The Reason Women are Happy

In my last e-mail, I signed off as "Queen Bitch of the Banchees." I have since been informed by Keyeser Soze that a "banshee" is a mythical wailing creature of England, whereas there was no such thing as a "banchee." Well, actually, the word "banchee" is French for "buttered bread not meant for consumption." And yes, that's what I meant.

Well, Eddie and I walked the loop 5 times today, and damn do my feet hurt. And then I got back and Adam and I walked it again. So along the path, we talked about many things. I brought up this girl that I thought was kinda cute and looked happy all the time, and Eddie happened to know a little more about her than I...


Quote Of the Day 2/28

"I hate to tell you this Dustin, but the reason she's so happy is because she hasn't a clue."
-My fellow fetishist



Oh, to live in bliss...


Queen Bitch of the Kaiser Roll,
dustin,


Still Standing Right Here...

The Last Refuge of the Incompetent

I have lost all desire to shower anymore. I'm just warning you guys ahead of time, because I do hang out with Andrew a lot and the two of us together could be too much for the senses. Seriously though. I wake up 7 minutes before class starts, so I don't really have time to shower there. And I go straight to lunch from class, and by then, I really don't feel the need to shower. I've already seen 75% of the people I will see today, and they saw me all covered in scum, so why change when they already know what I look like naturally. It's never said it was a great theory. I also play so many damn sports that by the time I get home from one, I have to go to another, or I'll go out to play basketball at night, and then I get back so tired, I pass out on the futon until I dry off and then have no energy and just go to bed and start the cycle all over again. I have no idea why I just shared all that with you. The only reason I feel safe is that I know at least half of you guys do the same thing.

Well, speaking of Dumb and Uglier, I was playing worms (cool computer game where worms take the law into their own hands) with Andrew and he was about to do something that looked to be really stupid (just take my word for it). Turned out that it was. But before he did it, I asked him exactly what the hell he thought he was doing. To this, he correctly replied...


Quote Of the Day 2/27

"This is the last refuge of the incompetent."
-the better half of Dumb & Uglier



Strangely enough, that's the last thing I remember my chiropractor saying.


Queen Bitch of the Banchees,
Screaming Cricket.

Still Standing Right Here...

Dude Where's My Car

Has anybody out there seen me in the last two days. I've been wearing matching clothes for the last two days and only one person has said anything. You realize that this kind of behavior in you guys is going to throw me back into the plaid on plaid fashion scene. And in case you were wondering, yes, they were the same clothes. I figure, if you don't change into pajamas before you sleep and you don't have time to shower when you get up in the morning, it's OK to wear the same clothes, just as long as you haven't taken them off. Kinda like how it’s not really cheating if you have a condom on. OK, it's nothing like that, and but at least they use the same logical path.

This quote is from long ago, back when I was on the volleyball club team and the guys would stroll into Friday night practice either hungover, drunk, or with alcohol in their travel bag. I'll spare you all the talk about the women they had the night before because some things can't be typed down. Well, anyway, Keith strolls into practice while we're all suiting up and had apparently been drinking (surprise) the night before. Well, he was totally sober and ready to go out that night, but with one problem...


Quote Of the Day 2/26

"Hey, Bummy. Do you remember where I parked my car?"
-Keith


Apparently, he was too drunk to remember where he parked his car the night before. Of course, this implies that he was driving it on campus while in this state of consciousness. Scary.



Sleeping with the television on,
Extendo.


Still Standing Right Here...

Bidays and Ass Holes

You never realize how purposeful a biday* is until you have one of those really disgusting craps where you have to wipe your ass for half an hour until you're out of toilet paper and your butt is redder than the ozone layer (trust me, it's red).
Sorry to open with that, but I felt that talking about assholes was the perfect way to introduce Andrew to the quote of the day. This happened a long while ago, back before the middle finger became a sign of friendship on the hall. A few of us barged into Dumb and Uglier's room at about 1:00 in the morning or something like that and we found Andrew under the covers with no shirt or socks on, and looked just about naked. Well, while most of us were still in shock, someone was brave enough to ask him if he had any clothes on...


Quote Of the Day 2/25

Somebody: "Do you have any clothes on under there?"
Andrew: "Yeah... one."


We didn't bother to find out which one.


Walking the tightrope,
Extendo.



*Biday- don't know how it's supposed to be spelled, but it's that french thing that shoots water up your ass. Not to be confused with the douchay.


Still Standing Right Here...

Rook for a Rook

WOW! Is it late in here, or is it just me? Sorry about the sudden lack of quote of the day, but I went on sabbatical. (Sabbatical is a french word meaning "too lazy to motivate myself to do anything.") So anyway, I'm back. And those of you who knew me as a sophomore know me now. (If you don't get it, don't worry about it. It's probably just because you're stupid.) I generally try to stay as far away from baseball metaphors as possible, but there are some times when life just throws you a curve ball and you have to swing blindly and hope you hit it. Though this time, I swear there's Vaseline on the ball.
Well, lots has happened since I last saw you all here together on this E-mail list. OJ finally got poetic justice served to him, I think there was a war somewhere, and Andrew took a shower. I guess it has been a while. By the way, somebody give me his and his loser roommate's e-mail address so I can insult them directly rather than have to do it through somebody else who I'm sure doesn't have the time for Dumb and Uglier.

Anyway, this quote is rather personal, so if you have trouble watching those Sally Struthers infomercials, DO NOT CONTINUE. There. You've all been forewarned. And some are about to be forearmed. Alrighty then, with no further dew, I present the...


Quote Of the Day 2/24

"I know this may not mean a god damn thing, but I'm sorry, man."
-Darryl, MA extraordinaire


In the immoral words of Chris Swanson...

Rook for a rook,
Screaming Cricket.


Still Standing Right Here...

Limping Cricket

Hey all you quote junkies out there. This marks the second day in a row that I've fulfilled my obligations as Quote Sensei. It also marks approximately the 44th straight hour I have been awake. I still got it!! That's right. Who's your daddy?
Sorry guys. Just let me know if I get out of hand again. You know what I noticed since I've been crutching around for the past week on campus? First of all, there is a really wide space between the elevator (when it's open) and the floor in Potomac. However wide my crutch is, that's about how wide the space is. But secondly, I noticed that everybody in the world likes to hit that little button that opens the doors for you. It finally gives those lazy bastards an excuse to go through it. Also, people say the most clever things. Like "What happened?" And "Jeez... What happened?" And people wonder why I make crap up all the time.

Alright, this quote came from the same conversation yesterday’s did. And it's from the same person. He was talking about a completely different girl (as opposed to only a partially different girl), but with a common theme...


Quote Of the Day 2/3

"So anyway, I asked her if she wanted to see me on a regular basis, and she said no. So I said OK."
-Kevin "Should have been a cowboy" Hershey.


Ladies and gentlemen, Kevin Hershey: Posterboy for nobility.



Should have been a doughboy,
Crutch 2.


Still Limping Right Here...