Actually, I don't usually get that obsessed over
superstars like I did about Britney Spears. I definitely don't like her music,
and I don't think I've ever seen an interview with her to determine whether or
not she's a well-spoken would-be princess-in-law. I just think that there's some
sort of sweet little innocence about her that I want to ruin. Or maybe it's the
illegal boob job she claims to not have done just before her breasts grew 3 cup
sizes.
I informed Mike and Good Joe that a friend of mine was going to meet us at the
bowling alley. They asked what her name was...
Quote Of the Day 12/30/99
Me: "Her name is Kelly Bloh."
Joe: "I've seen that movie."
Get it? If not, e-mail Joe at goodjoe@nolife.org
Closing in on 2000,
X (Extendo).
Still Standing Right Here...
Thursday, December 30, 1999
Wednesday, December 29, 1999
Finally Legal
Well, Britney Spears turned 18 on December 9th
and I figured I had at least a month to figure out how I was going to make my
move before she started dating royalty. Well, I saw her on E! with some dorky
looking guy and I just assumed it was some dude from 'N Sink or something.
Nope. He's the prince of England. I think I might have been able to woo her away
from a gay boy group popsicle, but the heir to any throne, especially England,
is tough. Maybe Senegal or the Ivory Coast, if they have one, but not England.
And the dude only gave me a two and a half week window. That's just not enough
time for a serf like myself. And Anna Kornikova has been going with that hockey
guy since she was like 13 anyway. Natalie Portman has been 18 for almost half a
year now, but she's from Isreal. That's almost like being royalty anyway. I
guess I'll just camp out on Kirsten Dunst's doorstep until April 30th. And
don't let the fact that she is on the cover of a movie with another hot chick
and the word "DICK" stamped across the middle of it give you the
wrong idea. But damn, what a good marketing technique.
Quote Of the Day 12/29/99
Mike: "I actually like that Genie In a Bottle song."
Me: "I like looking at Christina Aguilara."
Mike: "That's what I said. Weren't you listening?"
Well, in that case, I guess I "liked" the Married With Children series.
Genie in a can,
X.
Still Standing Right Here...
Quote Of the Day 12/29/99
Mike: "I actually like that Genie In a Bottle song."
Me: "I like looking at Christina Aguilara."
Mike: "That's what I said. Weren't you listening?"
Well, in that case, I guess I "liked" the Married With Children series.
Genie in a can,
X.
Still Standing Right Here...
Tuesday, December 28, 1999
Six 10+ Bug Movie Reviews
Just for fun and cause I'm in the mood, 6 random
10+ bug movies...
Sliding Doors - Gwyneth Paltrow plays a hot British chick in a Twilight Zone
type romance. How can I not give that one 10 bugs? Everyone does an excellent
acting job, and the one-liners sound scripted by some excellent actual
comedians. The film cuts back and forth between two realities, one in which she
makes a subway and gets home in time to find her boyfriend cheating on her, and
another in which she doesn't make it into the subway on time. I normally think
romances are too cheezy to merit a 10 bug rating, but this one throws in a
carefully placed pinch of something resembling science fiction and a creative
twist on what could have been an average, predictable ending. 10 1/2 bugs.
The Big Lebowski - Jeff Daniels and John Goodman play dead beat bowlers, who are the two best characters I've seen in a film probably ever. There are so many hilarious things about this movie, I don't want to start to go into them. But the film's merit can come from their dialogue and interaction alone. After you watch the movie 4 or 6 times, you start to notice it's actually a very cleverly written murder mystery in the shape of a comedy, which is rare. But you needn't follow the plot to enjoy this film. And Ann Jillian gets naked, in case you're into that. 10 bugs.
Forrest Gump - OK. We've all seen it. I wouldn't normally pick such a front-runner, but I loved this film. Robert Zemeckis did an excellent job directing this film, down to the wedding scene in which everyone was seated except one individual, Lt. Dan (who had no legs). I'll forgive him the 3-point line in the gym when Forrest was delivered his release papers. 10 bugs.
Outbreak - Dustin Hoffman and Cuba Gooding Jr play army men whose job it is to find viruses and kill them before they kill society. Well, one such virus arises and threatens to do that exact thing. Dustin, Cuba, Morgan Freeman, Donald Sutherland, Kevin Spacey, and Rene Russo do an excellent job of making the writer's characters very believable and their actions congruent with the excellently scripted plot. Lots of action, lots of thought-provoking drama, and a little bit of funny when needed. 10 bugs.
Back To the Future Series - Well, I couldn't go without mentioning this series. Now I never got into Star Wars and Indiana Jones comes pretty close, but I just love the whole concept that they got away with here. I think the first one is the movie that I've watched most in my lifetime, in case that ever comes up in conversation. When you watch the series enough, you begin to see how it starts to make fun of itself and just has fun. I know I mentioned Jeff Bridges and John Goodman earlier, but in retrospect, I don't think anyone will come close to Doc's character. The series isn't without its flaws (though I'll challenge anyone who thinks they've found a plot inconsistency), but I cannot give it less than a 10-bug rating because of the history I have with it. 10 bugs.
Beautiful Girls - I originally didn't want to watch this movie because it had a stupid title in my opinion. It still does, but now that I've seen it, I have a lot more to base my decision on. This film is probably closer to a documentary about my life than American Pie. A high school reunion brings a long lost friend back to the old neighborhood and the first thing they start talking about is chicks. This film addresses relationships like Parenthood addressed family matters. And all through it, the guys always remain inseparable friends. This also started my love affair with Natalie Portman, who plays an unusually mature 13-yr old who confuses Timothy Hutton in his current relationship. No comments, please. 10 bugs.
I was sitting around at Mike's a few nights ago, and during a card game, he decided to try to cut open a dented ping-pong ball with a serrated knife in his hands...
Quote Of the Day 12/28/99
"Somebody dial 9-1."
-Mikey
At least he was planning ahead for his stupidity. That's learning on some level.
Crushing ice,
Blender Man.
Still Standing Right Here...
The Big Lebowski - Jeff Daniels and John Goodman play dead beat bowlers, who are the two best characters I've seen in a film probably ever. There are so many hilarious things about this movie, I don't want to start to go into them. But the film's merit can come from their dialogue and interaction alone. After you watch the movie 4 or 6 times, you start to notice it's actually a very cleverly written murder mystery in the shape of a comedy, which is rare. But you needn't follow the plot to enjoy this film. And Ann Jillian gets naked, in case you're into that. 10 bugs.
Forrest Gump - OK. We've all seen it. I wouldn't normally pick such a front-runner, but I loved this film. Robert Zemeckis did an excellent job directing this film, down to the wedding scene in which everyone was seated except one individual, Lt. Dan (who had no legs). I'll forgive him the 3-point line in the gym when Forrest was delivered his release papers. 10 bugs.
Outbreak - Dustin Hoffman and Cuba Gooding Jr play army men whose job it is to find viruses and kill them before they kill society. Well, one such virus arises and threatens to do that exact thing. Dustin, Cuba, Morgan Freeman, Donald Sutherland, Kevin Spacey, and Rene Russo do an excellent job of making the writer's characters very believable and their actions congruent with the excellently scripted plot. Lots of action, lots of thought-provoking drama, and a little bit of funny when needed. 10 bugs.
Back To the Future Series - Well, I couldn't go without mentioning this series. Now I never got into Star Wars and Indiana Jones comes pretty close, but I just love the whole concept that they got away with here. I think the first one is the movie that I've watched most in my lifetime, in case that ever comes up in conversation. When you watch the series enough, you begin to see how it starts to make fun of itself and just has fun. I know I mentioned Jeff Bridges and John Goodman earlier, but in retrospect, I don't think anyone will come close to Doc's character. The series isn't without its flaws (though I'll challenge anyone who thinks they've found a plot inconsistency), but I cannot give it less than a 10-bug rating because of the history I have with it. 10 bugs.
Beautiful Girls - I originally didn't want to watch this movie because it had a stupid title in my opinion. It still does, but now that I've seen it, I have a lot more to base my decision on. This film is probably closer to a documentary about my life than American Pie. A high school reunion brings a long lost friend back to the old neighborhood and the first thing they start talking about is chicks. This film addresses relationships like Parenthood addressed family matters. And all through it, the guys always remain inseparable friends. This also started my love affair with Natalie Portman, who plays an unusually mature 13-yr old who confuses Timothy Hutton in his current relationship. No comments, please. 10 bugs.
I was sitting around at Mike's a few nights ago, and during a card game, he decided to try to cut open a dented ping-pong ball with a serrated knife in his hands...
Quote Of the Day 12/28/99
"Somebody dial 9-1."
-Mikey
At least he was planning ahead for his stupidity. That's learning on some level.
Crushing ice,
Blender Man.
Still Standing Right Here...
Monday, December 27, 1999
So Many Minutes
Well, I got that blender I wanted. My uncle gave
it to me on Sunday just to rub it in. So yes, I'm officially old. Again. My birthday
is coming up on Saturday. If anybody out there was thinking of getting me any
gifts, some jumper cables and a 2 pint sauce pan would be nice. Also, I wanted
to make sure Tony hadn't also gotten a blender because that would make mine
obsolete. He answered that by asking the question "How many times have you
seen me make a power shake?" Upon being prompted like that, I think the
answer is somewhere around 5, but the point was well made. Apparently we
already have one that I had just never been formally introduced to. Or should I
say we have one to which I had never been formally introduced? And it hides on
a shelf that isn't directly between the refrigerator and the microwave. But
mine has "ice crushing power" in case that ever comes in handy. I
also asked if he had an extra humidifier. His answer was actually yes. Remind
me to take inventory before I make next year's Christmas list. You don't have a
blowtorch too, do you?
Well, my aunt got a great discount on a prepaid calling card, so she got them for the entire family. My dad was the first to use his to prove that it works. He called back home form Atlantic City to let my mom know that he was going to be staying later than he had anticipated. He's a good kid, isn't he? Anyway, he talked for a bit, bullshitted about how he was doing and a hand of 5 card draw he should have won and then broke it off...
Quote Of the Day 12/27/99
"Well, I better go. I only have 7 hours and 55 minutes left on this thing."
-y2dad.
Asking for money again,
y2extendo.
Still Standing Right Here...
Well, my aunt got a great discount on a prepaid calling card, so she got them for the entire family. My dad was the first to use his to prove that it works. He called back home form Atlantic City to let my mom know that he was going to be staying later than he had anticipated. He's a good kid, isn't he? Anyway, he talked for a bit, bullshitted about how he was doing and a hand of 5 card draw he should have won and then broke it off...
Quote Of the Day 12/27/99
"Well, I better go. I only have 7 hours and 55 minutes left on this thing."
-y2dad.
Asking for money again,
y2extendo.
Still Standing Right Here...
Saturday, December 25, 1999
Merry Appropriate Holiday!
Well,
Merry Merry (fill in appropriate holiday) to all of you out there. I hope your
(appropriate holiday) was just as (fun/God-worshipping/ I didn't drop a piece
of ham on my blouse again (circle one)) as mine. I trust your family was just
as (excited to see you/fun to be around/thank God Uncle Louie didn't show up
drunk again) as mine and that they got you (exactly everything you wanted/more
stupid socks/the same CD they got you last year). I really enjoyed seeing my
family, but I think my favorite part of my break was seeing friends that (I
haven't seen since high school/I never liked in the first place/aren't getting
as good grades or as much money as me/all of the above). At any rate, I need to
go now, but I hope you had a happy (appropriate holiday) and I hope that y2k
doesn't (crash your PC/shut off your water supply/stop the rotational inertia
of
the earth).
the earth).
Also,
I think I'm officially old. You can dress it up with fancy words like
"maturing," but I'm old, one way or another. I used to ask for toys
for Christmas way back in the day. Eventually, I outgrew toys and just wanted
the money to figure out something to get on my own free will. I'd wager to say
that most of that money went toward film and food. Then I graduated from the
money and I wanted clothes. Something to look good in that didn't require my
inept sense of fashion to pick out. Also, if I had enough clothes to wear, I
couldn't really justify to myself to buy clothes, so I needed Christmas to
supply me for the entire year. Now I've gone passed even stuff as boring as
clothes to ask for miniature appliances. I asked for stuff like a humidifier
and blender. My 'rents supplied me with the humidifier. So now I'll be able to
breathe again at night. Sometimes you just gotta sacrifice excitement for
practicality.
My
sister got a blow torch. I'm not kidding.I was helping my sister wrap presents on Christmas Eve and I happened to glance at her roll of masking tape. It was seriously discolored from the normal yellowness of it. It looked like it had been there from back when I lived there 8 years ago. I looked at her like she was crazy for planning on wrapping anything using that stuff and commented on how old that stuff looked...
Quote Of the Day 12/25/99
"I don't think it's that old, I just think it's a special kind of masking tape. Like the kind that isn't supposed to stick to anything."
-Char (Littlesisaclaus)
I think they make that already. They call it paper.
Ho-Ho and Ding-Dong,
Coachaclaus.
Still Standing Right Here...
Friday, December 17, 1999
Review of Toy Story 2
Now
it might sound like I'm a bit biased here, but please put some things that you
know about me aside for the moment. Like the fact that I act like a kid so much
that I run a day camp in the summer and the fact that I like Pixar animation so
much that I grade all movies based on how they stand up to A Bug's Life. Also,
I was a film major and took several animation classes, but anybody can
appreciate how complex and tight this animation was. I guess I'll start with
how good the animation was. It's every bit just as good as anything you've ever
seen before, including the first Toy Story and A Bug's Life. There's a dog in
the film that moves just like a real dog and every camera pan looks genuine. I don't
know about the movement of toys as much, but I imagine that's what they would
look like.
But
even more impressive than the animation, which I had already assumed would be
awesome, was the story. It was hilarious! From the first shot to the last, I
was cracking up constantly. And I wasn't alone this time, so I had to really
muffle my laughter often. See, Pixar had already established itself as an
animation powerhouse, so they didn't need to defend themselves in that area,
and we had already been introduced to all the Toy Story characters, so we
didn't have to waste time on character development. Instead, the movie just
went straight into the plot, which was one of the most original and funniest
I've ever seen. It does a lot that most movies that don't involve the literal
"animation" of inanimate objects can't do. That fact automatically
gives this film an unfair
advantage in the "original plot" category. But they used it. And very well too.
If
you haven't seen Toy Story 2 yet, shame on you. You don't have to be
embarrassed about liking a G movie without the comfort of going with a child.
Most kids wouldn't get a lot of the subtle humor in it anyway. All said and
done, I am giving Toy Story 2 10 1/2 bugs. It's hard, in fact, impossible in
every way to compare it to Sixth Sense, so I'm not going to. And get there on
time because in addition to the 5 regular previews and the dancing popcorn film
they show you, they give you a 5 minute sneak preview of their next venture,
Dinosaur, which looks incredible. And they show you they're first ever film,
which is a 5 minute flick involving a bouncing lamp. But after the actual
movie, they're done, so remember to go home.advantage in the "original plot" category. But they used it. And very well too.
This quote has nothing to do with Toy Story. Drew was complaining to me about how he had been up all last night because he spent the entire night at Julie's watching 5 movies. I called him an idiot many ways over for about 10 minutes before he even got a word in edgewise. I asked him if he just wasn't able to get home or if he did this by choice. He replied that Julie said she could take him back and Amanda said she would have also given him a ride later on too...
Quote Of the Day 12/17/99
"...Well, then Bart said he could drive me home... Or, I mean Lauren said Bart could drive me home..."
-Drew, the Un-Athlete
Well, I guess we know who drives the car in that relationship.
Dreaming of a clear Christmas,
Bing Santacrosby.
Still Standing Right Here...
Thursday, December 16, 1999
Christmas Gifts and Jersey Walls
So here's my new method of attack for buying
Christmas gifts for everybody. I figure anything they need, they already have
or should get anyway. And everything they want, they could probably buy for
themselves with the money they get for Christmas. So I'm getting everybody
things they don't want for Christmas. That not only guarantees that they most likely
don't have it already, but it also just about ensures that they won't know what
it is until they open it. Sure you won't get that look of excitement in
somebody who just got what they wanted, but you have to cut your losses
sometimes. If you do choose to do this, I've found out that it's a smart idea
to keep most all receipts and have them handy. And you needn't necessarily take
this strategy into account when shopping for me. Good luck troops. I have faith
in you.
About 3 weeks ago, Mike and I drove down to Atlantic City to see a Tim McGraw concert. The concert was lots of fun, but the commute was half the fun, as that stupid saying goes. Anyway, we found ourselves driving over a bridge in New Jersey with, coincidentally enough, Jersey walls on each side. They must have been doing construction of some sort. What this caused for us was a 2 minute period of time when Mike was driving over a bridge with big scary concrete walls less than 2 feet from either side of the car. At first it was a little scary for us, but Mike loosened up and commented...
Quote Of the Day 12/16/99
"Actually, this is kinda fun... Fun in that I hope I don't sneeze sorta way."
-Jersey Wall Mikey
This comment had me break out in hysterical laughter, which made him break out in hysterical laughter, which brought on another fun and scary few moments.
Going home for Christmas,
Extendaclaus.
Still Standing Right Here...
About 3 weeks ago, Mike and I drove down to Atlantic City to see a Tim McGraw concert. The concert was lots of fun, but the commute was half the fun, as that stupid saying goes. Anyway, we found ourselves driving over a bridge in New Jersey with, coincidentally enough, Jersey walls on each side. They must have been doing construction of some sort. What this caused for us was a 2 minute period of time when Mike was driving over a bridge with big scary concrete walls less than 2 feet from either side of the car. At first it was a little scary for us, but Mike loosened up and commented...
Quote Of the Day 12/16/99
"Actually, this is kinda fun... Fun in that I hope I don't sneeze sorta way."
-Jersey Wall Mikey
This comment had me break out in hysterical laughter, which made him break out in hysterical laughter, which brought on another fun and scary few moments.
Going home for Christmas,
Extendaclaus.
Still Standing Right Here...
Tuesday, December 14, 1999
Our Ignorant Utopia of Comedy
You know, sometimes I just sit down at this
computer, obligated to try to entertain all of you with a little humor, and I
can't think of a damn thing, funny or otherwise. And I start to worry. "Oh
my God! They've found me out! I'm a phony." It was about time. Probably
long overdue. I've been faking humor all these years and getting extremely lucky.
I'm sure a few of you have caught onto this by now, and I appreciate your
silence. Of course any voice of opposition risks exposing himself or herself
too. So if everyone wants to just keep on living pretending I didn't bring any
of this up, we can all go back to living in our ignorant utopia of comedy.
Thank you.
I was talking to Mike on the phone the other night and he was complaining about having to leave his Christmas party early because he has a final the following morning at 8:00 or some crap like that, to which I replied...
Quote Of the Day 12/14/99
Me: "I'm lucky. I have the luxury of not having any credits."
Mikey: "Yeah, well I only have one job."
Touche, Oh Mediocre One.
Working too hard (or at least too much),
Screaming Cricket.
Still Standing Right Here...
I was talking to Mike on the phone the other night and he was complaining about having to leave his Christmas party early because he has a final the following morning at 8:00 or some crap like that, to which I replied...
Quote Of the Day 12/14/99
Me: "I'm lucky. I have the luxury of not having any credits."
Mikey: "Yeah, well I only have one job."
Touche, Oh Mediocre One.
Working too hard (or at least too much),
Screaming Cricket.
Still Standing Right Here...
Monday, December 13, 1999
The Milkman's Sister
I got more car-related stuff for you. First off,
my car wouldn't start when I got out of work the other night. But that's not a
very exciting story. A friend drove me to the gas station to get gas and I put it
in my car and it worked. Point of note - I spilled gas all over my hands and
shoes. Onto the next story. I got pulled over again. Only this time, I had no
idea what it was for. I wasn't doing anything wrong at all. Except for the high
beam thing which I no longer consider an offense because I've gotten used to
it. So that's why I figured he was pulling me over. Nope. He just thought I was
driving a stolen vehicle. If I went into detail it would bore you, but trust
me, I didn't steal it. If I stole a car, I'd make sure it was one that started
without a jump. Or gas.
Overheard at a volleyball tournament...
Quote Of the Day 12/13/99
Clint: "Hey Milkman, is that your sister over there?"
Milky: "She's 16. If you ask another question, I'll rip your dick off!"
As coach, I thought it best not to ask if he had any less young sisters.
Off and running,
Extendo.
Still Standing Right Here...
Overheard at a volleyball tournament...
Quote Of the Day 12/13/99
Clint: "Hey Milkman, is that your sister over there?"
Milky: "She's 16. If you ask another question, I'll rip your dick off!"
As coach, I thought it best not to ask if he had any less young sisters.
Off and running,
Extendo.
Still Standing Right Here...
Friday, December 3, 1999
Review of The World Is Not Enough
I
was driving home last night after work at 10:00 and I was in the mood to see a
movie. I wasn't currently with anyone and nobody I know lives on 175 between
Fridays and the Snowden River Shopping Center. So rather than cower in fear of
being seen alone, I figured "what the hell?"
I watched a movie in a public movie theater by myself. And by myself is exactly what I was. I was literally the only person in the theater. I figured somebody would walk in by the time the credits were over, but I sat alone. It was very serene in a way. I didn't feel the need to hold back when I wanted to laugh hard and had there been a real sad part in The World Is Not Enough, I might have felt uninhibited enough to let go. But there wasn't. I think the coolest part was when the manager came out to ask me if I wanted to leave and get a refund. No, I'm fine. But thanks for asking. Actually, he was probably losing money by projecting the film. Oh well. The projector switcher missed his mark by like 6 seconds and some guy came up to me asking if I minded if he started sweeping up yet. OK. Now I'm just making shit up.
I watched a movie in a public movie theater by myself. And by myself is exactly what I was. I was literally the only person in the theater. I figured somebody would walk in by the time the credits were over, but I sat alone. It was very serene in a way. I didn't feel the need to hold back when I wanted to laugh hard and had there been a real sad part in The World Is Not Enough, I might have felt uninhibited enough to let go. But there wasn't. I think the coolest part was when the manager came out to ask me if I wanted to leave and get a refund. No, I'm fine. But thanks for asking. Actually, he was probably losing money by projecting the film. Oh well. The projector switcher missed his mark by like 6 seconds and some guy came up to me asking if I minded if he started sweeping up yet. OK. Now I'm just making shit up.
Well, I saw The World Is Not Enough, the newest of the James Bond series. Mind you, I am not a huge Bond fan and I'm not a huge Bond hater. I'm actually not very huge at all. So I'll apologize to all Bond fanatics, if there are any, for my ignorance. It seems that all Bond reviews start with a critique of the Bond's performance as compared to Sean Connery's. Well, having seen at least one Bond film with Connery, Moore, and Dalton (I missed the George Lazenby's "On Her Majesty's Secret Service," but I hear there's a reason he only did one), I can say that I think Pierce Brosnan is an excellent choice for Bond and if he isn't better than Connery, he comes in a close second. He's young, good looking, can talk with a British accent pretty convincingly, and doesn't have any visible body piercings. No pun intended. He was very subtle, he let the action and the lines do the work. And Denise Richards is the perfect Bond girl. That's precisely what they are supposed to be about. Just a tight little body to strut around and tag along for one film in a 20 film series and give Bond somebody to play with when it's all over. Being as though I was completely alone, I actually tried to follow the plotline. I understood it and it made sense. And the action sequences were as creative and thrilling as usual. All in all, I liked it and I'd definitely go see it again. 8 1/2 bugs.
I was in a car coming back from Baja last night with 4 people I didn't know. Well, the conversation somehow got turned to how the guy lost his virginity to his babysitter back in the day. Something was brought up about how his parents were paying money for her to come over and... to which he said jokingly "Babysitter, prostitute, same thing." Well, one girl in the back seat got very defensive all of a sudden...
Quote Of the Day 12/3/99
"Hey! We are NOT the same as babysitters!"
-Some girl named Crystal
Who the hell names their kid Pierce?
Shaken, but not stirred,
Agent 00Whistlehead.
Still Standing Right Here...
Thursday, December 2, 1999
Millenniums and Cat Sharks
You know with all this hype about Y2K
approaching, we overlooked another historic date. 11/19/1999. This was the last
all odd date of our lifetime. And I don't know of anyone who celebrated it.
I'll bet you all wish you had that day back. But in happier news, the first all
even date of our lifetime is coming up shortly (2/2/2000). So I want to see
some celebrating, no matter what Puxatawny Phil predicts about the following 6 weeks.
And another thing, I guess I should bring it up now to prepare you for it, but
do you all realize that the "new millennium" doesn't start until Jan
1, 2001? We're not there yet. We still have another year to go. And I've heard
no one publicly address this issue. Of course, I don't really watch too much
news outside of Sportscenter. But anyway, I can't imagine that the entirety of
the advertising world has overlooked this, so I have another theory. I think
they are all preying upon our stupidity as a general mass of plebeians for
their own positive gain. And then, when the year 2000 actually hits, they're
all gonna jump out and go "Just kidding!" And then they're going to
run the same campaign as "the [whatever product] of the actual new millennium."
And they are going to say, hey remember how much fun you had last year when you
thought it was the end of a millennium and the beginning of a new one? Well, we
can all do it again next year! And plebeians love to party, so they'll probably
all just overlook the facts if they really do know them, and party like it's
1999 twice. Sounds great in theory, but I'm smarter than that. I'm only
partying like its 1999 once. And that's going to be next year. I'll show them.
We don't have a cat anymore. We have a shark. You can sometimes just see a tail walking behind the coffee table, and then it disappears. You look around for 20 seconds. Nothing. Then when you aren't paying attention anymore, this jaw lunges at you and doesn't let go. It attacks teeth first. In fact, that's how it greats people nowadays. And it loves tuna. And it has a fin. One day, I came back from work and the cat was in what I call "piranha mode" where it just runs around the apartment for no reason with no purpose for 45 minutes at a time. I tried to pet it and almost bid my right hand goodbye. I asked Jason what was up and he said that she was pissed at him. I then inquired as to what he did that would piss off a cat...
Quote Of the Day 12/2/99
"She's mad because I wouldn't let her watch me shower."
-Flynndows 2000.
I hear Russ' sister is the same way.
The coach of the new millennium,
Extendinator MM.
Still Standing Right Here...
We don't have a cat anymore. We have a shark. You can sometimes just see a tail walking behind the coffee table, and then it disappears. You look around for 20 seconds. Nothing. Then when you aren't paying attention anymore, this jaw lunges at you and doesn't let go. It attacks teeth first. In fact, that's how it greats people nowadays. And it loves tuna. And it has a fin. One day, I came back from work and the cat was in what I call "piranha mode" where it just runs around the apartment for no reason with no purpose for 45 minutes at a time. I tried to pet it and almost bid my right hand goodbye. I asked Jason what was up and he said that she was pissed at him. I then inquired as to what he did that would piss off a cat...
Quote Of the Day 12/2/99
"She's mad because I wouldn't let her watch me shower."
-Flynndows 2000.
I hear Russ' sister is the same way.
The coach of the new millennium,
Extendinator MM.
Still Standing Right Here...
Tuesday, November 30, 1999
Shrinkage
You know what? I type too much.
Quote Of the Day 11/30/99
"(After almost getting kicked in the nuts) That was close! Good thing it's cold out here."
-Drewy D.
Still Standing Right Here...
Quote Of the Day 11/30/99
"(After almost getting kicked in the nuts) That was close! Good thing it's cold out here."
-Drewy D.
Still Standing Right Here...
Monday, November 29, 1999
Padiddles and Middle Hitters
Well, everybody on 175 and 95 the past few weeks
have been playing padiddle with my car. For about 3 weeks, I've been driving
with only one headlight (but with Three Marlenas). And I'm pretty sure it
pointed straight down. And it was on the left side of the car, so if I wanted
to read any sort of sign at all, I had to blind whoever happened to be in front
of me with my brights. But now that problem is over. The other headlight went
out. What the hell is that? What are the odds of both headlights going out less
than 4 weeks apart from each other? Then I started to think about it. I'm just
gonna guess that they were both put in at about the same time. And they were
probably both the same kind and when one is on, the other is always on too. So
I guess the answer to the question is pretty high. So now I have to drive with
my brights on all the time. I imagine that gets really annoying to people. But
the problem is that people coming at me can easily flash their brights or honk
their horn or express their discontent in other ways. But people in front of me
just have to keep driving along while being blinded by my lights, wrapped up
like a deuce, another roamer in the night. Or they could slam on the breaks and
let me rear end them. But it's either that, or drive without lights, which is
probably much more dangerous. But they don't know that. So they just think I'm
a dick. Oh well. I just hope these lights weren't put in at the same time as
the regular headlights.
To continue my New Jersey cop story, the cop eventually let me off after frisking my middle hitter, as I already told you about. Lauren was jealous that they didn't frisk her. I guess he's just not into that. Anyway, he saw that I was lost and helped me by leading me back to the hotel along the back roads, which would have taken me hours and at least 5 more illegal turns, I'm sure. And I realized that he hadn't yet seen that I didn't have one of my headlights. So I turned on my brights, hoping he wouldn't know that they were my brights and knowing he didn't know I only had one headlight. Well, after I got back to the hotel safely, he turned around, rolled his window down, and said on the way out "Don't drive with your brights on son, and get that headlight fixed as soon as possible." Damn he's good. So anyway, I was telling this story to Geoff and Stryker and they wanted to know which "middle hitter" the guy frisked. I told them it was Andy, and they got this look on their face that I could tell was the equivalent of "who dat?" So I told Stryker it was actually my back-up middle hitter...
Quote Of the Day 11/29/99
"What is that? A strap-on?"
-Strike Force
I don't think I'll ever be able to call a back slide or a 2-ball without laughing.
Sticking to bowling,
Coach.
Still Standing Right Here...
To continue my New Jersey cop story, the cop eventually let me off after frisking my middle hitter, as I already told you about. Lauren was jealous that they didn't frisk her. I guess he's just not into that. Anyway, he saw that I was lost and helped me by leading me back to the hotel along the back roads, which would have taken me hours and at least 5 more illegal turns, I'm sure. And I realized that he hadn't yet seen that I didn't have one of my headlights. So I turned on my brights, hoping he wouldn't know that they were my brights and knowing he didn't know I only had one headlight. Well, after I got back to the hotel safely, he turned around, rolled his window down, and said on the way out "Don't drive with your brights on son, and get that headlight fixed as soon as possible." Damn he's good. So anyway, I was telling this story to Geoff and Stryker and they wanted to know which "middle hitter" the guy frisked. I told them it was Andy, and they got this look on their face that I could tell was the equivalent of "who dat?" So I told Stryker it was actually my back-up middle hitter...
Quote Of the Day 11/29/99
"What is that? A strap-on?"
-Strike Force
I don't think I'll ever be able to call a back slide or a 2-ball without laughing.
Sticking to bowling,
Coach.
Still Standing Right Here...
Friday, November 19, 1999
Review of Being John Malkovich
I just noticed that I haven't yet mentioned that I got pulled over by the cops in New Jersey while coming back from the movies with half the volleyball team in my car. I would like to take this opportunity to once again voice my discontent for New Jersey roads, applying to both the individual roads themselves, and the road system as a whole. Very specific conditions have to be met for you to be able to make a left turn in this state. There have to pretty much be no cops around. There, that's pretty specific. I'll explain more later, but I really want to be done typing soon. Anyway, he pulled me over and I had to get out of the car to answer a few questions and then he decided he was going to let me go after he searched the vehicle. This apparently involved him frisking my middle hitter. I was telling this story to Geoff and Stryker and Geoff chimed in right at about this point...
Quote of the Day 11/19/99
"He frisked your middle hitter? Is that some sort of euphemism for your dick?"
-Mr. Geoff
I'm just glad he didn't try anything with my defensive specialist.
Bonding with my team,
Coach.
Still Standing Right Here...
Thursday, November 18, 1999
Bidets and Canibalism
Well, one of the up sides of having the new
Retriever Activities Center built around me is that they have those new motion
sensor bathrooms. Like everything in them runs on motion sensors. The urinals, the
toilets, the sinks, the diaper changing machines, everything. I think my
favorite thing to do is to wave my arms while I'm taking a whiz and watch the
other urinals struggle to flush fast enough. Sometimes I have races with them.
But not often. And usually when nobody else is in there. The one annoying thing
about all this new technology in the RAC is that when I'm taking a dump and
lean up to far, the damn thing flushes prematurely, serving as a bidet. Up
until then, I had never really appreciated the purpose of a bidet, but I have
to tell you that sometimes when I'm in another bathroom, I miss my bidet.
Especially when I need to... I think I'm going to stop that sentence there.
Anyway, my point is that a bidet can be practical sometimes. So maybe not all
weird things French people do with their ass is bad.
After a long day of playing 4 volleyball matches on Saturday, the team took a trip to the Olive Garden for a nice team bonding dinner. We were all starving and we didn't see food until about 45 minutes after we sat down. This turned out to be a problem. Clint and I were both famished and couldn't think of anything else. He suggested that we start drawing straws to see who we were going to kill and eat like in that movie Alive. That's not exactly what they did in Alive, but that's not the point. Anyway, we started picking out potential people to eat. We couldn't eat Milky because we needed him for the games on Sunday, and Drew was just too skinny for our hunger. He suggested Driz...
Quote Of the Day 11/18/99
Me: "I don't know. Is it really safe to eat Driz?"
Clint: "Sure... I mean, we eat cows."
And man, after that meal, I would have killed for some of those desserts.
The last course,
Coach.
Still Standing Right Here...
After a long day of playing 4 volleyball matches on Saturday, the team took a trip to the Olive Garden for a nice team bonding dinner. We were all starving and we didn't see food until about 45 minutes after we sat down. This turned out to be a problem. Clint and I were both famished and couldn't think of anything else. He suggested that we start drawing straws to see who we were going to kill and eat like in that movie Alive. That's not exactly what they did in Alive, but that's not the point. Anyway, we started picking out potential people to eat. We couldn't eat Milky because we needed him for the games on Sunday, and Drew was just too skinny for our hunger. He suggested Driz...
Quote Of the Day 11/18/99
Me: "I don't know. Is it really safe to eat Driz?"
Clint: "Sure... I mean, we eat cows."
And man, after that meal, I would have killed for some of those desserts.
The last course,
Coach.
Still Standing Right Here...
Tuesday, November 16, 1999
Rating my Current Jobs
Intramural
Coordinator - This is my main job and the reason I have the
other 9 jobs I have. It's awesome most of the time. For the most part, they pay
me to play intramurals, which makes me a professional flag football
quarterback. But other times, the days just seem so damn long for my salary. I
don't think they pay me enough. Tony thinks I work too hard. He's right. A+
Volleyball Coach - The only thing that sucks about this job is that I have to stand around in khakis and a collared shirt and watch other people play it. Otherwise, it's awesome. And if I meet a chick at a club or whatever, it's easier to understand "volleyball coach" than to describe my real job. And it sounds cooler than "bank examiner." A+
Bowling Professor - I'm teaching this class in this coming winter session, so I can't describe it yet, but I like going into bowling alleys now and acting cocky. I run down the lane to fix a pin. "It's OK. I'm a bowling teacher." And it pays much more than it should. A
Lifetime Fitness Professor - I should have never been teaching that class. I know more about quantum physics than I do about lifetime fitness. OK, I'm bluffing, but you get the point. It was a pain in the ass at times, but I got through it and convinced most everybody that I knew what I was doing. And I got a couple dates with a sexy redhead out of it too. ;) A-
Varsity Volleyball Announcer/DJ - This job is fun and relatively painless except when I had to announce American's starting team. Of the six players, I think there were 7 total vowels in their first and last names combined. And there were at least that many z's. A
Soccer Scoreboard Operator - Unless it's cold out, I just watch the soccer game and get paid for it. They make soccer really easy on people in my position. I have to stop the 45 minute clock maybe 3 times a half if that. And if the game is on the turf, which most of them were, I just have to keep track of the goals scored. And most of the games end 3-1 or so. Real easy, real painless. The pay is pretty painless too. A
Basketball Shot Clock Operator - This job has a relatively high responsibility factor. But the fact that it is very easy lightened the load. And I get paid much more than I should when I'd probably be there anyway. A+
Basketball DJ - I like having this job because I get to control what the crowd hears, which is a good amount of power. But the sound system sucks and I often get heckled once the people sitting behind me realize I'm the one in charge of playing the Jackson 5. This is the one job I'd do without if I didn't mind dicking over my colleagues. And if I was willing to relinquish that power to someone who didn't like 70's disco. B+
Ice Hockey Announcer/DJ - I have mixed emotions about this one. First off, it's cold. Secondly, I'm supposed to play something every time the whistle blows, which happens a lot. I play about an average of a song a minute real time, which translates to a total of about 80 or so songs. And I don't know anything about hockey which doesn't help, but they pay me good anyway. I don't get it either. A-
Day Camp Director - I'll be in charge of up to 200 6-12 year olds. God save us all. Also a good thing to tell selective chicks I'm trying to pick up. A
Ravens Boy - I set up inflatable pepsi cans and assorted football related games outside Ravens Stadium before games. It's a fun way to spend the day and I get to see the game for free when I'm done. And I think I'm that much closer to being the starting quarterback. A-
And in case any of you remember the Buffalo comeback in the last minute of the game a few weeks back...
Quote Of the Day 11/16/99
"And once again, the Ravens stole defeat from the jaws of victory."
-Andy (Ref Guy)
The same applies for my Philadelphia fans on most Sundays.
Nevermore,
Squawking Cricket.
Still Standing Right Here...
Volleyball Coach - The only thing that sucks about this job is that I have to stand around in khakis and a collared shirt and watch other people play it. Otherwise, it's awesome. And if I meet a chick at a club or whatever, it's easier to understand "volleyball coach" than to describe my real job. And it sounds cooler than "bank examiner." A+
Bowling Professor - I'm teaching this class in this coming winter session, so I can't describe it yet, but I like going into bowling alleys now and acting cocky. I run down the lane to fix a pin. "It's OK. I'm a bowling teacher." And it pays much more than it should. A
Lifetime Fitness Professor - I should have never been teaching that class. I know more about quantum physics than I do about lifetime fitness. OK, I'm bluffing, but you get the point. It was a pain in the ass at times, but I got through it and convinced most everybody that I knew what I was doing. And I got a couple dates with a sexy redhead out of it too. ;) A-
Varsity Volleyball Announcer/DJ - This job is fun and relatively painless except when I had to announce American's starting team. Of the six players, I think there were 7 total vowels in their first and last names combined. And there were at least that many z's. A
Soccer Scoreboard Operator - Unless it's cold out, I just watch the soccer game and get paid for it. They make soccer really easy on people in my position. I have to stop the 45 minute clock maybe 3 times a half if that. And if the game is on the turf, which most of them were, I just have to keep track of the goals scored. And most of the games end 3-1 or so. Real easy, real painless. The pay is pretty painless too. A
Basketball Shot Clock Operator - This job has a relatively high responsibility factor. But the fact that it is very easy lightened the load. And I get paid much more than I should when I'd probably be there anyway. A+
Basketball DJ - I like having this job because I get to control what the crowd hears, which is a good amount of power. But the sound system sucks and I often get heckled once the people sitting behind me realize I'm the one in charge of playing the Jackson 5. This is the one job I'd do without if I didn't mind dicking over my colleagues. And if I was willing to relinquish that power to someone who didn't like 70's disco. B+
Ice Hockey Announcer/DJ - I have mixed emotions about this one. First off, it's cold. Secondly, I'm supposed to play something every time the whistle blows, which happens a lot. I play about an average of a song a minute real time, which translates to a total of about 80 or so songs. And I don't know anything about hockey which doesn't help, but they pay me good anyway. I don't get it either. A-
Day Camp Director - I'll be in charge of up to 200 6-12 year olds. God save us all. Also a good thing to tell selective chicks I'm trying to pick up. A
Ravens Boy - I set up inflatable pepsi cans and assorted football related games outside Ravens Stadium before games. It's a fun way to spend the day and I get to see the game for free when I'm done. And I think I'm that much closer to being the starting quarterback. A-
And in case any of you remember the Buffalo comeback in the last minute of the game a few weeks back...
Quote Of the Day 11/16/99
"And once again, the Ravens stole defeat from the jaws of victory."
-Andy (Ref Guy)
The same applies for my Philadelphia fans on most Sundays.
Nevermore,
Squawking Cricket.
Still Standing Right Here...
Monday, November 15, 1999
Warts and Lies of Omission
Well, I think I can sum up my general state of
being after the last few weeks in two words... worn out. I'm always exhausted
and I'm still never done what I want to get done in the day. It seems the more life
goes on, the further behind I fall. At the pace I'm going, it'll take me at
least a few years to catch up to where I want to be now, and by then I'll be 3
more years behind where I am now. And that's if I don't sleep. So I've decided
to take action. I've decided on a few things. First of all, sleep is important.
And the occasional nap between the middle lane of 95 and the rumble strip just
isn't enough rest for one day. Secondly, the amount of work I want to do
exceeds by far the amount of hours I can set aside in the average day for that
work. So I've taken the road of many people in my situation. I've decided after
careful consideration to lower my standards. That autobiography can wait
another millennium or so, and video collage of all of the Fourth Series Columbo episodes
doesn't seem all that important. Other things may also have to take a backseat,
such as remembering birthdays and getting everybody different Christmas
presents this year. See, the quote of the day falls unfortunately somewhere in
the middle between reorganizing my t-shirts chronologically and showering, so
there's no telling when you're actually going to get one. Kind of like a wart.
But not that much like a wart. I hope. Anyway, you can pretty much bank on the
fact that if you get a quote of the day, it means I had enough time, and if you
don't, I didn't. That's a pretty damn easy formula if you follow it correctly.
I'm trying to make it as easy as possible for you. So please don't call me late
at night and ask if I'm going to do one. But I'm doing one now, so prepare yourself
by doing whatever it is you do when you read these. I imagine it's not as
habitualistic or time consuming as what I go through when I write them.
My parents came down a few weeks ago to watch the Buffalo Bills (my favorite team) play the Ravens. It was kinda cool using my connections for once to benefit my parents. It's like I'm starting to pay them back for all they did for me when I was a kid. I don't think they were too crazy about selling peanuts and beer the whole time, but they got to see a really good game anyway. By the way, in case you haven't been following along, there's a rumor going around Baltimore that the Ravens suck. After the Kansas City Thursday night trouncing the week before this Buffalo matchup, the coach decided to bench Stoney Case, the second quarterback they tried starting this year. So now they went with Tony Banks, the third string quarterback, to see if he could get something going against the Bills. Well, he really couldn't. Anyway, my parents and I were walking back to the car and they thanked me for inviting them down and my dad said that everybody was impressed when he told them that I worked for the Ravens and I could get them into the stadium for free...
Quote Of the day 11/15/99
"Yeah, that's all I tell them. They all think you're like a scout or their backup quarterback or something."
-Mr. Whistlehead, Sr.
Actually, I'm holding out for a job as Washington's defensive coordinator.
Miles to go before I sleep,
Miles to go before I sleep,
Frosting Cricket.
Still Standing Right Here...
My parents came down a few weeks ago to watch the Buffalo Bills (my favorite team) play the Ravens. It was kinda cool using my connections for once to benefit my parents. It's like I'm starting to pay them back for all they did for me when I was a kid. I don't think they were too crazy about selling peanuts and beer the whole time, but they got to see a really good game anyway. By the way, in case you haven't been following along, there's a rumor going around Baltimore that the Ravens suck. After the Kansas City Thursday night trouncing the week before this Buffalo matchup, the coach decided to bench Stoney Case, the second quarterback they tried starting this year. So now they went with Tony Banks, the third string quarterback, to see if he could get something going against the Bills. Well, he really couldn't. Anyway, my parents and I were walking back to the car and they thanked me for inviting them down and my dad said that everybody was impressed when he told them that I worked for the Ravens and I could get them into the stadium for free...
Quote Of the day 11/15/99
"Yeah, that's all I tell them. They all think you're like a scout or their backup quarterback or something."
-Mr. Whistlehead, Sr.
Actually, I'm holding out for a job as Washington's defensive coordinator.
Miles to go before I sleep,
Miles to go before I sleep,
Frosting Cricket.
Still Standing Right Here...
Thursday, November 11, 1999
Bisexual Baller
As with every time I disappear suddenly from my
duties as Quorax, I feel an explanation of my absence is in order. It's
actually twofold. Well, it's more than just twofold. It's like the kind of fold
that a road map is. Eventually you just fold it in half, but it takes a lot of
time and effort and folding just to get it to that point. And the odds that you
did it wrong are well over 50%. What the hell am I talking about? Anyway, I've
been doing several things that fall under two main categories, work and play.
Since we last met, I got another couple jobs, the major one doing the shot
clock for our varsity basketball games. It's not exciting, but it's low maintenance.
Like peanut butter and jelly. And our volleyball season started up, so I'll be
away at tournaments for 3 weekends in a row starting last weekend. That's more
like a chicken ceaser salad. But moreso than work are these two new computer
games I discovered. One is called Mind Aerobics and it's a bunch of logic
puzzles that they change everyday. Maybe a tuna melt. The other is called Get the
Picture. What it does is it puts you in a room with up to 10 other people and
gives you a picture and gives you 45 seconds to think of a funny or topical
caption to it, whatever it may be. After that, you all vote for whichever one
besides your own you think is the funniest. You get points for how many people
voted for yours and it's just really funny, trust me. If you really don't need
to graduate or accomplish anything important anytime soon, I recommend
downloading it from bezerk.com. In fact, I'm gonna go play it now again. I'll
see you guys next week when our volleyball team gets back from Princeton.
Quote Of the Day 11/11/99
"I'm bisexual. I like women AND lesbians."
- Opposite Drew
I guess that makes me ambidexterous too.
For Love and Money,
Coach.
Still Standing Right Here...
Quote Of the Day 11/11/99
"I'm bisexual. I like women AND lesbians."
- Opposite Drew
I guess that makes me ambidexterous too.
For Love and Money,
Coach.
Still Standing Right Here...
Thursday, October 21, 1999
Spam and the Complicated Shoes
Well, it's Sunday, which means I've finally
gotten around to last Thursday's quote. And it's gonna be good. Really funny.
One of your favorite QOTD personalities. But first, I must speak out about this
weekend's events. First of all, I was unaware of the going on with the spam and
such because my address was taken off TButz1212's initial list. I would also
like to say that I don't even know who TButz is. His address is not on my quote
list, so it could be anybody. I'm going to assume that it's somebody who didn't
know any better as opposed to somebody who developed an anonymous name to try
to infiltrate my list. I figure that it's somebody who has an AOL address also
and just copied the addresses over from their umbc or whatever account, which
is why mine wasn't on there. And a mistake like that could cost you $268, you
know. Which brings me to another point. You aren't getting any money. I'll be
the bearer of bad news. Microsoft will not track that e-mail. And the e-mail
doesn't even say anything. It doesn't tell you to use Internet Explorer or Win
98 or anything. But hey, if I thought I'd get $231 for every person I sent that
e-mail to, I guess I'd have done the same thing. It's worth mildly pissing off
150 or so people to get $256,903. But it's not going to happen. If you get that
check, feel free to e-mail me and tell me I'm a dumb asshole if you so choose.
But until then, my suggestion to you would be to create 10 other e-mail
addresses and just perpetually e-mail that message back and forth to yourself
and hope they don't catch on. But they're probably smarter than that. And
before I do the quote, I have one last thing. I think the reason I was most
annoyed by the last messages is due to my new philosophy of the internet. See,
I got me 100 gigabytes of ram. I never feed trolls and I don't read spam.
Installed a 2-1 line in my house. I'm always at my PC double clickin on my
mizz-ouse. Upgrade my system at least twice a day. I'm strictly plug and play,
I ain't afraid of Y2K. I'm down with Bill Gates, I call him money for short. I
phone him up at home and I make him do my tech support. It's all about the
pentiums...
Anyway, I was walking with Tony, my roomie, and I took notice of his sneakers. They were new and really funky looking. Like the design went all over the shoe, appeared to leave the actual shoe, and come back on the other one unscathed. While he walked and everything. Anyway, I told him that his shoes looked new... and complicated...
Quote Of the Day 10/21/99
"Not really. They still use laces. There's no password or anything."
-Tone-Def
I'm gonna go spam his shoes while he sleeps tonight.
Wastin time with all the chat room yackers,
The Extendinator.
Still Standing Right Here...
Anyway, I was walking with Tony, my roomie, and I took notice of his sneakers. They were new and really funky looking. Like the design went all over the shoe, appeared to leave the actual shoe, and come back on the other one unscathed. While he walked and everything. Anyway, I told him that his shoes looked new... and complicated...
Quote Of the Day 10/21/99
"Not really. They still use laces. There's no password or anything."
-Tone-Def
I'm gonna go spam his shoes while he sleeps tonight.
Wastin time with all the chat room yackers,
The Extendinator.
Still Standing Right Here...
Tuesday, October 19, 1999
Rating Band Names of the 90s
Band Names of the 90s
Smash Mouth - Maybe I've become desensitized to it because I've heard the name so much now and all I think about is their good throwback to the 70s style of music, but the two words "Smash" and "Mouth" when put back to back portray a very violent image and make me cringe if I think about it too long. Think about it... Smash Mouth! Hurts, doesn't it? Too much unnecessary violence for a nice, white collar straight rock band. C
Cherry Poppin Daddies - I gotta give props to anybody willing to go out there and say "Hey, we're in it for the sex." I don't know what else "Cherry Poppin" could refer to, but I doubt that we'd even let that name slide by in our intramural floor hockey league. A-
Toad the Wet Sprocket - This is a decision they openly regret. They needed a name and they had just seen a Monty Python name by the same name and thought, "hey, that's awesome." So it's partly a tribute to fine British comedy, and partly a marijuana-induced mistake. It also takes too long to say. C-
Backstreet Boys - They hit every nail on the head here. First of all, "Backstreet" is more general and unthreatening than "Inner City" and can therefore appeal to the suburban crowd too. Secondly, "Boys" is cuter and more harmonious as a word alone than "Men." Also, they appeal more to the boys than the men of the suburban/urban world. And when you couple the words together, you get this fun alliteration indicative of their style of music. "Backstreet Boys." See. A+
Puff Daddy - This gangsta rapper, Sean Combs, got his nickname "Puffy" while playing football at Howard U. He was the skinniest kid on the football team and would puff his chest out to look bigger. He named himself Puff Daddy as a tribute to his son. Kinda gives the guy a different image, doesn't it? A
Sixpense None the Richer - Takes even longer to say than Toad the Wet Sprocket. And it sounds like they're trying too hard to be cool. D
Stryker, Geoff, and I went to Subway the other day for lunch and when prompted by the lady behind the counter asking what type of cheese Geoff wanted on his sub...
Quote Of the Day 10/19/99
Geoff: "I like my cheese like I like my women. White American."
I always preferred Easy Cheese.
Smashing Mouths,
Toad the Wet Cricket.
Still Standing Right Here...
Smash Mouth - Maybe I've become desensitized to it because I've heard the name so much now and all I think about is their good throwback to the 70s style of music, but the two words "Smash" and "Mouth" when put back to back portray a very violent image and make me cringe if I think about it too long. Think about it... Smash Mouth! Hurts, doesn't it? Too much unnecessary violence for a nice, white collar straight rock band. C
Cherry Poppin Daddies - I gotta give props to anybody willing to go out there and say "Hey, we're in it for the sex." I don't know what else "Cherry Poppin" could refer to, but I doubt that we'd even let that name slide by in our intramural floor hockey league. A-
Toad the Wet Sprocket - This is a decision they openly regret. They needed a name and they had just seen a Monty Python name by the same name and thought, "hey, that's awesome." So it's partly a tribute to fine British comedy, and partly a marijuana-induced mistake. It also takes too long to say. C-
Backstreet Boys - They hit every nail on the head here. First of all, "Backstreet" is more general and unthreatening than "Inner City" and can therefore appeal to the suburban crowd too. Secondly, "Boys" is cuter and more harmonious as a word alone than "Men." Also, they appeal more to the boys than the men of the suburban/urban world. And when you couple the words together, you get this fun alliteration indicative of their style of music. "Backstreet Boys." See. A+
Puff Daddy - This gangsta rapper, Sean Combs, got his nickname "Puffy" while playing football at Howard U. He was the skinniest kid on the football team and would puff his chest out to look bigger. He named himself Puff Daddy as a tribute to his son. Kinda gives the guy a different image, doesn't it? A
Sixpense None the Richer - Takes even longer to say than Toad the Wet Sprocket. And it sounds like they're trying too hard to be cool. D
Stryker, Geoff, and I went to Subway the other day for lunch and when prompted by the lady behind the counter asking what type of cheese Geoff wanted on his sub...
Quote Of the Day 10/19/99
Geoff: "I like my cheese like I like my women. White American."
I always preferred Easy Cheese.
Smashing Mouths,
Toad the Wet Cricket.
Still Standing Right Here...
Monday, October 18, 1999
The Magic Shower
I've just recently come to realize that I plan my sleep schedule and my entire
day around a magic shower. I'll hit the snooze alarm a few extra times knowing
that I can just hop in my magic shower and everything will be OK. In this magic
shower, not only do I become clean and closely shaven, but I magically wake up
entirely, completely independent of how much sleep I had gotten the night
before. Sometimes I even lose that morning hunger feeling like I had just eaten
a French Slam at Denny's with their one-of-a-kind hash browns. And the greatest
thing about this shower is that it only takes 3-4 minutes. And that includes
undressing, dressing, shaving, aftershaving, the walk to my car, and sometimes
even another small nap. Occasionally, this magic shower will actually transport
me back in time if I had hit the snooze alarm for an extra hour or two prior to
the shower. So this is what I expect out of my morning shower when I decide
what time to set my alarm for and how many times I can afford to hit the snooze
button. Needless to say, I'm late a lot.
I'll spare the context that surrounded this quote because it would be too difficult to convey over e-mail, or in any other media for that matter. But let it be known that Tony said something that was misheard as something to the effect of him showering with Gary, my boss...
Quote Of the Day 10/18/99
Me: "You showered with my boss?!?!?"
Tony: "Well... I was dirty."
I hope Proznik can learn from this example.
Dirty, hungry, tired, and late,
Shower Boy.
Still Standing Right Here...
I'll spare the context that surrounded this quote because it would be too difficult to convey over e-mail, or in any other media for that matter. But let it be known that Tony said something that was misheard as something to the effect of him showering with Gary, my boss...
Quote Of the Day 10/18/99
Me: "You showered with my boss?!?!?"
Tony: "Well... I was dirty."
I hope Proznik can learn from this example.
Dirty, hungry, tired, and late,
Shower Boy.
Still Standing Right Here...
Friday, October 15, 1999
Review of Fight Club
I
have fully decided that one of the greatest things to bring into a movie is the
complete lack of knowledge of anything about it. I heard about the movie Fight
Club about 4 hours before I went to see it. Tony told me Stryker said it was
really good and Brad Pitt and Ed Norton were in it. That's about all I knew
about it going into the theater. Well, here's what I have to say about it
without being a hypocrite and blurting out any important details to you (I'm
assuming about 95% of you haven't seen it) to make you enjoy it less: The very
first scene put a giddy excited smile on my face and it stuck there through the
whole movie and about an hour or so afterward. The first half hour was an
almost completely first person narration with an anything goes directing
philosophy that came across like a tidal wave of sarcastic cynicism and
well-timed anarchy. Every shot had me suppressing laughter as to not A) disturb
the loads of other people in the theater, and B) look like a 12-year-old girl
at a Back Street Boys concert. David Fincher, who also directed Seven and The
Game, took his own methods of manipulation and exploitation and exploited and
manipulated them, exposing them to the audience to draw attention to the
filmmaking process, which makes it even cooler for me, being an ex-film student
and all. Even if you guys don't know what I'm talking about, you'll come out of
it thinking, "that was neat!"After the film had established its character (a wimpy Cameron from Ferris Bueller type character), it started in with the plot, which was basically that Ed Norton (Cameron) meets this guy on a plane (Brad Pitt) and they start this underground testosterone party called the Fight Club where guys beat the crap out of each other to feel manly. But it turns into much more than that. You follow the characters through their changes and find yourself agreeing with things you wouldn't normally agree with. Then the last half hour happens. There are some over the top gore scenes that might scare you away if they ever show that as part of the preview, but don't pay attention to them if you're not into that kind of stuff. The entire film had an important plot twist every 2-3 minutes which kept me on my seat constantly. This last half hour though, really made the film happen. All the freaky time-lapse and slow motion shots with the strategically placed bouts of subliminality come together and grow tenfold both in number and importance. Formalism is the relation of form to content, and Fincher took the last half hour of that script and found the exact way to convey it on the screen. You especially notice this crap when you actually try to do it, which I did once. But his direction was phenomenal and it earned the film all 10 bugs and an additional half of a partially swallowed bug. It's that good folks, trust me.
When making fun of clever people, it is important to have a second comeback to their first comeback. I wasn't prepared for this one. I made fun of Jeff Horton during that same game of beer pong he was losing...
Quote Of the Day 10/15/99
"Hey. Why don't you just go do a split or puke on my carpet or something."
-Jeff Horton
Hearing Whos,
Dr. Moose.
Still Standing Right Here...
Thursday, October 14, 1999
Volleybeatdown
Well, our mens volleyball club team had their
first scrimmage of the year. And what better team to start with than the
ex-UMBC men's volleyball all stars? At least the ones that are still allowed on
campus. Every single one of these guys were on the mens team when they were
ranked #1 in the nation one year or another. And these happened to be all the nicer
guys. Like the ones that didn't get in that drunken knife fight on campus last
February. Well, we have a deal worked out with these guys. They are playing in
a USVBA club team (high level volleyball competition) and they need gym time
because they no longer get free time like us college kids. And we need guidance
and I could use a little help coaching the middle blockers and setters. Plus, a
scrimmage against really good people is going to help us out a lot. Anyway, we
grant them free gym time if they promise to talk to us afterward and help us
out a little bit. Translation...
Quote Of the Day 10/14/99
"So they're gonna come kick our ass and then they're gonna tell us how they did it."
-White Tony
Cool thing is that we actually beat them. Looks like a certain group of 6 people underestimated a certain other group of 6 people. And their coach.
Love, pink hats, and volleyballs,
Mr. Coach.
Still Standing Right Here...
Quote Of the Day 10/14/99
"So they're gonna come kick our ass and then they're gonna tell us how they did it."
-White Tony
Cool thing is that we actually beat them. Looks like a certain group of 6 people underestimated a certain other group of 6 people. And their coach.
Love, pink hats, and volleyballs,
Mr. Coach.
Still Standing Right Here...
Tuesday, October 12, 1999
Hostile Merging
It has recently come to my attention that most
people don't know how to drive. Sure, I get speeding tickets and hit curbs, but
I know the basics. Like who's turn it is to go at stop signs. They should just change
the rule to say that whoever is the boldest person at the intersection at the
time should go first, because that's what happens. Most people just sit there
trying to make hand motions or flick their lights. Whatever. I just go now because I can't trust people anymore. And even more annoying than that is the
turn signal situation. Now I'm a big advocate of turn signals. It's more dangerous
to change lanes without signalling than it is to go 76.7 in a 55 MPH zone. Sometimes.
Anyway, I always use turn signals. Even when nobody's around, just out of
habit. Mirror, signal, merge. That's the right order. About 95% of all drivers
fuck this up. If you just turn your turn signal on as you're cutting me off,
it's too late. The signal is supposed to be used as a signal, like it says so
in the title of the feature. It's too late at this point. I already know you're
coming into my lane, but thanks for the gesture, asshole.
Quote Of the Day 10/12/99
"Wait a minute. I'm not gonna play if nobody's gonna shit themselves."
-Jeff Horton
I'm not going to tell you guys the context of this, but be assured drinking was involved.
Regards,
Dustin.
Still Standing Right Here...
Quote Of the Day 10/12/99
"Wait a minute. I'm not gonna play if nobody's gonna shit themselves."
-Jeff Horton
I'm not going to tell you guys the context of this, but be assured drinking was involved.
Regards,
Dustin.
Still Standing Right Here...
Monday, October 11, 1999
Legal and Loving It
Well,
I didn't feel that ramming my car into a curb was enough of a way to celebrate
getting my car registered. What would better complete the carwarming ceremonies
but a $135 speeding ticket and 2 points on my license? So anyway, I got that.
And it was the first time I was actually pulled over in the daytime. It was
completely different, I wasn't nervous at all. And that's probably one of many
reasons I will get into later that aided the ease in which he gave me the
ticket. So anyway, it was daytime and first of all, much easier to see the
shoulder I needed to pull onto so he could come up to my car and be mean. He
didn't have a partner, a flashlight, gun, or even a uniform. This guy in an
unmarked car had followed me and clocked me at 76.7 (don't ask me how he got
that accurate without radar) and put on a little blue light in his car to get
my attention. Then when I pulled over, he hopped out wearing a New York Yankees
cap and a red plaid shirt. Not what I'm used to. So anyway, I wasn't nervous at
all. The fact that my car was now legal probably helped too. He asked for my license
and registration and I was proud to give it to him. "Just got it last
week, officer."
Now here are a few things you should never say when you get pulled over by a cop that I actually said, dumbass that I am. He asked when the last time my speedometer was calibrated and I told him that I didn't know, but when the last cop pulled me over, he informed me that it was likely improperly calibrated. Then he asked if that cop gave me a ticket, and I said no, he gave me a warning. I couldn't have thought of two worse answers if I tried. Damn the truth! So anyway, I'm gonna fight it, and I'm gonna win, but it's gonna take a chunk out of my day sometime in the not-too-immediate future. And I didn't say it this time, but once when a cop pulled me over, he asked me if I knew how fast I was going and I actually said "Well, that depends on how long you were following me."
Quote Of the Day 10/11/99
Me: "Hey Augy. How you doing?"
Augy: "Any better and I couldn't stand it."
Fuckin A, man.
Ticket Master,
Extendo.
Still Standing Right Here...
Friday, October 8, 1999
Review of American Beauty
This just in!!!...
Quote Of the Day 10/8/99
Jason: "Aw. Look at Jiggy. She's so tired."
Tony: "Yeah. Apparently digging her claws deep into my flesh wears her out."
It is exhausting, I'll give her that.
Appreciating Jethro Tull,
Aqualung.
Still Standing Right Here...
Thursday, October 7, 1999
Bad Hair Days
On
Thu, 7 Oct 1999, Carrie Clemmer wrote:
> Though I'm not a big fan of writing to mass audiences, I felt it necessary to
> point out that you also have to remove your hat to visit public schools, to
> sing the National Anthem, and to attempt to right the haircut that went so
> wrong.
>
> -Friendly Carrie
> (Hi Dustin.)
Well, Carrie... I know you haven't seen me in a while, but I'm not yet that country singer I always wanted to be, so I don't see myself singing the national anthem anytime soon, and I've almost stopped hanging out at public high schools altogether. I've found I just need to get college chicks drunker. And as far as the hat removal when I right my wrong haircut, I will probably not be looking for her in an all male barber shop, if I choose to go to one of those. Which, of course, increases the chances of me finding her. And this just perpetuates the cycle that has become the great paradox of the single male in the 90s. I'm not sure what I just said, but I think I'm going to stick with that bonnet idea.
> Though I'm not a big fan of writing to mass audiences, I felt it necessary to
> point out that you also have to remove your hat to visit public schools, to
> sing the National Anthem, and to attempt to right the haircut that went so
> wrong.
>
> -Friendly Carrie
> (Hi Dustin.)
Well, Carrie... I know you haven't seen me in a while, but I'm not yet that country singer I always wanted to be, so I don't see myself singing the national anthem anytime soon, and I've almost stopped hanging out at public high schools altogether. I've found I just need to get college chicks drunker. And as far as the hat removal when I right my wrong haircut, I will probably not be looking for her in an all male barber shop, if I choose to go to one of those. Which, of course, increases the chances of me finding her. And this just perpetuates the cycle that has become the great paradox of the single male in the 90s. I'm not sure what I just said, but I think I'm going to stick with that bonnet idea.
So have we all gotten our 2 cents in about how to fix my haircut? And I'd like to point out that neither Steve or Carrie have seen the aberration this is my head. I haven't spoken to either of them in a collective 3 or 4 years, and the first thing out of their font is a criticism about what they can only think my haircut might look like. Losers.
Well, intramural soccer is finally over, which means winners for both the mens league and the coed league had to be determined. Which generally means that we would hand out t-shirts to the winners of these two leagues. But like happens so often in our Rec Sports Department, they aren't ready yet. And why aren't they ready? Gary took his grand old time ordering them again. Well, my fellow ref Andy, the t-shirt artist Jeremy, myself, and all the Polish Mafia were there after the final soccer game. Evil Joe proceeded to ask me why the shirts weren't finished...
Quote Of the Day 10/7/99
Evil Joe: (paraphrased)"Yo nigga! Why ain't da shirts be ready yet?"
Me: "Gary. And trust me, I've been on his ass for the last month."
Jeremy: "Yeah. I've been on his ass all summer."
Andy: "And that's exactly where Gary's been all summer, on his ass."
That must be a big ass to fit 3 people on it all summer.
Ass sitter extraordinaire,
Screaming Cricket.
Still Standing Right Here...
Wednesday, October 6, 1999
Zonked
> Not to overstate the obvious, but...
>
> Leave the hat on.
>
> :)
>
> Steve Z
That's just stupid, Steve. Sure it sounds good in theory, but there are so many things I do that require me to remove the alleged hat. First and foremost, there is sleep. Some can pose the argument that I don't need to look good while I sleep, but they always say that you have the best chance to meet Mrs. Right when you aren't looking for her. And that's about the only time I'm not looking for her. If this theory is true, I'm going to either have to make a conscious effort to not look for her, or I'm going to wake up to her standing over my bed one morning. And if this happens my hair looking the way it currently does, I'm afraid that she'll leave and go into Tony's room. But he's probably still looking for her even when he's asleep. That's just the way my crazy roommate is. Secondly, there's... well, I guess there isn't too much else other than sleep that should require the hat removal, but I think I've made my point quite clear. Maybe I could just wear one of those bonnet things that tie on, that way it will stay on while I toss and turn. I'm pretty sure I have one. Probably in pink, too.
Well, we just won our championship soccer game today. It always feels good beating ZBT at anything, especially 8-0. It might have been a different story if the Skivvies were around, but I guess we'll never know. And we have the shirts to prove it. Speaking of the Skivvies not being around, that reminds me of a story about Ryan McMullin, a former Skivvie who, when intoxicated, almost always decided everyone in whatever room he was in needed to see his dick. This guy is quite the typical college drunk. Joe was telling me a story of the soccer club team last year and a game they had. During warm-ups, Ryan was running around the field with a bottle of vodka in his hand, drinking from it every time he turned a corner. And Joe's tone of voice when telling the story was not degrading or bad at all, but rather it was one of respect and admiration. Tim interrupted Joe's little story...
Quote Of the Day 10/6/99
"Wow Joe. He can drink AND play soccer. He must be your hero."
-Tim
I think a lot of the humor there, as in all the e-mails I send out, is lost in the delivery. Next time I see that happening, I'll give you directions on how to read it and what tone of voice to listen to it in your head in and what not.
Goalie, coach, and part time frat buster,
Extendo.
Still Standing Right Here...
>
> Leave the hat on.
>
> :)
>
> Steve Z
That's just stupid, Steve. Sure it sounds good in theory, but there are so many things I do that require me to remove the alleged hat. First and foremost, there is sleep. Some can pose the argument that I don't need to look good while I sleep, but they always say that you have the best chance to meet Mrs. Right when you aren't looking for her. And that's about the only time I'm not looking for her. If this theory is true, I'm going to either have to make a conscious effort to not look for her, or I'm going to wake up to her standing over my bed one morning. And if this happens my hair looking the way it currently does, I'm afraid that she'll leave and go into Tony's room. But he's probably still looking for her even when he's asleep. That's just the way my crazy roommate is. Secondly, there's... well, I guess there isn't too much else other than sleep that should require the hat removal, but I think I've made my point quite clear. Maybe I could just wear one of those bonnet things that tie on, that way it will stay on while I toss and turn. I'm pretty sure I have one. Probably in pink, too.
Well, we just won our championship soccer game today. It always feels good beating ZBT at anything, especially 8-0. It might have been a different story if the Skivvies were around, but I guess we'll never know. And we have the shirts to prove it. Speaking of the Skivvies not being around, that reminds me of a story about Ryan McMullin, a former Skivvie who, when intoxicated, almost always decided everyone in whatever room he was in needed to see his dick. This guy is quite the typical college drunk. Joe was telling me a story of the soccer club team last year and a game they had. During warm-ups, Ryan was running around the field with a bottle of vodka in his hand, drinking from it every time he turned a corner. And Joe's tone of voice when telling the story was not degrading or bad at all, but rather it was one of respect and admiration. Tim interrupted Joe's little story...
Quote Of the Day 10/6/99
"Wow Joe. He can drink AND play soccer. He must be your hero."
-Tim
I think a lot of the humor there, as in all the e-mails I send out, is lost in the delivery. Next time I see that happening, I'll give you directions on how to read it and what tone of voice to listen to it in your head in and what not.
Goalie, coach, and part time frat buster,
Extendo.
Still Standing Right Here...
Tuesday, October 5, 1999
Thou Shalt Not Understand
The thing that sucked most about the new haircut
I have is that I forgot that I was going to get my Maryland licence finally the
very day after I butchered my head like I did. I went in to finally register my
car in the state of MD and I thought I had to get my MD licence before I could
do that. But after I registered my car and they asked if I was going to get my
MD license today, hence giving me an option. I declined on the grounds that I
had recently made an ill-advised aesthetic decision that had gone wrong. It's
really kind of amazing. It always looks like I just took my hat off, and I have
no idea how I did it or how I can rectify it. At any rate, like I said before,
I just got my car registered and all legal and all that jazz and I decided to
celebrate by ramming my front right tire into a curb. At a pretty good pace
too. And you wanna know how I accomplished such an idiotic task? I was busy
looking at two cops parked in a parking lot on my right. Their mere presence had distracted me from the road. I
was literally looking over at those cops thinking to myself "Hey, my car
is registered now. I don't have to be afraid of - HOLY SHIT!!!" That's
approximately when I went up on the sidewalk at like 30-35 miles an hour. And
the bastards didn't even come after me. If they hadn't been there, I would have
been perfectly content to watch the direction the road bent and my car would be
fine. This is why I think cops should be outlawed. The roads would be a lot
safer.
This little diddy comes from deep in the heart of good ole PA. Actually, Mike submitted this one via the Quote Of the Day Application. He left a lot of it blank, but I already have his comedy background check on file, and it's been a while since I sent that application out that I'll bet that even if he could find it that it would have quite a buildup of cyberdust on it. Anyway, here's Mike's 2 and 1/2 cents:
**************************************************************************
There is a church somewhere that is sponsoring a large ad campaign to get people to start coming back to church. They have all sorts of highway billboards that are supposedly from God. There's one in Norristown (on 202), that just says:
I LOVE YOU!
-GOD
Well, Joe and I were driving home from playing tennis, and we saw one of these signs. It said:
WHAT PART OF "THOU SHALT NOT" DIDN'T YOU UNDERSTAND?
-GOD
Quote Of the Day 10/5/99
Joe looked at it for a second, and said, "Uh, the 'thou', and the 'shalt'."
-Good Joe
**************************************************************************
They should come out with an Ebonics version of the bible to reach out to more people. "Thou shalt not covet thy homey's bitch."
Not exactly a prophet,
Extendo.
Still Standing Right Here...
This little diddy comes from deep in the heart of good ole PA. Actually, Mike submitted this one via the Quote Of the Day Application. He left a lot of it blank, but I already have his comedy background check on file, and it's been a while since I sent that application out that I'll bet that even if he could find it that it would have quite a buildup of cyberdust on it. Anyway, here's Mike's 2 and 1/2 cents:
**************************************************************************
There is a church somewhere that is sponsoring a large ad campaign to get people to start coming back to church. They have all sorts of highway billboards that are supposedly from God. There's one in Norristown (on 202), that just says:
I LOVE YOU!
-GOD
Well, Joe and I were driving home from playing tennis, and we saw one of these signs. It said:
WHAT PART OF "THOU SHALT NOT" DIDN'T YOU UNDERSTAND?
-GOD
Quote Of the Day 10/5/99
Joe looked at it for a second, and said, "Uh, the 'thou', and the 'shalt'."
-Good Joe
**************************************************************************
They should come out with an Ebonics version of the bible to reach out to more people. "Thou shalt not covet thy homey's bitch."
Not exactly a prophet,
Extendo.
Still Standing Right Here...
Monday, October 4, 1999
Haircuts and Drunk Prepositions
Well, if I ever tell any of you on this list
that I'm going to try to cut my own hair, just simply say to me "Wait,
Dustin. You remember what happened last time, don't you?" Last Tuesday, I
decided to forego the expense of having an actual barber cut my hair and do
it myself. I think by the time I got it down to within 1/2 an inch of complete baldness,
it was finally even. I think if I decide to forego the cost of a professional again, I'm going to at least try to see if I can find somebody who's done it
before to do it. Or at least somebody moderately artistic or female. Hell, if
you're hands aren't shaking uncontrollably and you can see the back of my head,
you'll do a better job than I did.
Well, this quote comes from over the weekend when I decided to stop by la casa d'Evil Joe's. Well, he was in his usual non-grammatically correct form, always ending his sentences in prepositions and whatnot. He did just that in front of me when I was in one of my mocking drunk people in any way possible moods, more than likely asking "Where's the beer at?" but I'm not 100% positive. So anyway, I decided to correct him again...
Quote Of the Day 10/4/99
Me: "See, there you go with the prepositions again."
Joe: "Dude, I'll say whatever the fuck I want. At."
He can also puke and pass out wherever he wants to at.
Leading blindly into battle,
Seargent Whistlehead.
Well, this quote comes from over the weekend when I decided to stop by la casa d'Evil Joe's. Well, he was in his usual non-grammatically correct form, always ending his sentences in prepositions and whatnot. He did just that in front of me when I was in one of my mocking drunk people in any way possible moods, more than likely asking "Where's the beer at?" but I'm not 100% positive. So anyway, I decided to correct him again...
Quote Of the Day 10/4/99
Me: "See, there you go with the prepositions again."
Joe: "Dude, I'll say whatever the fuck I want. At."
He can also puke and pass out wherever he wants to at.
Leading blindly into battle,
Seargent Whistlehead.
Friday, September 24, 1999
Review of For Love of the Game
Well, I'm biased in both directions as far as
this film is concerned. On one hand, I always love a good sports film, but on
the other hand, I disagree with Kevin Costner getting in another baseball uniform
unless he wants to do it as a manager. He was already old when he did Field Of
Dreams, and that was 10 years ago. Actually, I just found out the man is only
44. I guess the receding hairline thing he has going on threw me for a loop. Now
that I think about it, I suppose Kevin was a perfect pick to play an aging,
on-the-blunt-end-of-retirement, burnt out pitcher. At least he would have been
better than Bob Saget or Merryl Streep, who I heard were also being considered
for the part. Personally, I think Cal Ripkin would have been the obvious
choice. Well, I like how this movie took a Jerry McGuire approach to filmmaking.
It was two completely separate movies really. One was a movie about a guy and a
girl and how they fell in love and shit. The other was an intense film about a
man's baseball career coming to an unwanted end. The plots crossed paths every
so often, but you could really make two different movies by concentrating on
one or the other or at least turning one down and the other up a few notches.
Like treble and bass, I suppose. Well, For Love Of the Game, as it was, was a
very good mix of both the treble and bass. One part chick flick, one part guy flick.
The chick I was with liked the girly part, and the guy in me liked the cool part.
Compared to Jerry McGuire, the sports part was a little more predictable than
I'd have liked, but the girly part was much more tolerable (sorry ladies, but
that "You complete me" stuff just made me think that the movie wanted
to think it was much deeper than it was). So what is For Love of the Game
about? Well, Kevin plays a pitcher toward the very end of his contract and
career. (By the way, I now like calling actors by just their first name). The
manager of Kevie's team is selling the team and trading him to San Fran or
something like that, unless he's going to retire. The Kev-man doesn't know if
he wants to do this, so the game that the movie centers around is possibly his
last game ever. The flick had some very excellently placed flashbacks, which made
up probably 85% of the film as it was. The movie is really dependent on
character development, which is good, considering it has, with few exceptions,
a relatively predictable plot. But thankfully, the movie doesn't have nearly as
many independent clauses as that last sentence. But it showed us his
relationship with players from other teams, some rookie-type guy on his team,
and his best friend, his catcher. It was a very well-thought out film with
respect to the placement of scenes and information in a very non-linear,
non-chronological film. And I think Kelly Preston wanted something too. But it
wasn't constant dirty sex like in the beginning of Jerry McGuire, so I wasn't
paying too much attention. All in all, For Love of the Game was a good film.
Very worth seeing. And it's a good date movie because you'll both like it (probably).
Upon retrospect, I'm glad I didn't go see The Sixth Sense with a chick because
then I'd probably have had to talk about it afterward instead of just sit there
in awe of how great it was. That's why I like Joe. He's always a good guy to
just sit next to in awe. But I think I've traveled away from the point I may
have been trying to make here. I'm giving For Love Of the Game 8 bugs. It's got
a predictable ending, but it is a very good screenwriting feat, nonetheless.
Alright, this quote came after a long night driving back home from Ocean City, NJ to Bridgeport, PA by way of Cheese Quake, NY (we missed a turn somewhere along the way)...
Quote Of the Day 9/24/99
Char's friend: "Is there a way I can get up at 6:15?"
Actual Char: "Yeah. Well..., there's a way you can set an alarm to go off at 6:15."
I think we've all been there. And I'm pretty sure I remember him leaving sometime around noon.
For Love of the Bed,
Sleepy Cricket.
Still Standing Right Here...
Alright, this quote came after a long night driving back home from Ocean City, NJ to Bridgeport, PA by way of Cheese Quake, NY (we missed a turn somewhere along the way)...
Quote Of the Day 9/24/99
Char's friend: "Is there a way I can get up at 6:15?"
Actual Char: "Yeah. Well..., there's a way you can set an alarm to go off at 6:15."
I think we've all been there. And I'm pretty sure I remember him leaving sometime around noon.
For Love of the Bed,
Sleepy Cricket.
Still Standing Right Here...
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