ANOTHER
IMPOSTER!!! WHEN WILL IT END!!! Alright, I have to let that one slide because
it was really funny when it happened and I kind of gave Chris my permission.
BUT NO MORE!!! I'm back on track here. The pope has returned from sabbatical
and is ready and willing to excommunicate anyone willing (and a few I just feel
deserve it). And I'm starting with a certain job-stealin' free freelance
lancer. If he's not just a freelancing carcass when Smiley gets through with
him.
Anyway... yesterday, not only do all my troubles seem so far away, but we were
playing softball against the only other undefeated team in the league. The Violators!!!
Scary, isn't it? Well, we're winning like 6 to pi/2 or something (irrelevant),
and Augsburger hits a pop fly between the shortstop and the left fielder. Long
story short, they collide giving each other concussions, with blood all over
the place (I never said it was a pleasant story). About fifteen minutes later,
the police car drives up from all the way over in Jibib and we were curious as
to why they didn't just come from the campus police station right directly
about 50 feet behind us (not an exaggeration). To this, Earl says jokingly:
Quote Of the Day 4/29
"Campus police don't cover this area."
-The big guy with lots of RBI's.
Anyway, to continue the story, the guys still remained just lying there until
the ambulance came a good 20 minutes after then. When the ambulance finally
showed up, they were both conscious and as they were both about to be taken
away to the hospital overnight, when the shortstop, having now heard what had
happened during the play, said...
Quote Of the Day 4/30
"You mean you ran into me, and you didn't even catch the ball!!!"
-Some unlucky shortstop
Practicing safe sax,
Screaming Cricket.
Still Standing Right Here...
Tuesday, April 30, 1996
Sunday, April 28, 1996
Highlander Steals My Job
Hey,
everybody, I'm new to the WEB, but I think it's a trip. As it probably says in
the From: part of this message, my name is Chris MacLeod and I'm a junior here
at this fine institution (insert editorial comment here: ) Anyway, his
Pink-hattedness actually made it to class today, and he uttered a phrase of
such journalistic power that I am forced to steal his e-mail list so that you
all can appreciate it as much as I did (I am sending this from the hospital
where they stitched my gut back up.)
So here goes: We were sitting in philosophy, me, dustin and matt, and we were poking fun at our friend Jacqui (in the purest, well-meaning, politically correct sense, mind you!), when she said that we were being sexist. And, well, from Dustin himself, out this came:
(BTW, to all female members of the web, feel free to blame dustin completely for this,
as it is totally his fault)
" Sexism is such a waste of time..........there are plenty of reasons to hate women on an individual basis."
Enjoy!
Crows, swords, and giant squids,
Highlander
So here goes: We were sitting in philosophy, me, dustin and matt, and we were poking fun at our friend Jacqui (in the purest, well-meaning, politically correct sense, mind you!), when she said that we were being sexist. And, well, from Dustin himself, out this came:
(BTW, to all female members of the web, feel free to blame dustin completely for this,
as it is totally his fault)
" Sexism is such a waste of time..........there are plenty of reasons to hate women on an individual basis."
Enjoy!
Crows, swords, and giant squids,
Highlander
Saturday, April 27, 1996
The Futility of Finals
GEEZ!!
You don't check your E-mail for a week...
Alright troops, I really shouldn't be doing this because I have a paper to write, a tape to edit, and a freelance lancer to behead by sunrise, but I heard rumors of an alleged attempted stealing of my position as quote of the day Emeritus. Well, I trust that the perpetrator was put straight by Detective Smiley AND WILL NOT TRY THIS AGAIN EVEN IF DUSTIN IS FALLING BEHIND!!!!
Seriously, you'll all have to excuse MacFreelander. He's been diagnosed with Sychistsoid Pinkhatenus. It's a rare disease where penis envy drives a person to try to take over another person’s E-mail list. So please forgive him. You slip and hit that button just once, and next thing you know, the
hounds are right up on your ass and you're fresh out of dog tranquilizer death
darts. But a few tips for the quote of the day, Yelnick: First of all, sexual
references are passe (picture an accent eh grave on the "e"), and
should be avoided unless you're desperate, or it was REALLY good. Secondly,
don't bother telling them what happened at Pitt. No one really cares. They just
barely care about my life, and they're my actual friends. And most of them page
through to the quote directly anyway. Well, I'm sure you've gotten your severe
internet spanking, so I'll let you go now. And thanks to all my faithful
followers. You all get a big wet kiss from Scott for your continued support.
Wow! It's really getting late (or early actually). So here's a quote from Detective Smiley himself about this paper and the class we have to write it for, and about his major and life in general:
"The Titanic is going down. I've just woken up and realized there are no lifeboats. I'm looking for a wooden plank, anything. I don't care if you have a dinghy."
-The Bungling Sleepyhead
Love, pink hats, volleyballs, videotapes, softballs, research papers, due dates, fat guys, soccer balls, overdue library books, attendance sheets, recontracting, registration, and a
brownie bottom sunday,
Stressing Cricket.
Still Trying To Stand Right Here...
Alright troops, I really shouldn't be doing this because I have a paper to write, a tape to edit, and a freelance lancer to behead by sunrise, but I heard rumors of an alleged attempted stealing of my position as quote of the day Emeritus. Well, I trust that the perpetrator was put straight by Detective Smiley AND WILL NOT TRY THIS AGAIN EVEN IF DUSTIN IS FALLING BEHIND!!!!
Seriously, you'll all have to excuse MacFreelander. He's been diagnosed with Sychistsoid Pinkhatenus. It's a rare disease where penis envy drives a person to try to take over another person’s E-mail list. So please forgive him. You slip and hit that
Wow! It's really getting late (or early actually). So here's a quote from Detective Smiley himself about this paper and the class we have to write it for, and about his major and life in general:
"The Titanic is going down. I've just woken up and realized there are no lifeboats. I'm looking for a wooden plank, anything. I don't care if you have a dinghy."
-The Bungling Sleepyhead
Love, pink hats, volleyballs, videotapes, softballs, research papers, due dates, fat guys, soccer balls, overdue library books, attendance sheets, recontracting, registration, and a
brownie bottom sunday,
Stressing Cricket.
Still Trying To Stand Right Here...
Weed Steals My Job
Okay,
this battle for the quote of the day crown must stop! Dustin is the rightful
owner, and while he battles dragons and fly balls for the good of the campus,
we must be patient. I would never dream of usurping his throne, but I swear to
God if Dustin had heard this, it would be the quote of the day for the next 26
weeks.
I was visiting some friends from the Rugby team, and they were trying to get their Oriental roommate Hana to take them to Backdraft. This guy Iman comes up to my friend Ian and says, "Why don't you get that Chink on the sofa to take us to Backdraft?" Ian looks at him and says, "Man, that's my roommate, chill out!" Then he looks at us and says:
Quote of the Day whenever
"He called Hana 'that Chink on the sofa...that'll go over like a pregnant pole vaulter."
Weed
"Pleased to meet you, hope you guess my name. But what's puzzling you is the nature of my game."
R.S.
I was visiting some friends from the Rugby team, and they were trying to get their Oriental roommate Hana to take them to Backdraft. This guy Iman comes up to my friend Ian and says, "Why don't you get that Chink on the sofa to take us to Backdraft?" Ian looks at him and says, "Man, that's my roommate, chill out!" Then he looks at us and says:
Quote of the Day whenever
"He called Hana 'that Chink on the sofa...that'll go over like a pregnant pole vaulter."
Weed
"Pleased to meet you, hope you guess my name. But what's puzzling you is the nature of my game."
R.S.
Friday, April 26, 1996
Detective Smiley Saves The Quote
On
Thu, 25 Apr 1996, Michael J Conover wrote:
(snip)
> Still Stealing Dustin's Job Right Here.
>
FREEZE CONNOVER!!
Just drop Dustin's Job right there! Hands behind yer head! Behind yer head mother fucker!! That's it, easy, easy.. good. Book 'im Dan-o. Okay, lemme esplain somethin' here. Dustin's job ain't here for the takin', see. See Dustin here, he's got the position for life; kinda like the Pope. So, you know if the Pope is havin' a bad week, you can't just pop over to the Vatican and start excommunicatin' people. Okay, so Dustin's not keepin up to speed. Just hang in there for a while and he'll get back on track. But till that time, you "MacWawa", are spendin' some time in the drunk tank. Let’s go boys...
Detective Smiley
(snip)
> Still Stealing Dustin's Job Right Here.
>
FREEZE CONNOVER!!
Just drop Dustin's Job right there! Hands behind yer head! Behind yer head mother fucker!! That's it, easy, easy.. good. Book 'im Dan-o. Okay, lemme esplain somethin' here. Dustin's job ain't here for the takin', see. See Dustin here, he's got the position for life; kinda like the Pope. So, you know if the Pope is havin' a bad week, you can't just pop over to the Vatican and start excommunicatin' people. Okay, so Dustin's not keepin up to speed. Just hang in there for a while and he'll get back on track. But till that time, you "MacWawa", are spendin' some time in the drunk tank. Let’s go boys...
Detective Smiley
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)