Downward Spiral Fantasy Football League - Meet the Players

Downward Spiral Fantasy Football League - Meet the Players

You probably already got an automated e-mail from Yahoo! reminding you of your draft time tomorrow night (Thu 9/1 @ 8:30pm). Well, now you’re getting an unautomated e-mail from me. Just so it feels more real. And just so you know who you’re up against:

“DustinMadeMe” a.k.a. “Evil Joe” Experience Level: Rookie Motivation: I made him. Football History: Wavers back and forth between being a Redskins and Ravens fan. Will likely have Kelly run his fantasy team for him. Dustin History: Hosted our wedding at his house. Good guy. “Evil” nickname slightly misleading.

“Dustin Made Me Too” a.k.a. “The Wife” Experience Level: Rookie Motivation: Promised she would join if Evil Joe did. Football History: Is from Texas. Has heard of it. Makes me shut it off whenever possible. Dustin History: Still agreed to spend the rest of her life with me back in May.

“ExcessiveCelebration” a.k.a “Tone-Def” Experience Level: Beginner (played once 10 years ago) Motivation: Got married last year. No excuses anymore. Football History: Played center for the “Good Guys” men’s football team in our heyday. Was a part of the 1998 historic ZBT collapse that still apparently haunts me. Dustin History: Let me live with him for 3 years. Unsuccessfully tried to teach me how to be an adult.

“HobNoGood” a.k.a “Tom’s Better Two Thirds” Experience Level: Advanced Motivation: Needs reason to spend time away from Tom. Football History: Has been with Downward Spiral since beginning. Last in 2006. First in 2007. Streaky. Dustin History: Very little. Knows my last name. Have conversed on the facebook.

“Justincredibles” a.k.a “Six Four” Experience Level: Advanced Motivation: Habit, Apathy Football History: Has also been with Downward Spiral since beginning. Second in 2006 and 2008. Can’t win the big one. May have cheated to get my bro-in-law out of the playoffs in 2006. Strangely is a Vikings fan. Dustin History: Once almost put a hole in my floor by getting bodyslammed by two guys both weighing over 400 pounds each.

“Mike Vick in a Box” a.k.a “The Best Man” Experience Level: Rookie Motivation: Curiosity, Isolation Football History: Lives in Indy. Waited on Reggie Wayne and Marty Schottenheimer. Different days. Dustin History: I got drunk for the first time on his 21st birthday in a tent in Santé Fe. Was the best day of his life.

“P-City Allstars” a.k.a “Perpendicular Keith” Experience Level: Advanced Motivation: Doing me a favor to make an even # of teams Football History: Played safety on Touchdown My Pants for 6 seasons. Had kid. Retired. Dustin History: Let me live with him for a year. Invented 11 ping-pong paddle grips together. Bailed me out of jail.

“Pump Fists Not Gas” a.k.a “Jersey Girl” Experience Level: Intermediate Motivation: Personal rivalry, Vengeance, Seeking painless connection to Ohio Football History: Lost the last two championship games to a superior team. Dustin History: Also from east coast. Spent two tragic years in Ohio together. Besides John Trainor, the only other person I convinced to do a stand-up routine.

“Vicktorious” a.k.a “D Rec” Experience Level: I do this for my job Motivation: Introducing game to friends, Reason to make Jenn watch football, Arrogance Football History: Called Jenn in the third quarter of the Eagles/Giants game last year to go look at a house. Saw DeSean’s TD return at Outback hours later. Dustin History: Most.

“Wads of Cows” a.k.a “Boatwad” Experience Level: Intermediate, Participates regularly in live drafts, Often tries to draft players already on other rosters Motivation: Joining old friends in new league, Insatiable need for attention Football History: Hosts Superbowl parties with TV on mute. Wears Patriots jersey. Will draft Tom Brady too high. Dustin History: Owns a boat.

Try to get to the room 10 minutes early if you can in case your watch stopped 10 minutes ago. You may actually have to physically click on something that says “draft central.” It’s not hard. Or don’t worry about it at all if you plan to autodraft. But plan to delete annoying messages from me much like this one once a week or maybe never again depending on how much time I have. Good luck.