Double Feature Duel: The Final Four

Double Feature Duel:
The Final Four

Yes! Finally! We (I and whoever the hell else I forced to read this) made it through this Godforsaken tournament. Well, almost. The field has been whittled down to the Final Four. Three 10+ bug movies and a “Who did you sleep with to get here” 7-bugger from the DC Quadrant. And then after this, I can go back to updating my website with news about my pregnant wife, storytelling hijinks and bad sports metaphors.

But first, a few observances about the DC Quadrant:

7-bug Finalist: There were some higher-rated movies in this thing. At least 4 of them at an 8.5 or above. But they all found themselves duking it out on the bottom half of the bracket. Monster (9) squeaked out one over Crazy, Stupid, Love. (8.5) to barely get beaten by Sherlock Holmes 2 (9), who eventually lost to Midnight in Paris (8.5). By the time they were done beating on each other, they must have been too tired to compete with Super 8 (7).

Oscar Nominees: This is the time of the year I typically look to watch the Oscar Best Picture nominees. I saw three of them before the tournament was over, and though one of them made it to the finals of the DC Quadrant (Midnight in Paris), the other two were embarrassingly horrible (Tree of Life and Hugo). This does not bode well for the rest of the field.

Biggest Upset Ever: A 0-bug movie beat a 5-bug movie. That’s ridiculous. A lot of the points were given to Tree of Life just by default, but if I was Limitless, I may adjust my game plan for the next tournament.

And that’s it for now. Stay tuned for the Final Four and the conclusion of the biggest waste of my time in the last 9 months (purely a coincidence).

Double Feature Duel: Super 8 vs. Midnight in Paris

Double Feature Duel:
Super 8 vs. Midnight in Paris 

A movie by the creators of Lost against a guy who married a chick 35 years younger than him for thelast spot in the Final Four. I’m not sure who I’m rooting for.

Title: Super 8 once again for alluding to a time period while cleverly foreshadowing at least two scenes in this movie. All in 6 characters. (Point, Super 1-0)

Funnier: Midnight in Paris certainly has its funny moments, but I’ll go with the dialogue the kids have with each other over the more difficult-to-interpret Woody Allen-isms. (Point, Super 2-0)

Better Turn: The more I think about it, the more ridiculous that train scene was. But it was still just as awesome. (Point, Super 3-0)

Better Ending: By default and by design. (Point, Midnight 3-1)

Better Message: I really like that Midnight in Paris actually had a message, let alone a good one. One of Woody’s deathbed confessions of sorts. (Point, Midnight 3-2)

Better Acting: Sorry, Owen. I will pick Elle Fanning over you every time. Even in The Nines, when she doesn’t talk. (Point, Super 4-2)

More Creative: I like that we’re never really sure if Owen Wilson is dreaming all this or if it’s really happening. (Point, Midnight 4-3)

Poster: And you kinda knew Super 8 had this category in its back pocket. And it looks like it needed it. (Point, Super 5-3)

Watch again: This is a bit of an unfair question because I watched Super 8 twice in the span of 2 nights. Fortunately it doesn’t matter. (Point, Midnight 5-4)

Overall: And we have our first non 10-bug movie in the Final Four. Which makes sense since there weren’t any in this bracket. And so you know what an accomplishment this is, it’s like the 6 seed making it to the Final Four. In case any of you care. Winner: Super 8 (5-4)

Double Feature Duel (Rd3): Midnight in Paris vs. Sherlock Holmes 2

Double Feature Duel (Rd3):
Midnight in Paris vs. Sherlock Holmes 2 

Not since the first scored matchup has there been a Sweet 16 matchup with as high a combined Bug Score (17.5). For whatever that’s worth.

Title: I’m sticking with my rule of 5. SH2:AGOS is a marquee changers nightmare. (Point, Midnight 1-0)

Funnier: Whoa! Tough one. The ridiculousness of Adrian Brody playing Dali is one type of humor, but Robert Downey Jr is another. Actually, this isn’t a tough one. Sorry for misleading you. (Point, Sherlock 1-1)

Better Turn: I didn’t see it coming. Which is good enough for a point in a game that doesn’t matter. (Point, Midnight 2-1)

Better Ending: This really is a tough one for real. Well, no it’s not. (Point, Sherlock 2-2)

Better Message: In lieu of the better ending, I’ll wrap it up in the better message category. Because it deserves some recognition in this game that doesn’t matter. (Point, Midnight 3-2)

Better Acting: Rachel McAdams cancels herself out. Taking the lowest common denominator, that pits Jude Law and Downey Jr. against Owen Wilson and a bunch of kinda famous other people. Tiebreaker: Owen Wilson. And not in a good way. (Point, Sherlock 3-3)

More Creative: It’s getting tight! And though I’d give SH2 the “fun” award, I’ll have to go to Woody Allen for the Creativity category. (Point, Midnight 4-3)

Poster: Sherlock just doesn’t have a lot going for it. It was a good run. You’d have probably beat Super 8. (Point, Midnight 5-3)

Watch again: I’ll throw Sherlock a garbage point just out of respect. (Point, Sherlock 5-4)

Overall: Well, you weren’t able to take home any Oscars, but you made it to the Elite 8 in a game that doesn’t matter. How does that make you feel? Winner: Midnight in Paris (5-4)

Double Feature Duel (Rd3): Super 8 vs. It’s a Wonderful Life

Double Feature Duel (Rd3):
Super 8 vs. It’s a Wonderful Life 

A movie without an ending vs. a movie with only an ending. Could go either way.

Title: Trying to compare movie titles with a movie icon is a recipe for failure. But Super 8 has just the proper amount of spices to overcome that taste. (Point, Super 1-0)

Funnier: It’s a Wonderful Life surprisingly still had a few parts funny by today’s standards. But mostly, it didn’t. (Point, Super 2-0)

Better Turn: I do appreciate the stock market crash and the cancelled honeymoon, but the Final Destination-type train crash scene was borderline epic. (Point, Super 3-0)

Better Ending: No contest. (Point, Wonderful 3-1)

Better Message: Another no contest. (Point, Wonderful 3-2)

Better Acting: I think I like Elle Fanning more than I should. (Point, Super 4-2)

More Creative: Super 8 was super creative, but it shot itself in the foot with the alien reveal. It’s a Wonderful Life is so wedged into the culture that it’s hard to see as creative anymore. But it still holds up after 65 years and that’s got to count for something. (Point, Wonderful 4-3)

Poster: Again, I can’t say enough about the Super 8 poster. Brilliance. (Point, Super 5-3)

Watch again: Not that it needed this point, but I’m itching to watch Super 8 again. At least the first 75% of it. (Point, Super 6-3)

Overall: The battle of the 7s goes to the one that was supposed to have taken place 40 years ago, and yet that’s still 40 years more recently than the one it beat. Or something like that. Winner: Super 8 (6-3) 

Double Feature Duel (Rd2): Sherlock Holmes 2 vs. Monster

Double Feature Duel (Rd2):
Sherlock Holmes 2 vs. Monster 

Two 9-buggers meet in the last of the second round matchups. And these movies don’t have a lot of crossover.

Title: I err on the side of the one-word titles. Besides, the full title of Sherlock breaks the 7-word rule. (Point, Monster 0-1)

Funnier: What’s not funny about sexual assault and murder? (Point, Sherlock 1-1)

Better Turn: Not only is it dramatic, but it gets us to a place of understanding. (Point, Monster 1-2)

Better Ending: I do love the truth behind the end of Monster and the completion of the character, but Sherlock’s question mark was too funny. (Point, Sherlock 2-2)

Better Message: Not a lot of movies can get you to understand a serial killer. Especially not one from real life. (Point, Monster 2-3)

Better Acting: Love Downey and Law, but not even close. (Point, Monster 2-4)

More Creative: Guy Ritchie has fun with this one. (Point, Sherlock 3-4)

Poster: I think Monster may have actually been trying to look like it was made in the 80s or early 90s when the story took place. That doesn’t necessarily mean it’s better. (Point, Sherlock 4-4)

Watch again: I do love Monster and I put the documentary about the actual serial killer on my Netflix list, but Sherlock was too fun. (Point, Sherlock 5-4)

Overall: What a comeback! Downey Jr. takes the last spot in Sweet 16. And now the matches actually get easier. Winner: Sherlock Holmes 2 (5-4)

Double Feature Duel (Rd2): It’s a Wonderful Life vs. Tree of Life

Double Feature Duel (Rd2):
It’s a Wonderful Life vs. Tree of Life

This matchup may not be a lot of things, but it will certainly be full of life.

Title: Taking the lowest common denominator, we have “It’s a Wonderful” vs. “Tree of”. Tree of sounds incomplete whereas It’s a Wonderful sounds Italian. (Point, Wonderful 1-0)

Funnier: Staring at a rock for 2 hours is funnier than Tree of Life. (Point, Wonderful 2-0)

Better Turn: I’ll let somebody else go looking for a turn on a Mobius strip. (Point, Wonderful 3-0)

Better Ending: Cheesy, campy, silly, but it worked on me for sure. And nothing about Tree of Life worked for me. I can’t believe it made it this far. (Point, Wonderful 4-0)

Better Message: If the movie did nothing else, it drove home the “way of grace vs. the way of nature” point. Even if it was whispered in my ear like someone trying to get me in bed. (Point, Tree 4-1)

Better Acting: It’s tough to compare acting across decades. It’s like comparing apples to 50-year-old apples. Maybe if I got the point of the movie, I’d appreciate what it was that Tree of Life was trying to do. (Point, Wonderful 5-1)

More Creative: Some people think Jackson Pollack is creative. I see a devalued canvas (Point, Wonderful 6-1)

Poster: Sure, we’ll give you a garbage 4^th quarter touchdown. (Point, Tree 6-2)

Watch again: If all goes well with my life, I’ll never watch that movie again. (Point, Wonderful 7-2)

Overall: I still can’t believe a 0-bug movie got past the first round. That should give hope to the University of Vermont. Winner: It’s a Wonderful Life (7-2) 

Double Feature Duel (Rd2): Midnight in Paris vs. Horrible Bosses

Double Feature Duel (Rd2):
Midnight in Paris vs. Horrible Bosses 

Woody Allen’s Best Picture nominated film vs. a movie with Charlie Day. OK. Could be a good match.

Title: I didn’t watch True Lies for a long time because of how stupid the title was. Horrible Bosses is a little better than that. (Point, Midnight 1-0)

Funnier: Two very different kinds of humor. Horrible Bosses has that in-your-face low burlesque humor working for it, while Midnight in Paris has that high-brow intellectual non-funny type of humor. (Point, Bosses 1-1)

Better Turn: Horrible Bosses’ trailer was pretty much the turn. So I had already seen it. (Point, Midnight 2-1)

Better Ending: It was no Pineapple Express, but I think given an afternoon, at least 4 people in my wedding party could have come up with better endings. (Point, Midnight 3-1)

Better Message: The grass is always greener on the other side of a time-traveling horse-drawn carriage. (Point, Midnight 4-1)

Better Acting: Not to devalue Marion Cotillard’s cuteness and all the 1920s caricatures, but I loved Colin Farrell and Jennifer Aniston in their new calling as comedic villains. (Point, Bosses 4-2)

More Creative: A time traveling writer who longs for days of old only to find that others from the days of old long for days of older, and so on and so on. I’ll buy that. (Point, Midnight 5-2)

Poster: Horrible Bosses, Horrible Poster. (Point, Midnight 6-2)

Watch again: I’d certainly watch either over Tree of Life, but I’d like to sweep up the dirt I may have missed in Midnight in Paris. (Point, Midnight 7-2)

Overall: Sorry Charlie. Winner: Midnight in Paris (7-2)

Double Feature Duel (Rd2): Swimming To Cambodia vs. Super 8

Double Feature Duel (Rd2):
Swimming To Cambodia vs. Super 8

What if you took 3 hours worth of random scenes and told them in story form in about 80 minutes vs. what if Lost was condensed from 200 hours down to 2…

Title: Two favorites here, but I’ll go with the one that evokes thoughts of an era. (Point, Super 0-1)

Funnier: Very funny, but only if you’re in the mood for highbrow stuff. (Point, Swimming 1-1)

Better Turn: It’s a little tough to discern a turn in the sojourn Spalding burned. (Point, Super 1-2)

Better Ending: Maybe it wasn’t much for theatrics, but it didn’t ruin the movie. (Point, Swimming 2-2)

Better Message: To those paying attention, a lot was to be learned in that monologue. I think. (Point, Swimming 3-2)

Better Acting: I still don’t think that a word was misplaced in 8 straight minutes of monologue. (Point, Swimming 4-2)

More Creative: Bold, yes. But is sitting in front of a desk talking for 80 minutes creative? (Point, Super 4-3)

Poster: I think Swimming’s poster was done by Spalding Gray in the back of his car on the way to the DVD release. (Point, Super 4-4)

Watch again: There is another Spalding Gray monologue out there that I’d like to watch someday. And because of that, this loses. (Point, Super 4-5)

Overall: The most unique movie (if you believe that those two words can be put together like that) in this bracket almost pulled off the upset. But it didn’t. Go Elle Fanning! Winner: Super 8 (5-4)

Double Feature Duel: The DC Quadrant

Double Feature Duel:
The DC Quadrant

It’s finally time. The last of the 64 movies have been viewed and vetted and voted down to 8. And there’s already a new biggest upset ever with a 0-bug film actually advancing to the Round of 32 (0-bug Tree of Life defeated 5-bug Limitless). This system is definitely broken. And I finally got around to watching some Oscar nominations in this quadrant, but they only brought the QBA (Quadrant Bug Average) down, with the three of them only averaging a 3.83. Go figure. Not really a strong year for the Academy.

Well, let’s get this party underway because I’d rather spend my time writing to my unborn daughter than spending time doing on this hair-brained exercise to help me get inspired to write that I came up with shortly before I got married last May. Jeez.

And in “We’re cancelling the show you’ve already recorded 4 episodes for” fashion, I’m just going to post all these up here right in a row at a time that only the smartest DVRs will be awake to catch.

Review of Back to the Future

Review of Back to the Future

If you know one thing about me, you know that I get the hiccups every time I drive passed a cemetery. If you know two things, you know that I appreciate the Back to the Future series in the same way that the Hamburgler appreciates Hamburgers.

The trilogy came out on DVD back on December 17, 2002. Between Joe, Mike, Kevin and I, there were 15 copies of it given out for Christmas that year. Once the first two were opened, it was tough to disguise the surprise when someone was handed a wrapped box with a very familiar shape and weight. It was the best Christmas ever.

Almost ten years later, I finally opened the box. It seems that I have this hang up watching movies that I own unless they come on TV. Why the hell is that? I own the DVD, but I’ll only watch it when it comes on TV. In poor quality. With commercial breaks. I call it the Forrest Gump phenomenon.

Anyway, I watched the first movie. It was actually research for an assignment for class. So yes, I’m getting yet another useless degree with my time. But I thought it was now a good time to give a formal (as formal as I get) review for one of my 5 favorite movies of all time.

Here’s why I love this movie. It gets you with two stories that blend so seamlessly together that you don’t realize it. Marty McFly is both trying to get back to 1985 and trying to get his parents back together. The movie uses a variation of the Grandfather Paradox which may erase Marty from existence and oh – by the way – destroy the space-time continuum in the process if he doesn’t get his parents back together. If he completes that task, he must then find a way back to the future by harnessing the energy from a bolt of lightning. Failing this will not directly ruin the Universe, but it would still suck really bad because he has a date with a girl. The scheduled lightning strike (cleverly written into the story) gives Marty a deadline to get his parents back together. And it just so happens, the Fish Under the Sea Dance is on the same night as the storm. Perfect for the rising action at the end of the second act. Do these storylines make sense in the world of physics? The movie is about time travel. So no. But they make perfect sense within the world the movie creates. Which is what really matters.

Save for a silly line about the future earth’s gravitational pull and a bad special effect involving a disappearing hand, this movie was perfect. And then some. 10.5 bugs (out of 10)

Review of Super

Review of Super

I’m not sure where this fell in the recent steady stream of make-your-own superhero movies, but there’s unfortunately no way it won’t ever be looked at as anything other than the younger, uglier, low-budget brother of Kick-Ass.

That’s not necessarily a bad thing though. Rainn Wilson gives the movie a farcical tone before the DVD even comes in the mail. And it doesn’t take long to figure out this isn’t trying to live up to Kick-Ass either. The entire movie was shot with handheld cameras, they reinvented the jump cut and even the costume screamed “Sundance.” And I did mention that Rainn Wilson is the star of the movie, right?

You can pretty much guess the first act – loser guy loses his girl, gets mad at the world, dresses up like an idiot and decides to stop crime on his own. Slight wrinkle – he bashes people’s heads in with a wrench. Violently. As if there was another way to do that. I didn’t see that coming. Ellen Page works at a comic book store and wants to be his sexy, foul-mouthed sidekick. She is adorable, as usual. I may or may not have a crush on her which may or may not affect the buggage of this movie. Kevin Bacon also makes an appearance to make sure he can connect himself to the younger actors.

The movie had some fun moments, in spite of the wrenching fight scenes (pun intended). Bacon’s death scene had surprisingly decent social commentary, followed by Rainn’s epilogue, which was also quite moving. You know, for a Rainn Wilson movie. I found myself describing the movie as absurd, but not ridiculous. That’s how torn I am about this movie. I’m making shit like this up. 5.5 bugs (out of 10)

Review of Hanna

Review of Hanna

The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo meets Now and Then. The first act of the movie is all about this teenage girl raised in the wilderness violently killing people to club music. The second act was the same girl learning how to have a friend and kiss boys. In the third act, she becomes a clown and runs a cat farm.

This movie was interesting. Interestingly weird, to be more specific and grammatically awkward. The music – which I found out afterwards was performed by The Chemical Brothers, which made a lot of sense – was very clubby and strange. But it went with the creepy zooms and erratic cuts. (Ed note: I’ve had to go to the thesaurus 3 times so far to find synonyms for “weird.” It seems to be the only way I can think of to describe this movie). I like mood setting, really I do. But this was jarring, and a sharp contrast to a movie I feel like wanted to take itself seriously, justifiably so.

Saoirse Ronan played Hanna wonderfully, but please don’t ask me to pronounce her name. The story involved some CIA cover up of a DNA breeding program that Hanna was a part of. It played with the concept of letting a little bit of information leak to the viewer at a time, which was enough to hold my interest. The best scenes though, were that of her falling into favor with this traveling family, specifically the makeup wearing, boy-crazy teen mentor which reminded me of every Gabby Hoffman movie ever made. And that’s a compliment, for those that couldn’t tell. If only it weren’t  so darn… what’s the word I’m looking for?

Also of note is that she didn’t really become a clown and run a cat farm. That was a dream I had. Related note: I don’t recommend eating calamari after midnight. 6 bugs (out of 10)

Review of Chasing Sleep

Review of Chasing Sleep

Yes. I found this movie on Netflix streaming at 5am when I couldn’t fall asleep. I’m that simple. It was either that or Wide Awake. The irony did not help me sleep.

This is a play that somehow wound up on film with Jeff Daniels. The film itself seems to have agoraphobia. There are shots of the outside from the house, so we know it exists, but the camera dares not leave. It creates a mood of panic similar to that of Das Boot, but with a lot more subtlety. The film’s strength lies in never quite telling you exactly what was going on. It was forcibly shot from Jeff’s perspective, and (surprise!) he hasn’t been asleep in days.

His wife has gone missing. She was having an affair with an angry Gym teacher who may have killed her. Or maybe Jeff Daniels killed her. And maybe he knows he killed her and maybe he doesn’t. The movie never lets you in on exactly what happened – and it never lets you know if Jeff knows what happened either. His insomniatic psyche becomes another character in the film.

Daniels plays the role superbly, reminding us that he’s more than Lloyd from Dumb and Dumber. And though it was molasses-level slow in parts, I didn’t fall asleep. Good for the movie, not good for the Dustin. 6 bugs (out of 10)

Review of Zombieland

Review of Zombieland

So many friends and critics told me I had to see this. So I finally did, despite the fact that it’s called Zombieland. And holy shit, it was funny.

I don’t know what America’s obsession is with zombies. The term “critically acclaimed” should never be used to describe a TV series about zombies. Thriller perfected the use of zombies. They danced. They moved weird. They wore red leather jackets with too many zippers. They should have been retired after that. But much like crotch-hugging bell-bottoms, zombies are back in style.

But Zombieland knew what it was and didn’t take itself seriously, as evident from the opening credits. And now I know where Jesse Eisenberg came from. He is hilarious in this movie. Woody Harrelson was also hilarious in this movie, but he came from a bar in Boston and I already knew that. I could watch the scene with Bill Murray every day until I die and it will still make me laugh. Well, if I die in the next couple weeks for sure.

Also, Emma Stone is in this movie and that’s worth mentioning.

I hate zombies. I have a thing against them that I can’t fully explain right now, but I’m guessing it’s because I don’t like gratuitous horror movies and zombies are largely featured specifically just to add gore. But with Zombieland, much like a Mind Eraser, you have to get through that initial gag reflex and the taste of turpentine and it turns out the drink is pretty damn good. And you can never go back into certain Jacksonville night clubs again. 8 bugs (out of 10)

Review of Married to the Mob

Review of Married to the Mob

I cannot put myself back in 1988 to remember what movies were like then. But if this movie came out today, I don’t think Jonathan Demme would have gotten to make Silence of the Lambs.

Maybe it was customary of the times to make a comedy without funny parts. But I prefer my comedies to be funny. I’m just assuming it was billed as a comedy from my memory. But if it wasn’t, there should have been some drama, action or romance in there instead. Or a lesson on how to make falafel. I’ll dismiss certain obvious sins of the times, like the film quality, lack of effects, the overuse of close-ups, the ridiculous use of slo-mo and the God-awful wipe transitions that fell out of a bad sitcom. But the movie was just so damn boring. If you could wade through the first hour of caddy girls with accents yelling at each other, the payoff was an awkward forbidden romance that was old and tired even for 1988.

There was also a boom mic as obviously in a shot as I’ve ever seen, to the point that I thought it couldn’t possibly be a microphone. Yet, it was. The climax was as anti-climactic as I’ve ever seen. I couldn’t decide what was worse – the writing, the shooting or the editing. One thing I have decided is that it doesn’t really matter. 3 bugs (out of 10)

Review of The Hangover 2

Review of The Hangover 2

The best thing about this movie is that is wasn’t any worse than I thought it would be.

The Hangover 2 blurs the lines between sequel and remake. Same characters, same story, new location. To recap: Somebody’s getting married. Three characters wake up with no recollection of what happened. Someone is missing and they have to piece together what happened. Some weird shit and bad puns happen along the way. Zack Gigglefecus falls over stuff, Ed Helms screams and makes faces, Brad Cooper has blue eyes. Fade out.

The script asks Zack to do a little too much and exploits his inability to act. The surprise of the tattoo was over about three months before the movie hit the theaters, so we didn’t really need the reveal they gave it. The movie was filmed in Shanghai but was written in Writers Contrivance Village. Be prepared for a lot of sperm humor. Though it does play Downeaster Alexa almost in its entirety on the flight overseas and Ed Helms plays a parody of Allentown. That alone earned it back a bug and a half. 4 bugs (out of 10)

Review of Blue Valentine

Review of Blue Valentine

I thoroughly enjoyed this movie. And not just because Michelle Williams spent about a third of the time with her legs up in the air.

This is a portrait of a blue collar family and until I just now typed the word, I didn’t draw the comparison to the movie title. Coincidence vs. Irony argument aside, I enjoy movies that don’t lie to the audience. I also enjoy a nice heaping mound of deceit in the form of a flying Delorean, but I enjoy movies trying to depict what it’s actually like to be in a relationship, unlike everything Meg Ryan has ever been in.

I’ve gotten myself lost again.

Blue Valentine phases back and forth between the romantic beginnings of a relationship and the dramatic end of that relationship. The conversations, especially the petty fights from the latter part of the relationship chronology, would have hit the cutting room floor in most Hollywood studios. But Derek Cianfrance grabs that emotion by the nads and exposes it to the world. Who hasn’t gotten irrationally angry about your partner running into an ex? And who hasn’t gotten irrationally defensive about telling your partner about that run-in? And who hasn’t been upset about something – but when confronted with the whole relationship unraveling – turns that anger into desperate cries of “We can make it work” only to hear the brutal reality that the two of you can’t stop treating each other bad? If it wasn’t so painful, I would have watched that scene 20 times.

Michelle Williams was brilliant and worth the Oscar nomination and when the hell is Ryan Gosling going to get the respect he’s earned? Yeah, he’s sexy. But Brad Pitt was sexy once. You can be both sexy and a good actor.

This movie isn’t for everybody. It flirts with infidelity and pornography, it’s slow in parts and it’s depressing in others. But it’s the honest depiction of a relationship I’ve been crying to be made since John Kevin Boggs shouted out “Meg Ryan is a fucking liar!” 9.5 bugs (out of 10)

Review of Drive

Review of Drive

Before I will address whether or not I consider this an Oscar snub, can somebody please tell me why this was shot like it was an 80s movie? The music and the opening credits all pointed to this being a sequel to Silk Stalkings. Years from now, does Albert Brooks just want the world to look back at this movie and think he was just ahead of his time? But they still used cell phones and Al referenced his life back in the 80s. So I guess this was a meta-movie, kinda like The Player and Get Shorty? Or just a gimmick without reason.

So was Albert Brooks snubbed for an Oscar nom this year? Let’s start the movie. The opening scene was phenomenal. Ryan Gosling is a Hollywood stunt driver who moonlights as a freelance getaway driver who pulled a job before those confounding credits even came on. He has his 5-minute rule and once his criminal clients pulled the job and got in the car, he and the movie took off. The scene was brilliantly shot without any dialogue. All the audio came from the police scanner and the broadcast of a Clippers game. He dodged, hid, outran and escaped into the parking garage just before the Clippers game let out. Awesome.

Then the movie started. Nothing like that ever happened again. His life as a freelance getaway guy was all but completely dismissed in favor of a tired plot with a reluctant hero who gets accidentally mixed up in some mob business. There’s a cute love story – but without the sex – so as to let you know that he’s just a nice guy. He just wants to be her friend and spend time with her son and help her ex-con husband get rid of some skeletons. There was a lot of staring in this part of the movie. Which Ryan Gosling and the chick from An Education (Casey Mulligan) happened to be very good at. This is contrasted with a high dose of violence: heads getting stomped in, chicks getting shot in the face, forks going in people eyes. It was a little more than it needed, but after those hot pink credits, who knows what’s going on in Albert Brooks’ head.

In the end, Gosling gets the girl and her kid some money and some safety and kills all the bad guys. But he gets stabbed in the process and sits in a car bleeding seriously form the stomach. Maybe he’s dead. Maybe he’s not. The camera pans to his eyes. Will they blink? If they don’t then this is just like Inception. If they do, then they didn’t have the guts to leave it ambiguous. They can’t win. Gosling blinks. Then he drives off, leaving the audience to wonder if this was the first time he’d done this or not. Maybe in the sequel, we can explore this getaway character a little more rather than get him caught up in a cookie cutter mob movie. I’m not much of a fan of the nominees this year, but this was no snub. 5.5 bugs (out of 10)

See.

Dustin Tells the Story of His Father

Dustin Tells the Story of His Father

Happy 17th Birthday, Quote of the Day! This is a story I told in January for Better Said Than Done on the theme of "Family." It's an excerpt from a piece of writing I started in my memoir class about my father. There is one uncomfortable moment in there - and it's labeled as such - but rest assured, it was meant as a joke. Those that know dad already know this. Either way, enjoy the story of my father.

Review of 50/50

Review of 50/50

Somebody made a comedy about cancer. Very dangerous. Especially when you consider that Seth Rogan is in it. Spoiler alert: He plays a pothead. It’s like Roberto Benigni bouncing lines off of Tommy Chong in Life is Beautiful. My intense dislike for Seth aside, it was tastefully done. Mostly.

Seth did not disappoint. In under five minutes, he was already talking about fuck and dick and shove it down her throat. I powered through his scene-stealing stand-up routine in hopes he would disappear into the background once the plot took form. Thankfully, that happened. Mostly. He eventually let the star of the movie have a couple words in edgewise and proved to be best when playing the wing man role that he should have been from the start. The bar scene where he was trying to figure out how long into a conversation to bring up cancer in order to get him and Joseph Gordon-Levitt laid was great. The scene where JGL and Bryce Dallas Howard were breaking up and he decided to take over the camera sucked me so far out of the moment, I thought I was watching Pineapple Express again.

The story goes how you think it would. A young dude gets cancer, his selfish girlfriend leaves him, his selfish pothead friend turns out to be a good dude, his mom is scared, the doctor is unsympathetic and everything is touch and go until he escapes the surgery cancer-free.  Don’t worry. I didn’t ruin anything.  Clichés abound in this film, from the doctor glancing over the word “cancer” when he first mentions it in mid-sentence, a father with Alzheimers, a wet-behind-the-ears social worker who replaces the girlfriend as a love interest (played beautifully by Anna Kendrick) and a last chance make-a-wish fulfilled. Mostly.

Even considering all the clichés, the predictable plot and the Seth Rogan factor, the movie had its moments, both funny and emotional. The selfish pothead friend actually had a book on cancer in his bathroom and there was a little misdirection with a phone call to Anna in the final scene before the surgery. The movie pulled off what they set out to do and Seth Rogan didn’t ruin the film. Mostly. 6 bugs (out of 10)