Bowman Logic

Dave, what the hell are you doing? You did me proud in assisting me with the whole "stalk the volleyball team campaign," but I have to put a stop to this usurping of quotes of the day. I'm sure you remember what can happen. Don't make me sick Detective Smiley on you. Or worse yet, I'll hire Earl to screw with your account like he did Yelnick's. Just in case you guys don't remember, Earl is the guy who can seriously fuck with your account. He wrote a program that administered electric shock to a person every time they tried to login to their account. And he also did this thing where if you tried to falsely send in a quote of the day, a boxing glove would pop out of the monitor and punch you in the face. Point is, you can reply as you wish, but you risk being publicly embarrassed in front of however many people I have on here like Chris (angst Boy) just recently was.

I showed up to a football game today with excited that I could just watch a game without having to ref or play in it. Well, I was there for about 3 minutes, and Gary gave me a video camera and asked me to tape it. He put me up on top of the van and actually tried driving around while the play was going on. It was pretty neat and fun. Anyway, Ryan Bowman, president of Sig Ep, and a pretty decent guy, was reffing the game. He told me that for the first year and a half he knew me, he hated me. And it was just because I wore "that stupid pink hat everywhere." He said he hated Stryker too, because he was loud...


Quote Of the Day 10/31

"Your hat was the equivalent of Stryker's mouth."
-Bowman


Well, so much for that theory on time changing things. And I guess it didn't help that we hung out together all the time either.


Too tired to be creative,
The Riddler.


Still Standing Right Here...

Pi Kapp Football Strategies

Hey Tony, that was cool as shit, man. Nice catch. I will no longer refer to you (or anyone else) as Tony Testicle. And Angst Boy, first of all, you wern’t the first to respond to my spelling error as a matter of fact. There are others out there that take just as much delight in correcting my spelling errors as yourself (and by the way, I know I misspelled weren’t wrong, I just don't feel like going up to change it, damnit!). But had I written down the word "segue," how many people of these hundred or so would have known what it meant. Most would probably think I was talking about a French vegetable or something. And they all hate French vegetables. Well, I do. I just assume everybody else does. Anyway..., our men's football team lost our football game today. But I know what we did wrong. See, what happened was that we let them score more points than we did. I'm thinking if we had avoided that, we may have had a better shot at winning. Oh well. They say that hindsight is 20/20, and in my case it's probably twice that, because I don't wear glasses or anything. Of course two times 20/20 is 40/40, which is still just 1. I don't know who we're all kidding. I think it's a hoax, but I lack substantial proof. They do a good cover-up job.

A funny thing I heard at a football game today: I hung out to watch Pi Kapp play ZBT after our game today. Pi Kapp lost by approximately the football score equivalent of a ton, but that's beside the point. They had a quarterback who tried to run every play. Even more than I did. And they had a couple of linemen who weren't the most dexterous of creatures. On one particular play, the quarterback found himself running all over the backfield... again, and Ryan Mihalic, notorious for being the ex-RA of third north and now a Pi Kapp lineman, was scrambling around with him until Ryan finally fell down trying to make a cut and the quarterback threw a lame duck up in the air that was, by pure luck, not intercepted. (I really apologize for that last sentence, by the way. Good luck reading it.) Well, Chris Kelly was walking back to the huddle up the sideline, to which I mentioned that their quarterback needs to learn how to throw...


Quote Of the Day 10/30

"Yeah, and Mihalic has to learn how to not be fat."
-The lone Pi Kapp receiver


I think I need to learn how to not be lazy, only I have no time. Ironic.


Praying that my knees last through volleyball season,
Extendo.


Still Standing Right Here...

The Happiest Fart

You know, it's a little disconcerting that my days don't seem to end until around 6:30 or 7 in the morning now. Yeah, just in case you see the date I sent this and think I'm late, you're wrong. It's actually still Wednesday to me. Don't argue with me. I'm right and I'm too tired to learn you the ways of time as it applies to the college student right now. And damnit, this clock change is messing with me because now the sun is always coming up as I try to fall asleep. Sometimes I think I accidentally set mine back too many hours.
Great news everybody. Fathead is in the finals!! We upset T-Shirts Please today to grant us a chance for the championship. You know it's a good day when I say "Good job Russ" more than once. We had 5 interceptions, 3 returned for touchdowns, and one of them by Russ! Of all people, that uncoordinated bastard picked one off and ran it back. It was great. Our offense hardly ever got to play, but that's what happens when they drive all the way down to our ten yard line and then threw an interception that goes all the way back for a touchdown. They get the ball right back again, and they waste a hell of a lot of time. We had more interceptions today than offensive completions. I'd like to say we had a great game, but they did most of the work. Well, they can plead all they want, but they ain't getting no t-shirts this year.

Well, I needn't tell you guys that the drive back here from VA Tech can take a while. Anyway, right before we left, we were walking back toward the van, and I stepped in a pile of dog stuff. Everybody knows how much that sucks. Well, anyway, I wiped it all off, and got in the van with everybody. Shortly after we left, Dan asked me if I was sure I got all the dog stuff off my shoe because there was a distinct bad odor. To comfort him, I admitted that I had just released gas. This put Dan at ease because now he knew that the odor would pass and he wouldn't have to live with it all the way home...


Quote Of the Day 10/29

"That's the happiest a fart has ever made me."
Middle Linebacker Dan


Well, next time you need one, just ask.



Love, interceptions, and a clay imp,
Fathead.


Still Standing Right Here...

You Don't Know Jack About Sex

I don't know if you guys remember me saying something last week about "if I can only make it through this week, I'll be OK." Well, I'll be damned if I wasn't wrong again. But once this week is over, I'll finally have a little down time (note, I said DOWN time, not FREE time). Well, You Don't Know Jack About Sex was quite a success. Everybody had a good time and it seemed like everybody was laughing the entire time. I think a crowd favorite was the Dis or Dat question which made them choose whether something was a sexual term, a city in PA, or both. I was surprised she got "Conshohocken" wrong. I could picture "Intercourse" or "Hardcock," but if there's any sexual act called Conshohocken, I don't think I'd ever date a girl who has performed it.

Well, I'm already off-topic and tired as a sperm in July (no, I don't know what it means), so I'm not attempting a segue to this quote of the day. It came a few weeks ago when Hassan, Meghan and I were talking about relationships, and Meghan introduced her theory on why so many relationships fizzle out after two years or so. And as unfortunate as it is, I think we all have to agree on some level...


Quote Of the Day 10/28

"...what used to be cute and endearing is now just annoying."



With me, it seems like I start out as annoying, and get possibly more annoying. That cute and endearing crap isn't for everybody anyway.


Just because I live in a teepee...
Screaming Cricket.


Still Standing Right Here...

That Line Between Here and Stalking

Hello again everybody. Sorry I fell off the edge of the earth last week, but it really ought to have a guard rail or something. Anyway, I went to our girls volleyball game this Sunday and SuperDave, my photographer friend, was taking pictures for the newspaper. Jokingly around, I asked him if he could get me some 9 by 12 glossies of a couple players. Well, he did. Which brings up a new question. Where is the line between mere admiration from afar and stalking? I mean, I have the picture, but it's not like I hung it up or anything. And I don't really follow her around as much anymore. Well, I at least don't wear the camouflage too much. At any rate, don't tell anybody about this. This information is personal and must not be shared with anyone outside of the designated hundred or so people. Because if word ever got out that I was stalking them again, it would just make it that much harder.

Alright, we (other people and myself) went to VA Tech this weekend for an ultimate frisbee tournament. We didn't necessarily "win" in the true sense of the word, but we made up for it by getting hurt. We all had a lot of fun, and as silly as the sport of frisbee sounds, it's really physically grueling. At least, that's what I was thinking as the ambulance pulled away. Well, as I was bitching about being sore on the way home, Katie was sympathetic to my situation and decided to put her two cents in...


Quote Of the Day 10/27

"Derek's worried about his bone. It's hard and flat here (pointing to my 'bone'), but it's like pointy here."
-Katie


I was already writing down her first sentence, but she just kept digging the hole.



Bouncing the bad check of fate,
Screaming Cricket.


Still Standing Right Here...

Plotting

Alright, guys. First of all, thank you everyone who was concerned about my whereabouts and well-being this past week, thank you sincerely. For the small few of you who thought I was in a dark studio animating an imp at a Halloween party and in hell for 17 hours in a row just to avoid you, I hope you get constipated this weekend. Well, I've now been up for 24 hours straight again. It's not necessarily a new thing, but it's litterally the third time I've done it this week. Thankfully, I have a restful weekkend of going to VA Tech to play ultimate frisbee, being on duty, andn someweher in there, planning about 45 questions for a reaaly complicated sex game show. I was so out of it Tuesady, I actually went up to Tanya, my Community director, and tried to call a time out from life. It turns out I only get three per half, and I used all mine up when I was seven. Who'd have thought? Well, I'm loking forward to 50. Until then, if anybody wants to sub in for me, I wouldn't mind sitting out for a play or two. Just watch the down, out and up. Don't bite the fake.

Well, that started out kinda funny and turned into a neat little metaphor for life (and a practical fottball lesson for several Good Guys). I go through thees mood swings when I'm tired. I thikn it's the estrogen. Anyway, the quote is one I got when I was talking to a freind of mine about a fight I had with a girl. It was sorta my fault adn I was worried she'd hate me. Well, I was excited when I told him vevrything was goi ng well. He taught me an important life lessonm...


Quote Of the Day 10/24

"Just becasue a woman is nice to you doesn't mean things are OK. She's probably plotting."
-Greg "ulterior motives guy"



I'm wearing a cup jsut in case.


The newest of life's injured reserves,
Dutsin.


Stil lStandirg RIhgre Hesrer./// (fuck it!)

Throwback QOTD - Stomphead

Rapid fire. Here comes another "best of" quote of the day. And I figured I'd make it another Billy-related one. OK, I'll write you all more when I'm not dead.


Quote Of the Day 10/23

**************************************************************************

Subject: quote of the day 3/13


Howdy do all? Well, STOMP!! came around this past weekend and was as live as ever. Man, dat show was def! Seriously, it was the third time I've seen it, and I was just as blown away as the first time. Anyway, they put on a show just for me on Saturday. Sure, a lot of people were there, but they were just a formality for tax purposes. The show was just for me. If I had the time and the money, I'd become a STOMP!! groupie. I'd follow them from city to city, sleep out for tickets, call myself a Stomphead and park my VW bug outside the Lyric with tie-dye push brooms sticking out the sunroof. But that's just me.

Alright, this quote came from Adam because he claims he stopped playing worms with me because he didn't want to be embarrassed on the quote of the day (We all know it's just because he doesn't want us to know just how incompetent he really is). But anyway, I wrote this one down a while back, and I just wanted to prove to him that you're never safe from the quote of the day around me (insert evil maniacal laughter here). Well, all that needs to be said about this is that it was in reference to me...


Quote Of the Day 3/13

"Billy, commence the fucking."
-The worse(?) half of Dumb and Uglier



Let the record show that he never even tried.


Empathizing with Marv Levy,
dustin.


Still Standing Right Here...

Throwback QOTD - Billy's Socks

Alright guys. I'm a little behind in my work, and I have decided that I'm going to take it upon myself to tell you freshmen out there an important lesson. What do you guys do if you have a paper due in like an hour and you're so behind, you haven't even started it? (let's pretend you already have 222 papers of similar style saved in a very accessible place? You recopy one of those. Lucky guess guys, but I'll still give you the star sticker. Anyway, that's what I'm doing. And since it's Billy's birthday today (actually, it was Wednesday), I've decided to pick a quote about him. Hope you all enjoy this nostalgic quote of the day:


Quote Of the Day 10/22

**************************************************************************



Subject: quote of the day 10/3


Some of you would be surprised at how fast I can type the phrase "quote of the day." I never timed it, but let's just say I can do it pretty darn fast.
I don't know if any of you have heard of Billy's latest venture, but he's recently taken the drawstring out of a pair of shorts, and was looking for a way to repair them easily. (Billy's definition of easily is quite different than a normal homo sapien's.) So what he does is takes a sock that he doesn't use as a sock anymore, and cuts it and sews it (using fishing wire) to his shorts to act as elastic. It works, but there is a very obvious sock sewn to his shorts, and it looks rather silly. But that's Billy for you. So next time you ask yourself what that funky thing is around Billy's waist, you can answer yourself too. That way, you can have a whole conversation with yourself. I take no responsibility for anything you do to yourself after that.

In response to Billy's explanation of what exactly he was doing to his sock...


Quote Of the Day 10/3

"Wow, Billy. You're like the MacGyver of clothes."
-Andrew (Jolly Rancher dude)



If only he were the MacGyver of homework.


Looking at socks in a whole new light,
Bungle Nut.


Still Standing Right Here...

(I can type that pretty fast too.)

Writing Tired

Morning guys. My hellish span of work is coming to a close soon, which means that I may be able to sleep again. Actually, right now I'm cutting into my sleep time to e-mail you guys. And I'm really going to need some before my presentation tomorrow, as I found out last night at my exam. I was up all last night writing a screenplay. I finished it at 10 this morning and quickly made 15 copies of this 26 page screenplay before class (we were supposed to). Don't ask me if it's any good. I haven't read it yet. I just remember trying to write dialogue while falling asleep on the keyboard.

Timeka
So, what the hell?

Tracy
I don't know.

Timeka
Damn.

Tracy
Well, what the hell?

Timeka
Shit, I dddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddd
dddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddd
dddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddd

That's approximately when I woke up. The keyboard was making an annoying gurgling sound. And then I had to stay up for another 12 hours to take a mid-term at 7 at night. I spent the entire girls volleyball match studying for that damn thing (well, I was sitting there with a book open at least. I think it was right-side-up). And then I got there and it turned out to be easy as cake. I was actually pissed that I left the volleyball game early to take the exam. I probably would have been out of there in half an hour, had I not decided to take a nap midway through the exam. Oh well. I'll get over having had an easy exam.

Alright. This quote was actually just said about 15 minutes ago when I started this message. I have no idea what Greg and Robyn were doing back there, but it's a feeling I'm sure we all can identify with.


Quote Of the Day

"OK, I'll hold your computer and you can beat it."
-Robyn "she of the stiff neck"



Alright, now Greg, you hold Robyn so I can beat her.


Too tired to be creative (sorry),
Screaming Cricket.


Still Standing Right Here...

My Coolest Professor

Well, there you are. I've been looking all over for you. Oh, by the way, for those of you who are new, I take the weekends off. I hope that doesn't inconvenience anyone. If you are really in need of a QOTD fix and can't go a weekend without one, let me know and I'll send you the "back issues" of Quote Of the Day for only $3.95 a magazine. Or maybe I'll just give 'em to you for free. It all depends.
Anyway, I am way freakin' busy this week, so don't be surprised if I get behind on this crap. I had to actually plan my week out hour by hour until Wednesday at 8:00 at night. Right now, I'm cutting into my 15 minute snack break. I hope you all appreciate that I starve for you. Also, because I'm as busy as I am, I won't be able to personally respond to you guys for a bit, but I wanted to say thanks for writing me anyway. It means a lot. Especially Tanner. Because he hurt his toe the other week, and to e-mail me in the condition he's in is just a display of what a trooper he is. (And he told me he felt guilty for catching a pass in the football game today because they only had 5 people and we had 7.) But anyway...

Sometimes I get material from places I never thought of. Like class. My animation teacher is one of the coolest professors I've had. He was describing to us this process called the "flicker-flame" method of animating. It involves taking a black piece of film, completely underexposed, and taking a razor and scraping the emulsion off of it all over the place. It creates this random, fast, and completely disturbing effect. He ends his demonstration of this technique by saying...


Quote Of the Day 10/20

"So if you ever want to make any mind-boggling, eye-hurting, epileptic fit-starting films..."
-SuperDan Bailey


Apparently I wasn't the only one who found the semi-popular technique disturbing.



Miles to go before I sleep,
Screaming Cricket.


Still Standing Right Here...

Wave Back, Damnit

I have a problem here. Or a complaint rather. Why do people that you know and that know you refuse to say hi at certain times. For example, I know the entire girls volleyball team. Like I've actually had conversations with each and every one of them. And conversations of actual worth also. Yet whenever I see them all together in the dining hall or something, I make eye contact, wave and get nothing back. And I've decided that's the worst feeling in the world too. Because you look and feel REALLY stupid. It's unavoidable. If you like fall over a curb and spill your books all over the place, you can make fun of yourself and crap, and you'll be embarrassed a little bit, but everything will be cool. But if you make direct eye contact with somebody, wave, say hi, and they walk by you like it was a mirage, there is no comeback. You can say something like "Oh, I guess you're too cool to wave to a dork in a pink hat like me, eh?" But then you look like an ass (the jerk part of ass, as opposed to the dork part of ass). So I've decided to take the following action: Wave, nothing, get embarrassed, get an ice cream cone, and when they're not looking, run by with a ski mask and throw it at them. Well, I'll get back to you on my progress with this theory. But the thing that gets me is that they all know me, and they all know that each one of them knows me, and one of them even has a crush on me (or did I get that backwards), but they still pretend they don't know me when there are more than like 2 of them. If they weren't all so damn cute, I'd end our relationship right now.

Wow, that took a lot longer than I thought. OK, Andrew may be gone, but Russ is here. He is by no means a replacement, but he's just as ugly, so we let him play with us. (?) Anyway, I can't even remember what happened to lead to this, and I don't particularly care to try, but this is something that could have only come out of Russ' mouth (and I'll bet Billy probably said it before sometime too)...


Quote of the Day 10/17

"I may be dumb, but I'm not outright stupid."
-Russ "littledick" Johnson


Actually, I don't think Billy knows what the word "outright" means. And yes, Russ, you are.



Collapsing under the pressure of my own weight,
Dustin "the exhausted" Fisher.


Still Standing Right Here...
(that's a lie)

My Busy College Life

Man, I can't believe how freakin' busy I am. You'd never think just by looking that an RA has to do so much damn work. On top of the normal expected crap like roaming the halls twice a night, running volleyball tournaments for 6 hours, and going to 2-hour long staff meetings every Thursday, we have to put up with all these freshmen asking us how they can get more "involved" and shit. Hey, you wanna get more involved? Change my damn calendar then! You're the one who's been complaining for the past 3 weeks that you have no idea what's going on. Just leave me alone so I can do the damn quote of the day. Yeah, that's another thing. E-mail, at least the way I do it, should be a 3 or 4 credit course. And as if that wasn't enough, I'm managing 5 intramural teams at the same time. And this is a slow period! Thank God I dropped all my classes or I might be in over my head.

As funny as the random sexual innuendos are, when you've been doing this crap for 3 years, they, as a complete hick would say, get in your crawl. There's only so much humor value in them before they start getting annoying. But they definitely are a crowd favorite. And occasionally, I'm in the mood for one. Oh, what the hell, let's do it!


Quote of the Day 10/16

"What's that white stuff on his thing?"
-Some chick they call "Shaggy"


You would've thought she'd be prepared.


Lobbying to add more hours to the day,
Suckworm.


P.S. - I don't really hate all you guys. I just have to pretend to once in a while so you don't get spoiled.



Still Standing Right Here...

Below the Law

Let me first tell you guys something about being an RA. Not that any of you guys actually thought this, but we are not above the law. Prior to last night, I was in Susquehanna (my home for the past 4 years) twice passed quiet hours, and I was warned for noise once and documented once. That's right. An RA documented for noise violation. How backstabbing is that? I mean, if you're a cop and you see another cop murder a family of four, you don't tell anybody! You have to protect your fellow employees. I mean, come on!
OK, I hope you all realize I'm kidding. I have nothing against the RA that documented me. Hell, I think it's kind of prestigious having been written up in the same dorm for noise violation 5 years in a row. That's got to be some kind of record or something.

At any rate, the quote has nothing to do with my documentation, being it wasn't really a funny night. It's actually a Billyism. I have come to realize how much easier the quote of the day was when I lived with Billy. If I was in a bind, all I had to do was hang around the room for 10 minutes and try to talk to him about something intelligent. Eventually he'd crack. And if I was really in trouble, I could just go down the hall to see Andrew (if I could separate him from his harem of women. And also if I could stand the smell). But anyway, I was talking to Billy about a certain girl who's name I will not disclose in this e-mail, and I said...


Quote of the Day 10/15

Me: "She's kinda cute."
Anonymous: "Yeah, but you don't know her. Once you get to know her, it goes away."


Oh yeah, I almost forgot. Billy wanted to remain anonymous for this quote, OK. So we don't know who said that, if you know what I mean. ;-)



Catch you later e-mail dudes,
dustin.


Still Standing Right Here...

Scheduling Sex

Hey guys. This is my second day in a row with a quote of the day. For those of you, who don't know any better, it's a special treat to get two quotes of the day in a row. Actually, it's really a special treat to get one at all. It's not like I'm getting any monetary compensation or anything. By the way, all donations are accepted.
Well, the summer is over finally and I'm back at school, which means that I got my life back. Unfortunately, it's still ramming its piping hot dildo up my ass, but this time it's got a sandpaper condemn on. Well, maybe it's not that bad, but I just wanted you all to think about my butt for a while.

Alrighty, folks. Back to business. I'm taking a class this semester called "Human sexuality in physiological perspectives." Alanis Morisette and Lorena Bobbit teach the class and the first thing that happens is all the guys line up and they kick us in the nuts. Other than that, it's a pretty decent class. Anyway, I wrote up my schedule, and had it lying around the room. Now, I'm not going to write down on a schedule "Human sexuality and favorite positions" or whatever it is on one of those tiny blue schedule. So I abbreviated it, and just wrote down "SEX." Robyn and Chris Kelly came into my room and Chris picks up the schedule and says to me...


Quote of the Day 10/14

"Wow. You have to schedule that in?"
-Chris Kelly


Well, when you're as busy as I am, you just gotta put everything down on paper. And you guys have no idea how many times I've skipped sex to play soccer. You have no idea how disconcerting it is to walk into sex late and find out they've already started without you.


Making bubbles in the wading pool of authority,
Screaming Cricket.


Still Standing Right Here...

Why We Don't Have Girlfriends

Is it late in here or is it just me?

Well, hello everybody out there in e-mail land. Sorry I'm late, but it turns out that being immortal takes up a hell of a lot of time (or was that "immoral?"). Well, anyway, the quote of the day is back (for now), and most of you know what that means, but for the new guys on the list, here's what this game entails: your part is simple. You just kinda sit there and read the quote of the day and maybe giggle and talk about it with you parents. Whatever. My job is the hard part. Every day, I find something that somebody said that struck me as funny or something, and I send it out to a hell of a lot of people. So watch what you say. Any small slips of the tongue could become public knowledge. Of course, I'm not going to be a dick and tell everybody that you're gay if you happen to tell me that. Especially not after last year (Sorry Billy). But if you happen to say stuff like "well, then I guess I'll have to go ahead and whack off your Timmy," "Yeah, I guess I do have a little head," or "There ought to be a law against women. I don't know what it should be, but there should be one. That would be cool.", then I may feel inclined to make it a quote of the day.

Before I get rolling like a tumbleweed through UMBC on the weekend, I have a few favors to ask of you guys. If I have forgotten anyone that you think would enjoy this, or even just be able to tolerate it, let me know. Also, if you don't get anything out of this, or if you hate getting all this crappy mail in a day, write back and I'll yank your ass off the list as fast as I yank... nevermind. Also, if you guys happen to see a redhead with a green jacket on campus, give her my name and tell her where I live. Even if she doesn't have a jacket on, let her know I'm looking for her. Hell, blond, brunette, bald, send 'em my way!

OK, here goes...
Mike (Yelnick) and I were walking through ACME at about 3:00 in the morning over the summer and having one of our usual conversations revolving around the topic "why can't we find women" or something of the like. The normal woman-bashing goes back and forth, and he tells me that there is a lady who works with who asked him if he had a girlfriend or not. To this, Mike, loser that he is, replied "no." She said "why not? What's wrong with you?" Well, it got us to thinking. What is wrong with us? Why don't we have girlfriends? And in the middle of ACME, right next to the lactaid, Mike has an amazing revelation:


Quote Of the Day 10/13

"I guess it's mostly because I don't ask."
-Mike "the wise"


Sounds kinda simple, but when it comes down to it, that's the bottom line.
Brilliant, Mike. Brilliant.



Love, pink hats, and volleyballs,
dustin.


Still Standing Right Here...