Why Worry

Hello everybody out there in healthy-ankle-land. I'm merely a visitor to your country. That's right everybody. In case you haven't heard, I'm the newest gimp on the hall. The golden crutches have been passed down like a crown from Tony to David to me. I'm confined to them and this stupid plaster cast for up to a week or 10 days. At least that's what they tell me. They of course don't know that my ligaments happen to heel at a rate 7 times faster than the ordinary ligament. So I should be walking again by dinner tomorrow, and I'll be leading off and playing left field in our game Friday. Actually, it's not that my ligaments are 7 times stronger than the ordinary ligament. It's just that I'm 7 times stupider than the ordinary ligament.

Anyway, I was talking to my dad the other night about one thing or another that was going wrong in my life. He tried to console me, but I told him I was fine and I'd get by. I just had to stick it out until the end of the semester and I'd be fine. To this he replied "I worry about you, son." I told him that he shouldn't worry about me and was cut off...


Quote of the Day 4/8

"Well, I do. If I had another son, I wouldn't give a shit. But you're all I got."
-My always supportive and caring father



My mom wasn't quite as supportive as dad.



Love, crutches, and sore arm pits,
Dustin.


Still Hobbling Right Here...

Stages of "In Trouble"

As a general rule, if you're about to drink from a water fountain that you've never drunk out of before, push the button all the way in first, just so you know what you're in store for. I'm sure you all know this anyway, but it's probably worth the extra 3 seconds of your life.

Well, a bunch of us ate dinner tonight. Actually, I'm sure almost all of us ate dinner tonight, but I'm referring explicitly to those who ate with me. Anyway, Carl and Kalola (apologize about sp. if wrong) were there and Carl decided to talk in his girly voice and make fun of Kalola for a while when she then informed him "In case you were wondering, yes, you are in trouble." Eddie decided to cut in then with some insight on getting in trouble with the woman around the guys.


Quote Of the Day 4/7

"Well, Carl, since you're already in trouble, you might as well look cool in front of your friends..."
-The would-be women's high jump national champion



I've been there Carl. And Eddie, though he means well, is wrong here. There are a few more stages after "in trouble" that you really don't want to see. Trust me.


The would-be women's pentathlon national champ,
Mr. Whistlehead.


Still Standing Right Here...

The Last Pimp-Daddy Day

Tuesday was a very sad day. For those of you who don't know, the Pimp-Daddies played their last show. No more random wearing of wigs or tossing plaster ducks into the crowd anymore. Nope. Tuesday was the very last "Pimp-Daddy Day." But it was a great day. The show kinda sucked as far as Pimp-Daddies shows usually were. There was no mosh pit and nobody in the crowd really got too into their music. In order for the Pimp-Daddies to have a good show, they need people to dance around with them and crap. But the coolest thing about the night was that while the band that played right before them were taking down their crap and the Pimp-Daddies were putting theirs up, there were 15 free minutes. Matt "Soul Train" Fulchiron asked me if I wanted to do my stand up routine in the meantime. I figured, what the fuck, nobody's here anyway. So I got to open for the Pimp-Daddies!!! Man, there's nowhere to go but down from there.

Alright, the quote. This one is another straightforward example of pure speaking incompetence exhibited by Tony again. He was playing worms with us late at night and tried to do something really tricky, that wasn't going to quite work out the way he had planned it...


Quote Of the Day 4/4

"I think I found a flaw in my problem."
-Tone-Def



I think we all did, Tony.



Sipping from the Tang of masochism,
Dustin.


Still Standing Right Here...

More Damage Control

EASY!! EASY!! EASY!! Slow down here guys! Now I'm going to grant Foster a pardon because he probably sent that message before I sent the other quote of the day. And I'll grant Yelnick a pardon because I happen to know personally how small of a brain he has, and how little his powers of observation are. But it stops here. No more pleading the fifth. Or the eighth, the nineteenth, or even the pi over tooth. This will be the end of all usurpers! I have an exploding sheep and I know how to use it!

Not only is this quote going to be from me, but it's gonna be cool, and do you know why? Because it's the first quote collaboration between Dumb and Uglier. And what's even cooler is that Uglier is taking a shot at Dumb's manhood. Well, here it is. Intact and the genuine article...


Quote Of the Day 4/3

Dumb: "Every time I go to the tennis courts, I get more balls."
Uglier: "One day, you'll be a man."



That's one hell of a prophecy you're making there Uglier.



Everything you know is wrong,
Extendo.


Still Standing Right Here...

Wandering Unprepared Into Similes

Apparently I caught more than a few of you with my little prank. In fact, your gullibility as a whole exceeded even my expectations. And they were pretty high to begin with. I got more than a number of messages back asking me why I was quitting and Khannover actually wrote a quote of the day. SuperDave asked to be taken off the list if I wasn't running it anymore. And Dave, though I appreciate your loyalty, I must mock your incompetence. If you still don't know what I'm talking about, read that last message over. ALL OF IT! You may notice that the little % thingy is only around 50% at what most people thought was the end of my message. Nine times out of ten, that means that there is more to come. Well, there's no need to dwell on it, though I did have fun with it.

Last Thursday, the track team had their first ever home meet at the new track. In case you didn't know (and why would you?), but when Teresa Love runs, her face turns really bright red. In fact, it was so red, Tony just had to comment on it...


Quote Of the Day 4/2

"Man, her face is redder than... (pause for 3 seconds)... something that isn't quite as red."
-Tony Harris, master of the English language




Moral: Know the punchline before you start the joke. What Tony had was the embryo of a joke. Though he quickly put it in the joke incubator, tragically, the joke died. But still, a nice try.



Not necessarily the news,
Screaming Cricket.


Still Standing Right Here...

Dsentarius Gets Confused

Mark said something today that I couldn't help but capture immortally via the QOTD. We were watching Battletech (those who don't know what this is, write to lfoste1. Ask him what it is, he'll tell you all about it), and noticed one of the female characters flirting with a guy she said was her cousin. Barnes and I pointed this out, and to this, Mark replied with the:

QOTD, 4/14

"Lots of people marry their cousins."


One word: Cambridge.



With the love of ages,Dsentarius

Not standing here for long

Conover Gets Confused

> From the desk of Michael Conover...

I must refuse, both on the grounds that you spelled my name wrong, and you  didn't refer to me by my rightful title, "Ruler of Life, the Universe, and Everything, and That's Final So Back Off." However, I will make every attempt to fulfill my duties, and in the event that the first Miss America cannot, I will happily step into her position.

For my first trick, this is something I was told by my brother, who is currently working at Red Lobster while putting himself through grad school. To pay the bills, he routinely works over 50 hours a week, and he's always looking for more hours. Everyone around the place knows that PJ is the guy to call if you need to drop some hours, but he felt that putting up sign would help his cause. He should have rephrased it.

"To: All Waiters/Waitresses

Too busy, or just need some time to relax? If you need to get off, call PJ, and he'll do the job for you."

So far he's gotten calls from Pee Wee Herman, "Uncle" Eddie Savitz, and of course, Bill Clinton.


In parting I'd like to refer to the wise words of Jack Handey.

"The face of child says a lot. Especially the mouth part of the face."


Flipping my dreidel,

Yelnick

Stepping Down?

I'm warning you all now. Not everyone is going to appreciate what I'm about to do in this message. I've decided that because I'm so busy with everything this semester, that I'm resigning from quote of the day and I will hand over my throne to Mike Conover (Yelnick MacWawa) and Foster (Dsentarius). They can split the duties between the two of themselves I'm sure. But I just can’t' keep doing this. I feel guilty that I only get around to it every so often, so this is my only alternative. I apologize.

dustin.


















APRIL FOOLS!!!!!!

I'll bet you suckers actually fell for that one. HA! HA! HA! Boy, was that ever fun! Actually, it's nowheres near Aril Fool's Day, but I plan on making up all those one's I missed that past week. (I'll let you all know if that was a joke later).

I just saw SCREAM for the first time yesterday in Lecture Hall 2 with the rest of the campus, and if you haven't seen it, it comes highly recommended. It's funny, it's almost scary, and the chick in it is really freakin' hot! But there was this line in the movie that I can't stop repeating, and everybody seems to like it (at least the guys do), so I'm making it the quote of the day because I want to. There were a couple of guys talking about what motive a guy would have to kill his girlfriend, and one of the guys said...


Quote Of the Day 4/1

"There's always SOME stupid reason to kill your girlfriend."
-Some goofy lookin' guy from SCREAM!



I think we can all (at least half of us can) agree with that.



Tragically hip,
dustin.


Still Standing Right Here...