Review of "Star Wars: Phantom Menace"

Review of "Star Wars: Phantom Menace"

Well, I was a dork and saw Star Wars: the Phantom Menace the day it came out. But at least I didn't wait in line for tickets. I let my slightly dorkier roommate take care of that. And I figure that it's been almost a week, so for the 5 of you out there who haven't seen it yet, you might not want to continue reading this until you've already watched the movie at least once. Stryker saw it 4 times before he came back into work Monday. He redefines the word "dork." But enough about him, you're probably asking yourselves "what did Dustin, oh wise elastic guru of the film generation, think of the much awaited and overpublicized prequel of the already highest grossing trilogy in world history to our knowledge?"

It didn't suck.

I'll elaborate... Is there anybody else out there that felt that Chris Tucker's character in the Fifth Element ruined the movie for them? Well, Jar Jar Binks is less annoying. But not by much. He has this grating, squeaky voice with an unrecognizable accent and speaks in broken English worse than Yoda's. And he refuses to keep his dirty-ass tongue anywhere near the inside of his mouth. They even made a $7 lollipop (the kind where they put $6.75 of plastic around a regular lollipop) called the "Jar Jar Binks Monster Mouth Candy Tongue," in which you are forced to French kiss this hideous sidekick creature-thing. (Actually, it's probably closer to $0.50 of plastic and $6.25 of Lucas copyrights). The thought makes me never want another lollipop as long as I live. Who knows what his tongue tastes like? Probably artificial cherry, but I'm not taking the chance.

Anyway, this guy and random other Lucasville creations were too distracting too overlook. He's clumsy and stupid. At least C3PO and Chewbacca were helpful and humble. They didn't hog the spotlight from Mark Hamill, who can't really act anyway. But this Jar Jar guy is in about 85% of the film. Thank God Natalie Portman was in the whole thing. Then there's the kid. I didn't think he could act at all. But it's kinda tough to tell with dialogue as poor as what it was. I've never really cared for the dialogue in the Star Wars films though, so this film was about on par for the series. But the effects were awesome, as you would figure. In fact, I think a lot of the effects went unappreciated by me because I was already expecting them to be good. When you go see it a second time, pay attention to the sound effects during the pod race (and go see it in a theater with surround sound). And that's another thing. Everybody I know tells me I need to go see the movie a second time because it's so much better the second time. Well, I'm having problems accepting the fact that I'm not intelligent enough to get it all the first viewing.

But I guess anything is possible.

I'm not going to bother critiquing the story because I'm sure I'd piss off some Star Wars droid out there. I didn't follow it from conception. I haven't done any of the research required to understand every little thing that is going on. I don't own any Star Wars paraphernalia at all. I got a Jar Jar pog from Pizza Hut and set it on fire. I feel bad for Star Wars fans. Because even if they didn't like it, they have to pretend they did to save face with respect to the rest of us, who ignored all the hype and went to see it on our own leisure. I didn't dress up like Darth Vader or that Undertaker-looking dude. Imagine if you dressed up to go see the newest film in your favorite series and you didn't like it. Would you have the guts to tell anybody that? Or would you look straight at the lens of the channel 8 news camera and go "It was awesome!"? I'd do the same thing if "A Bug's Life II, Flik Goes to Hollywood" sucked. Keep in mind, I'm not saying Star Wars sucked, I just think it pales in comparison to the hype it's been getting. Kinda like Jurassic Park II, The Lost World. Except that sucked. Rating this film is difficult in many ways. For one, I don't know the entire background of The Trade Federation, Palpatine, and Naboo like a real Lucasfilms junkie. Secondly, I fell asleep several times during crucial moments in the movie. Thirdly, I'm biased by all the hype. Even someone as self-proclaimed numb to the media as myself couldn't help but be influenced at least a little bit by all the damn tokens and placemats and the first 8 pages of the new Toys R Us catalogue. So I'm rating this film with respect to 3 different axis. First, as a part of the series, I'll give it 8 bugs. I guess it follows the story pretty good. Maybe. Second, as a kid's movie, I'll give it 9 bugs. The kid hero gets everything right, and there are lots of neat bungling Gungans in it. And they don't curse at all either. At least not in English. As a regular movie that I went to see to be entertained, I give it only 6 bugs. The Matrix was much better. Maybe I'll change my mind when I see it a second time, plebian that I am. But for now, it gets only 6 bugs. The annoying factor was just too high.

I have no quote for you. I'm very sorry. Actually, I'm going to quote John from the message he sent me about the new Star Wars movie (which is where I got any actual Star Wars related facts that you may have read in this review). It's not fall down belly laughter, but it's topical and relevant...

Quote of the Day 5/21/99

"Look, go see it again, I'm tellin' you. Your opinion might not change, but at least you'll be sure you really do hate it."

-Boba Fett Freak

That's actually how I get stuck in so many relationships.

Putting the lid lid on Jar Jar,

Fun Solo.


Still Standing Right Here...

Warning

Hey. This is just a warning to all of you not to read the next message (5/21/99) unless you've already seen Star Wars. It will taint your view of the film, and that's the last thing I want to do to you lovely people. You may read whatever other one I finally get around to sending that you choose, but just let this one sit untouched in your inbox until you go see the movie. That's all. I gotta go send that message now. Oh, it's long too. Prepare accordingly. Thanks.

D.

Rebound

Rebound

A long time ago, I made Wednesdays optional. I don't know if you all remember that. Well, I'm playing that card right now.

I love this quote. This quote reminds me of why I took the job in the first place. It's funny, it's a social commentary on dating, and it's grammatically correct to boot. I was talking to an ole buddy of mine, Jason Varga, and a guy named Jeff who I've seen before about dating. Jason said that he couldn't come to the volleyball house with us Friday because he had a date. I was being facetious and said something to the effect of "it's not a date if you've been going out with the girl for two years already." He replied that he had broken up with his girlfriend about 2 months ago. I was proud of the guy. Two months out of that crappy relationship and he's already got a date. Nice work. It's been two years for me and I'm still not doing so good. Jeff chimed in that he had been out of a relationship now for two weeks. Being as though it was the topic of conversation, I asked him if he had started dating again, to which he responded...

Quote Of the Day 5/20/99

"I thought I did, but apparently we were just 'hanging out.'"

-Some guy Jeff


That's kinda how I feel about my job.

'Hanging out' with Tony and Flynn,

Screaming Cricket.


Still Standing Right Here...

Bad Toes

Bad Toes

I'm getting cranky and anxious, so I'm going to spare you all a long paragraph about nothing in particular. I was backing out of my chair today, and accidentally clocked Gary (my boss) in the knee. He made this face and grunted something that I could have sworn sounded like "you're fired," but he just sucked it up like a real man and shook it off. He told me that I got him in the good knee too, to which I replied that he didn't have any good knees. He agreed and retorted...

Quote Of the Day 5/18/99

"Yeah. My only good knees are my toes."

-Boss Man Gary


I don't know what it meant, but it was random enough to make me laugh.

FaTKiD groupie,

ExTEndO.


Still Standing Right Here...

Puke, Documentaries and Little Girls

Puke, Documentaries and Little Girls

I guess I'll take this time to explain that last not-so-sonnet you guys got this weekend. Friday night, a 13-year not-puking streak came to an EXTREMELY abrupt end. I hate beer. The overall concept of it isn't too bad, but I can't stand the taste. I tried to "acquire" it a little too late in my career. So now I think it sucks. Since it takes so much more beer than vodka to get drunk, I decided to try to go the vodka route Friday night. The problem with that is that I have no idea how to mix vodka and orange juice. Apparently, my one to one ratio was a little heavy on the vodka side. So anyway, I partied hard for an hour or so, then "took a nap" on the couch. Here's a brief description of my thought process when I "woke up:" I opened my eyes and felt this feeling I haven't felt in... well, hell, I couldn't remember how I felt back when I was 11. Anyway, I felt it coming, and I immediately headed for the bathroom. I got about one step toward it. This was no longer an option. So I just aimed away from any electronic equipment. That was the best I could do at that point. Trust me. So anyway, now there's a big stain on Brian's rug where I will be forever immortalized. And smelled. Any other information you want about that night is included in your sonnet. I'm done talking about it now.

Before the quote, I have 2 announcements: First of all, if you haven't seen my film, "Nothing But Rim, the World's Worst Basketball Team" in wide screen format (the way it was meant to be viewed), it's playing on campus in another film festival Thursday night. Let me know if you want to go. I am. And I'm really excited about it. You'll get some serious brownie points if you come. It's in Fine Arts 306 sometime after 8:00. I'll let you know more as it happens. Secondly, we're holding a contest to name our kitten. We currently call it "Baby," though we are aware of the fact that it will not be small forever. That's why we need a new name. The kitten is all black with a little white on its underbelly and it acts just like every other cat. It's a girl too, if that helps. So far, the best ideas we have for it are Jiggy, Rockwell, and Baffled By String (Indian heritage name). What we're looking for is some sort of name that will help us pick up chicks. The winner gets a lifetime supply of Meow Mix. All entries will be considered. The sooner the better, as my RAM is already kind of low.

Geoff and I are gearing up for camp this summer. We have our gator skin balls, snoopy band-aids, and handcuffs (those are for the lifeguards) all ordered for the semester. One of the campers was in here taking swimming lessons tonight. She decided to pass some time by hanging out in the office and getting harassed by Geoff. See, her mom was born June 12th, and she was born June 13th. So Geoff said "So your mom is only one day older than you?" She tried unsuccessfully to try to explain that her and her mom were born in different years, but Geoff's sadistic persistence wouldn't let her. About 10 minutes into the eavesdroppingly grueling conversation, she decided to use the following stand, which Geoff also shot down:

Quote Of the Day 5/17/99

Little girl: "You know how you were born in a year?"
Old mean guy: "No I wasn't. It took me 9 months."

She must be thinking of elephants.

Worlds Worst Basketball Documentarian,

Throws Cats Far.


Still Standing Right Here...

Review of "American History X"

Review of "American History X"

Well, I watched a movie last week that could have potentially changed my life if I already thought I was a racist Nazi asshole. That movie, for those of you who haven't seen or heard of it yet, is American History X. And it is GOOD. But I'll be the first to warn you. It's not a date movie. If you show this to a girl right before you plan on making the moves on her, abort. Save the moves for after Shakespeare In Love or Titanic. Or even The Waterboy. Don't be led on by the first scene where there are graphic shots of Ed Norton banging Fairuza Balk (from the Waterboy, coincidentally enough). It's all downhill from there. Hey. Sorry, I got a bit off track there. My point is that this movie is not a happy movie. It's funny in two minute doses when it needs to be, and I think that even only happened once. Ed Norton plays a bad-ass Nazi racist respected by all his Nazi clan, especially after he goes to jail for 3 years for brutally killing two black guys who had just broken into his truck. The movie takes place after he gets out of jail, but about 1/2 to 2/3 of it were very well placed black and white flashbacks. I don't want to give away any parts of the movie, because I think everybody on this list should go see this film. It illustrates a very powerful message in an extraordinarily poignant and touching way, though some say it needlessly digs up old social wounds. And it has nothing to do with Spike Lee.

This film had the misfortune of being rented and viewed on the same weekend as A Bug's Life. However, it had the fact that it had absolutely nothing in common with the kiddie flick going for it. It's like comparing apples and Bob Saget. All in all, I am giving this film an unprecedented 10 bugs. I could find absolutely nothing wrong with the film, with the possible exception that it made me want to cry in a room with 4 other heterosexual guys in it, which in case you all didn't know, is a real no-no. I think everybody out there should see the film at some point in their lives. Just not on a first date.

This quote came as a response to a response that I had to a quote that I wrote a long time ago that was said an even longer time ago. (?!?) Same statement, less vague: This January, I wrote a quote that happened over two years ago now in which Suzanne was making a play off of the internet joke circulating around called "Girlfriend 5.1" by asking if anybody was interested in a Girlfriend 2 and 3 quarters. To this, laughter ensued. I finally got around to quoting her on Jan 30th and as I occasionally like to do, I put in my own commentary under the quote saying "I've been looking for a more current version of Girlfriend. Masturbation 5.1 gets old when you have to play it every night." Well, Proznik had a smarter ass reply back then, and I hope I've at least recreated it enough for you guys to appreciate it on some level...

Quote of the Day 5/14/99

> I've been looking for a more current version of Girlfriend.
> Masturbation 5.1 gets old when you have to play it every night.

That's why I'm into multiplayer games.

-Proz X


I've really been in need of some newer software ever since my floppy drive was reinstalled.

Not quite a Pentium,

Screaming Cricket X.


Still Standing Right Here...

Ode To the New Stain On Your Rug

Ode To the New Stain On Your Rug
-a not-so-sonnet by Dustin Fisher

I puked on your rug. That's right. I'll admit it.
And I'm almost actually glad that I did it.
It taught me a lesson to which all should adhere
About the difference between bad vodka and beer.

Beer can be drank with reckless abandon.
Bad vodka will seldom leave a skinny boy standin'.
Go look in the cabinet. I hadly drank any.
I'm a wus and I know it, but I left you guys plenty.

Though I'm mostly to blame and I will take the fall,
Those drinking "games" likely did not help at all.
You guys wouldn't let up, not one little bit.
You're all little vindictive pieces of shit.
Tell Justin and Kristen and Angie that too.
And that one chick Amanda that I hardly knew.

That's another bad thing about drinking too much.
It's harder to pick up on women and such.
I'll never get laid with my puke on the ground.
Thank God they've all already once turned me down.

Well, I should get going, I've got stuff to do.
And I'm hungover and possibly still drunk too.
But please heed these words from a corn puke survivor,
I'm going back to beer, man. Fuck the screwdriver!

Playing Around

Playing Around

Well, I've gotten a lot of response to the circle prank. I think I might have all 8 people now. But Stryker and I were talking more about it today, and the plan has gotten more elaborate. We figured that even if our air-tight plan accidentally let one or two people through, traffic would still be backed up for miles. Unless that guy just happened to be some sort of traffic circle vigilante and slowed down enough to let everybody else in. So, with our new amendment, we're going to need 4 more cars. Their job (Stryker and Harris have to be two of them) will be to be the first car in line at all four of the entrances to the circle. They just have to sit at the intersection and beep really loudly and curse at us, but not go anywhere. And no one is to know that they are working in conjunction with us. They also have a second job. When the cops finally do come to get us, they have to distract them with their bitching and complaining long enough for us to make our getaway. It's a tough job, but if anybody can do it, Stryker and Harris can. I say we do it during finals week about half an hour before an exam time. That'll put the exclamation point on our prank. And our ticket. My friend said he did something very similar, but it was just him and it was midnight. A cop came up to him and told him that it wasn't really reckless driving, but there was just something wrong with that. So he got a ticket after all for reckless driving. My mom said that in New Jersey, Delaware, and Pennsylvania, cars have to yield to traffic coming into the circle. So apparently, somebody has already thought of this. Maybe. Well, either way, if Maryland has to change a state law because of me, I'd be able to die feeling that I accomplished something...

Quote Of the Day 5/13/99

"If you want some help with it..i am in and am up for another ticket."

-Jason (tall vball guy most of you don't know)


I also think every car should have a passenger with a road map unfolded and a compass looking completely frustrated.

Breaking unwritten laws,

Nitsud.


Still Standing Right Here...

The Year of Tor

The Year of Tor

You guys should all get the message this time. If you don't let me know. I'll have to fix it for next time. Well, here we go again... For those of you who don't know, Tony, Flynn and I are moving into a new apartment together. It still has bullet holes in the wall and there's no running water, but we live right across from three strippers. Maybe I can use Flynn's kitten to try to pick them up. We'll make her earn her $10 a month pet fee. So anyway, we're moving into an apartment complex called "Tor" apartments on June first. The place has one solid foot of concrete separating us from the other apartments on all sides. As Tony put it, the place is very "party-friendly." And that means we're gonna have a party! Sometime. Maybe. I know I keep saying I'll have a party at my current apartment, but it's just so easy going to other people's parties. You don't have to clean up. You don't have to get chicks. You don't even have to be there. Anyway, we're moving. To a place they call "Tor." Awesome!

Like I said, the lease starts June first. The problem with that is that our lease (me and Flynn's) doesn't run out until the end of June. So we'll be leasing two apartments at the same time. That's not very good economics if you ask me. The reason we did that is that another guy came in 20 minutes after we did looking to rent a 3 bedroom apartment. The only one left was the one we were currently in, taking the "tor" of. Our tor guide got a message over the CB asking if the group she was showing the apartment were interested in it, because another guy was asking questions about the 3 bedroom. As tactfully as she could, she asked us to make a decision on the spot. So we did. Tony agreed to pay the first month's rent by himself, because he is currently the one without a home. And because he has a real job. And because he's a nice guy. And because his hand was forced. Anyway, I told Flynn this, and he was very pleased and a little bit taken aback by this gesture...

Quote of the Day 5/12/99

"Wow! What about the other months?"

-Ye of the broken-limbed Flynns


I had just assumed that you two would split the rent for the rest.

Ruler of Tor and Space Monkey Whore,

The ExtendinaTOR.


Still Standing Right Here...

Circular Reasoning

Circular Reasoning

You guys know that traffic circle at one of the entrances to UMBC? For those of you who are out of state, or just plain unaware, there is one. It's not a huge thing like that one near Parliament in England, but it's round and cars go in it. So anyway, Stryker and I were driving home one night and thought it would be a relatively neat idea to get about 8 of our friends, put them in cars, and drive around the circle really slow for about half an hour one day, watching traffic back up for miles. After all, they have to yield to traffic in the circle, which would be us, right? It's a totally awesome idea for a prank! Find me something illegal about that if you can. One day, when I'm really drunk, I'm gonna try to do it myself. I'll let you know how it turns out. Anyway, let me know who's in.

I was telling Tony about this idea of ours, and he really jumped on it. He's in. That's 3. Now we need 5 more. Well, I told him the part about how there's no law against how many times you're actually allowed to go around the circle. This is what he had to say about that...

Quote of the Day 5/10/99

"Yeah, but you know the next day we're gonna come back and there's going to be a sign up there - 'Maximum time in circle: 1 minute.'"

-Toner-Def


But until the cops actually show up, we're gonna have a blast! We'll be in all the papers. And we should plan an escape route. 2 cars should go each one of the 4 directions. Neat idea, me! I just hope I don't get nauseated first.

Driving in circles on purpose,

Dustin Andretti.


Still Standing Right Here...

Review of "The Mummy"

Uncle Dustin's Recipe Book

The Mummy:

1 pint of Army Of Darkness
3 Cups of Indiana Jones and the Raiders Of the Lost Ark (or whatever one you thought was the second best)
A pinch of The Ten Commandments
5 heaping tablespoons of 6.0 molar digital effects
George Of the Jungle
Mix until thick
Bake at 375 degrees until golden brown

I liked The Mummy. But I was expecting Stargate. Some sci-fi desert thriller. I got Army Of Darkness. Don't get me wrong, I love Army Of Darkness as much as the next cult, but I what I thought was water turned out to be Sprite. It was a little hard to swallow at first, but once I got the taste of it, I enjoyed it a lot. It wasn't quite gin or hydrochloric acid, but... well, you get the point. Be prepared for the movie to be somewhat on the silly side. I should have gotten a hint from the whole "Brenden Frazier" thing, but I chose to overlook that. But if you want to see some more good effects and you've already seen the Matrix 5 times this week, I recommend The Mummy. The effects were arguable just as good as those in The Matrix. They were just on two different planes. Like Sprite and Pepsi. But The Mummy took a little too long to get going. Just when I thought to myself, "this movie's got to get going soon," it started to. And I'm much more patient than a lot of people. I'm also much less patient than a lot of people. There was a lot of concentration early on the conflict between the Americans and the Europeans, which nobody really cared about once the Mummy came to life. Decide for yourself. I still recommend that you guys all go see it while it's at the movie theater. The effects just aren't the same on a 18" TV with mono speakers. The Mummy gets 8 bugs. That's 1/2 a bug less than The Matrix, 1/2 a bug more than Patch Adams, and the same amount of bugs as Wild Things. I'd say that's about right.

We were coming back from the movie Friday night, when a deer ran out in front of the car in front of us right near the entrance to UMBC where the speed limit goes from 55 to 25 on the same road. Anyway, the car in front of us slowed down a lot, and before we noticed the deer that this guy thankfully knew was there, we had no idea why this jerk had stopped in the middle of the road. Anyway, the deer ran by and I chose to yell out the window at it "Get off the road, Asshole!!" Drew had a different social commentary...

Quote of the Day 5/7/99

"I've heard of speed traps before, but this is ridiculous."

-Sparky


Damn government got the deer workin for em now too!

Happy Mummy Day,

Dustin.


Still Standing Right Here...

Tony's New Job

Tony's New Job

Well, not only does Tony have a better spike and a better body than me, but now he has a better job than me. (Actually, that's debatable). At any rate, he's making at least $8,501 a year, so he's getting paid more than I do. But his job does not require of him to play intramural softball with chicks, so I still have at least one finger's worth of an upper hand on him. He is gonna be the FDIC's newest bank examiner. I'm not exactly sure what a bank examiner does, or even if I spelled it correctly, but I somehow think there's more to it than going around from bank to bank and picking up discarded deposit slip receipts off the ground. Anyway, I just wanted to congratulate Tony on his new job. And so did my dad when I told him about it...

Quote of the Day 5/6/99

"Really?!? That's great. Tell him congratulations for me. And tell him I wish he was my son."

-My ever-supporting father


Feel the love.

Accepting applications for new father,

SWM.


Still Standing Right Here..

Sanko de my-Oh!

Sanko de my-Oh!

Happy fifth of May everybody!! (See, it sounds silly when you translate it.) That's right, it's sanko de my-Oh! It's just an excuse to make a lot of beef and bean burritos and drink Coronas and Margaritas until you puke on your sombreros. Whatever it takes man. Did you ever wonder if this is what other countries do on the 4th of July? Sit around and get fucked up on Coors Light and corn? I'll bet they don't even have fireworks. And not too many countries can sit on the tops of their roof and see ours.

I'm too tired to think of anything else anybody said, so I just broke out the journal from last summer's trip. This quote came when I went to look for my wallet in the van to go to a McDonalds at a rest stop around Denver somewhere. Keep in mind two things; my propensity for losing my wallet and the fact that the last time I remembered having had it was in Los Angeles, and that's a far drive just to see if it's there. So I panicked a little bit. Thankfully, Kevin gave me some news to calm me down...

Quote of the Day 5/5/99

"Oh yeah. I forgot to tell you that I moved it. Actually, I didn't forget to tell you that. I just forgot that I would have to tell you in order for you to know where it was."

-Kevin


An extended hand and the word "Here" would have sufficed.

All caught up and going home,

Dustin.


Still Standing Right Here...

The Disadvantages of Being Human

The Disadvantages of Being Human

I have absolutely nothing to write about today. I just got done running around the loop, I'm alone in the office, I instinctively logged into my account, hit the "compose" feature and typed in the word "quote" which brings up the addresses of all you out there, and sat in front of this screen listening to my country MP3s for ten minutes, half thinking of something to say, and half staring catatonically at my own hand resting on the keyboard that hasn't yet started typing for me by itself. (That was a long sentence.) I didn't really do anything of any interest today. I lost a volleyball game, reffed 2 close-ass softball games, and watched Stryker and Derrick both play different versions of solitaire on two different computers. And you know what? It reminded me of the days when I used to play solitaire with actual cards, which I don't think I could do anymore. It would take too damn long to set the cards up and the piles get all messy and sometimes I can't pick them up off the carpet easily and stuff. I'm spoiled, made soft and listless by Freecell and other computer solitaire games which shuffle, deal, and tell you when you've completely blown it. I think it says something about our society that we've managed to make killing time incredibly efficient, allowing us to kill an hour of spare time in only fifteen minutes...

Quote of the Day 5/4/99

Stryker: "I think the computer cheats at this chess game."
Me: "What do you mean it cheats?"
Stryker: "Well, it waits until it's come up with it's BEST move, and then it goes."


The disadvantages of being human are increasing by the second.

Nothing to really say here either,

Me.


Still Standing Right Here...

The Bowling Bowl

The Bowling Bowl

For those of you who don't know, I went to a bowling competition in Omaha, Nebraska this weekend to support UMBC's bowling team on behalf of UMBC. So this place would not only offer me countless hours of watching bowling, which I love, but it would do so in Nebraska. You couldn't stop me from getting on the plane (which I feared would be the most exciting part of the trip). Actually, I got there and found out that there were also female bowling teams there. I'm not all that attracted to female bowlers in general, but there were a few lookers there. And I figured I was a shoe-in because I was a volleyball player among bowlers. I was golden! I was probably the only one there who played a real sport. No contest. Well, I was wrong. Apparently, they are attracted to guys who bowl well. That's just silly. They've actually convinced themselves somewhere along the way that it's a real sport. They don't necessarily condemn volleyball, but they turn up their nose when I tell them that throwing a heavy ball down a lane at 10 funnier shaped heavy things doesn't constitute being deemed a "sport" as I have come to know the word. I mean there's no strategy, no defense, nothing. It's a game for fat balding old guys that can't get out there and muster up the energy to play a real sport. Or golf. I don't understand why college students, in the prime of being in good shape, would take up such a hobby and make it their lifestyle. I have other theories on why I didn't get any chicks this weekend.

This quote came from the bowling guys while at BWI airport. We were looking on our tickets and noticed that our first flight of the day from Baltimore to Minneanapolis/St. Pual had a little picture of a fork and knife next to it or our ticket. Roy got all excited because he was starving and they were going to serve us food on the flight...

Quote Of the Day 5/3/99

"Either that, or they're going to give us some free silverware."

-Rob, Bowler.


Actually, they showed a film on the making of sporks.

Staring at the 7-10 split of success,

Gutter-Man.


Still Standing Right Here...