun thing to wash off. The lens then proceeded to fog up from the pee inside of it. Let's just say it wasn't a great first outing.

Well, staying in the theme of quotes having to do with ex-girlfriends, this quote comes from one. I was talking to Leigh this weekend, and just for some background, she's always had quite a dominant personality, and in a conversation we had where she was trying to defend the fact that she's changed and is nice to Joe, she said...


Quote Of the Day 10/1

"You can be nice and still have...you know...subservient men."
-Leigh "former" emotional dominatrix


Anything you say can and will be used against you


The walls have ears too,
Screaming Cricket.


Still Standing Right Here...

A Kind of Wood

WOW!! I had 42 messages since I last checked this thing less than 24 hours ago. And I've been corrected, it apparently is legal to abort in the third trimester in most states. Just thought you should know. And Chris, actually sororities and female fraternities are two completely different things. I have no idea how or why, but they are. I found out something that you shouldn't do and I thought I'd let you all in on it before you make this mistake. Never rub Mineral Ice or Ben-Gay on your shoulder and then rub your eye before washing your hand. That just stings a lot. It feels like the equivalent of using a Hall's menthol cough drop that's been half sucked for a contact lens. Basically, just don't do it.

Well, thank you all who wished us a happy anniversary, and thank you for the lovely card Kristen. What it lacked in actual cost, it made up for in spelling errors. Well, I added a new member to the list and he's already the quotemaster of the day. He shares a common belief with a few of my ex-girlfriends (no names will be mentioned)...


Quote Of the Day 9/30

"Monogamy? Isn't that a kind of wood?"
-Eddie



I always thought it was a board game.


Giving myself an eye massage,
Extendo.


Still Standing Right Here...

Enough About Unborn Fetuses

Hello faithful followers. For those of you I haven't told yet, today (10/1) is the 6 month anniversary of Suzanne and me. We are now into our third trimester. If our relationship were a baby, we'd be illegal to abort now. We'd also be starting to show a little in our mother and you'd be able to hear us kick.
Well, enough about unborn fetuses, let's talk about volleyball (the transition is almost natural). Our intramural teams have both made the playoffs, and regardless of the outcome of the Screaming Crickets game on Friday, we're the top seed in our division. Extendo's standings, however, are up in the air. If we win the rest of our games, it is feasible that we'd be seated first, but only if we pummel our opponents. Otherwise, we're a pretty secure second place. Not that any of you out there care, but I had to chime in at least once a week with an update.

Well, today's quote will be dedicated to Suzanne and my relationship because Chris Swanson saw it fit to be a smart ass at the right period of time...


Quote Of the Day 9/27

"Wow. So Suzanne and you are still together. That's pretty cool. You've outlasted most people's predictions. And frankly, I've lost a lot of money on it."
-Spelunker Swanson


HAPPY ANNIVERSARY SWEETIE!!!


Kicking back at the fetus of life,
Mr. Dustin.


Still Standing Right Here...

Sorority Initiation

First of all, I'd like to make a correction on the last quote of the day. It should have been the quotes from 9/24 & 9/25. Turns out I'm further ahead than I thought.
Well, it seems I've struck a nerve with that frat and girl frat thing. First of all, I'd like to tell the three of you that responded to me privately, that I know a "girl frat" is really called a sorority. And one more thing, I am just poking fun at the system. No need to start any frat/anti-frat wars. I know you don't literally "buy your friends." It's more like renting them for four years. And I've never really had to had people vote on whether or not they wanted me to hang out with them either. Though maybe we should start doing that. I've also never been a boy scout, though most of the people I know who were, have since grown out of it. And paying money to go towards the national chapter fee is equivalent to paying money to be called a ZBT and so on. And we all know what goes on at those "socials" that the frats throw. Ask Barnes. But like I said, I'm only kidding here. I don't condone or condemn farts or sobrieties. I just make fun of everyone. I'm an equal opportunity offender.

But since we're on the topic, I'll bring up a conversation Mark and I had the other night as part of our female-bashing conversation.


Quote Of the Day 9/26

Mark: "Sorority girls suck even more, don't you think?"
Me: "Yeah, it's part of their initiation."


Please remember that "only kidding" clause I mentioned earlier. No need to break out the heavy artillery.



Trying to find my way through the great maze of corn,
Screaming Cricket.


Still Stranded Right Here...

Bad Advice for Kids

Don't ask me what that last message was. If you stop watching your fingers for one second, they'll betray you. So I apologize. I also apologize for my being an entire week behind, but still, it's further ahead than I am in any of my classes. I'll stop bringing that up as I'm sure you're all sick of me saying it.

For those of you who don't know, I worked at a day camp this summer. And let me tell, you, I never wanted to leave Camp Wonderfun. It is the greatest possible job a person could have. I played kickball with kids all day and swam in a pool for hours and made $8.50ish an hour after taxes. I challenge you to find a job that lucrative where all you have to do is make sure kids have fun. Unless they're being bad. Then you have to make them do push ups or six inches or put them in time out. But only wussy counselors put the kids in time out. Real counselors make them jog around the field 3 times. So anyway, I spent my summer as a hired pedophile and enjoyed every minute of it.
Mr. Jason, a co-counselor who doesn't really play by the rules all the time, was sitting by the pool with me on a fine summer afternoon. As usually happens, a crying 4 year old came out of the baby pool and walked up to Mr. Jason: "Um, um, Mr. Jason? Brian hit me."...


Quote Of the Day 9/23

"So, hit him back."
-Mr. Jason


Of course we know Mr. Jason was kidding, but Alex didn't. 2 minutes later, Brian comes out of the pool crying to Mr Eric (another counselor): "Um, um, Mr. Eric? Alex hit me."...


Quote Of the Day 9/24

"Tell you what. You can both hit Mr. Jason."
-Mr. Eric


As you guessed, Mr. Jason was hit by two 4 year olds. To this, Mr. Eric was thrown in the pool. I denied any involvement.


Testing the boundaries of child abuse,
Mr. Whistlehead.


Still Standing Right Here...

Repressed Laughter

Hello. I'm finally caught up to this week at least! Hey, I need to tell you guys that something happened to me in class Monday that hasn't happened to me since high school. I was in a really long boring lecture death class sitting next to John and I did something so insignificant and unimportant to the story that led John to giggle a little. I laughed at the fact that he giggled at such a silly thing and for the next ten minutes, John and I experienced something we've all experienced in class before or while your mother is yelling at you or something: we couldn't stop laughing. The teacher was still lecturing and we were doing our best to try to control our laughter so as to not attract attention to ourselves. But everytime I started to regain control of my body, John would release a slight nasal blurt and I would be gone again. I even tried reading my text to try and stop laughing, but nothing was working. I tried so hard to repress my laughter my eyes were watering. People around us wanted to know what was so funny and we told them nothing. Because it really was nothing. It finally ended when I tried so hard to repress a laugh, that it burst full force out of my head. I tried to play it off as a cough, but when the teacher asked if that was a laugh or a cough, I couldn't lie with John sitting right next to me giggling till his head was red. So I said both. Well, that was a little excitement in our 3 hour Monday night class.

You know, rooming with Billy makes quote of the day so much easier. I could probably have a quote of the day and a Billy of the day if I so desired. Well, this came up in a conversation with Mark about why bestiality wasn't natural (don't ask)...


Quote Of the Day 9/23

Mark: "Guy and a dog, can't make a kid."
Billy: "Yeah, but they can make a cat."



And we let Billy experiment with test tubes.


Love, pink hats, and volleyballs,
Extendo.


Still Standing Right Here...

Reffing Philosophies

Howdy do, everybody? Just taking advantage of some extra time to get caught up in my work. I'm still 3 weeks behind in 3 of my classes, but I need to catch up to the quote of the day. I have my priorities straight.
Well, for those of you who don't know, intramural volleyball has started again and the Screaming Crickets and Extendo are still out there. So far, the Crickets (coed team) are atop their division at 2-0, while Extendo is the only team in our division who hasn't played yet. If you are in the mood to see good volleyball and cheer on your favorite pink-hatted friend and 6 or so of his close friends, Extendo (men's team) plays at 1:00 tomorrow (Wednesday), and the Screaming Crickets play at 3:00 tomorrow. Tomorrow, Extendo is playing C-Bass who have been talking shit since before I knew them and are currently 4-0 with 4 decisive victories. At any rate, any support will be appreciated.

Speaking of volleyball, I reffed my first three games last Friday. I was the up ref for two and the down ref for one. I could do the up ref pretty easily, but I wasn't sure of the down ref's (or second ref's) duties. So I was a little timid blowing my whistle. Midway through the first game, I asked Tony, a friend of mine on the volleyball club team if I should be blowing my whistle, or if I should leave it up to the up ref...


Quote Of the Day 9/20

"Yes, blow. Blow! When in doubt, blow!"
-Tony


That's what I keep telling Suzanne.

Sleeping on the couch tonight,
Extendo.


Still Standing Right Here...

Pranked!

Hello again all. It's your slightly behind in his time management dose of daily pleasure. Well, I'll refrain from completely demeaning third north by bragging about the flogging as I'm sure they feel defeated enough. I'm sure that the more mature one's will get over it and still hang out while the rest of the floor will keep pretending they don't see me (like that's possible). But for those who don't know, our floor (third south) challenged third north to a little sports competition. We won all the sports, but even cooler was the prank(s) we pulled on them beforehand. We went through the trouble of cutting out over 100 or so feet in the shape of 3S for third south and put them all over the hall as if we walked all over them. But even cooler was the other prank we pulled. We got 30 helium balloons and wrote stuff like "Third South Rules" on them and hung one outside each person on third north's window. Unfortunately, a third northian spotted them and ripped down our feat (and feet) before anyone could appreciate it. But we did it, and I'd like to see them try and top it. (Note the pun: top it)

Anyway, while coloring in those 100 feet, things got a little confusing and a little hectic in the room and at one point Brigid said (and I retorted)...


Quote Of the Day 9/19

Brigid: "Where's my other foot?"
Me: "At the end of your other leg."



History has been rewritten. The south won the war.


And I know Ryan can't stand it,
The Pink Knight.


Still Standing Right Here...

What's the Rush

Hi all. I've got a little behind in my work, as you've probably noticed, so I'm going to try to rush and catch up. And that reminds me, it's greek pledge time. You can tell by all the not-so-erasable chalk all over campus. It's all rather annoying to me. And I have a confession to make that I don't think I ever really told everyone (no, Suzanne, I'm not gay). I had no idea to "rush" meant to pledge a frat (or girl frat). So long ago, during my freshman year, I saw a whole bunch of signs on the ground saying "RUSH." And so I thought that the band RUSH was coming to UMBC. I got excited and started asking people if they were going. They of course had no idea what I was talking about. And after I found out that it wasn't the band, I thought maybe Rush Limbaugh was big on campus (not in the spatial sense). So I finally found out that it meant to join a frat (or girl frat), and I just never remembered that until now. And another thing I thought of in this vein is the actual word "rush." It implies that if you want to be in a frat, you have to do it quickly. If you miss the deadline, you are no longer allowed to be their friends. So hurry and join a frat before it's too late. This also gives new meaning to that Paula Abdul song that I never much liked in the first place anyway.

Alright, I've wasted enough of your time, and more importantly, I've wasted enough of my time, so I get to busyness, okeydokey. The following quote is one of many that came from a night of good old fashion female bashing, a favorite past time of mine until recently. So everybody get in that cynical kind of comical gender bashing mood, because Mark certainly was:


Quote Of the Day 9/18

"There ought to be a law against women. I don't know what it should be, but there should be one. That would be cool."
-Mark Asplen (Head of the women coalition on campus)


I couldn't have said it better myself. Of course, I probably wouldn't have said it at all.


It's all Greek to me,
Fish.


Still Standing Right Here...

Ants Marching and Maching

For those of you who don't know, the day before I came back to school, I went to see Dave Matthews with Suzanne, Courtney, and Carl. We had fifth row seats and it was very worth it. I mean, they weren't the Pimp Daddies, but they were still pretty good. Experiments in rhythm and second-hand smoke ran rampant throughout the night. My favorite part of the actual concert was the violinist that just stood there the entire time until it was his turn to get up to do his thing. And he went wild. His bow zoomed back and forth and his dreads flopped all around his head as he convulsed in rhythm. I could have done without the 20 minute version of Ants Marching. Once the song got going, it was great, but to get the crowd excited, somebody thought it would be a good idea to play the first two measures of the song for 10 minutes kind of teasing the audience. The drunk people (90% of the crowd at this point) didn't seem to mind because they had no idea the song wasn't progressing forward. Among other highlights of the night was the guy who sat right in front of us and threw up and passed out before the first number started. And the couple who was making out so explicitly, the guards had to go break them up. All in all, it was a rather fun night, though I think maybe I want Too Much. I don't know. What Would You Say?
OK, now that I'm done my rant, I also want to tell everybody that if they'll be here Friday night, The Pimp Daddies and Everyday @ Six are playing in Baltimore, and I'm going to go see them. Both bands come highly recommended by me. So if you want to go possibly, let me know.

If any of you know Jason, you know he's funny and a nice guy. You probably also know that he talks with a certain southern draw/slur. And anyone who knows somebody who speaks like this will be able to appreciate this. He said a sentence to me once and all of his words just ran completely together. I must have looked at him with such a confused face. He then said to me...


Quote Of the Day 9/17

"Let me separate that into individual words so you'll be able to understand."
-Jason Corns (the last name gives it away)



It's a Pimp Daddy Day!!!


The Honorary "Pink-Daddy,"
Screaming Cricket


Stillstandingrighthere...

Good News, Bad News

Hi again. I'm finally caught up to this week. So just plan on getting a few quotes of the day in rapid succession. Alright, this one's a quickie, so here goes:


Quote Of the Day 9/16

"Something in here smells like fiberglass. Of course it may be the SHARDS IN MY LEG!!!"
-Carl (to Billy)


Good news and bad news: Good news-No one got hurt. Bad news-Billy was one of the people who didn't get hurt.


Surfing without a net,
Extendo.


Still Standing Right Here...

Billy and the Jetski

Hello again faithful followers. I'm sorry again that your trusty leader has again fallen behind in his work, but those veterans of the list should not be too surprised. At any rate, I hope everybody survived Friday the 13th. I actually didn't know it was Friday the 13th until halfway through my French class. That's about when she handed out the quiz I wasn't prepared for. As far as bad luck goes though, I know a couple people who had their Friday the 13th a day late:

Billy, Jen, Carl, Jason Varga, Joe (friend from home), and I all went Jetskiing early Saturday morning. To make a long story short, while pulling in close to one another to talk, Carl shut his Jetski off and drifted, while Billy headed straight for him, of course forgetting to shut off the engine. And so Billy coasts closer and closer, until eventually a wave brings the jet boat up so high in the water, that when it came down upon Carl's Jetski, it left a hole all the way through a really thick fiberglass exterior. Carl was forced to go back in and Billy, Jen, and I headed in with the jet boat. Only the jet boat wouldn't go above 2 miles per hour, so it took us 45 minutes to get back. We were wet and freezing as it was very cold that day. And we finally got back to change, and anyone else ever in this position would appreciate what we all felt:


Quote Of the Day 9/13

"It feels good just to be naked."
-Billy Keneival


Sorry for the long intro, but I thought you all needed to know.


Standing naked in a parking lot,
Dustin


Still Standing Right Here…

French Socks

Bonjour! Or for all of you who don't speak French, Hello, you inferior American scum! Anyway, I want to point out one hopefully unlikely error that Joe (most don't know him yet) in my lobby against the computer lab. If everybody gives them pennies, then somebody who gives them a $50 bill might piss them off enough to give them 4992 pennies back for change. But hell, I'm willing to take the chance for the good of the team.

This quote comes from French class, when our teacher was trying to tell us about how different words have different thingys (not her word) in front of them to indicate male and female words, like "le chien" and "la chat" and stuff like that. So she tries to give us an example...


Quote Of the Day 9/12

"Socks have sex. Let me rephrase that. Socks have gender."
-Carrie


So that's what they do when we close our underwear drawer!! No wonder I always have one leftover when I do the wash!


Going barefoot from now on,
Extendo.


Still Standing Right Here...

Cookie Talk

Good morning everyone and thank you all for your responses. I love all of you. But not at the same time. That would be painful. Anyway, I would like to point out an error yesterday that I made. I said something like "...or whenever I put shorts on..." and what I meant to say was "...or whenever I put pants on..." Apologies for the grammatical error and thank John for pointing that one out.

Before I start, I have an announcement to make. Effective the 16th of this month, the UMBC computer lab will be charging 8 cents per sheet of paper printed out. This includes comp. sci. majors and long English papers too. Everything. I really hope it doesn’t include that extra sheet that always comes with it. Anyway, here's how I plan to put up sort of a stand against it. Everytime you go to print something up, pay for it in pennies. I have lots of pennies, and it would be worth it to actually go to the bank and get pennies for this purpose. Pay for it in as annoying a manor as possible. Drop them all over. Lose count. Whatever. Or pay for one or two sheets of paper with a fifty. Tell them you don't have anything less. If they resist, grab them by the shirt and whisper "REDRUM, REDRUM" at them in a really deep voice. Also, and this part is probably most important, always ask for a receipt. They have to give you one. It will annoy the people in back of you in line, but who cares? Get them to do it too. Pass on the word to everyone you know, please.

Alright, now I'll do what I came here for. I don't know if any of you are familiar with the Paul Simon song "Late In the Evening," but I listen to it often. Anyway, I was listening to it last night and I tried to sing part of the song with a cookie on the edge of my tongue. There's a line that goes "The first thing I remember when you came into my life..." and here's what it sounds like with a cookie on your tongue:


Quote Of the Day 9/11

"The first thing I rewember when you came into my wife..."
-Me


Try it yourself. It's fun.


Still crazy after all these years,
Screaming Cricket.


Still Standing Right Here...

Back in the Saddle Again

Hello all!! Welcome back and thank you for your patience here. I apologize for the minor delay, but I thought I'd weed out all of the messages I got over the summer before I started. Well, 47 messages into my 82, I noticed a certain pattern. About 30 messages were messages from different people asking me if I'd be on-line over the summer. Well, when I get the time, I'll answer that question for the thirty of you. Another 10 were your traditional forwards from Kate and Momma Spence which have been saved to a folder named "Browse At Leisure Or Delete If Necessary." Two were wrong numbers (I guess dfishe1 is a popular user-name), three were from a newsgroup I asked to be removed from 27 times, and 2 messages were of actual worth.
As I paged through the next half or so, I kept getting more messages and it seemed my task would never be completed. Another 30 of these messages were people telling me they were back on-line. Anything with a subject of something like "funny (fwd)" was immediately marked with a "D", and still there were another 4 messages from that damn newsgroup. Also, my 6.5 credits make it hard to concentrate on anything else. But now I'm back for your enjoyment with the...















...but before I start this whole charade, I want to explain briefly to the few newcomers. I started a quote of the day a long, long time ago, and it caught on like wildfire. It has gotten to the point where if I don't do it for a while, I get hate mail. This is the same principal that explains the funny looks and derogatory comments I get when I don't wear a pink hat, or when I put shorts on. But I'm here through thick and thin doing this everloved and sometimes hated, but seldom unnoticed...















... one more thing before I start. I just wanted to welcome all the new kids and pay tribute to the few casualties to graduation that we had. There will no longer be a doctor in the house (though Capt. Sedgley will still be on the internet with us), and we have to wave goodbye to the last of the "manders" in Matt Anderson. He was only with us for a year, but DAMN HE WAS COOL! Anyway, if you know of anybody I've missed, let me know. And Kristen, before you look like an idiot, everytime you send E-mail, it says who you are, so you can stop doing that "by the way, it's Kristen" thing. :)

Alright, over the summer, I saw Suzanne quite often and one particular time, she was commenting to me on how frank I was. To this I said something like "Oh, so now I'm just a hot dog?" And that's when she said...


Quote Of the Day 9/10

"Yep. All you are is just a big wiener to me."



There are worse fates in life.

The apparently well endowed,
Dustin.


Still Standing Right Here...

One More For the Road

Man, you wear a tan hat for a couple days...

Well, so long, farewell, auf weidersen, or something of that nature. Actually, since I doubted most of you will check your E-mail again before you leave, hello, how you doin', gutentag, or something like that. At any rate, this will be the last quote of the day for this year. And I want to say that I'll miss everybody. John ran into our room last night and gave this Chattering Chimp thing to Billy, who immediately shoved it down his pants. To this, SuperDave and Earl came in the room laughing in hysterics, and then Billy put the chimp around his neck and started jumping up and down making the chimp grunt, and then he ran down the hall with John chasing him. The reason I'm telling this story is not for entertainment value, but I just wanted everybody to know that I'm going to miss you all. Stuff like this probably won't happen next year, or ever again. I'm sure I'll stop up and visit you guys sometime, and you know where you all can find me, Billy, Suzanne, Courtney, Jason, and Carl, but I wanted to say that I had a great three (two and a half) years in the dorms with you guys. I don't know if you talk to other friends in other universities, but I think that you couldn't have gotten any luckier than we did. Not many people, in fact, no one that I'm aware of has made this many close friends at college in the last three years. Basically, thanks everybody, and I'll miss you all up in the apartments.

So anyway, John and I are trying to study in the lounge and John is trying to figure out his grade for the semester in 20th century art. He insists that since he did so well, that an F on the final won't change his grade at all. He says that if you have 75 tiny chocolate balls and throw in a 25 gram piece of shit, that it will still taste like chocolate (he later saw the flaws in his argument). Well, later on, we ordered pizza and John said that it tasted horrible, the worst pizza he's ever had, to which I tell him, "Well, John, that’s because its 75% pizza and 25% shit." He then jokingly retorts...


Quote Of the Day 5/10

"So that's what my grade is going to taste like."
-TONTO


Have a fun and safe summer, everybody.



The owner of the other half of John's brain (and by the way, I won't need it over the summer),
Dustin.


Still Standing Right Here...

Thinking Before He Thinks

Quote Of the Day 5/9

Hi. I hope you all are doing well in your respective finals (for those of us who haven't gone home already). And before I say anything else, I wanted to apologize to Kate for going off on her like I did. I started out just poking fun of her humor and... Anyway, I guess it's just been a little too long of a year. For those of you who are old hands to the quote of the day, you're probably bored with the quote by now (John) and it's just another stupid thing in your inbox. I admit, the novelty wears off after so long. Maybe it'll be fun again at the start of next year, but I'll try and make these next three messages tolerable.

This quote comes from Billy. I could get like a week's worth of quotes if I just sat and listened to him talk for an hour. Well, he had a thought one day, and almost blurted it out loud, without thinking. But he didn't. And to this, he said:

Quote Of the Day 5/9

"I have to remember to think before I think."

-Billy Taylor


And for those of you who don't know where it came from, here's part of a song I wrote back in high school:


I know many people
Have stood where I stand.
I've been searching for years now
For just one honest man.
People tell me I can trust them
And then they'll play their little games.
And then I tell them I'll be faithful
And sometimes I act the same.

But I've tried and I've tried,
And I've lied and I've lied,
Still Standing Right Here...

The Proper Way to Be Used

I'm going to try to get another quote out before I see what kind of hell that one raised. For those of you who don't know, those damn orange pricks beta us in softball the other day, hence eliminating the Good People from the playoffs. But we had a good and fun season, and I want to thank anybody who played for coming out. We may just do the same thing next year (unless some of us actually try to graduate on time). And if any of you want to live vicariously through our guys team, we play today (Thursday) at 2:30. If we win, we play tomorrow for the whole bag of noodles.

Anyway, this quote came a while back when we were discussing the age of certain people and the purchasing of certain goods unattainable to the average minor. Well, when we discovered that Steve was 22, Courtney realized that he could buy alcohol for her, to which he replied...


Quote Of the Day 5/8

"I REFUSE to be used for alcohol... just sex."
-Steve the Baritone


Popping the pimple of laziness,
Extendo.


Still Standing Right Here...

Taking Over For Laura

Hi guys. Does anybody mind if I do another quote here? Anybody want to plug any night club appearances first? And I have to apologize to Kate for the quotes recently, because I know they haven't been funny according to her sense of humor. Of course, since the only thing that Kate thinks is funny are explicit sexual references, I have no real desire to cater to her sense of humor. If you want something more along your mentality Kate, try alt.horny.newsgroups or something. But please don't pester me. I'm quite sick of the "sounds like a personal problem" and the "that's what she said" type of jokes that you consider first-rate. I'm not saying that the humor here is first-rate or anything, but at least if it's not funny, it leave people completely disgusted. And to quote you on your feeling about stupid replies:

> No one else cares whether or not people get upset, really it's not a
> priority. :)

Yes they do, Kate. Most people do. In fact, the reason most people don't want to continue getting the quote of the day is not because of the quote, but the pointless replies. And two of the very few people who have asked to get off the mailing list gave me your name. So surprise, Kate, but it's annoying. We all talk about it behind your back too. Most people see your name on the header and delete the message before reading it. I can't do that. Though I try. It's like smelling a dirty sock, or watching a bloody car wreck. I am too curious to turn away, but I know I'm just going to wind up being disgusted in the end. So Kate, if you want to reply to this, and you probably will, reply to me personally. SuperDave doesn't need or want to hear any of this, and I don't blame him. And he's not alone either. :(

Alright, I've made my peace with Buddha, now I can go on. This quote, though it may seem at first glance, is NOT a personal cut on Laura and how she sleeps around (or used to sleep around). It is actually a verbal blunder of Chris Chris' when we were playing Scruples a while ago. We were all sitting around playing when Laura had to leave. Soon afterward, Courtney walked in and was looking to play. Chris suggested that she take Laura's cards and her spot where she used to be sitting. Except he did it like this:


Quote Of the Day 5/7

"Hey, if you want to come over here on the bed, you can take over for Laura."
-Chris Chris (Dumb Chris) (King's Dominion Chris)



Catering to the masses,
Screaming Cricket.


Still Standing Right Here...

The Strike

ALRIGHT!!! I know what asphyxiation means now. You can all stop with the replies! But I do appreciate it, really. And though I appreciate the criticism, please don't misquote the Princess Bride anymore Chris.
Is everybody pumped up for the game today? The Good People play their first playoff game today. And it's against those Fart Goblins that beat Extendo in volleyball last year in the semi-finals, so we extra-don't like them. This quote came from our starting pitcher in reference to the game, and as coach, I have to say I'm happy...


Quote Of the Day 5/6

"I have added a new pitch to my arsenal . . . the strike."


Swinging for the fences (or at least that empty area right over the pitcher's head),
Extendo.



"You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means."
-Indigo Montoya


Still Standing Right Here...
-Dustin Fisher

The Price of Protection

Oh, and by the way, I'd be interested to know what asphyxiation really does mean, just so I am aware when I'm using it wrong. Well, the Good Guys won their first playoff game and play the number two seeded SAE softball team Wednesday. Also, the Good People play the first round tomorrow against the same Butt Punks that beat us in volleyball earlier this year, Omega Alpha. So good luck everybody (myself included).

Speaking of Brad (soldier boy), who's got a fixation (Chris' word) for death, the conversation progressed to the point where Brad introduced his philosophies to the conversation:


Quote Of the Day 5/3

"Sometimes protecting your friends means killing a lot of people,"
-Soldier Boy


A foot in his mouth and his heart in his hand,
Angry Young Man (not really).


Still Standing Right Here...

Girlfriend Stand-In

Well, John and I have once again gotten ourselves into a bind. That video class that we're both in stopped giving out cameras as of last Friday, so we can't shoot any new footage. So while it's important to stop and smell the flowers, occasionally, life just sees it necessary to stick its foot up your ass if you take too long doing it. So our video class just bent John and I over its knee and committed [removed by future Dustin] again.

Well, I just got back from dinner and boy are my bowels tired!!! Anyway, Chris Augswhateverthefuckhisnameisburger was eating with us and telling us about his trip to King's Dominion yesterday. He was trying to explain why he went and slipped and, well, you know the rest...


Quote Of the Day 5/2

"Well, it was my friend's birthday party, and his girlfriend couldn't go, so he asked me instead."
-Augsy


The home run king's entertainment,
Screaming Cricket.


Still Standing Right Here...

Killer Surprise

Hi! This is really late again, but hell, I'm busy. And I will be. My deadlines are getting closer and my finals (final) is sneaking up on me. This of course, means that I will be on E-mail more often and my room will be clean. But like I said, I don't have much time.

This quote came from a conversation over dinner that I was having with Suzanne, Eddie (really tall guy), and Brad (soldier boy). If you don't know Soldier Boy, well, picture someone you know who is in the army and has a huge asphyxiation with death and killing people. Well, Brad is his younger brother. Anyway, so the conversation strays into murder, as it usually does with him, and Eddie says:


Quote Of the Day 5/1

"The stupider people think you are, the more surprised they are when you kill them."
-Eddie (the one with the hard hip)



The one with the bruised lip from Eddie's hard hip,
Extendo.


Still Standing Right Here...

Inner Beasts

Alright, I'm behind a bunch from last week, and I am disappointed with the last two I sent out. Plus, I am experiencing a complex where I'm afraid that if I don't do them promptly and if they're not good, then someone will try to steal my job.
Anyway, this quote came yesterday when Eddie, Carl, Chris, Renee (with an accent jaycee), and myself were discussing our inner beast, and the size of our inner beast, and inner beast envy and stuff like that. Well, Eddie made the claim that Renee's inner beast was bigger than all of ours and we all promptly agreed. To this, Carl said:


Quote Of the Day Sometime

"Yeah, her inner beast ate my inner beast."
-Carl (the guy missing his inner beast)


To this, Renee replied:


Quote Of the Day Some Other Time

"If I recall, Carl, your inner beast went willingly."
-Renee (the chick with Carl's inner beast)

The Trouble With Pop Flies

ANOTHER IMPOSTER!!! WHEN WILL IT END!!! Alright, I have to let that one slide because it was really funny when it happened and I kind of gave Chris my permission. BUT NO MORE!!! I'm back on track here. The pope has returned from sabbatical and is ready and willing to excommunicate anyone willing (and a few I just feel deserve it). And I'm starting with a certain job-stealin' free freelance lancer. If he's not just a freelancing carcass when Smiley gets through with him.

Anyway... yesterday, not only do all my troubles seem so far away, but we were playing softball against the only other undefeated team in the league. The Violators!!! Scary, isn't it? Well, we're winning like 6 to pi/2 or something (irrelevant), and Augsburger hits a pop fly between the shortstop and the left fielder. Long story short, they collide giving each other concussions, with blood all over the place (I never said it was a pleasant story). About fifteen minutes later, the police car drives up from all the way over in Jibib and we were curious as to why they didn't just come from the campus police station right directly about 50 feet behind us (not an exaggeration). To this, Earl says jokingly:


Quote Of the Day 4/29

"Campus police don't cover this area."
-The big guy with lots of RBI's.


Anyway, to continue the story, the guys still remained just lying there until the ambulance came a good 20 minutes after then. When the ambulance finally showed up, they were both conscious and as they were both about to be taken away to the hospital overnight, when the shortstop, having now heard what had happened during the play, said...


Quote Of the Day 4/30

"You mean you ran into me, and you didn't even catch the ball!!!"
-Some unlucky shortstop



Practicing safe sax,
Screaming Cricket.


Still Standing Right Here...

Highlander Steals My Job

Hey, everybody, I'm new to the WEB, but I think it's a trip. As it probably says in the From: part of this message, my name is Chris MacLeod and I'm a junior here at this fine institution (insert editorial comment here: ) Anyway, his Pink-hattedness actually made it to class today, and he uttered a phrase of such journalistic power that I am forced to steal his e-mail list so that you all can appreciate it as much as I did (I am sending this from the hospital where they stitched my gut back up.)

So here goes: We were sitting in philosophy, me, dustin and matt, and we were poking fun at our friend Jacqui (in the purest, well-meaning, politically correct sense, mind you!), when she said that we were being sexist. And, well, from Dustin himself, out this came:
(BTW, to all female members of the web, feel free to blame dustin completely for this,
as it is totally his fault)

" Sexism is such a waste of time..........there are plenty of reasons to hate women on an individual basis."


Enjoy!


Crows, swords, and giant squids,
Highlander

The Futility of Finals

GEEZ!! You don't check your E-mail for a week...

Alright troops, I really shouldn't be doing this because I have a paper to write, a tape to edit, and a freelance lancer to behead by sunrise, but I heard rumors of an alleged attempted stealing of my position as quote of the day Emeritus. Well, I trust that the perpetrator was put straight by Detective Smiley AND WILL NOT TRY THIS AGAIN EVEN IF DUSTIN IS FALLING BEHIND!!!!
Seriously, you'll all have to excuse MacFreelander. He's been diagnosed with Sychistsoid Pinkhatenus. It's a rare disease where penis envy drives a person to try to take over another person’s E-mail list. So please forgive him. You slip and hit that button just once, and next thing you know, the hounds are right up on your ass and you're fresh out of dog tranquilizer death darts. But a few tips for the quote of the day, Yelnick: First of all, sexual references are passe (picture an accent eh grave on the "e"), and should be avoided unless you're desperate, or it was REALLY good. Secondly, don't bother telling them what happened at Pitt. No one really cares. They just barely care about my life, and they're my actual friends. And most of them page through to the quote directly anyway. Well, I'm sure you've gotten your severe internet spanking, so I'll let you go now. And thanks to all my faithful followers. You all get a big wet kiss from Scott for your continued support.

Wow! It's really getting late (or early actually). So here's a quote from Detective Smiley himself about this paper and the class we have to write it for, and about his major and life in general:

"The Titanic is going down. I've just woken up and realized there are no lifeboats. I'm looking for a wooden plank, anything. I don't care if you have a dinghy."
-The Bungling Sleepyhead


Love, pink hats, volleyballs, videotapes, softballs, research papers, due dates, fat guys, soccer balls, overdue library books, attendance sheets, recontracting, registration, and a
brownie bottom sunday,
Stressing Cricket.


Still Trying To Stand Right Here...

Weed Steals My Job

Okay, this battle for the quote of the day crown must stop! Dustin is the rightful owner, and while he battles dragons and fly balls for the good of the campus, we must be patient. I would never dream of usurping his throne, but I swear to God if Dustin had heard this, it would be the quote of the day for the next 26 weeks.
I was visiting some friends from the Rugby team, and they were trying to get their Oriental roommate Hana to take them to Backdraft. This guy Iman comes up to my friend Ian and says, "Why don't you get that Chink on the sofa to take us to Backdraft?" Ian looks at him and says, "Man, that's my roommate, chill out!" Then he looks at us and says:

Quote of the Day whenever

"He called Hana 'that Chink on the sofa...that'll go over like a pregnant pole vaulter."

Weed

"Pleased to meet you, hope you guess my name. But what's puzzling you is the nature of my game."
R.S.

Detective Smiley Saves The Quote

On Thu, 25 Apr 1996, Michael J Conover wrote:

(snip)

> Still Stealing Dustin's Job Right Here.
>
FREEZE CONNOVER!!
Just drop Dustin's Job right there! Hands behind yer head! Behind yer head mother fucker!! That's it, easy, easy.. good. Book 'im Dan-o. Okay, lemme esplain somethin' here. Dustin's job ain't here for the takin', see. See Dustin here, he's got the position for life; kinda like the Pope. So, you know if the Pope is havin' a bad week, you can't just pop over to the Vatican and start excommunicatin' people. Okay, so Dustin's not keepin up to speed. Just hang in there for a while and he'll get back on track. But till that time, you "MacWawa", are spendin' some time in the drunk tank. Let’s go boys...

Detective Smiley

Mike Steals My Job - 4

Alright, so here I am again taking over Dustin's ex-job.

Not a damn thing else is happening at Pitt, but I can make stuff up, y'all'll never know the difference.

You know that big building in the middle of campus? The Cathedral of Learning, a forty-two story Gothic Cathedral? Well, yesterday, I was playing football on the Cathedral Lawn and a pass went through the receiver's hands and into the wall of the Cathedral, AND IT FELL DOWN! Not the ball, the Cathedral. So anyway, all the people in the building were okay, but one unlucky Weiner Dog was killed when the building fell on him. He put up a good fight, trying to maneuver himself so that when it fell on him he would be inside an open window (a la Aladdin), but you know how the depth perception is on a Weiner Dog (especially one's made after 1968) and he didn't make it.

Also, I found twenty bucks.


Okay, for all of you who want to win a prize (Joe can be in on this one) I'll give a prize to anyone who can tell me which of these stories is true. (Hint: if anyone says the first one, the contest is off)

So, here's the second quote, again from my lovable Girlfriend, Kris, Smiley, The 'Ol Ball and Chain, The Reason I Ain't Gots No Cash. She and I live about 5 hours apart. (Not during school, I mean our HOME homes. Our campus is BIG, but let's be realistic) We live about 5 hours apart, and we're going to be visiting each other over the summer, her coming to my house once a month, and I going to her house once a month. What we couldn't figure out was who would go to the other's house FIRST, which prompted her to say,

"You can't come first, I WANNA COME FIRST!"


Willy Nilly Silly Ol Bear,
Rance Fleerander, The Flee Fleerance Rancer

Still Stealing Dustin's Job Right Here.

Mike Steals My Job - 3

The green MONKEYS are not dangerous, but their AUNTS aRE!!!!!?

It seems again Dustin is neglecting his duties as Quote of the Day Coordinator Emeritus. (I don't know what Emeritus means, but I saw it after some Professor's name and thought it sounded cool. Say it out loud, emeritus, emeritus, glad I ain't got gingivitis.) So, once again, I must take the initiative and get this thing done for you all. God I hate Dustin. First our engagement, now this.

Anyway, let me catch you up on the news here at Pitt. Like I said, we're in Finals Week, which i have already told one of you is short for God I Hate Finals Because I Have To Study A Semester's Worth Of Stuff In One Night AND I HATE COFFEE BUT I NEED IT TO STAY AWAKE, So I'll Take The F. I'll give a prize to the first one who guesses who I said that to, and Joe, you can't answer.

Other things at Pitt, let me see......the Penguins are in the Superbowl or something, but I've been studying so much I don't even know who they're playing. I think maybe the Brazilian Team.

But what is REALLY cool, is the fact these two Professor's were stuck in one of the elevators, and...

So, here is one of the quotes I'm doing here, it was said by quite a brilliant mind, my girlfriend, also known as klmst60+@pitt.edu . (but she only let's close friends call her that) She's a nursing student, and she's studying diseases right now for her finals, and to help her study, she keeps calling up one of her friends and telling her all about the specific disease. So I walked into her room the other day, and heard her say,

"Ok, Kelly, now I'm gonna give you syphilis!"



Tan hats, Finals and Ramen Noodles, OH MY!
Yelnick MacWawa

Still Masticating Right Here...

The New Geography

Has anybody else out there ever noticed that in both sections of the dining hall, especially the "quiet side," they hang the clocks up strategically so that there is a glare from some light from everywhere you look at it in the room! Everybody look next time you're in there. You can't tell what time it is unless you get up REALLY close to it. BAD THING!! In fact, this is like the definition of Bad Thing!! I was playing volleyball yesterday out in the sand pit and when I went to leave, my keys were missing. I have absolutely no idea where they could be, so if anyone sees them, let me know. Complete description: They are on this bright pink phone cord-looking thing and they open my door. Help. Because if I can't find it, then all the locks in Susquehanna need to get changed and I have to pay for it (around a couple hundred dollars from what I hear). So if I can't find them in the next week, I'll be sending out a message asking people to contribute to the "Dustin Is A Dumbass Fund,' which will take precedence to the "Chris Is A Dumbass Fund," because we all know Chris was aiming for Lisa's window anyway. ;-)

This quote is also from a long time ago (even longer) and also from Sedge. Before Christmas Break, Sedge and I were having a conversation about where we were spending Christmas vacation. He asked where I would be for break...


Quote Of the Day 4/19

Me: "Hopefully, I'll be spending a little time in New Jersey."
Sedge: "Why, what's in New Jersey?"
Me: "Michigan."


The look on his face is what actually should have made quote of the day. And for those of you who are lost... tough!



The parking vigilante,
Extendo.


Still Standing Right Here...

30 Monkeys

Sorry this one is so late, but Eighthmania kind of snuck up on me. Oh, and by the way, if you weren't there... you didn't really miss too much. The Pimp-Daddies were fun as always, but I couldn't enjoy it fully as I was stuck in a mosh pit in bare feet (OUCH!!). But I got my share of crowd surfing in. One more Pimp-Daddy note: The Pimp-Daddies are playing with the Houseplants and EVERYDAY @ SIX this Wednesday at the Bank. I'm going along with a few people from back here and a couple of Loyolan friends too and I'm trying to raise interest. Anyway, let me know if you want to go, 'kay?

This quote came from a little while ago. Actually a long time ago, like just as we got back from winter break. I went to see 12 Monkeys over break with Sedge and liked it so much, that I drug Joe and Erick to see it when I got back home over break. However, halfway through the movie, the entire power shut off and the emergency lighting came on. Anyway, they gave us 2 free tickets to any AMC theatre as compensation for the power outage. I was telling Sedge this story when we first got back, to which he said...


Quote Of the Day 4/18

"Wow. So you get 30 monkeys for the price of 12!"
-The "Master"


Making faces back at little kids,
Screaming Cricket.


Still Standing Right Here...

Guilty Roaches

Well, as co-captain of the Good People softball team, I would just like to say HOT DAMN WE'RE GOOD!!! After one week of play, we came out with two wins and no losses. (Wish I could say the same for our soccer team.) Anyway, we started off the week with a little appetizer of Kiwi Lime (sorry, Cheryle), and finished up on Wednesday with a hearty chef special come-from-behind SAE sandwich. With a little Del Phi Mu on the side for flavor, of course. Meanwhile, the Good Guys men's team has been serving up some Pi Epsilon Pie of their own. Anyway, good job everybody. And I know we all wanted to kill him then, but we did win the game, and Augsburger did hit in the tying and winning run in the 5th inning. And to top off the comeback, Jen and Suzanne thoroughly embarrassed their third baseman with consequent shots down the line. GOOD WORK TEAM!!
Alright, I'm done bragging for a little while. And besides, you all want the quote anyway. I was in class today (the one I didn't skip), and our teacher was talking about surveillance. And she said something so off the wall, yet thought-provokingly true, I had to use it:


Quote Of the Day 4/17

"Roaches, by nature, feel guilty. I mean you turn on the lights and they immediately feel like they did something wrong and run and hide."
-Cluadia the Scary



Weird, but kinda true.



Love, softballs, and the third base line,
The "Left Fielder."


Still Standing Right Here...

Just a Dork

Bon jour. Je suis le papier bleu. Sorry bout that, but I gotta tune up on my French because I'm probably taking it next semester with Suzanne (almost makes you want to puke, eh?). And in case you non-French speakers out there were wondering, I just said "Good day. I am blue paper." It's one of three sentences I can still say after two years of French in high school over four years ago. I can't remember how to say "Can you please fix my broken record player?" off hand, and I wouldn't want to even try to spell the other one.
Well, today has been kind of weird so far. I fell asleep in class today (not the weird part), and after a while, I was so out of it, I started to have a daydream. The daydream wasn't complex, but it was just enough to get me disoriented. I dreamt that I walked up to the front of the class for some reason (don't remember why) and fell asleep in the desk up front. IT was really real, because I already was asleep, so I didn't have to feel different or anything. So when I woke up I had that split second of whatthehellhappenedness. But I soon realized what had happened and went right back to sleep.

Well, I'm sure a lot of us can relate to this quote, and I've been doing pretty good with straying away from the sexual reference quotes of the day too. Anyway, this one might remind you of yourself in high school, so have fun...


Quote Of the Day 4/16

"...and then I got my braces off and contacts instead of my glasses. Then I was just a dork. I had no other excuse."
-Suzzie



P.S.- Congratulations to the Good People are in order. We had our first win yesterday and a 19-4 victory is a good way to start off the season.


Peeing on Chris' head,
Screaming Frog.


Still Standing Right Here...

The Color of Depression

Hi again. It's that time again. The time where Dustin'd got to catch up so you all get two or three (in this case just two) quotes in succession!!! So enjoy twice the fun today with this double-dose. I would first of all like to thank Chris for that rather impressive mathematical proof. I'm actually really convinced that April + Maryland = Snow. So expect me to run to you with more real life problems that you can solve mathematically. And I have a good prank I want to pull that everybody on campus is invited to help me out doing. It's clean and we can't be legally penalized for it, and it'll take a lot of paper and markers and time. I want to change all the Quadmania signs on campus to say "Eighthmania." It's kind of a political statement, and I just want to see if I can get enough interest and if you all think it's a good idea or if you think it's just stupid.

Alright, I'm late. I gotta go. No time for wit. If you all know me, and you all do, you know I wear a pink hat most if not all of the time. Well, I was wearing this hat one day that isn't quite neon pink, but more purplish than most people are used to. My friend asked me what was wrong with the hat. It wasn't bright pink like the rest of them. I told him I was sort of depressed that day and wasn't in a neon pink hat mood...


Quote Of the Day 4/15

"Well, that's not too bad if the most depressed you get is lavender."
-Crossover Manser (friend from home)




Doing the happy dance,
Twitching Cricket.


Still Standing Right Here...
(don't worry Joe)

Good Vibrations

Gutenmorgan, everyone. Sorry this Friday's quote is so late, but there really weren't any great stand-out quotes. That, and I'm like really lazy. In fact, I'm going to answer the question that a few of you have asked recently. I was offered the alternate position for RAship, and silly me was too upset/lazy/forgetful to return my letter of acceptance by the date needed. I turned it in late, but in all likelihood, I will not be an RA next year, and anyone who wants to help me shit bomb ORL can E-mail me back here. And I see Chris has already started without me.
Well, anyhow, I was over Suzanne's room (surprise), and her roommate, Courtney was commenting on the music playing and how her speaker was right around where her and Steve were sitting. And out of the blue, she turns to him and says:


Quote Of the Day 4/12

"Can't you feel her voice vibrating in your butt?"
-Courtney


By the way, if you all would like to reach me and I'm not in my room, try me in Suzanne's (x8724). The same would probably apply for her. ;)



The shepherd,
Dustin.


Still Standing Right Here...

Chewing Snow

Hey! Guess who? IT'S ME, DUSTIN!!!

Alright, a certain amount of the element of surprise is basically obsolete on E-mail. This is my biggest problem with E-mail. That, and the fact that you can't send packages through it. And believe me, I've tried!! Though they did figure out a way to send germs through the internet, so right now, as you read this, though you may not notice it, and some of you may not be affected, you are all contracting the elusive Screaming Cricket virus OF DEATH!!! Some assembly required. I'm in a rather weird mood today. Maybe it's this weather. Or maybe it's the fact that I don't sleep during the weekdays. Or maybe the pink dye from my hat is finally seeping into my brain. But anyway, just don't be too surprised if you wake up the day after reading this rubbing your legs together and playing the Pina Colada Song as sung by the Boss-Tones until Doug is standing over your bed threatening to kill you with a baseball bat. Alright, I'm going to cue up this quote before I lose the rest of my viewing audience.

Yesterday at lunch, John started chewing on an ice cube, to which I asked him if he was sexually frustrated, because there's a myth that says that one who is sexually frustrated chews on ice cubes (I'm not making this up, either). Well, John apparently disagrees with this theory:


Quote Of the Day 4/11

"That's so stupid. What about chewing gum?... Or what about if I chew snow? Does that mean I want to jerk off?"
-Tonto Sleepyhead



The soup nazi,
Screaming Cricket.

Sneaking Erick Into Potomac

Hello today troops. Just to let you all know, I've been sick for a little while but I'm getting over it. Though this damn weather is not helping any. Gotta love that Indian winter. April + Maryland = Snow. I'd appreciate it if some math major could explain that to me sometime. And you can all congratulate me. I've now been written up for overnight violation in three out of four dorms!! Look out Patapsco, I'm coming for you. So I'm actually thinking about trying for the grand slam of overnight violations. I'll let you know if I accomplish it. And speaking of overnight and stuff, I have a funny story to tell (but I'll keep it short). Last Thursday, Erick and I went to Garth Brooks and afterward, he, Billy, Suzanne, and I went out. We got back around 2:45 and had intended on watching Goonies in Suzanne's room. Problem: She can't sign in three people overnight, only two. So, outside of the dining hall, we shoved Billy in a sleeping bag and Erick flung him over his shoulder. Well, Erick was too concerned with carrying Billy and he was busy suffocating, but Suzanne and I lost it on our way into Potomac. We had tears in our eyes while trying to sign in myself and Erick. But the funniest thing is that it would have worked!! The chick at the desk didn't even pay enough attention to notice that there was a human being inside the sleeping bag. But we got somebody else to sign Billy in anyway, just in case Miss Perceptive had a flash of thought.

At any rate, this quote comes from a friend of mine who beat us in soccer last semester. I was walking around in shorts and he is always baffled how I don't get cold. So he asked me if I was cold, and I told him that the temperature is all in your mind. To this, he responded...


Quote Of the Day 4/10

"Yeah, but I'd hate to have to walk around thinking all day."
-Shawn Something


The best argument yet for me to wear pants.


Love, pink hats, and the muppet dance,
Extendo.


Still Standing Right Here...

Thieves, All of You

GEEZ!! You don't check your e-mail for like five minutes, and next thing you know, you have two imposters trying to take over quote of the day!!! Come on, Shannon. You really didn't want to lower yourself to the ranks of Foster and Lance Freelander, the free freelance lancer, did you? Well, anyway, for those of you who didn't get the quote from Shannon, it went something like this (O.K., exactly like this):

************************************************************************

> Subject: Quote of the Day: March 19, 1996
>
>
> "Do not condemn the judgment of another because
> it differs from your own. You may both be wrong."
>
> Dandemis
>
>
>

------- FORWARD, End of original message -------

******************************************************************

I vaguely remember some ancient Chinese proverb along the same lines. My memory is kind of clouded, but I think the saying went something like this:
"Don't cut out the coupons in your neighbor's newspaper just because he walks a different breed of Shitzu. They may both have flees."

FooNaiHaiWoh


Second of all, an announcement: Wayward Sun is playing on the half quad (from now on referred to as the eighth) this Saturday from 12:00 (noon) to 2:00 (two o'clock). I encourage everyone to come out. They are really fun to see in concert regardless of if you like their music or not. And I won't promise that I'll have bells on, but I'll definitely be there (as if that's incentive). And Nikki, I can stall them for about 5 minutes, so all you have to do is get off work 7 hours and 55 minutes early.

Recently, Laura has been becoming jealous of Suzanne's recent quote of the day notoriety (among other things ;-), but we won't talk about them right now), so she's decided to try and catch up by shoving her foot in her own mouth last night with this...


Quote Of the Day 4/9

"I have one of my own. It lives. It breathes. It wiggles when I want it to."
-Her Fatheadedness



Peeing on Shannon and Conover’s pillow,
Extendo.


Standing Over Here Again...

Mike Steals My Job - 2

Sorry to say, but I'm in such an un-creative mood right now that any attempt to make fun of Dustin or the way he handles this list would result in something along the lines of me in a coffin trying to nail myself in.

See what I mean?
Mike's Creativity Meter--- Boring [.\.......] Seinfeld

Anyway, a friend and I were walking down the street discussing such important topics as genetical ethics, number theory and slurpees when all of a sudden he blurted out:

"If you swallowed a caterpillar, would you get nervous later on?"


Kinda like a joke grenade, this one goes along with "The Funniest Joke That Never Gets a Laugh"


Knitting suds and Dusting Tins,
Lance


Still Understanding Right Here

Daylight Savings Sucker

Hey everybody. I hope all your weekends were fun and Eastery. And if you haven't yet, remember to set your clocks ahead. But don't do it when you're tired or this will happen: I put my laundry in the dryer yesterday at around 3:30 and on my way up, I stopped in John's room for a while and he reminded me to set the clock ahead. So I went back to my room and set my clock ahead an hour, and proceeded to clean up the room a bit (I know it doesn't look it, Billy, but I did). Anyway, I looked at the clock and it read 5:00, and I remembered that I had put my laundry in at 3:30. So I went down to get it out of the dryer.

It wasn't done yet.

For those of you who like Greg, and for those of you who don't, and for those of you who just want free pizza, we're having a Gamma Phi Pi (Gimme Free Pizza) meeting this coming Friday night in the lobby. Greg has ordered us about 10 free pizzas, subs out the ass and caffeine to wash it all down. And he's put me in charge of rounding up the people to consume the free food. So feel free to come on down to the lobby of Susquehanna this Friday around 8:30ish. The occasion is his second Gordan Elliot appearance where he allegedly "meets" for the first time this lesbian who he's been dating over the internet (it just needed to be on a talk show). And this weekend, he's doing the Jenny Jones show. Maybe our fraternity will have to have another election night when that show airs. Anyway, feel free to eat our pizza. We encourage it.

So this past weekend, we were all hanging out in John's room (the 5 of us who stayed this weekend), and John was reading a quote of the day, when he turned around and said to me...


Quote Of the Day 4/8

"How can you still be standing right there? You've been standing there for like two years. Take a walk! Sit down! Go out!..."
-My roommate that's not really my roommate




Living in an Amish paradise,
Extendo.


Peeing on John's pillow...