My First GPS

My First GPS

Well, I'm taking a class again. I forgot how annoying it was to have deadlines and worries. But I figured hey, since I don't have to pay for it, I might as well get some free stress on the government's dollar. Anyway, I showed up to the first class and it was 16 women and me (counting the students, instructor, and the girl bringing in the video equipment). I had mixed reactions about that. The first one was the same reaction guys get when they find out they are the only guy just about anywhere. It resembles the first scene of a lot of porn flicks. The second, more realistic reaction, was to curl up into the fetal position and pray we never started talking about driving, PMS, or things we hate about the other gender. On a seperate note, I noticed I bring up football at least once a class for some inexplicable reason.

But enough about me, let's talk about Aaron. There were about 10 or so of us leaving a DC United game and going to eat at some Pizza Hut in Elkridge that nobody in our particular car knew how to find. We didn't realize that until about 15 minutes into the car ride when I asked if anybody knew the directions there...

Quote of the Day 2/27/03

"Yeah, I do. We just follow that car. They switch lanes, we switch lanes. It's kinda like GPS."

-A Rock


Wow. It doesn't seem as complicated as I first thought.

Wiping dirt off a surface,

Dustin.


Still Standing Right Here...

Rating Things I Did In the Blizzard of 03

Rating Things I Did In the Blizzard of 03

Dug My Car Out of the Alley - OK. I know I mentioned to you what happened after I dug myself out of the alley the first time. Well, I went right back in the alley and thought I'd have a leg up on anybody who was going to try to get out the following day. Well, my car got covered in another foot and a half of snow and the plow came by, erecting a three foot wall of snow at the end of the alley anyway, negating all the work I had just done. And where was I going to put the snow? We had to either throw it back onto the street or onto other people's cars. I think the whole neighborhood noticed that this one guy wasn't moving his car anytime soon, so we piled up like 13 car's worth of snow onto his car. He still hasn't gotten out. C-

Hopped the Fence of Camden Yards - I probably shouldn't go tooting this around everywhere, especially because there's video of it, but what's the point of breaking into a major ballpark during a blizzard if you can't tell anybody. We (me, Steph and her two Canuck friends) were going to make snowmen on the field in every position with pink hats on, but the snow wasn't really packable, and somebody was a little baby wus and didn't want to go onto the field (me). But it's still a pretty cool story to tell. Not as cool as the couple who had sex under the jumbo-tron during a game (and got caught on video), but still pretty damn cool. A

Walked to Metro and Back - We couldn't think of a closer place to get food and Pickles Pub was all out of stock after Sunday, so we walked to Federal Hill. It took us 2 1/2 hours total. We went the long way there along the major road that I knew of and guessed our way back passed all the other open grocery stores and mini-marts mocking us. C-

Dug Pete's Car Out Of the Snow - Well, Pete was way back in the alley and it would have taken him all week to try to shovel himself out. So he wiped the snow off of his windshield, put a gallon of salt under each wheel and tried to ride over the snow to the clear part where my car used to be. He got up and over the snow and made it to the clear part, but only the back end. The front end was stuck on top of the snow and the front wheels were in the air just spinnin. So we filled up a tub of hot water and poured it on the snow under the car. That shit actually worked. That was cool. But not Camden Yards cool. A-

Jere had just got finished digging (and melting) Pete's car out of the snow and was sick of it. These kids were walking down the street with shovels offering people money to dig their cars out (I think I messed that up). Anyway, Jere told these kids he'd give them $50 if they dug his car out. "Shit yeah" was their approximate response. "Which one is it?"

Quote Of the Day 2/25/03

(Jere looks down the street)... "I have no idea"

-Jere


Hope it wasn't that one with 13 car-fulls of snow on it.

One down, 29 more to go,

Camden Cricket.


Still Standing Right Here...

A Canuck Valntine

A Canuck Valntine

Sorry I haven't gotten to you guys in a week, but my keyboard was plowed in. :

HOLY LOW PRESSURE SYSTEM, BATMAN! That was just insane! I just kept looking out the window and it just kept coming. I went to bed and woke up and it was still snowing. I did the same thing again, and it was still snowing. Steph's cousin and friend from Canada said they've never seen it snow for that long. They said when it snowed that much in Toronto last year, they had to call in the National Guard. Well, what else are they gonna do?

Meanwhile... back in Baltimore... I dug my car out Sunday afternoon and pretended I was going to drive it to school. After an hour and a half had gone by and I managed to get it out of the alley (we didn't even have to dig it out yet) and into the gas station less than 40 feet from my front door, fishtailing, spinning wheels, dropping radiator fluid by the liter, rocking from 1st to reverse, 1st to reverse, we decided to pack it in, cut our losses and not risk my bald ass tires (no more illegal metal studs on this one) on any road where other cars may want to go anywhere at a rate faster than 40 feet per hour and a half. And so back in the alley I went. For a while.

I missed my annual Valentines Day bashing QOTD because of the snow and the fact that we were waiting for Steph's cousin and friend who accidentally made a right at Harrisburg on their way down. But anyway, Geoff was asking me what I was doing for Valentine's Day and I told him I was going out with Steph and her two Canuck friends to Luigi Petti for dinner...

Quote Of the Day 2/24/03

"Is that how Canadians celebrate, with a three on one?"

-American Geoff

No.

Playing near the snow drift of tactlessness,

Snowed In Cricket.


Still Standing Right Here...

The Most Awkward Conversation Ever

The Most Awkward Conversation Ever

QOTD rapid fire:

OK, I run this program on campus in which I try to marry Rec Sports and Res Life in our intramurals. I award points for participation in every sport. I knew this one team was from Patapsco, but I didn't know which hall (3rd South, etc.). So I called the front desk and after I fell over my words about 3 or 4 times, asked the girl (I think her name was Meghan) on the phone if she could tell me where this guy lived, but I didn't really need to know his address, I just needed to know what hall he lived on.

Silence.

So then I started explaining what I was doing with the whole Rec Sports/Res Life thing and in the middle of what was already the most uncomfortable conversation I've ever had...

Quote Of the Day 2/13/03

Me: "OK, wait. Let me explain myself. My name is Dustin and I work for the Rec Sports office -"
Girl: (cutting me off) "I know. I dated you for 7 months."


Oh. THAT Megan.

Still trying to think of something else to say,

.


...

Rating Songs About Huge Women's Backsides

Rating Songs About Huge Women's Backsides

Baby Got Back (Sir Mix-a-Lot) - White, black, green, whatever color you are, this song is fuckin funny. It's the apex of lyrical degradation of women before it took a sharp turn into the lyrics of today. Thought actually went into the song to come up with gems like "My anaconda don't want none unless you got buns, hon" and "He had game but he chose to hit em; so I pull up quick to get wit em." Funny stuff. And it's still the best use of a whip in any song. A

Big Bottoms (Spinal Tap) - It still cracks me up that Rob Reiner made this mockumentary about a really stupid crappy rock band, and they manage to sell albums and go on tour and have a following. It's a damn joke! The whole song is a parody, just like the movie, and a good one. "My baby fits me like a flesh tuxedo; i'd like to sink her with my pink torpedo." It's pretty funny, but it ain't Sir-Mix-A-Lot. B

Back That Ass Up (Juvenile) - This is a good example of where rap lyrics have gone. "Youz a big fine woman, won't you back that azz up." The title of the song is really the only thing going for this song. Probably because nobody can understand another damn word the guy says. D

Fat Bottom Girls (Queen) - These guys had to be the inspiration for Spinal Tap. I still can't believe they got away with recording for so many years. This was a real life farse of a music band. This song came out of nowhere too. But nobody blinked because it was Queen. Their name was Queen. Didn't that tell anybody anything? "Left alone with big fat fatty, she was such a naughty lady, big big woman - you made a bad boy out of me." It's not quite Weird Al or Spinal Tap, but it bridges them to the rest of the music world. C-

Doin' Da Butt (Cameo) - This is the one that started it all. One day, everybody was offended when you said they had a big ass. The next day, this song came out on the radio. All of a sudden, it was fashionable to have a lot of junk in the truck. Twiggy was dead and us white kids cried and cried when we realized what had happened years later. I was in middle school and the song kinda scared me because I wasn't very comfortable with girls as it was and I don't know that I liked telling them they had big ole butts. But the best part of the song is just that; that it lended itself to the "banana fanna fo fustin" song theory in that you could put anybody's name in there. "Joey's sister's got a big ole butt, OH YEAH! Ms. Lattanze's got a big ole butt, OH YEAH! Arnold Palmer's got a big ole butt, OH YEAH!" And when you told people they had a big ole butt, it was in the third person, so it wasn't as forcefully degrading. But it didn't matter, because they just said "OH YEAH!" right back at you anyway. This song changed the world. It inadvertently opened the floodgates for streams of horribly degrading lyrics, but we'll forgive it because the beat lends itself so easily to putting one's backfield in motion. A+

I was trying to explain this 9 card poker game to a few freinds of mine to try to get them to play. I think I had a couple of them, but Erick had to go and resist saying that he thought the game sounded made up...

Quote Of the Day 2/11/03

"Well, aren't all games made up?"

-J-Me


Apparently not.

Doin' side bends and sit ups,

Sir Mix-Just-Barely-Enough.


Still Standing Right Here...

Unreality TV

Unreality TV

Well, set your VCRs. No, not for the new Survivor this Thursday (though you know I will)... The final episode of Joe Millinoaire is next Monday, 2/17. This is the one where he picks a chick and tells her he has no money and she has to decide whether or not he's worth it without the money. So if you like seeing money-hungry superficial women caught with their skirt up and their bank accounts open, check it out. Though, I think FOX is up to something. They bill this guy as a construction worker and claim he makes $19,000 a year. Anybody operating that kind of heavy machinery probably goes for at least $40,000 or so. I don't think FOX has been up front with us. My guess is that he has money, and after the chick says that she can't do it because she was really after the money, not just his body, he's gonna say "well, I was just kidding, I really do have a couple mil. Nanny nanny boo-boo." And that's a whole different level of getting screwed. I can't believe I watch this show... I can't believe how much these damn reality shows caught on...

Quote Of the Day 2/10/03

"I'll bet in about five years, they won't even have sitcoms anymore."

-Tone-Def


Only your really high-level productions like 24, Alias and CSI, and your low rent reality TV shows like... oh, let's say Celebrity Mole and the Surreal World. Erosion of the middle class is evident even in TV.

Reading above the lines,

Dustin, Rec Sports.


Still Standing Right Here...

Review of "The Recruit"

Review of "The Recruit"

Well, I saw The Recruit about a week ago. Let me start with I enjoyed myself before I begin to get all wannabe film-maker/wannabe film critic on all y'all asses. The more I think about the film, the more I realize it was your average spy thriller. It took the formula and followed it like an A+ calc student. You've got the established older actor, the young sexy guy, the love interest, and the exciting plot filled with a perfect mix of twists and holes. Al Pacino is very entertaining as always, and if you're an Al fan, you'll like it. Passed that, it was a very professionally done spy film, down to the letter.

The CIA has secrets! Dont believe what you see, hear, read or ingest. Probably the most mysterious of all three-lettered world agencies making it the perfect foil for fictional action and intrigue. The idea of the virus that made it's way through outlets was very interesting, but not original. They were polite enough to actually cite their source in the movie itself, however. Not exactly APA style, but thanks for the effort. The love interest was the most obviously forced of all their obligations to the formula, though the ending plot twist comes close. You can almost see the writers hit a dead end somewhere in the car just before the warehouse scene. They could have gone a different way, but they opted for a more obvious, safer route thats been done-to-death umpteenth plus one times. Why ask an audience not to believe what they're seeing when they've already seen it. Give me 24s CTU any hour of the week. 5 bugs

Quote of the Day 2/7/03

"Sorry. I'm excited. I haven't seen new balls in almost three years."

-A guy they call "Kuch"


Funny on so many levels. Or possibly none at all. Oh well, I don't care anymore. I'm tired, and I left my quote cheat sheet at work. But I'm not kidding. They call him Kuch (pronounced "Cooch").

Done with the in-your-end-o's for a while,

Mr. Whistlehead.


Still Standing Right Here...

Metro Sexual

Metro Sexual

Well, I reluctantly went to see the Caps play the Canadians (for my unsportsically inclined, that's a hockey game between DC and Montreal). Such are the trade-offs I must suffer through having a Canadian girlfriend. Anyway, the game was decent. Hockey was played. No one got hurt. I was unaffiliated with either team, so I was just pretty much rooting for a football game to break out, or for a skate to fly off the ice and spear the creaters of Joe Millionaire (who may or may not have been there) in the temple. So I went home relatively dissapointed. But the subway ride home was probably the best part of the evening. The couple (mid-40s) sitting in front of us decided to put on a show complete with all sorts of sexual innuendos ("it ain't my fault your brother is bigger," to "well, your sister swallows," stuff like that - think QOTD the First Season if you were around then). I would say it was material inappropriate for subway conversation..., but I don't think there is such material. Hell, it's the subway. Anyway, they were leaving the subway, and the guy had gotten out of the station first and ran ahead of his wife (or random play-thing, who am I to assume?). When she got through the turnstiles and came running at him, he yelled loudly and in front of everyone...

Quote Of the Day 2/6/03

"STOP FOLLOWING ME, I ALREADY GAVE YOU YOUR $50!"

-Random Tactless Funny Man


To which she replied "I know. It wasn't worth it." I'm still not sure if that makes sense.

Seeking less sexual in your end o's,

Screaming Cricket.


Still Standing Right Here...

Subway Show

Subway Show

Well, I reluctantly went to see the Caps play the Canadiens (for my unsportsically inclined, that's a hockey game between DC and Montreal). Such are the trade-offs I must suffer through having a Canadian girlfriend. Anyway, the game was decent. Hockey was played. No one got hurt. I was unaffiliated with either team, so I was just pretty much rooting for a football game to break out, or for a skate to fly off the ice and spear the creators of Joe Millionaire (who may or may not have been there) in the temple. So I went home relatively disappointed. But the subway ride home was probably the best part of the evening. The couple (mid-40s) sitting in front of us decided to put on a show complete with all sorts of sexual innuendos ("it ain't my fault your brother is bigger," to "well, your sister swallows," stuff like that - think QOTD the First Season if you were around then). I would say it was material inappropriate for subway conversation..., but I don't think there is such material. Hell, it's the subway. Anyway, they were leaving the subway, and the guy had gotten out of the station first and ran ahead of his wife (or random play-thing, who am I to assume?). When she got through the turnstiles and came running at him, he yelled loudly and in front of everyone...

Quote Of the Day 2/6/03

"STOP FOLLOWING ME, I ALREADY GAVE YOU YOUR $50!"

-Random Tactless Funny Man


To which she replied "I know. It wasn't worth it." I'm still not sure if that makes sense.

Seeking less sexual in your end o's,

Screaming Cricket.


Still Standing Right Here...

Rating Reasons My Apartment Sucks

Reasons My Apartment Sucks

Second Floor Shower Doesn't Work - Well, this isn't too bad, because it doesn't affect me as I live on the third floor, but now I have four people showering in just one shower. So when you have a job that dictates you come in between 10 and 11, there ain't much in the way of hot water. Thankfully, none of us are girls. D

Third Floor Shower Has Tiles Falling Off the Wall - OK, this is a problem. The first time I tried to take a shower about 6 months ago, I brushed against the soap dish and knocked it out of the wall. When I went to put it back, three tiles fell off the wall onto my feet, which were already bleeding (and probably infected) from the soap dish. The water was now directly hitting the wood on the other side of the shower, which I'm sure isn't healthy. But I chose to ignore that fact. Now that there are four of us showering in there instead of one, two huge water stains have formed over Jere's bed. We duct taped saran wrap over the tiles. That should do the trick. Soap dish is still removable. A

Third Floor Toilet Doesn't Work - Everytime we use it, the used toilet water would leak onto Jere's ceiling. A huge ugly water stain built up and eventually started leaking onto Jere's bed while he slept. That's disgusting. We turned the water to that toliet off. Then we had a party. The "toilet broken" sign didn't seem to deter at least one person from puking in it. So I had to put up with that stench for the night until I turned the water back on to give the thing one last flush. Sorry Jere, but it was your party, puke head. So now we have to shower upstairs and go all the way downstairs to poop. Peeing... well, use your noggin. A+

Ran Out Of Heat - Apparently, we have this ancient system, where they (don't know who "they" are yet) have to come and fill up our furnace from the inside. Our house predates BGE (and indoor plumbing, apparently). So all four of us had to fork over $96 for them to fill it back up early in January. But I think it'll last for the rest of the winter. C-

Ran Out of Heat Again - This happened last week. That $388 lasted less than a month. There's something wrong with this. I think Jere's conning money out of me for flushing stale puke on his head. A-

Roof Is Falling Off - Well, not really. I was playing ping-pong on the fourth floor and I noticed a crack that went all the way around the wall where it met the ceiling. But I'm sure it's nothing. D

Quote Of the Day 2/4/03

Me: "Should I be worried about this crack that goes all around the ceiling?"
Milky: "Hell, we got bricks coming out of the wall downstairs. I wouldn't worry about that."


We Have Bricks Coming Out Of the Wall Downstairs - It's a neat rustic type feature, having a brick wall on the inside of your house. But really, you can just take some of the bricks out. I'm no engineer, but that's not very structurally sound. B-

If that's movin up, then I'm... movin out!

Mr. Whistlehead.


Still Standing Right Here...

Literal Highway Robbery

Literal Highway Robbery

I know a lot of you out there live vicariously through my idiocy, so I apologize for withholding that from you for so long, but you will have to wait no longer. What really cracks me up about this story is that I knew how stupid I was being, and I chose to see if my good luck could outlast empirical facts. Well, here's what happened:

I was driving my car back down from PA in the dark. I got somewhere around 45 miles from home and I noticed that the lights inside my car were dimming. I thought nothing of it. Well, about 10 minutes later, I noticed that the faintest of lights on my clock read 12:02 or so and it was only about 10:00. And the road was well lit, but I noticed that there wasn't really any visual difference outside the car when I turned my lights on and off. This became increasingly more evident as I turned off 95 to a gas station. As I had guessed would happen, the car would not start once I shut it off. It was the battery. No brainer. So I had Steph come pick me up and we'd take care of it the following day. So here's what I call "taking care of it." The next day, Steph drove me there in the day (when I didn't need lights) and I'd drive home without the use of anything that would require my battery. Deep down, I knew this wouldn't work, but on the surface, I was brilliant! So we drove about 5 miles down 95 and got stuck on the shoulder when my engine just shut off. So we broke down and went to Walmart to buy a battery and tried to install it. When we returned, I hit a snag that took me about half an hour to put in the battery. By now, it was pouring rain. Once I got the battery in, I fired her up and we were ready to go. Even if it was the alternator (which recharges the battery as you drive), I figured I'd be able to make it back home to my own mechanic before I needed it recharged. Well, that's not how alternators work. They actually suck the juice out of the battery and give it to the car. So about ten seconds after I started the car, nothing. We tried to jump it and the patrolling service vehicle tried to "hot shot" it to no avail.

So now I was stuck on the side of 95 instead of in a gas station. And I'd reached the end. I needed to get the car towed. And when the guy showed up, he priced it at $170 just to take it to the nearest garage. I wasn't exactly in the position to shop around, and I think he knew that. And from what I could tell when I asked him how much it would cost him to take it all the way down to Baltimore, he was just making shit up. And why not? So I had to fucking pay it. And the $400 for the alternator core. So I was bitching about the tow cost on the way home...

Quote Of the Day 2/3/03

"No shit. That's highway robbery... Literally."

-Steph


Which makes you wonder... how did they come up with that term?

Identifying the cost of stupidity,

Dumbstin.


Still Standing Right Here...