Rating Season Ending Injuries

A while ago, back when I was doing the quote of the day via typewriter and Pony Express, I did a movie review every Friday and a random review of different crap every Tuesday. I'm going to try to go back to that format now. Oh, and we're going to all collectively pretend it's Tuesday too.

Season Ending Injuries

ACL - The ever popular injury that sends people out of the NFL by the week. But there are so many ligaments around the knee, that people who completely tear their ACL can still apparently limp around. Some stupider people don't even know they did it (Evil Joe). And what the hell does it stand for? I'll bet 97% of you don't know. B-

Rotator Cuff - This is a little wussy injury that only happens to pitchers who, in my opinion, are like the place kickers of the baseball league. Half of them are too wussy to even get up to bat. Learn to throw with the other arm. Besides, people with this injury can still walk around and shower. D+

Broken bone - Very blah-zay, however I'm supposed to spell that French-sounding word. I broke my tibia or fibula or something. Boring. Unless you did it like Joe Theisman did. Or if the bone sticks out of the skin. C+ (compound fractures and leg injuries add one letter grade each)

Concussion - This isn't a real season ending injury unless you're a huge baby wus. But getting hit so hard that you go unconscious temporarily is a sign of bravery. And stupidity. And it's just football and like sports. You don't hear about wussy baseball guys or tennis chicks getting concussions. Troy Aikman has had 34 concussions in his football career, 12 by the Eagles alone. And he keeps coming back. Concussions are violent and the word sounds cool, but people are up and walking around within minutes. And they feel woozy all the time, which I consider a plus. But I imagine the headaches that follow aren't a joy ride. B+

Achilles - Vinny Testeverde ruptured his Achilles turning to go get a fumble. Nobody hit him. Just plant, twist, pop. An Achilles injury is purely a sign of getting old. But it is the mother of all leg injuries. Try jumping without bending your ankle. You can't. And without the Achilles, you can't bend the ankle. Trust me. You can't walk (unlike that wussy ACL). And it was named after a hero of the Trojan War with a cool story to go along with it about his mom dipping him in the River Styx and stuff. And it is associated with the word "rupture," which is probably even more violent sounding than "concussion." A+

But maybe I'm biased.

Well, I was sitting around with Rich shamelessly watching the women's volleyball club practice late last night. I'll admit, there are some lookers. And look is about all I can do at my Achilles-rupturing age. Anyway, Brad Fergus came up to me and Rich saying that he had found a new appreciation for volleyball now. To get that many tall chicks together with spandex on he said, was genius...

Quote Of the Day 9/12/00

"...and they even have knee pads."

-Big Bad Brad


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